How do you make real life gay friends?

  • Myles_

    Posts: 114

    Dec 02, 2012 6:30 PM GMT
    Long time read, first time poster

    I've been out for 5 years now and I realized that I have only a handful of gay friends. Admittedly, for the past few years, I've attended a small town university and there aren't a lot of gays around. Now that I've moved to the big city (Toronto), I would like to have more friends who are gay but I'm not sure where to even start...

    Now before you question my personality, I want to clarify that I have plenty of straight friends. I'm just having a hard time meeting gay people!

    Much appreciated.

    Myles.
  • hanzo83

    Posts: 457

    Dec 02, 2012 6:36 PM GMT
    Well at least you have that handful.
  • benjamin12

    Posts: 1

    Dec 02, 2012 9:46 PM GMT
    In my personal experience friendship between gay males is difficult at best.
    It can only really function if neither party fancies the other, otherwise things will be subject to jealousy and disappointment.

    You could try out for a local gay sports team or attend some other interest based group. When you're out at the bars, start a conversation with somebody that looks friendly but that isn't your type sexually.

    Be direct and let people know that you are interested in cultivating friendships and not bed-partners. It takes time, but eventually friends can be found. Keeping them is up to you ;o) good luck!
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Dec 02, 2012 9:47 PM GMT
    Meet gay guys you have things in common with and hang out with them. The important part is DON'T HAVE SEX WITH THEM.
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    Dec 02, 2012 9:49 PM GMT
    benjamin12 saidIn my personal experience friendship between gay males is difficult at best.
    It can only really function if neither party fancies the other, otherwise things will be subject to jealousy and disappointment.

    You could try out for a local gay sports team or attend some other interest based group. When you're out at the bars, start a conversation with somebody that looks friendly but that isn't your type sexually.

    Be direct and let people know that you are interested in cultivating friendships and not bed-partners. It takes time, but eventually friends can be found. Keeping them is up to you ;o) good luck!


    Very good suggestions.

    I'm joining the swimming club and some other social sport club. In doubt if I should join Hockey (no experience) or something else.

    OP: I think the other way is to set your mindset to be more adventurous. Just try out new places, join some hobby clubs and so on. Also, people in TO is a bit shy and reserved compared to other places I lived.
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    Dec 02, 2012 9:51 PM GMT
    Pontifex saidMeet gay guys you have things in common with and hang out with them. The important part is DON'T HAVE SEX WITH THEM.


    This. You probably can't be friends with guys you want to see naked. It's really that simple. Few men have the strength of will to handle it.

    Also, bros before hoes. This is important. If you shit where you sleep, you will stink.
  • Aodhan

    Posts: 3828

    Dec 02, 2012 9:53 PM GMT
    so far I find it hard to keep gay friends in Belfast, mostly because there are so few of us and we have different personality's.

    Do not use grindr icon_razz.gif(Got grindr recently, so I feel as though I need another method of communication hahaha)


    I want some pointers also haha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2012 9:53 PM GMT
    Grindr
  • Kel_

    Posts: 1360

    Dec 02, 2012 10:06 PM GMT
    31170921.jpg
  • Myles_

    Posts: 114

    Dec 02, 2012 10:10 PM GMT
    Kel_ said31170921.jpg


    I should clarify that these "friends" I dont hang out with anymore because they are all from the small town that I attended school... I have no gay friends in Toronto :*(
  • Myles_

    Posts: 114

    Dec 02, 2012 10:12 PM GMT
    benjamin12 saidIn my personal experience friendship between gay males is difficult at best.
    It can only really function if neither party fancies the other, otherwise things will be subject to jealousy and disappointment.

    You could try out for a local gay sports team or attend some other interest based group. When you're out at the bars, start a conversation with somebody that looks friendly but that isn't your type sexually.

    Be direct and let people know that you are interested in cultivating friendships and not bed-partners. It takes time, but eventually friends can be found. Keeping them is up to you ;o) good luck!


    Thanks for the advice! I don't even know where to find these gay interest groups though. With bars, I feel so awkward going alone.

    Another problem with approach people is that I think that every gay thinks when someone approach them, they think that someone is only looking for sex... How do you even start being direct??
  • Myles_

    Posts: 114

    Dec 02, 2012 10:13 PM GMT
    workinghardgettingfit said
    benjamin12 saidIn my personal experience friendship between gay males is difficult at best.
    It can only really function if neither party fancies the other, otherwise things will be subject to jealousy and disappointment.

    You could try out for a local gay sports team or attend some other interest based group. When you're out at the bars, start a conversation with somebody that looks friendly but that isn't your type sexually.

