Why can't I stop thinking about him?

  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Dec 05, 2012 5:12 AM GMT
    So I already posted about this guy that i met 2 months ago. I had a really huge crush on him and we went out for a month before he told me that he just wanted to be friends. I respect his decision and back away and we remain friends. It's been almost a month now but I kept thinking about him, I don't know why i keep texting him, looking at his pictures and memories kept popping up. I miss him like 24/7 which is not healthy.It actually hurts so much to think about him and everytime I just want to be with someone so i can forget about him ( again, this is really bad and unfair for the other). I kept asking myself what I did wrong? though everyone told me that there is nothing wrong with me, i'm sure there is and I want to ask him that but i'm afraid it will bring me only pain and sorrow. Everytime i talk to him it made me feel that there is hope of him changing his mind ( though i don't think so). I've talked to my bestfriends and everyone told me to stop contacting him, delete his number ( I did but I have it ingrain in my brain), delete all messages from him etc... I think they gave up on telling me to do that cuz i failed everytime. To be honest, I just want to be friend with him but everytime i see him or in contact with him then i lost all my rational and I just want to be with him. I know what i should do and don't but i just can't do it, or just in denial. Sorry for the long post but i just wanted to get this out of my chest.
  • Kriss

    Posts: 690

    Dec 05, 2012 5:43 AM GMT
    partially willpower here dude. If it hurts it is definately not healthy, I don't have personal experience with this sort of thing but I have friends whom have gone through something of this situation.They confessed to the other person of course being careful when they did so in explaining their feelings etc.

    I would not recommend going out with anyone. Why? Because it seems more like a backlash recovery thing that your doing. You understand it's unfair to other people that you still have feelings for someone else and yet your spending time with them. Misleading and mixed signals all over the place. Stop, find yourself a hobby or focus on something in your life that you really like doing.

    Last piece of advice your friends see to already have given you, but I think I would do something more than just simply drop the guy out of your life like I said. Explain your feelings to this other guy, and explain that it would be better if you just did not contact each other for awhile.

    If you both stop making this effort to contact one another then you can let time come in and do it's thing. The problem is your going to need the willpower and simply the ability to distract yourself from thoughts of this guy. Best of luck!
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    Dec 05, 2012 9:01 AM GMT
    Oh you didn't do anything wrong. This is just gay faggotry. He just isn't in to you and you need to get over it. Stop thinking about him and MOVE on. I wouldn't even friend a guy like this if he said to me let's be friends, I'd say, "I already have enough friends-bye bye" and I would never talk to him again. There is NO HOPE of him changing his mind. MOVE ON!!! I know it's painful, but, that is how the dating world goes. Your friends are right, stop obsessing with this guy who won't give you the time of day and find someone WHO WILL!
    You CANNOT be friends with him because you have created too many fantasies about him. Like "maybe he will come around". YOU R WASTING YOUR TIME with this dick! MOVE ON
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Dec 05, 2012 9:22 AM GMT
    Chill out man, you need to take a break from this dude! Your way of thinking is really unhealthy, distance yourself for a while before you end up hurting yourself anymore.
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    Dec 05, 2012 9:22 AM GMT
    Lustolove saidOh you didn't do anything wrong. This is just gay faggotry. He just isn't in to you and you need to get over it. Stop thinking about him and MOVE on. I wouldn't even friend a guy like this if he said to me let's be friends, I'd say, "I already have enough friends-bye bye" and I would never talk to him again. There is NO HOPE of him changing his mind. MOVE ON!!! I know it's painful, but, that is how the dating world goes. Your friends are right, stop obsessing with this guy who won't give you the time of day and find someone WHO WILL!
    You CANNOT be friends with him because you have created too many fantasies about him. Like "maybe he will come around". YOU R WASTING YOUR TIME with this dick! MOVE ON


