Coffee Shops & the Pursuit


  • Dec 02, 2012 2:19 PM GMT
    I have heard....

    that coffee shops are a great place to meet single guys.

    I find it extremely tough to meet guys for potential dates for the following reasons: 1) I am masculine and the only guys I'm attracted to are the masculine ones, who end up being the very discreet ones like myself. 2) I am not into the bar scene (the gay bar scene that is). 3) online dating sucks and never works.

    So a few friends of mine have recommended hanging out at coffee shops to read/study, and that they are great places to meet guys in public if I'm not going to wanna mingle at a gay bar.

    Any thoughts? Insights? Success stories?
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Dec 02, 2012 3:58 PM GMT
    scottymichael86 said I am masculine and the only guys I'm attracted to are the masculine ones, who end up being the very discreet ones like myself.

    Any thoughts? Insights?


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  • FireDoor211

    Posts: 1030

    Dec 02, 2012 3:59 PM GMT
    It sounds like you are in a tough situation. You are attracted to masculine guys, who are discrete and you yourself are being discrete and trying to meet guys in a public place... The whole situation makes me scratch my head. A coffee house really isn't a solution unless it were a predominately gay coffee house. I mean, how else would you know the other guy was gay, and how would he know, since you're both trying to hide it. It confuses me.
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    Dec 02, 2012 4:04 PM GMT
    This place was the coffee equivalent of a gay bar. Perfect location and was open during the day.
    R.I.P. may it be reborn speedily (though unlikely it will be since rents are exorbitant). Places like this need subsidies (which of course don't exist).

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Cup
    The Big Cup was a coffee shop at 228 Eighth Avenue, between 21st and 22nd Streets, in New York City. After eleven years in business, the cafe closed on August 28, 2005, due to an increase in rent. Its employees have publicly expressed interest in reopening the business in a new location.

    Throughout its tenure, the Big Cup became a central meeting place for many gay New Yorkers, partly by virtue of its central location in Chelsea, one of the city's primarily gay neighborhoods. Notably, it was a gathering spot for many LGBT youth, the majority of whom are underage and therefore cannot patronize the bars. The cafe's clientele were notoriously "cruisy," leading many people over the years to compare the shop, with a sense of ironic disparagement, to its neighbors. It was this sentiment that led columnist Dan Savage to refer to the Big Cup as "the deepest pit in gay hell next to Rufus Wainwright's colon." On the other hand, the coffee shop inspired enough devotion that a candlelight vigil was reportedly held a few nights after its closure.

    Although three outlets from a competing multi-national chain had opened on nearby street corners in recent years, the Big Cup held its own, demonstrating the unique sort of draw, and customer loyalty, that a successful local business can create. However, it appears that the competition affected the Big Cup's closure only obliquely. According to the New York Blade, the landlord raised the rent from $16,500 a month to $21,500 a month without warning.
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    Dec 02, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    Then maybe you should fem it up a bit.
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    Dec 02, 2012 4:12 PM GMT
    Oh, and then move out of Michigan. They don't have gays there.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 02, 2012 4:15 PM GMT
    This is hilarious.. am enjoying the read!

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    Dec 02, 2012 4:19 PM GMT
    Around here the only people who frequent coffee shops are high school kids (who must get one hell of an allowance) and young, married hipsters who drive a Volvo or Subaru Outback. Neither is in my demographic.
  • FireDoor211

    Posts: 1030

    Dec 02, 2012 4:28 PM GMT
    They also sit around and show off their MacBooks

  • Dec 02, 2012 4:29 PM GMT
    You are putting yourself in a "blind leading the blind" type situation. Unless you wear a Clay Aiken T-Shirt, no one is going to know that you are gay. I'm guessing you have romanticized some chance meeting with a strong but gentle guy who likes to read books at coffee shops. He smiles, you smiles. He tells you that he is a big fan of the author you a reading. You say the same. Then through telekinesis he tells you that he is gay and wants to go on a date.