    Be direct and let people know that you are interested in cultivating friendships and not bed-partners. It takes time, but eventually friends can be found. Keeping them is up to you ;o) good luck!


    Very good suggestions.

    I'm joining the swimming club and some other social sport club. In doubt if I should join Hockey (no experience) or something else.

    OP: I think the other way is to set your mindset to be more adventurous. Just try out new places, join some hobby clubs and so on. Also, people in TO is a bit shy and reserved compared to other places I lived.



    Where do you find these social clubs? Did you just show up in a meeting?
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Dec 02, 2012 10:14 PM GMT
    Myles_ said
    Kel_ said31170921.jpg


    I should clarify that these "friends" I dont hang out with anymore because they are all from the small town that I attended school... I have no gay friends in Toronto :*(


    Wait.. you can't find gay friends in Toronto?

    I have gay friends in Toronto and I've never actually spent real time there. heh.
  • Myles_

    Posts: 114

    Dec 02, 2012 10:22 PM GMT
    Pontifex said
    Myles_ said
    Kel_ said31170921.jpg


    I should clarify that these "friends" I dont hang out with anymore because they are all from the small town that I attended school... I have no gay friends in Toronto :*(


    Wait.. you can't find gay friends in Toronto?

    I have gay friends in Toronto and I've never actually spent real time there. heh.


    No I don't. Given I just moved here two months ago.
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    Dec 02, 2012 10:23 PM GMT
    I like the sorts club idea but in chicago they have a group called NotTheBars.com
  • Kel_

    Posts: 1360

    Dec 02, 2012 11:09 PM GMT
    31173993.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:10 PM GMT
    I think a shared interest group might be a good place to start. Once you have a couple of friends, you tend to meet more.

    I just did a quick google search and found this:

    http://gaypros.meetup.com/cities/ca/on/toronto/?psize=30&radius=25.0&events=true&show=results
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 02, 2012 11:15 PM GMT
    Sashaman saidI think a shared interest group might be a good place to start. Once you have a couple of friends, you tend to meet more.

    I just did a quick google search and found this:

    http://gaypros.meetup.com/cities/ca/on/toronto/?psize=30&radius=25.0&events=true&show=results


    I would tend to agree with this. When I first came out, I was introduced to a group of local, I'll call them "professional gay guys" who were into pretentious stuff, but also liked to party. Fitness didn't rank. I ended up friending several on my terms. I participate in several boards and know a variety of gay guys, many are ok, a few are really good friends. Depends too on what you want... a group to hang with or some real friends, people you can call and say "help" if you need help or can talk over a problem and know it isn't going to be broadcast.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:29 PM GMT
    Go to a bar & shoot some pool. Guaranteed interaction even for the most awkward.
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Dec 02, 2012 11:32 PM GMT
    I'm kind of in the same boat--I do have a few good gay friends, but the percentages are definitely skewed towards straight friends. I'd like to meet more compatible gay men, but it doesn't worry me too much and I think given the percentage of gays/straights in the general population, it seems inevitable that you'll end up with more straight friends than gay friends, unless you decide to live in a gay ghetto.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:37 PM GMT
    I did a google search for gay sports leagues toronto and found.....http://ohmygay.tumblr.com/post/201188261/torontos-queer-and-queer-friendly-sports-leagues-teams. Also, I agree with the advice to never, ever have sex with your friends.

    Toronto’s Queer and Queer Friendly Sports Leagues/Teams

    Well I figured that some people don’t know where to look to find a list of different teams or leagues that are Queer friendly they can join so I decided to compile one icon_smile.gif

    1. Downtown Soccer Toronto (DST). 10 teams with roughly 20 people per team. Operates from late May until late September playing on Sundays (co-ed).

    2. Toronto Gay Hockey Association. 9 teams (co-ed) plays Sunday evenings at York University. Season from late September until the Spring.

    3. Cabbagetown Group Softball Leagues. Number of different team in different divisions - this league has been around for about 30 years. (Co-ed)

    4. Toronto Triggerfish. Water polo team (Co-ed).

    5. Rainbow Hoops. Women’s basketball league.

    6. Frontrunners Toronto. Rec and Competitive running group.

    7. Pink Turf Soccer League. Lesbian and Lesbian friendly women’s soccer league.

    8. Q-Crew. Queer rowing crew (Canada’s 1st) phone #: 416 925-XTRA x 2172

    9. BADinTO. Rec Badminton league (Co-ed)

    10. Hoopsies. Queer Basketball league (Co-ed)

    11. Notso Amazon Softball League. Women’s softball league, also one of the oldest leagues.

    12. Ontario Lesbian and Gay Tennis Association.

    13. Out & Out Toronto. Queer sports and recreation club.

    14. OUTabound Golf. Queer golf league serving communities across Ontario

    15. ROTC Toronto - Righteously Outrageous Twirling Corps. Flag spinning/dancing, this group performs in the parade and live up to their name!

