WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2012 3:58 AM GMT
    So before I posted about meeting a guy that I have had such a great time with. Never called me his boyfriend so ok, not into the labels and such. But I don't know what we actually are.

    I've been "seeing" this guy for about 2 months. Our activities usually consist of doing something on Saturday night, me spending the night and doing something Sunday morning aside from our texting through out the week. While last weekend we didn't see each other due to the holiday, this week we did. We went to an event and then went back to his place and watched TV then got into bed and watched a movie. While he was in the bathroom, his phone went off with a text from a person with no last name that was simple "do you wanna f*** again?" I didn't explore any (thanks iPhone message preview) because I sometimes randomly get those types of messages weeks/months after a hook up, Today, while he was getting ready I did the worst thing possible and explored the text messages. I went to the text from the previous night and there apparently was a hook up two nights prior (the guy also wanted to watch me and the guy I was "dating" in bed). There was also a text thread between him and his ex but I didn't have time to explore that much. We spent the entire day together, went to lunch, made dinner together, couply things I would say.

    We never talked about exlusivity, he doesn't call me his boyfriend. So I guess that's ok?
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    Dec 03, 2012 4:04 AM GMT
    Sounds like you're his 'situation' .

    He may not claim you to your face but he probably tells other guys he has a boyfriend that just can't really please him.

    Have you been introduced to his family and friends? Has he taken you to work events and other social gatherings? When you two run into people he knows does he call you his friend? Has jewelry or other gifts been exhanged? If he were to be in an emergency room situation would you feel as if you had an obligation to be there? At any point has there been a verbal expression of exclusiveness?
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    Dec 03, 2012 4:15 AM GMT
    Since you've never talked about exclusivity then don't be too shocked if he goes off and has sex with someone else.

    I get the feeling from your words that you want exclusivity (and that it bothered you that he had sex with someone else) so maybe it is time to propose exclusivity. You risk of scaring him away I suppose but you also don't want to drive yourself crazy thinking who has he slept with before coming to see you.
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    Dec 03, 2012 4:15 AM GMT

    "Never called me his boyfriend so ok, not into the labels and such. But I don't know what we actually are. "

    To me this makes the rest of your post unanswerable, as you agreed to nothing, and without the accompanying label, there is no descriptor of what you are to each other, so anything goes, and you shouldn't have pried.

    icon_sad.gif

  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Dec 03, 2012 4:22 AM GMT
    What are you looking for?
    It sounds like you are getting attached to this guy and you are looking for an exclusive relationship. I'd suggest talking to him, letting him know this and if you both aren't looking for the same thing you should move on.

    There are some things that just need to be said to avoid any confusion. Might as well just straight up ask him if he wants to be in an exclusive relationship if that is what you are looking for. Depending on what you want, you can go from there. If you haven't defined your relationship I can't really fault him for anything. It isn't how I operate, but there are a lot of guys who work and think like that.
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    Dec 03, 2012 4:26 AM GMT
    Have you considered having more frequent and more sex with the guy? It has been my experience that if you keep them well fucked and put away wet that they tend to stay placated until "the next dose".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2012 4:27 AM GMT
    Yes, it's okay because there's no commitment. If you want to be exclusive, say something! I'll tell you what's not okay....going through his text messages. Those messages are exclusively his and you have no right to go through them.
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    Dec 03, 2012 4:29 AM GMT
    Pontifex saidWhat are you looking for?
    It sounds like you are getting attached to this guy and you are looking for an exclusive relationship. I'd suggest talking to him, letting him know this and if you both aren't looking for the same thing you should move on.

    There are some things that just need to be said to avoid any confusion. Might as well just straight up ask him if he wants to be in an exclusive relationship if that is what you are looking for. Depending on what you want, you can go from there. If you haven't defined your relationship I can't really fault him for anything. It isn't how I operate, but there are a lot of guys who work and think like that.


    Well, 'exclusive relationship' is a label, and he's not into those (labels).
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    Dec 03, 2012 4:31 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    "Never called me his boyfriend so ok, not into the labels and such. But I don't know what we actually are. "

    To me this makes the rest of your post unanswerable, as you agreed to nothing, and without the accompanying label, there is no descriptor of what you are to each other, so anything goes, and you shouldn't have pried.

    icon_sad.gif



    Men in Love and Mbio are right.

    You can't hold him to anything because of this "not into the labels and such" thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2012 4:33 AM GMT
    guess you shouldnt have looked huh? icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2012 6:11 AM GMT
    Dude, you got me! Your topic title "WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!" had my mind creating some of the most FANTASTICAL images of what "this" could be. So I click... ... ... . Wait, where's the half man, half-goat pic? Where's the picture of the world's tiniest monkey in the palm of a man's hand? Where's the unidentifiable creature from the deep some backwoods fisherman dredge up? The wondrous world I had created in my head regarding your post came crashing down when, alas, none of those images awaited me.

    However, I do have a comment about what you actually did post.

    Basically, you wouldn't be posting on this if you were "ok" with it. It clearly bugs you a bit. I am 100% against cheating, but doesn't seem this guy is cheating. Until you both agree to be exclusive, he is free to date, or fuck in this case, whoever he wants. If you want him to be your guy, you have to make your intentions clear to him. Just be ready if he says he isn't ready for something serious.

