Post Break-up Depression

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 06, 2012 8:01 AM GMT
    Recently got dumped by the guy I was seeing it was getting serious and I was really falling for him...so getting dumped hurt, a lot.

    How do you guys deal with the break-up depression, the empty feeling inside, the loneliness of the bed, the random things that make you cry, the unanswered questions, and getting out of the funk you are in.

    Know time helps, and I'm slowly getting better. Weeks are hard since I work the night shift and all my friends are in bed asleep by the time I get home so don't really have anyone to talk to or do anything with. I make sure to get out on the weekends and do things I enjoy and try to keep my mind off him.

    Any suggestions other then let the time pass?
  • spacemagic

    Posts: 520

    Dec 06, 2012 1:47 PM GMT
    Spend time with friends and family. Try new things you wouldn't have before. Talk about what's on your mind. Eat healthy, work out, get plenty of sleep. Remove your ex from your friends/ contact lists and/or block his posts on Facebook (for the time being). Watch funny TV shows and movies. Allow yourself to experience your feelings but try not to dwell. Keep a journal. If you stay busy, you won't notice the passage of time as much and you'll start healing.
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    Dec 06, 2012 4:58 PM GMT
    Be physically active. Helps with ordinary depression as well. Take up running, swimming, jogging, rowing, or something of that sort, were the physical activity is constant. The physical exercise helps with the depression, and the constancy of what you are doing can keep your mind from thinking about things that you should not be thinking about now. Try exercising to the point of exhaustion - then sleep.
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    Dec 06, 2012 5:00 PM GMT
    a new bf always helps
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    Dec 06, 2012 7:36 PM GMT
    ^ Trust me this last guy was a miracle in itself, can't remember the last time a guy hit me up or wanted to date so not even going to get into that sad game for awhile.

    My ex removed me from everything of his as well as he could...anther nice blow.

    I already live a healthy lifestyle but have lots of time to think....quite job and I think when i exercise anyway so does not help keep my mind off things. Does help with sleeping some at night.

    Weekends are fine since I can see my friends and family then and always make it a point to go out and do things I've been putting off since I met him and could not due to the fact I was spending time with him.

    The weeks are the problem
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    Dec 06, 2012 7:47 PM GMT
    I know it's a cliché, but often it just boils down to time. You will simply start thinking about him less with time.

    Maybe pick up a book? That always acts as a good distraction for me.
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    Dec 06, 2012 7:53 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear you're going though this but I think most people will agree that time is the only thing that gets you through. In the meantime, all you can do is try to be as busy as possible doing things that keep your mind occupied. Whatever hobbies or distractions you enjoy, double down and really go at it. Get lots of sleep and eat as healthy as possible.
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    Dec 06, 2012 8:06 PM GMT
    Ok seriously what is with the eating thing, do most people start eating unhealthy or something when they get depressed. I'm eating better now then when I was with him. I love to cook so I make myself as well balance dinner every "night", eat a full and nutritious breakfast, pack a hardy lunch with a proper snack for my break at work....what do most people do, start going out all the time...ew....
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    Dec 06, 2012 8:25 PM GMT
    TheCelticFury saidOk seriously what is with the eating thing, do most people start eating unhealthy or something when they get depressed. I'm eating better now then when I was with him. I love to cook so I make myself as well balance dinner every "night", eat a full and nutritious breakfast, pack a hardy lunch with a proper snack for my break at work....what do most people do, start going out all the time...ew....


    Yes, some people get very depressed that their stress levels are out of control. The adrenal glands secretes too much cortisol, causing a spike in blood sugar and the response is to eat food that is usually unhealthy. I've known several women who have gained a lot of weight just from a breakup.

    It's good to know that you are maintaining healthy eating habits. Not everyone has your strength. With that said, I believe another strength you can control is a positive outlook of your future. As time passes by, so will your feelings for this guy.
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    Dec 06, 2012 8:41 PM GMT
    There's two things that always help me
    (And I have a VAST amount of experience in moving on)

    1 - Fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
    2 - Make peace with the fact that: It wasn't a personal short coming, a deficiency, a fault, a personal problem, a fear of intimacy or that he wasn't ready for a relationship. The reality is that he didn't want one with you.

    The last part is the hardest pill to swallow, I know because I've been the recipient and the one who administers it. It's neither good nor bad, it's just life and the way relationships work. Sometimes your the fly, sometimes your he windshield, it is a universal law of dating that must be accepted.

    It seems so painfully personal an affront but in a much broader sense, it's not. because it's not even about you, it's about him.

    Once you make peace with that universal law it makes moving on much easier because you will quit replaying the "what if" scenarios. And those scenarios serve you no end. You deserve to be with someone who values you, appreciates you and has the same desire to be a part of your life.

    *Anything else is settling for less than you deserve*
    That guy, is much, much less than you deserve.
  • mmnt

    Posts: 69

    Dec 07, 2012 1:18 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear. Only time will heal. I've been there and know how painful it can be and it takes a toll on you. Forget it and that means he's not meant to be the right person.

    Jog, exercise, lift weights to keep your mind off of it.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Dec 07, 2012 1:23 AM GMT
    Morale and happiness are all about hope. Pay attention you managers at work with morale problems! There has to be the potential for you, in your mind, for something better to happen in the future. You have to believe that there will be an even better guy around the next corner.