    16. Toronto News Girls Boxing Club. Positive space for woman and trans people to explore/experience boxing.

    17. W4Sport & Culture. Group dedicated to promoting women’s participation in athletic and cultural events at an advanced level within the Queer community. Email: women4sportandculture@hotmail.com

    18. Women’s Hockey Club of Toronto. Women’s hockey league.

    19. Downtown Swim Club. Master’s swim club for the Queer community.

    20. Breathless Syncho Toronto. Synchronized swimming for the Queer community.

    21. Muddy York. Toronto’s Queer/Queer friendly Men’s Rugby club.

    22. Toronto Gay Flag Football.

    23. Toronto Spartan Volleyball League. Rec and competitive Queer volleyball league.

    24. Riverdale Curling League. Queer and curling league.

    25. Toronto Gay Ski/Snowboarding Club.

    26. Indoorsout. Indoor soccer league for the fall and winter months.

    27. Outsport Toronto
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    I have trouble with this, if I'm not in party mode, online, or meeting a friend of a friend. My biggest issue with meeting guys online is that I either can't believe what I'm seeing, or think I'm just seeing someone who looks like someone else. No greeting exchanged and I'm lost.
  • Myles_

    Posts: 114

    Dec 02, 2012 11:50 PM GMT
    imasrxd saidI did a google search for gay sports leagues toronto and found.....http://ohmygay.tumblr.com/post/201188261/torontos-queer-and-queer-friendly-sports-leagues-teams. Also, I agree with the advice to never, ever have sex with your friends.

    Toronto’s Queer and Queer Friendly Sports Leagues/Teams

    Well I figured that some people don’t know where to look to find a list of different teams or leagues that are Queer friendly they can join so I decided to compile one icon_smile.gif

    1. Downtown Soccer Toronto (DST). 10 teams with roughly 20 people per team. Operates from late May until late September playing on Sundays (co-ed).

    2. Toronto Gay Hockey Association. 9 teams (co-ed) plays Sunday evenings at York University. Season from late September until the Spring.

    3. Cabbagetown Group Softball Leagues. Number of different team in different divisions - this league has been around for about 30 years. (Co-ed)

    4. Toronto Triggerfish. Water polo team (Co-ed).

    5. Rainbow Hoops. Women’s basketball league.

    6. Frontrunners Toronto. Rec and Competitive running group.

    7. Pink Turf Soccer League. Lesbian and Lesbian friendly women’s soccer league.

    8. Q-Crew. Queer rowing crew (Canada’s 1st) phone #: 416 925-XTRA x 2172

    9. BADinTO. Rec Badminton league (Co-ed)

    10. Hoopsies. Queer Basketball league (Co-ed)

    11. Notso Amazon Softball League. Women’s softball league, also one of the oldest leagues.

    12. Ontario Lesbian and Gay Tennis Association.

    13. Out & Out Toronto. Queer sports and recreation club.

    14. OUTabound Golf. Queer golf league serving communities across Ontario

    15. ROTC Toronto - Righteously Outrageous Twirling Corps. Flag spinning/dancing, this group performs in the parade and live up to their name!

    16. Toronto News Girls Boxing Club. Positive space for woman and trans people to explore/experience boxing.

    17. W4Sport & Culture. Group dedicated to promoting women’s participation in athletic and cultural events at an advanced level within the Queer community. Email: women4sportandculture@hotmail.com

    18. Women’s Hockey Club of Toronto. Women’s hockey league.

    19. Downtown Swim Club. Master’s swim club for the Queer community.

    20. Breathless Syncho Toronto. Synchronized swimming for the Queer community.

    21. Muddy York. Toronto’s Queer/Queer friendly Men’s Rugby club.

    22. Toronto Gay Flag Football.

    23. Toronto Spartan Volleyball League. Rec and competitive Queer volleyball league.

    24. Riverdale Curling League. Queer and curling league.

    25. Toronto Gay Ski/Snowboarding Club.

    26. Indoorsout. Indoor soccer league for the fall and winter months.

    27. Outsport Toronto



    Thanks! Shitty fact: I am bad at sports icon_sad.gif
  • thadjock

    Posts: 2183

    Dec 03, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    ingredients To Make a Gay friend:

    1 straight friend

    25 gal gas for roadtrip to burning man

    true story.







  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2012 12:05 AM GMT
    Met my best friend who introduced me to all of his friends. That simple for me.