Gay Relationships = Why Bother?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2012 3:21 AM GMT

    Perhaps you know this story yourself...

    Friends have been together for 13 years. (have known them for 10 years). While other friends seem to be stuck in an infinite loop of breakups, makeups, breakdowns and shakedowns, these two have powered on.

    This year has been an interesting one, as I've noticed one of them has said something things that seem odd.

    ... dates not adding up.. knowing people for longer than previously thought..

    Not major stuff but enough to get me thinking about what had been said over the previous decade.

    Not to go into specifics, but it turns out that one of them had been lying about stuff for our whole friendship. Not stuff that is inherently terrible, but as with all lies, it is build on other lies.

    I confronted the other partner about it who told me he didn't find out about this particular lie until years into their relationship and, not only that, there had been even more about who this person is/was.

    A relationship nesting on lies and manipulation.

    So that gets me to my rather jaded but realistic point.


    Every gay relationship I know has ended in cheating, lies , manipulation, financial ruin etc..


    Why bother?



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    Straight people lie all the time.

    Straight women are well reknown for keeping things from their boyfriends
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2012 3:57 AM GMT
    Aww. Don't let this one experience make you jaded. Just take a break, regroup, and keep meeting new people. You'll find the right guy.
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    Dec 02, 2012 4:01 AM GMT


    Yet here we are, tanlejos. icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 02, 2012 4:55 AM GMT
    It is kinda true though.........Gay relationship sucks. Infidelity is higher cause they are guys. Most guys in this society just want sex or playing games. The gay society promotes sex so it is higher for cheating and other type of negative behaviors.

    All you can do is try to get up and look for a better person. Sad but true. Most people now a day are just tainted
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    Dec 02, 2012 5:00 AM GMT
    Perserverance saidIt is kinda true though.........Gay relationship sucks. Infidelity is higher cause they are guys. Most guys in this society just want sex or playing games. The gay society promotes sex so it is higher for cheating and other type of negative behaviors.

    All you can do is try to get up and look for a better person. Sad but true. Most people now a day are just tainted


    Maybe when marriage legalized more gays will feel like they have an alternative to just fucking.
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    Dec 02, 2012 5:08 AM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    Perserverance saidIt is kinda true though.........Gay relationship sucks. Infidelity is higher cause they are guys. Most guys in this society just want sex or playing games. The gay society promotes sex so it is higher for cheating and other type of negative behaviors.

    All you can do is try to get up and look for a better person. Sad but true. Most people now a day are just tainted


    Maybe when marriage legalized more gays will feel like they have an alternative to just fucking.


    Never thought about it that way. But that should help them retain some fidelity lol
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    Dec 02, 2012 5:12 AM GMT
    Perserverance said
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    Perserverance saidIt is kinda true though.........Gay relationship sucks. Infidelity is higher cause they are guys. Most guys in this society just want sex or playing games. The gay society promotes sex so it is higher for cheating and other type of negative behaviors.

    All you can do is try to get up and look for a better person. Sad but true. Most people now a day are just tainted


    Maybe when marriage legalized more gays will feel like they have an alternative to just fucking.


    Never thought about it that way. But that should help them retain some fidelity lol


    I think it will make more gays of youth view relationships and the like more seriously if they know there is a chance it could go somewhere that matters.
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    Dec 02, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    Maybe its Australia, maybe its your young age ( 2icon_cool.gif, maybe it's just the people you know. Speaking as a someone older American gay, I have lots of friends in gay relationships, and I know a lot of single gay men . Of the guys I know in relationships, none have ended . When I was in my early twenty's, I knew guys you had short term boyfriends . As these guys got into their late twenty's and thirty's, they tended to settle down in more permanent LTRs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2012 10:27 AM GMT
    at my Aunts wedding this arvo I ran into her neighbours who are a gay male couple that have been together for over 30 years they are as happy as any other couple, they helped me out a lot when i first came out many moons ago. So it does and can happen.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:19 AM GMT
    Hi,

    There is no need to be resigned and cynical about gay relationships just because you have experienced a few bad ones. Bad relationships are always around us, including heterosexual relationships (everyone and every place).

    What you can do maybe is to admit to yourself how you have contributed to the failed relationship and then tell yourself you will find someone else that can work a great relationship together. There are so many good fishes out there and there is no need to harp on a few rotten ones haha.

    Sometimes I just want the media to have a more positive portrayal of the gay culture and not showing it to be a promiscuous social circle. People who watch the media will get sucked into these portrayal and stereotypes and then they themselves believe that gay relationships don't have good endings, which is not true of course. Technologies like grindr are pointless and send even worse messages to the public about the gay culture. Its promotes judging one's appearance based on the pictures they posted on grindr, and at the same time, allow gay men to have convenient sex.


