I'm sure I'm not the only one!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2008 4:46 AM GMT
    I admit I'm picky and don't fall for a lot of guys but when I do, they always end being the type that disconnect from the world and retreat in their own little world without depending on anyone. It's always been guys who can't express themselves but I'm able to read them.

    Problem is I don't know why I end falling for such guys, I mean I only find out after I end up liking them. While the other guys who are so nice and all never end up getting any of my attention.

    I guess it's a feeling you get when a guy isn't chasing you as much but also isn't running too far away. I find it a major turn off when guys chase you or run away too far. It's that balance but unfortunately I find the case one or the other.

    does anyone else experiance this? or do you something I don't see? I know I'm young so I appreciate perspective! =]

    [/psychoanalysis] icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 13, 2008 11:46 PM GMT
    I think we have a similar problem here.

    I currently fall for a guy who I don't know what his feeling for me. I keep falling for him even though there are some guys chasing me and giving me so much attention. We were dating for 3 weeks before he said in an email tha we should stop dating each other. I was upset back then, because I really like him and he just dumped me like that.

    I went on several dates after that. However, nothing appeals to me and after awhile I got sick meeting up with guys... and still thinking of him.

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    Sep 13, 2008 11:52 PM GMT
    swimisme saidProblem is I don't know why I end falling for such guys, I mean I only find out after I end up liking them. While the other guys who are so nice and all never end up getting any of my attention.

    So that's why you keep postponing hanging out with me.

    Kidding! icon_wink.gif

    But yeah, I totally know what you're saying. Was having this same conversation with two of my straight roommates and we all realized we had the same "problem". We fall for the ones who show little interest and ignore/avoid a lot of the ones who do.
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    Sep 14, 2008 12:17 AM GMT
    Oh, this is easy. Come now chill'ns and I'll 'splain it to ya'll.

    Ya'll are fallin' for them cuz you aint really fallin' for them. When they "disconnect from the world and retreat in their own little world without depending on anyone," ya'll fill in the blanks with your imaginations. Flesh 'em out with what you want them to be. Then only later, as you come to know them, do their real characteristics start to supplant the spaces you colored in. Then you have to wake up and smell the coffee and realize they aint who you thought they were.

    The other guys who are more open and confident dont need your imaginations to fill them out.

  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Sep 14, 2008 12:44 AM GMT
    Caslon, I was about to say the same thing, except with less color and vigor. You're dead-on right.
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    Sep 14, 2008 12:45 AM GMT
    *sigh* no, not the only one at all.

    My mom says it's because men like the thrill of the hunt. o_0? I think it's oversimplifying things a bit, but it kinda makes sense. Because a hunter will only really go after prey if it thinks it has a chance of catching it, and will be wary of a slow prey because it might be ill (although considering lions tend to go for the old/young/sick in a herd, that second part might be false, I am fairly certain however that in general predators will not chase when they feel that the hunt will be a waste of energy with no reward whatsoever).
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    Sep 14, 2008 12:51 AM GMT
    swimisme saidI admit I'm picky and don't fall for a lot of guys but when I do, they always end being the type that disconnect from the world and retreat in their own little world without depending on anyone. It's always been guys who can't express themselves but I'm able to read them.

    Problem is I don't know why I end falling for such guys, I mean I only find out after I end up liking them. While the other guys who are so nice and all never end up getting any of my attention.

    I guess it's a feeling you get when a guy isn't chasing you as much but also isn't running too far away. I find it a major turn off when guys chase you or run away too far. It's that balance but unfortunately I find the case one or the other.

    does anyone else experiance this? or do you something I don't see? I know I'm young so I appreciate perspective! =]

    [/psychoanalysis] icon_smile.gif


    You just described me to a certain extent. My partner has always noted my independence. Partially it is because I am male, and partially it is because of life experiences that have led me to trust myself and not others (especially in regards to emotions). The good thing about people like me is that with a little bit of effort we can be coaxed into opening up. We need to develop a trust with the other person and that takes us longer than the average man.
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    Sep 14, 2008 12:56 AM GMT
    Caslon6000 saidOh, this is easy. Come now chill'ns and I'll 'splain it to ya'll.

    Then you have to wake up and smell the coffee and realize they aint who you thought they were.




    Yeah, my ex had that trouble with a guy, that he'd dumped me for, then discovered his mistake. He asked me to sort out his messed-up emotions over it, and help him understand where he'd gone wrong.

