Uncomfortable talks

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2008 3:14 PM GMT

    Lately there's been a lot of discussion in my work, studies and personal life on what topics are uncomfortable for gay guys to talk with their boyfriends, regular hook-ups buddies, or partners. I'd like to continue this discussion by asking you this question;

    What topics do you find uncomfortable to talk to your bf, regular hook-up buddy, or partner about? Please share as little or as much as you feel comfortable. Thanks, Jason.
  • Barricade

    Posts: 457

    Sep 11, 2008 10:34 PM GMT
    With a few guys I've dated that weren't black. It was anything racial that made things uncomfortable. I could tell they would have something to say, but out of fear of offending me or whatever, never really did.
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    Sep 11, 2008 11:38 PM GMT
    Men I have dealt with would rather do anything then talk about their insecurities, fears and more tender emotions like love. "Men" are not supposed to have any of these!
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    Sep 11, 2008 11:57 PM GMT
    He's a psych PhD candidate, and I'm a hack armchair version of the same. Nothing is taboo for us. We have a potentially difficult relationship (distance, monogamy issues, leftover neuroses from childhood, etc.) but because we lay everything out in the open we always end up coming together and maintaining a deep understanding of each other. Communication and "checking in" on issues is paramount to us. We do this out of a deep genuine love for one another, and we don't want to risk not being in each others lives forever.

    He arrives tomorrow for a whole month. Yay!

    Not to be contrary to the point of the thread. Actually, this hasn't always been the case for me. Past uncomfortable talks with other BFs revolved around their anti-gay relatives, their problems with cocaine, and defeatist attitudes due to their lingering abandonment issues. Back in the day, my uncomfy issues for them might have been associated with past career crises, a bout of lazy potheadedness, holding back due to the fear of losing him because I lost another guy to cancer in '03, or that I was simply still in love with an ex.
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    Sep 12, 2008 1:30 AM GMT
    Well.. I'm sure nobody likes to talk about ex's too much. But with me, it's hard to talk about the things that THEY are doing wrong. Like not spending enough time together, returning calls. Things that they should be doing on their own, I feel uncomfortable asking them to do. To me, it cuts out what's most important about those actions. And that's the willingness, and "wantingness" to do them without having to be asked first.

    .. or especially those bittersweet conversations like.. "I think you're putting too much emphasis on sex.. NOT that I don't love it when we have sex!"

  • MuslDrew

    Posts: 463

    Sep 12, 2008 2:32 AM GMT
    The only things I remeber being uncomfotable talking about was a guys drinking or if I suspected he was lying to me.
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    Sep 12, 2008 2:34 AM GMT
    When I get into a relationship I'll let you know but as it stands right now no subject is taboo with me depending on how it is appraoched and presented. It's all about the delivery.