Keeping Honest and Strong

  • FLMatman

    Posts: 15

    Dec 05, 2012 12:14 PM GMT
    Ever since I lost 35 pounds, started working out again, becoming physical active by practicing my BJJ judo on the mats and working on my boxing skills in the ring (laughs), and hitting the weights in the gym, I have met an amazing guy who we match up to every traits and checkpoints in our desirable lists in our heads.

    However, I am the one who wants to take 'Nestea plunge' in commitment and relationship as he wants to take it slow and easy because he has been burned in previous relationships. Plus, he just got out of his recent disaster relationship three months before he met me. On my end, I am trying to prove his trust and commitment by introducing him to all of my family members and friends at holiday events and social situations (I.e tailgate). Everyone thinks that he is an awesome catch for me because it balances me in calming down my raging Type A personality and mellowing me. Finally, the sex is awesome as we are attracted toward each other with strong sexual desires and wants.

    Now, my troubles are other guys out there who will not give the time of day back eight months ago. On Sunday, we went to see the movie 'Lincoln' together and afterwards we went to use the restroom as we were ready to burst from drinking a large diet Coke. In the bathroom, I was being scope out by six guys waiting in line while using the urinal with my boyfriend in the next closed door stall. I do appreciate the remarks and flirting especially 'he must have been a Marine'; 'another bubble butt wrestler', and 'his package must be healthy because it took a long time to relieve himself'. I must have turned five shades of blushing red. Plus, all six guys were very handsome and attractive.

    Now, my dilemma is going out in public and looking attractive in dress (I.e. preppy and muscular). I am like my dad who is a good dresser and likes to show off his assets but I am faithful. It is becoming very hard to turndown their aggressive advances especially the public ones while waiting in a line for an academic transcript at my alma mater community college or shopping for some grocery items at Publix. I am willing to follow by my boyfriend direction in a slow and easy relationship but I am being temped with aggressive advances. How, do you stay strong?
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    Dec 05, 2012 12:51 PM GMT
    Hey their, DEMatman! Welcome to RJ! Thanks for taking the time to write out your post.

    Now for your dilemma. I don't know if I'd be the best to give out advice but I'm going to try anyway and others will chime in as they will. Understand in the long haul what you're getting yourself into when you feel like giving in to sexual advances. Wanting sex is a natural, primal, thing. Regardless if you're in a relationship or not you will see other people out and about that you might want to do sexual things to or vise versa. I see no problem with that as long as it's simply in your head and you don't act on your actions. If an open relationship is your thing that's okay too.

    Think of the trade-offs here. You met a really awesome guy who wants to take it slow. Things could turn out very awesome for you guys as you seem to click well and who knows what could happen if you just stick with it.

    On the other hand you have these sexual advances. Say you give in. Was it worth it for a couple of minutes of pleasure? Ask yourself that question before you feel like giving in. Chances are these guys would just fuck you and dump you. Sounds like a waste of your time in my opinion.

    Good luck,

    Josh
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Dec 05, 2012 5:55 PM GMT
    Josh as a great point that he brings up in that all of this extra attention from other guys is just lust. If you can take a compliment as it is, then you'll be better for it.
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    Dec 06, 2012 4:14 AM GMT
    I agree with Stratavos; it is just lust. Take that charge back to your boyfriend and use it there instead. They are purely physical compliments. Enjoy them as a critique for How far you have come!
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    Dec 06, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    Are you sure you will love him after he becomes fat? Well going back to basic... differentiate the meaning of love, commitment and lust? Honesty also does not mean you are committed to prolong relationships, it can also be a hidden lust to satisfy one's pleasure the reason many people hide and once caught, lie happens...
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Dec 06, 2012 5:25 AM GMT
    my_cactus_HEART saidAre you sure you will love him after he becomes fat? Well going back to basic... differentiate the meaning of love, commitment and lust? Honesty also does not mean you are committed to prolong relationships, it can also be a hidden lust to satisfy one's pleasure the reason many people hide and once caught, lie happens...


    Do you see becoming fat as inevitable? When I was young, people told me that I'd become fat as I grew older; I did not let it happen.

    Although physical appearance isn't everything, surely its a good idea to remain attractive for one's partner. Now, if only I had a partner....
  • FLMatman

    Posts: 15

    Dec 06, 2012 5:57 AM GMT
    Josh, Stratavos, and Outlands

    Your comments are most appreciated as you have made some excellent points. A five minute fuck does not turn into a long lasting relationship because it is cheaper than an one-night stand. Josh, yes ... It is good to think in your head but I should not perform or act on the dirty deed with another guy. What I want out off life is a commitment based upon love and truth.

    Today, the guy that I am seeing went away for a 10 day vacation out of the country. Today, I drove him to the airport which he kissed me before he went inside the terminal. This 10 day vacation of his was planned before I arrived on the scene.

    I don't want an open relationship because it is not my preference. The lust part will not fulfilled and improved me as a person.

    What I do want is him in bed next to me and seeing each other get gray and older. Your postings have made a lot of sense and help!

    Thank You
    J T
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    Dec 16, 2012 8:43 AM GMT
    FRE0 said
    my_cactus_HEART saidAre you sure you will love him after he becomes fat? Well going back to basic... differentiate the meaning of love, commitment and lust? Honesty also does not mean you are committed to prolong relationships, it can also be a hidden lust to satisfy one's pleasure the reason many people hide and once caught, lie happens...


    Do you see becoming fat as inevitable? When I was young, people told me that I'd become fat as I grew older; I did not let it happen.

    Although physical appearance isn't everything, surely its a good ideaadolescentn attractive for one's partner. Now, if only I had a partner....


    Attraction is basically catching your attention from your weakness... that is what you don't have (insecurities) will surely make things out to satisfy own's pleasure and would surely making a hit to please others and draw attention. But physical and sexual attraction is superficial for me... in a relationship, what really counts to prolong relationship is more of the emotional attraction which develops as mutual understandings and "sparks" of once a friend leveling to commitment. Your real character is the reason if both of you last long or not - the test for adjustment and it never ends. Have the chance to know a person and not about on the physical aspect because it's really a basic thing since adolescence and a good right sign is that you are no longer in fear of trusting him. Well thanks for your quote and quote and Mr. Gentleman. Remember that this post is very basic and self-explanatory. Have a time to read about relationships if you are still giving importance to physical attractiveness.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 16, 2012 6:08 PM GMT
    That's all fine and dandy, FLMatman. Sounds like you and your man are on your way to a relationship. I just have one question:

    ....

    Where the hell do you live that you have a gang of men cat-calling you inside a movie theater? What kind of potential sex-scene set from a bad porn was this place? AMC Leather 12 multiplex? The silver screens at Seeding square? The Oink-Oink 8 at the turnipike?! :p