    For your situation, I think you need to stick with online dating sites.
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    Dec 02, 2012 4:38 PM GMT
    Coffee Shops is where I take my date not meet them. I'd suggest you focus more on not labeling guys as feminine or masculine before you start attempting to date.
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    Dec 02, 2012 4:52 PM GMT
    Hmmmm, looking at your hot list would indicate you're looking for someone just like you. Yep, go have coffee and try and find him.
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Dec 02, 2012 5:01 PM GMT
    I've tried this largely because I have a low tolerance for bars and I've met some great people--but most of them have turned out to be straight (even the ones who I thought looked gay) so I don't know about this as a strategy. On the other hand there's been a bunch of studies recently about the health benefits of drinking coffee, so it might be worth it anyway.
  • StevieB0402

    Posts: 159

    Dec 02, 2012 6:04 PM GMT
    msuNtx saidCoffee Shops is where I take my date not meet them. I'd suggest you focus more on not labeling guys as feminine or masculine before you start attempting to date.


    Ditto

    Discreet=Closet. The more gays that come out of the closet, the more we achieve acceptance from the general public. Maybe it's time to really man up and share the truth about yourself with your world. Maybe not, only you know. But a real relationship is only going to come when one is being real.
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    Dec 02, 2012 6:07 PM GMT
    So what are you doing in a coffee shop that says "I'm available to date other men"?
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    Dec 02, 2012 6:07 PM GMT
    msuNtx saidCoffee Shops is where I take my date not meet them. I'd suggest you focus more on not labeling guys as feminine or masculine before you start attempting to date.


    can we meet at the starbucks in downtown this monday? icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 02, 2012 6:33 PM GMT
    Wear a rainbow bracelet or a shirt that says "Likes Boys" and watch the men fall like dominoes!
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    Dec 02, 2012 6:38 PM GMT
    For a 'masc' guy you sure bitch about something that can be easily solved. Come out of the closet.

    And this whole masc vs. femme thing is getting extremely old...
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Dec 02, 2012 7:05 PM GMT
    I've met guys at the grocery store, the mall, coffee shops, book stores. It will only happen if you are approachable or approach others. I'll walk up to a guy who sets off my gaydar and start a conversation. Most people don't seem capable of doing that. What is the worst that could happen?
  • StevieB0402

    Posts: 159

    Dec 02, 2012 7:18 PM GMT
    Pontifex saidI've met guys at the grocery store, the mall, coffee shops, book stores. It will only happen if you are approachable or approach others. I'll walk up to a guy who sets off my gaydar and start a conversation. Most people don't seem capable of doing that. What is the worst that could happen?


    They take you out to the parking lot, pistol whip you, and leave you trussed up in an open field somewhere Matthew Shepard style.

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    Dec 02, 2012 7:24 PM GMT
    I've never met a guy in a coffee shop. Then again I don't go to coffee shops to meet guys so I wouldn't really know. But I do hang out in them a lot. It's where I post most of my insults and make fun of people on RealJoke from...
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    Dec 02, 2012 7:31 PM GMT
    Pontifex saidI've met guys at the grocery store, the mall, coffee shops, book stores. It will only happen if you are approachable or approach others. I'll walk up to a guy who sets off my gaydar and start a conversation. Most people don't seem capable of doing that. What is the worst that could happen?


    Ditto.
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    Dec 02, 2012 7:34 PM GMT
    scottymichael86 said3) online dating sucks and never works.



    not with that attitude! it's a good way to separate out who's looking for what really quickly. if you're on OKcupid, you're almost certainly looking for a date. you can't be the only one of your kind..
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 02, 2012 7:36 PM GMT
    I've chatted up several intelligent, interesing, attractive guys at my local coffee shop in my neighborhood.

    True, I do live in one of the gayest gaybohoods in one of the fayest-friendly cities in this great country..


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  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 02, 2012 8:04 PM GMT
    Have not a clue where Wyandote Michigan , but if it's near a city like to Detroit are there any gay sports clubs? Where I live there is a gay Sports Club for just about any sport you could imagine. Also gay political clubs, if you can put up with the tedium. And even gay musical groups. In the big city, these are the places to meet ga y guys, both super masculine and less so, IRL. You ski. There used to be a gay ski club in Chicago - maybe they're still is. There are now gay "ski weeks" at various ski areas in the country. Go. You can surely get laid, and you might meet someone from your area. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, advertise, and form your own gay sports club to meet other guys if there is no club to join.