    If you're only thinking about what you left behind you'll be sad. That's normal. Image which one of the hot guys in your life could be your next man, and fantasize a bit, at it will all come back.
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    Dec 07, 2012 1:32 AM GMT
    TheCelticFury saidOk seriously what is with the eating thing, do most people start eating unhealthy or something when they get depressed. I'm eating better now then when I was with him. I love to cook so I make myself as well balance dinner every "night", eat a full and nutritious breakfast, pack a hardy lunch with a proper snack for my break at work....what do most people do, start going out all the time...ew....


    Well that's good because personally, when I get down, I tend to eat shit. That eating ice cream after a break up cliché, yeah- that's real.
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    Dec 07, 2012 1:37 AM GMT
    The gym and my headphones were always there for me.
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    Dec 07, 2012 1:39 AM GMT
    TheCelticFury saidAny suggestions other then let the time pass?
    Nope, time is the only thing that can heal wounds, unless you have some sort of futuristic neurological Neosporin.
  • Just_Tim

    Posts: 1723

    Dec 07, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    I'm not looking forward to any of this. icon_neutral.gif
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Dec 07, 2012 2:58 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    TheCelticFury saidAny suggestions other then let the time pass?
    Nope, time is the only thing that can heal wounds, unless you have some sort of futuristic neurological Neosporin.

    ^^^ When my partner died I felt so dead inside, I thought I'd never come back. Grieving is grieving, a healing process and it does take time. You can distract yourself from it by various means but the ache is still there. Until it isn't anymore.
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    Dec 07, 2012 3:12 AM GMT
    Almost lost my mind once cause of it, but usually brush it off and walk away. Never mixing dogmas with romance ever again... if that ever happens. Pleasantries aren't so bad. Like gently passive insults to the brain. Maybe I'm a wuss for not wanted to be insulted over and over, even in jest. Idk... icon_confused.gif
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Dec 07, 2012 3:26 AM GMT
    Don Julio shots until you can't even remember your own name! Always works for me.
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    Dec 07, 2012 3:45 AM GMT
    great_scott saidDon Julio shots until you can't even remember your own name! Always works for me.
    Ooh, got some strong drink upstairs... dammit, will have to wait til Sunday, what everyone else calls, "Friday".
    friday-meme.jpg
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    Dec 08, 2012 5:14 AM GMT
    Wish I could help you.... but, it has been so long since I've been in a position to actually break up with someone, I couldn't tell you a damned thing about it!!! 12 years single, and (trying) not to count..... icon_redface.gif
  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    Dec 08, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    Breakups are never an easy thing to deal with, but things can and will get better for you. This is what worked for me:

    Realize the facts...

    ... You are never alone. There are many more who care for you than those who don't.

    ... You are not the first, nor will you be the last to go through this. Others can and will empathize with you.

    ... Good came from your situation and you grew, despite it ending. Give thanks that even for a little while that you had someone to call your boyfriend. Take that good and embed it in your heart, It'll grow,

    ... You are the one person who is uniquely you. Across the entire expanse of humanity from beginning to end - there has never been, is, and never will be another you. Somewhere, someone will appreciate that.

    Allow yourself to grieve, but don't let it drown you. As you recover, find others who may be experiencing disappointment or hurt and relate to them. Turn the negative and heartbreak against itself in helping someone else - it's massively therapeutic.

    Be encouraged and hopeful. You deserve to be.
  • He_Man

    Posts: 906

    Dec 08, 2012 5:44 AM GMT


    Oh, man! I so now how you feel. I just went through this myself. I spent a year giving my ex everything just to find out that he is a complete sociopath lacking emotions and uses people for everything, not to mention his internet porn addiction and online cheating... But, that's a whole different topic.

    I find revenge works quite well. You could always leave a severed horse's head in his bed, or boil his household pet. icon_twisted.gif

    Haha.. No, really, I hate to say it, but, yes, it is going to take some time to heal from the emotional wounds. I was severely depressed for over two months. I would sleep all day, only getting up for work, working out, etc. I felt like I wasted a whole year of my life pursuing someone that was so heartless and that could so easily throw me to the curb the way that he did.

    The key is to stay busy! Join a group or volunteer, but do not let yourself be alone. That's when it gets really bad and depressing. Try to help other people because that will take your mind off of your own drama and heartache.

    My only other suggestion is to be REALLY careful not to rebound. From personal experience, I met someone within a month of my breakup, and I confused my depression and lonliness with feelings for this new person. I tried to turn this new friend into a boyfriend because I felt so alone and vulnerable, but I was not even close to being healed from the previous trauma. It's not fair to the new person, plus we really need to work on ourselves before attempting to bring in a new relationship.

    Keep loving, though, and never let a bad experience make you jaded. Love even though it hurts. Love like it's the first time you've ever experienced it. icon_biggrin.gif

  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 08, 2012 7:05 AM GMT
    I've never actually be dumped ... but I would go out and have a good .. and forget what's his name ... oh ya ... who was that guy again?
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Dec 08, 2012 7:38 AM GMT
    I myself got out of a relationship not too long ago. 3 years of being with someone. I forced myself to be around friends and family. I felt the more I was alone the more trouble it would cause. I found people I trusted to talk about the situation and it made me feel better. I also made sure I asked the questions in the right way so I could get the kind of feed back I wanted from him so I could get the closure I needed. It's tough, even though as you read this it might sound easy, it is still very tough. One day at a time.