Crush on a friend...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2008 6:17 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    I rarely turn to internet companions for help, but I can't really talk about this with any close friends as it involves one of them. And since posting on here, I know I can trust some of the opinions on here.

    I have a crush on a close friend of mine. We've known each other for about 3 years, but only got to know each other really well recently. I feel like we could be really good for each other as boyfriends, but I'm not sure if he can see me as a "boyfirend," as we may have been "girlfriends" for too long.

    So I guess my question I pose to the forum readers and responders is, do I tell him how I feel and risk making things awkward between us (especially since we're currently living together) or should I just let it ride and wait for signals from him before I attempt a big move?
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    Sep 12, 2008 6:57 AM GMT
    Why didn't you get together earlier on? Is there sexual chemistry between you? I would say that, by the sounds of it, you have left it too long to make a move as he doesn't view you sexually (a bit difficult by the looks of you).
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    Sep 12, 2008 7:30 AM GMT
    I wouldnt tell him right out. I would try to arrange more intimate get-togethers...go out to dinner so it is just you and him and he has to focus on you. I dont know what other kind of dates....just not ones that are very distracting from the experience you two are sharing....movies with something quiet afterwards, like drinks or coffee in a place that isnt a loud gay bar, go to art gallery so it is just you two having the experience...

    I guess the idea is to start doing things that focus on a shared experience between you two so he starts see you thru all the "noise" and it is his idea that you are pretty neat as something more than girlfriends.
  • SanEsteban

    Posts: 454

    Sep 12, 2008 6:11 PM GMT
    I had a similar situation. I lived with a guy I had a crush on. I didn't tell him and, frankly, I am glad. I think if I had told him, things would have definitely been weird between us afterward. I would wait, watch for signals or signs before doing anything. I think the idea of you two spending time together i.e. dinner, coffee, movies, art galleries etc is an excellent idea. You could both focus on eachother and see where it goes. Perhaps he is interested in you too and this may be what you both need to find out if it would work - just spending quite time together to talk etc and see what happens and where it goes. I hope this helps...
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    Sep 12, 2008 8:19 PM GMT
    I say that it's better that you don't tell him flat out just yet. Spend some alone time with him and see if there actually is chemistry between the two of you the may extend beyond the platonic. Drop a couple of hints and see how he responds and proceed accordingly.

    Most important of all, make sure that your crush/attraction isn't something that you think will pass/ fizzle out over time.
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    Sep 12, 2008 8:22 PM GMT

    Hey Ken,

    Is he single? Are you sure he's not dating someone, if so I really would not go there because there is a third party involved.

    Why not just tell him you need to talk him and just let him know your feelings?

    It's a tough call because you live together and if he does not feel the sam way things could get wierd.

    A good FRIEND last a lifetime, Boyfriends unfortunately sometimes do not!
    You have to figure out which is more important and follow your heart.

    Whatever you decide to I wish you the best! Good Luck!icon_biggrin.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Sep 13, 2008 11:22 AM GMT
    Sometimes it is hard to transform a friendship into something that's romantic and you need to be careful because if it's not done right you might lose a lover and a friend all at the same time

    start taking him to more intimate venues
    and talk to him more about what he likes in men
    you might want to try complimenting him on his clothes and his looks too

    In this subtlety pays icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 13, 2008 9:57 PM GMT
    Thanks for the advice guys. I think I'll take a little bit of everyone's. Cross your fingers for me icon_smile.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19067

    Sep 13, 2008 10:20 PM GMT
    I would say if he has similar feelings, and it's meant to be, it should just happen naturally or in due time. I wouldn't force things if it doesn't seem to be heading in that direction naturally, as it could put a cloud of awkwardness over your friendship and living arrangements.
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    Sep 13, 2008 10:23 PM GMT
    I say tell him what you think. If you get turned down, life goes on.

    A lot of people are always scared to "ruin the friendship." My two responses to that are 1.) if it is a great friend, he won't care to be honest with you and 2.) I was in a situation like that and to be honest, I would rather lose the friendship then continue it killing myself inside daily because I wouldn't dare tell him how I felt.

    It's rough and it doesn't go away. I say, go for it.