    Be careful about building up a relationship in your head that doesn't exist for the both of you. I have several friends I go to lunch with, cook dinner with, go to movies with, do "couply" things with that I have no intention of dating (nor them me).

    But only you can really say what the next step you take is... You kind have to ask yourself "Am I ok with the status quo or do I want more?"

    Good luck to ya!
  • onefortified

    Posts: 1630

    Dec 03, 2012 6:15 AM GMT
    You guys aren't exclusive. He can do whatever he wants. If it's bothering you tell him.

    /thread
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2012 6:26 AM GMT
    Not into labels? Then forget the idea your man won't fuck other men..

    Nothing wrong with labels.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2012 6:29 AM GMT
    Have the talk if you really want to know. If you aren't okay with an open-relationship, dump him.

    For the record, you're officially boyfriends. (at least it sounds like it)
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 03, 2012 7:07 AM GMT
    You have never defined what you have with him. So.. you're not in a relationship with him. And, thus, he's fucking other people without disclosing it to you. Welcome to the wonderful world of gay relationships. You're just his fuckbuddy and nothing more. He's gonna continue to do this behind your back.

    Define the relationship or move on from the guy. Those are your two options.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2012 7:09 AM GMT
    Assume he's sleeping/dating other guys unless you've had the "talk". Just be prepared for the answer in either case: he agrees to exclusivity or he doesn't. And be prepared for what you are willing to accept. Me and a guy fooled around a few times. I thought he was into me and wanted something. And one day he texted me to let me know he was exclusively dating someone else now and just wanted to be friends. It happens.

    (...and hopefully you're using protection.)
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Dec 03, 2012 11:15 AM GMT
    Well you're not technically his boyfriend so... He's really not doing anything wrong.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2012 11:34 AM GMT
    first of all: never go through other persons texts, if he finds out he's going to be REALLY pissed off! it's like telling him you don't trust him at all

    second: find out what you really want, it's hard to get what you want if you don't know what it is

    and if I were you I would try to take him out during the week too, to experience something new, you might get to know him better and it might help you make any decisions
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2012 12:05 PM GMT
    Apex0111 saidDude, you got me! Your topic title "WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!" had my mind creating some of the most FANTASTICAL images of what "this" could be. So I click... ... ... . Wait, where's the half man, half-goat pic? Where's the picture of the world's tiniest monkey in the palm of a man's hand? Where's the unidentifiable creature from the deep some backwoods fisherman dredge up? The wondrous world I had created in my head regarding your post came crashing down when, alas, none of those images awaited me.

    However, I do have a comment about what you actually did post.

    Basically, you wouldn't be posting on this if you were "ok" with it. It clearly bugs you a bit. I am 100% against cheating, but doesn't seem this guy is cheating. Until you both agree to be exclusive, he is free to date, or fuck in this case, whoever he wants. If you want him to be your guy, you have to make your intentions clear to him. Just be ready if he says he isn't ready for something serious.

    Be careful about building up a relationship in your head that doesn't exist for the both of you. I have several friends I go to lunch with, cook dinner with, go to movies with, do "couply" things with that I have no intention of dating (nor them me).

    But only you can really say what the next step you take is... You kind have to ask yourself "Am I ok with the status quo or do I want more?"

    Good luck to ya!
    This spells is out rather nicely, IMO. You say you do not like labels, but by checking his texts behind his back, it sure seems you were looking to define "what this is."

  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Dec 03, 2012 1:08 PM GMT
    To answer your question, "What is this?"

    This is where you kick him to the curb. He clearly has no respect for you. It is past time that the decent gay man said enough is enough. We are all put in the same category as guys like that. He will mess you around for as long as you let him.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Dec 03, 2012 1:14 PM GMT
    TheAlchemixt saidWell you're not technically his boyfriend so... He's really not doing anything wrong.


    What exactly has to happen for him to be "technically" his boyfriend?

    Does he have to have his baby?

    Honestly, I question if I am realy gay sometimes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2012 1:15 PM GMT
    "Not into labels" seriously wtf does that even mean?
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    Dec 03, 2012 1:24 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    "Never called me his boyfriend so ok, not into the labels and such. But I don't know what we actually are. "

    To me this makes the rest of your post unanswerable, as you agreed to nothing, and without the accompanying label, there is no descriptor of what you are to each other, so anything goes, and you shouldn't have pried.

    icon_sad.gif


    ^^^ Would have to agree.
    Sounds like you want to be the BF. Talk to him and see how he feels. That "label" isn't a bad thing. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2012 1:31 PM GMT
    Your profile says you're bi, then says you're not into fems.

    He's just being a man. Men are horny by nature. The fact that you want him to be exclusive without telling him makes you more feminine than most women I know.
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    Dec 03, 2012 4:49 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidHave you considered having more frequent and more sex with the guy? It has been my experience that if you keep them well fucked and put away wet that they tend to stay placated until "the next dose".

    This right here. You want me to be exclusive, you'd better be around every day, not every weekend. Sorry, that's how these things work out. You two have no agreement on being exclusive, so he is not doing anything wrong. Sounds to me like you are being passive-aggressive, talk it out or expect a lot more texts from the guys he is banging from sunday night thru friday.