    +1
  • Jayblazin

    Posts: 2

    Dec 05, 2012 10:17 AM GMT
    Everything your friend said and everything said here are true. You have to move on. There was one like him for me too. I just knew he would come around one day me right and would prove them wrong. So I actually counted they days. Lol ridiculous right? Well that's what my friends would say when I called them singing "the twenty-second of loneliness," a line from TLC's song creep. As depressing as it seems. You'll get to the point where you will lose track, count them out of curiosity and then think. I'm doing so much better. I just celebrated day 365 with my friends. They couldnt believe it was a year this past Nov. And I couldn't believe how much energy I saved once I stopped obsessing.
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    Dec 05, 2012 10:24 AM GMT
    cast love spells he will go bananas over you
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    Dec 05, 2012 10:39 AM GMT
    You already know the answer here - just stop contacting him and stop thinking about him. Eventually your crush will fade away. In the alternative, you could get a gun, kidnap him, take him to a lake in northern Saskatchewan, keep him tied up, and force him to have sex with you. Since he has rejected you, that's about your only way to get him to "love" you.
  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Dec 05, 2012 1:08 PM GMT
    HikeSwimSkiSF saidYou already know the answer here - just stop contacting him and stop thinking about him. Eventually your crush will fade away. In the alternative, you could get a gun, kidnap him, take him to a lake in northern Saskatchewan, keep him tied up, and force him to have sex with you. Since he has rejected you, that's about your only way to get him to "love" you.


    The alternative doesn't seem too bad icon_evil.gif
    JayblazinEverything your friend said and everything said here are true. You have to move on. There was one like him for me too. I just knew he would come around one day me right and would prove them wrong. So I actually counted they days. Lol ridiculous right? Well that's what my friends would say when I called them singing "the twenty-second of loneliness," a line from TLC's song creep. As depressing as it seems. You'll get to the point where you will lose track, count them out of curiosity and then think. I'm doing so much better. I just celebrated day 365 with my friends. They couldnt believe it was a year this past Nov. And I couldn't believe how much energy I saved once I stopped obsessing.


    I counted the day as well 6 more days and it's going to be exactly one month.

    @Kriss, It's easier said then done, I think i fell hard for this guy, he was my first guy crush and he walked me out of the closet so he has become one of my significant memory.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Dec 05, 2012 1:52 PM GMT
    dear diary, today i saw his face in my oatmeal...
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    Dec 05, 2012 2:11 PM GMT
    calibro saiddear diary, today i saw his face in my oatmeal...

    Now make a mold of it so you can recreate it later!!! icon_surprised.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2012 2:19 PM GMT
    There was a time when thinking too much about someone was cute and endearing to me. Then come expectations, reality, communication, and inevitably disappointment from all that hyped thinking.
    Nowadays, if the guy and I can't even get enough courage to talk to one another, actually if I can't I try to get over it... icon_neutral.gif
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    Dec 05, 2012 3:06 PM GMT
    I would go to the nearest full-size mirror, hold my right wrist with my left hand, and slap my face forcefully and continuously until reality sinks in.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Dec 05, 2012 3:21 PM GMT
    It's called hormones. Get well and truly drunk for three days in a row and it will pass.
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    Dec 05, 2012 3:23 PM GMT
    s1lovesyou saidSo I already posted about this guy that i met 2 months ago. I had a really huge crush on him and we went out for a month before he told me that he just wanted to be friends. I respect his decision and back away and we remain friends. It's been almost a month now but I kept thinking about him, I don't know why i keep texting him, looking at his pictures and memories kept popping up. I miss him like 24/7 which is not healthy.It actually hurts so much to think about him and everytime I just want to be with someone so i can forget about him ( again, this is really bad and unfair for the other). I kept asking myself what I did wrong? though everyone told me that there is nothing wrong with me, i'm sure there is and I want to ask him that but i'm afraid it will bring me only pain and sorrow. Everytime i talk to him it made me feel that there is hope of him changing his mind ( though i don't think so). I've talked to my bestfriends and everyone told me to stop contacting him, delete his number ( I did but I have it ingrain in my brain), delete all messages from him etc... I think they gave up on telling me to do that cuz i failed everytime. To be honest, I just want to be friend with him but everytime i see him or in contact with him then i lost all my rational and I just want to be with him. I know what i should do and don't but i just can't do it, or just in denial. Sorry for the long post but i just wanted to get this out of my chest.