    Anyways... hope you feel better and find other great men out thereicon_biggrin.gif

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    Dec 02, 2012 11:28 AM GMT
    The bitter is strong with this one!
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Dec 02, 2012 11:31 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidThe bitter is strong with this one!

    +1 Haha!
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    Dec 02, 2012 1:51 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidThe bitter is strong with this one!


    Takes one to know oneicon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    snazziness and all
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    Dec 02, 2012 2:27 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    Perserverance saidIt is kinda true though.........Gay relationship sucks. Infidelity is higher cause they are guys. Most guys in this society just want sex or playing games. The gay society promotes sex so it is higher for cheating and other type of negative behaviors.

    All you can do is try to get up and look for a better person. Sad but true. Most people now a day are just tainted


    Maybe when marriage legalized more gays will feel like they have an alternative to just fucking.


    good point!

    Before I've fallen in love with my bf I didn't believe love exists. So my plan was to mess up with guys, have some fun, but eventually marrying a girl so I can have family and kids. But since I've found out that I can have something more than sex with a guy, it's all I want.
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    Dec 02, 2012 2:30 PM GMT


    Maybe when marriage legalized more gays will feel like they have an alternative to just fucking.[/quote]


    THIS.

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    Dec 02, 2012 2:32 PM GMT
    ysHact saidHi,

    There is no need to be resigned and cynical about gay relationships just because you have experienced a few bad ones. Bad relationships are always around us, including heterosexual relationships (everyone and every place).

    What you can do maybe is to admit to yourself how you have contributed to the failed relationship and then tell yourself you will find someone else that can work a great relationship together. There are so many good fishes out there and there is no need to harp on a few rotten ones haha.

    Sometimes I just want the media to have a more positive portrayal of the gay culture and not showing it to be a promiscuous social circle. People who watch the media will get sucked into these portrayal and stereotypes and then they themselves believe that gay relationships don't have good endings, which is not true of course. Technologies like grindr are pointless and send even worse messages to the public about the gay culture. Its promotes judging one's appearance based on the pictures they posted on grindr, and at the same time, allow gay men to have convenient sex.


    Anyways... hope you feel better and find other great men out thereicon_biggrin.gif



    And VERY much this.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
    I think of this in two ways...gay friendships and gay intimate relationships. In my experience, people I know in gay relationships have had about the same success rate of straight couples....some are very long-lasting and some aren't.

    I've been very fortunate in cultivating gay friendships. Man of my gay friends I've known for 10-15 years and quite a few over 20. I just celebrated 30 years of friendship with my best friend in the world and for that, I feel very blessed. We were friends even before we came out to each other.

    So, I wouldn't give up on any kind of relationship, be it gay or straight. It just takes time and patience to cultivate the good ones.
  • Machina

    Posts: 419

    Dec 02, 2012 2:43 PM GMT
    50+% of heterosexual marriages end in divorce. I am postulating that number (greater than 50%) will be higher for unmarried relationships where there is no marriage commitment and it is easier for both parties to walk away.

    We are all people, we all have the same faults, desires, fears, etc.. Why would it be any different for gay people to follow the same relative pattern with respect to the numbers?

    These numbers shouldn't and don't seem to disuade straight folks from trying, why should they disuade us?
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Dec 02, 2012 3:43 PM GMT
    most relationships, gay or not, will end up ruined for those reasons
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    Dec 02, 2012 3:56 PM GMT


    For perspective, here's in-a-relationship results from an advanced search on RJ:

    Monogamous relationship - over 4,100
    Open relationship - over 4,700
    Play together only - over 2,400
    Married-some men & men - over 2,800



  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Dec 02, 2012 4:25 PM GMT
    Sure, if you're happy being single, then why bother? You don't have to be in a relationship.

    But if deep down you want to be in a relationship and yet avoid it because you don't want to be hurt, then you are actually already hurting yourself.

    You have to risk to gain reward. You have to trust that even though there will be good times and bad, you will have the strength to work through the bad times.

    Just because a relationship is done does not mean it was a failure.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2012 4:48 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    For perspective, here's in-a-relationship results from an advanced search on RJ:

    Monogamous relationship - over 4,100
    Open relationship - over 4,700
    Play together only - over 2,400
    Married-some men & men - over 2,800




    How many of these are closeted men married to women?

    /thread killed
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    Because there will always be guys out there that will cheat and lie. There will also be guys out there that couldn't tell a lie if their life depended on it. You are not you friends.
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    Dec 02, 2012 4:58 PM GMT


    Don't give in to that self-defeating bullshit. After all, we need the eggs...or the milk...or whatever it was that Woody Allen said......icon_wink.gif