I just..... I just need a friend

  • collegeguy

    Posts: 21

    Dec 10, 2012 6:02 AM GMT
    So my home life has been spiriling downward. My brothers addiction to meth has really affected the family......

    I share a room with him. I tried so hard to keep up with my college courses but my family doesn't care about my education. & they don't care what he does b/c they have their own rooms & I'm expected to watch him...



    I asked my mom " don't you care that I can possible fail college & that my brother needs help."

    She said "I DOnt care anymore, besides I don't share a room with him."


    I'm tried so hard to keep up with my classes... But it my attempts were for nothing. I failed.

    I feel so lonely & trashy. I tried helping my brother as much as I could... But he betrayed my trust & still kept using, despite all the times I offered help; I literally had the rehab center on the phone & all he had to do was make an appointment he said ok but he ended up saying to the rehab people on the phone " I don't have a problem, my family does b/c they're all crazy!"

    So I told my month at if she doesn't do anything that i"ll get a restraining order against him, whether or not she likes it. Because I'm not his babysitter anymore.

    He's 23yrs old & I'm 19

    I've no one to talk to.
  • reptile18

    Posts: 199

    Dec 10, 2012 6:04 AM GMT
    Awww.... Hugs.
  • collegeguy

    Posts: 21

    Dec 10, 2012 6:14 AM GMT
    reptile18 saidAwww.... Hugs.



    A hug would be awesome
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 10, 2012 6:16 AM GMT
    That sucks ... sorry to hear you are going through such difficult times. Keep studying and get out as soon as you can. You should check your campus paper and see if anyone is looking for a roommate, maybe you can get a part time job that would not interfere with your study or a work study program at the college that will allow you to afford a place with a couple other college roommates. It sounds like you are really interested in studying, so that is great. Sometimes life throws you some really hard curve balls, but they will make you strong and keep telling yourself, "and this too shall pass".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2012 6:17 AM GMT
    while i realize this sounds harsh, have him busted! it could be his only salvation, and yours...
    sorry you have to go thru this... all the best!
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 10, 2012 6:24 AM GMT
    Having him busted or getting a restraining order are both bad advice. People on drugs, especially meth, are not thinking right. He could come after you and try and kill you. Just do your best to get out of the house as soon as you can. If your parents won't do anything about him, it is not your responsibility to do it. And if you do, don't ever let him know where you have moved to.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 10, 2012 6:30 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidThat sucks ... sorry to hear you are going through such difficult times. Keep studying and get out as soon as you can. You should check your campus paper and see if anyone is looking for a roommate, maybe you can get a part time job that would not interfere with your study or a work study program at the college that will allow you to afford a place with a couple other college roommates. It sounds like you are really interested in studying, so that is great. Sometimes life throws you some really hard curve balls, but they will make you strong and keep telling yourself, "and this too shall pass".


    Good advice.

    I'll just add that you can't dig your brother out of his hole. He'll have to take responsibility for himself. Meth is the most toxic of all hard drugs, but people do quit and stay off it forever. The best you can do is NOT follow in that same path.
  • collegeguy

    Posts: 21

    Dec 10, 2012 6:38 AM GMT
    Here's the twist.... I have adhd & prescribed adhd medicine...



    I feel so bad even taking the medicine now...
    That's another reason why it's difficult to study...


    But I'll never be addicted to it, especially by seeing him.


    Also he's gotten a 5150, which is a 72hr mandatory hold, b/c he actually grabbed scissors and a big piece of cement to hurt us with b/c he wanted money & we didn't give him any, so we called the cops. But again after thy he was let Back in the house
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2012 7:27 AM GMT
    the only way to save ur trashy brother is calling help from rehab,made him get treatment and stay there,like seriously,u dun know when he is going to lose his damn mind and having illusion all around him,then he might go all crazy on u and hurt u,CALL NOW!!

  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Dec 10, 2012 2:10 PM GMT
    Get Out & Don't Look Back !!
    (You still have time, loads of time to finish school.)
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Dec 10, 2012 2:17 PM GMT
    hug me and I'll give you 10 hugs , deal ? icon_wink.gif
    cheers up man !
    It's hard to find a very-good-friend but there're so many good-friends out there...
  • thatirishbast...

    Posts: 3523

    Dec 10, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    If you're still in the house when you're reading this, you're moving too slow.

    Get out now. As fast as you can. It's hard to hear this, but your family is completely toxic. They are poisoning your life and your future.