    OP is this guy white?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2012 3:30 PM GMT
    LJay saidIt's called hormones. Get well and truly drunk for three days in a row and it will pass.




    If it sounds like a chemical addiction it is . The easy way to fix it is to reset with another guy ASAP. It has to involve hot sweaty sex for the hormones to kick in and reset your brain.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Dec 05, 2012 3:33 PM GMT
    JJGreen said
    Lustolove saidOh you didn't do anything wrong. This is just gay faggotry. He just isn't in to you and you need to get over it. Stop thinking about him and MOVE on. I wouldn't even friend a guy like this if he said to me let's be friends, I'd say, "I already have enough friends-bye bye" and I would never talk to him again. There is NO HOPE of him changing his mind. MOVE ON!!! I know it's painful, but, that is how the dating world goes. Your friends are right, stop obsessing with this guy who won't give you the time of day and find someone WHO WILL!
    You CANNOT be friends with him because you have created too many fantasies about him. Like "maybe he will come around". YOU R WASTING YOUR TIME with this dick! MOVE ON


    +1


    +20

    best answer yet-thread over!!
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    Dec 05, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    Aggieboy said
    s1lovesyou saidSo I already posted about this guy that i met 2 months ago. I had a really huge crush on him and we went out for a month before he told me that he just wanted to be friends. I respect his decision and back away and we remain friends. It's been almost a month now but I kept thinking about him, I don't know why i keep texting him, looking at his pictures and memories kept popping up. I miss him like 24/7 which is not healthy.It actually hurts so much to think about him and everytime I just want to be with someone so i can forget about him ( again, this is really bad and unfair for the other). I kept asking myself what I did wrong? though everyone told me that there is nothing wrong with me, i'm sure there is and I want to ask him that but i'm afraid it will bring me only pain and sorrow. Everytime i talk to him it made me feel that there is hope of him changing his mind ( though i don't think so). I've talked to my bestfriends and everyone told me to stop contacting him, delete his number ( I did but I have it ingrain in my brain), delete all messages from him etc... I think they gave up on telling me to do that cuz i failed everytime. To be honest, I just want to be friend with him but everytime i see him or in contact with him then i lost all my rational and I just want to be with him. I know what i should do and don't but i just can't do it, or just in denial. Sorry for the long post but i just wanted to get this out of my chest.


    OP is this guy white?
    What difference would it make if the crushee were white instead of asian?
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    Dec 05, 2012 3:44 PM GMT
    Stop being dramatic and let the op answer the question
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    Dec 05, 2012 4:28 PM GMT
    LJay saidIt's called hormones. Get well and truly drunk for three days in a row and it will pass.

    I did this two weeks ago - it didn't work.

    What started to work was work itself. I worked a full - LONG (10 hours) hard day Monday on my feet constantly busy with orders and the next day even if the guy I'm obsessing about is in the background, he was faded and I felt great. icon_cool.gif
  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Dec 05, 2012 6:33 PM GMT
    Aggieboy said
    s1lovesyou saidSo I already posted about this guy that i met 2 months ago. I had a really huge crush on him and we went out for a month before he told me that he just wanted to be friends. I respect his decision and back away and we remain friends. It's been almost a month now but I kept thinking about him, I don't know why i keep texting him, looking at his pictures and memories kept popping up. I miss him like 24/7 which is not healthy.It actually hurts so much to think about him and everytime I just want to be with someone so i can forget about him ( again, this is really bad and unfair for the other). I kept asking myself what I did wrong? though everyone told me that there is nothing wrong with me, i'm sure there is and I want to ask him that but i'm afraid it will bring me only pain and sorrow. Everytime i talk to him it made me feel that there is hope of him changing his mind ( though i don't think so). I've talked to my bestfriends and everyone told me to stop contacting him, delete his number ( I did but I have it ingrain in my brain), delete all messages from him etc... I think they gave up on telling me to do that cuz i failed everytime. To be honest, I just want to be friend with him but everytime i see him or in contact with him then i lost all my rational and I just want to be with him. I know what i should do and don't but i just can't do it, or just in denial. Sorry for the long post but i just wanted to get this out of my chest.