    I basically told him the same thing you said above: he made this other guy into something he never was and never would be. And then when the guy's true nature came out, my ex was stunned, and ultimately got very hurt.

    BTW, I moved away before this had all played out. I had just moved in with a guy, which my ex didn't know about yet, and less than a week later he phones me and says he finally got it all sorted out, I was right all along.

    And he realized his mistake in dumping me, and he wants us to become partners after all, even though he had rejected my proposals for over 2 years. Very hard for me to have to shoot his dreams down, but he had missed the boat. And you can imagine my own conflicted emotions.

    Finding love isn't all about finding a good body, or good sex, or even a good mind; it's also about finding people with mature, stable and reliable emotions.
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    Sep 14, 2008 1:35 AM GMT
    Caslon6000 saidOh, this is easy. Come now chill'ns and I'll 'splain it to ya'll.

    Ya'll are fallin' for them cuz you aint really fallin' for them. When they "disconnect from the world and retreat in their own little world without depending on anyone," ya'll fill in the blanks with your imaginations. Flesh 'em out with what you want them to be. Then only later, as you come to know them, do their real characteristics start to supplant the spaces you colored in. Then you have to wake up and smell the coffee and realize they aint who you thought they were.

    The other guys who are more open and confident dont need your imaginations to fill them out.



    perfection.
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    Sep 15, 2008 4:38 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    Caslon7000 saidOh, this is easy. Come now chill'ns and I'll 'splain it to ya'll.

    Yeah, my ex had that trouble with a guy, that he'd dumped me for, then discovered his mistake...


    See! This is why I love to have older friends great insight thanks for the wisdom guys icon_smile.gif

    oh and BLINK777 we're still on for monday betch.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 15, 2008 4:42 AM GMT
    Caslon7000 saidOh, this is easy. Come now chill'ns and I'll 'splain it to ya'll.

    Ya'll are fallin' for them cuz you aint really fallin' for them. When they "disconnect from the world and retreat in their own little world without depending on anyone," ya'll fill in the blanks with your imaginations. Flesh 'em out with what you want them to be. Then only later, as you come to know them, do their real characteristics start to supplant the spaces you colored in. Then you have to wake up and smell the coffee and realize they aint who you thought they were.

    The other guys who are more open and confident dont need your imaginations to fill them out.



    You SO rock!!!
  • D972

    Posts: 125

    Sep 15, 2008 5:18 AM GMT
    Caslon7000 saidOh, this is easy. Come now chill'ns and I'll 'splain it to ya'll.

    Ya'll are fallin' for them cuz you aint really fallin' for them. When they "disconnect from the world and retreat in their own little world without depending on anyone," ya'll fill in the blanks with your imaginations. Flesh 'em out with what you want them to be. Then only later, as you come to know them, do their real characteristics start to supplant the spaces you colored in. Then you have to wake up and smell the coffee and realize they aint who you thought they were.

    The other guys who are more open and confident dont need your imaginations to fill them out.



    Sigh icon_cry.gif
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    Sep 15, 2008 8:50 PM GMT
    Caslon makes a great point.

    I would just add that I don't think it makes a difference whether a guy is open and confident or mysterious. Imaginative spackling happens at the beginning no matter what.

    And when that spackle dries and starts falling off, look out! icon_eek.gif
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    Sep 15, 2008 8:54 PM GMT
    Caslon7000 saidOh, this is easy. Come now chill'ns and I'll 'splain it to ya'll.

    Ya'll are fallin' for them cuz you aint really fallin' for them. When they "disconnect from the world and retreat in their own little world without depending on anyone," ya'll fill in the blanks with your imaginations. Flesh 'em out with what you want them to be. Then only later, as you come to know them, do their real characteristics start to supplant the spaces you colored in. Then you have to wake up and smell the coffee and realize they aint who you thought they were.

    The other guys who are more open and confident dont need your imaginations to fill them out.



    And there ya go kids. Mama Cas once again delivers the cold hard truth of it all.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 15, 2008 9:51 PM GMT
    CarlosGringo saidCaslon makes a great point.

    I would just add that I don't think it makes a difference whether a guy is open and confident or mysterious. Imaginative spackling happens at the beginning no matter what.

    And when that spackle dries and starts falling off, look out! icon_eek.gif


    so true man
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    Sep 16, 2008 12:00 PM GMT


    That's Gold Star stuff, Caslon!