    I'm sure your college has housing options, or knows of housing options. They want their students to succeed. That's how they make money.

    My advice is to ignore all those people who are telling you to call rehab, turn your brother in, try to get him help. That's not your job, kid. He's a grown man. It really, really sucks, but it's time for you to abandon his sinking ship.

    If you're still in the house when you're reading this, you should be packing. You've got some time before the next semester starts after the holidays to sort things out. Maybe you'll only be able to take a couple classes. You may need to get a part-time job. But staying in that house is a cement block tied around your ankles preventing you from taking the small steps forward into your future.

    Leave now. Good luck. We're all thinking about you.

    Keep us updated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2012 2:58 PM GMT
    Your brother can only change if HE wants too. Forcing him will only make him bitter and he may retaliate. If you really desire a change, you are going to have to change YOU and your situation. Get out now!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2012 3:12 PM GMT
    They teach you in lifeguarding that you should only go out and rescue someone if you are certain you're not going to become a casualty yourself. Because 2 drowned people is worse than 1. You'll have more leverage to help him once you are out of there, believe me.

    Once you have moved out, by all means try to help them, they're your family and despite that change only comes from within, a push in the right direction can make a world of difference. Good luck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2012 3:12 PM GMT
    OP - you are in an unhealthy and potentially dangerous environment. It's great that you recognize the situation and have asked for advice. That's not the easiest thing to do.

    I know some of the advice here seems harsh but there is no easy way out of a bad situation. You need to put some distance between yourself and your family that engages in negative behaviors. I find it very troubling that your mom seems to have given up on the situation. This has to be hard for her and your relationship but you have to save yourself if nobody else will.

    Do not feel bad about taking your medication. You have your own life and your own problems to work out. Don't feel ashamed or selfish to focus on your life and the pursuit of your goals. I'm sorry that you will have to leave your mom with him. And it sucks that he is going to make his life and family miserable. But you have to get out, focus on your needs, and make your own life.

    Look for a roommate or even a couch to crash on. You need distance from this.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 10, 2012 3:25 PM GMT
    collegeguy saidHere's the twist.... I have adhd & prescribed adhd medicine...



    I feel so bad even taking the medicine now...
    That's another reason why it's difficult to study...


    But I'll never be addicted to it, especially by seeing him.


    Also he's gotten a 5150, which is a 72hr mandatory hold, b/c he actually grabbed scissors and a big piece of cement to hurt us with b/c he wanted money & we didn't give him any, so we called the cops. But again after thy he was let Back in the house


    ADHD medication is corrupting your whole generation. I really hope the politics get pushed aside and people start to own up to the fact that synthetic performance enhancers hurt people in the long term. They ALWAYS crash and burn.

    Personally, I think you and your brother should get off the meth/ritalin bandwagon. Maybe smoke weed if you need to chill out.
    Smoking pot is safe and has been used by a great many of history's innovators. For instance, Bill Gates was smoking weed when he invented the iPhone, and the same goes for Tolkien when he penned THE LORD OF THE RINGS. icon_smile.gif

    Anyone who tells you otherwise is spewing old Nancy Reagan rhetoric.
    And she was certifiable.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2012 3:37 PM GMT
    Try to get out that environment as soon as you can. You seem like a bright kid so do what you can to get yourself an education and try finding a part time job. It won't be easy but you'll be stronger.

    *hugs*
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 10, 2012 4:05 PM GMT
    Well to begin with... congrats for making the effort to help your brother and for your input with your family.. to help and to be an effective part. I don't think you need (or should) sacrifice your future with any of this and I am
    stunned by your mother's behavior (but sometimes in challenging situations good people spiral downhill... your mother included).

    My suggestion is that you seek help at school. See a counselor at school and explain whats up and that your education is very important to you and that you don't know what to do. YOU WILL GET GOOD INPUT!
    Please make the effort and don't give up on your college education!

    Also please let us know how you are doing. We do care!

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2012 4:21 PM GMT
    collegeguy saidSo my home life has been spiriling downward. My brothers addiction to meth has really affected the family......

    I share a room with him. I tried so hard to keep up with my college courses but my family doesn't care about my education. & they don't care what he does b/c they have their own rooms & I'm expected to watch him...



    I asked my mom " don't you care that I can possible fail college & that my brother needs help."

    She said "I DOnt care anymore, besides I don't share a room with him."