    OP is this guy white?


    no, he's not white. But i don't think it makes any differences.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2012 7:07 PM GMT
    Hey OP, so sorry to hear what you are going through.
    TBH I think you already know the answer of what you need to do, it seriously does just come down to strengthening your willpower to get him out of your thoughts.

    Firstly, you really do need to stop seeing this guy. Like do not literally physically see him because as you said it make's you go all gaga again and rationality is out the door.
    Also, it's probably best to not text or contact him either but since you have his number memorised, I'm not sure exactly what you can do about it.
    Is he a good friend? If he is, maybe if you were to say that you're going to need some time away without giving out particular reasons as to why (unless you're happy to) he can respect that.

    To get over this guy, you need to give it the time but it won't happen if you don't stay away from the guy.
    To tell you the truth, if it helps, just temporarily for a time, focus on things that you don't like or hate about him. Even little things just so you can use that to help start creating the distance necessary for you to heal, but don't go overboard lol and completely hate his guts.
    If not, find something that demands alot of your time and attention and put it all on that so you have less time to think about him.

    Anyway wish you all the best. Hopefully I gave at least alright advice, just thought to give examples of how you can do something instead of just saying what to do. I just figured sometimes when you know what to do, the hardest part is not knowing how to go about it so I just thought incase that's what you're experiencing to try help you from that angle.
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    Dec 05, 2012 7:11 PM GMT
    Yeah no break this guy off. He's giving you crazy mouth.
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    Dec 05, 2012 7:15 PM GMT
    ERay saidHey OP, so sorry to hear what you are going through.
    TBH I think you already know the answer of what you need to do, it seriously does just come down to strengthening your willpower to get him out of your thoughts.

    Firstly, you really do need to stop seeing this guy. Like do not literally physically see him because as you said it make's you go all gaga again and rationality is out the door.
    Also, it's probably best to not text or contact him either but since you have his number memorised, I'm not sure exactly what you can do about it.
    Is he a good friend? If he is, maybe if you were to say that you're going to need some time away without giving out particular reasons as to why (unless you're happy to) he can respect that.

    To get over this guy, you need to give it the time but it won't happen if you don't stay away from the guy.
    To tell you the truth, if it helps, just temporarily for a time, focus on things that you don't like or hate about him. Even little things just so you can use that to help start creating the distance necessary for you to heal, but don't go overboard lol and completely hate his guts.
    If not, find something that demands alot of your time and attention and put it all on that so you have less time to think about him.

    Anyway wish you all the best. Hopefully I gave at least alright advice, just thought to give examples of how you can do something instead of just saying what to do. I just figured sometimes when you know what to do, the hardest part is not knowing how to go about it so I just thought incase that's what you're experiencing to try help you from that angle.

    Can I also add that this includes his profile on Facebook or whatever social media he might be using? Avoid looking at his picture at all costs or anything thats on there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    You can't control your emotions our how you feel about someone... But you can decide the way you want to act about it..

    I had the same problem with a guy I dated a few years ago... I really tried to be friend with him because I didn't feel like losing him... But I couldn't do it.. And I don't think that I will be able to get over him.. This is why I decided to stop seeing him.. I couldn't be his friend... , it was too hard for me..

    Sometimes it's better to close the door and simply walk away