    I'm tried so hard to keep up with my classes... But it my attempts were for nothing. I failed.

    I feel so lonely & trashy. I tried helping my brother as much as I could... But he betrayed my trust & still kept using, despite all the times I offered help; I literally had the rehab center on the phone & all he had to do was make an appointment he said ok but he ended up saying to the rehab people on the phone " I don't have a problem, my family does b/c they're all crazy!"

    So I told my month at if she doesn't do anything that i"ll get a restraining order against him, whether or not she likes it. Because I'm not his babysitter anymore.

    He's 23yrs old & I'm 19

    I've no one to talk to.


    That's rough... I've dealt with addiction in my family too. Do you work? Maybe you should consider taking a semester off so you can move and reestablish yourself. You need to remove yourself from that environment.
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Dec 10, 2012 4:27 PM GMT
    hairyandym saidwhile i realize this sounds harsh, have him busted! it could be his only salvation, and yours...
    sorry you have to go thru this... all the best!


    This is a good suggestion. I lived through a similar situation with my brother but his drug of choice was alcohol. Every time he got arrested my parents bailed him out asap. He went through rehab multiple times and each time was back to drinking within a week or so after rehab. He died in a car crash late one night when he crashed into another car while he had a .28 BAL(three and a half times legal). He was just out of rehab at the time and of course he had been telling us that he was sober at the time he crashed. Thank god his passenger and everyone in the other car lived. I wish my parents had been a little harder on him and let him sit in jail for a while on some of his previous arrests, maybe that would have helped.

    OP, can you move to a diferent bedroom or move out of the house? Don't make things any easier for your brother - make things HARDER for your brother - it may be the thing he needs to motivate him to get help.
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Dec 10, 2012 4:37 PM GMT
    One more thought: If your parents want to help your brother they also need to make things HARDER for him, not easier for him. They need to kick his ass out of the house unless he agrees to go to rehab. You and your family can not support him in any way (emotionally, financially, etc) until he goes to rehab. You and your parents and anyone else in the family need to go to Nar-anon (not Narconon!) to learn how to help your brother while maintaining your own health, safety and sanity.


    Click below to find a location near you:
    http://www.nar-anon.org/naranon/
  • sanders8719

    Posts: 2

    Dec 10, 2012 4:44 PM GMT
    Hey buddy,
    I sincerely apologize about your current situation, and I know I can only help so much being on a blog or whatever this contraction is, but you are more then welcome too email me or chat with me to get more advice. I work with health promotion and intervention with drugs, nicotine, alcohol, and suicide prevention so I do understand the hardships that you might have endured, and what endeavors are to come. First off, you have to start coming to the realization that this is not yours or your brother's fault. Addiction is a disease not a inconvenience, and I would like to see someone be ashamed or judgmental if your brother suffered through cardiovascular disease or cancer. With that being said you can try to persuade him until your blue in the face, but ultimently this has to be his decision. What I suggest though is to write him a letter letting him know how you feel. Then create boundaries for yourself, cut him off until he changes his behavior.

    Your more then welcome to email me or chat me, and i can continue to give you advice. BUT first you have to do me a favor. At your school you have a counseling service that provides free services to students. I am an officer in reserves and I have gone and found it very helpful when I need to shoot the shit.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Dec 10, 2012 8:20 PM GMT
    People who are dealing with serious addictions won't see how low they have sunk till they have hit rock bottom, as other guys have said its best to turn him in. Think of it as helping him no matter how he would think it looks. Better that he is in jail or rehab where he can get the help he needs and less of a chance killing himself while on the drugs.

    If you can't bring yourself to do that, find some way to move out. You shouldn't have to live in a situation like that.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Dec 10, 2012 8:26 PM GMT
    I've lived with an addict. My (now) ex-wife. I couldn't save her. You can't save your brother. All you can do is save yourself. Get out. Get a job. Keep one foot in your education or you'll never finish your degree. Start by talking to a councillor at school. They've seen and heard it all. There may be something they can do to help with housing, tuition, etc. Probably is. Ya gotta start somewhere so try this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2012 8:46 PM GMT
    Whatever you do, don't give up and don't quit school. For a 19-year-old kid, you exhibit the sort of character, maturity, and strength that will take you to places. This may be difficult to imagine now given your current circumstances, but I can tell that you will be a great success in the future. There are people who care, and all you need to do is to open up and talk to them. You can even email me and I'd be more than happy to listen. Be strong, you're not alone.