virginity question, need advice. long post, sorry.

  • swtc55

    Posts: 2

    Dec 11, 2012 3:43 PM GMT
    i'm pretty sure i don't want a boyfriend. i'm just at a weird place in life and i feel like having a boyfriend would be a distraction so i made a profile on adam4adam.

    i've always fantasized about being with an older guy and for the past couple days i've been chatting with this guyon the site-i'm 21 and he's 50. old enough to be my dad but handsome and fit. i'm a virgin but i kind of want to hook up with this guy. maybe even have sex.

    do you think i'll regret it? should my first time be with a boyfriend? is it supposed to be "special?"

    to complicate matters i recently met this guy my age. he's not my usual type, but he's really cute and sweet and so funny. we've been talking on fb for a couple days and the conversation is so natural and also flirty. he says he's also a virgin.

    the problem is i still think i don't want a boyfriend. that and the guy my age lives 5 hours away. but he's visiting a friend in my hometown soon. i feel insane for not wanting to date this guy. if i have sex with the older guy, am i giving up on something that could be really special? like two boyfriends losing their virginity together? is "virginity" a big deal to other gay guys?

    how did you lose your virginity? do you regret your first time? what should i do? sorry this is so long any input is welcome. icon_confused.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 11, 2012 3:47 PM GMT
    21 and a virgin makes you an old maid in gay years.
  • swtc55

    Posts: 2

    Dec 11, 2012 4:06 PM GMT
    HottJoe said21 and a virgin makes you an old maid in gay years.


    i know well i don't care much about that. i know i'm not the only one. like for instance the guy my age is still a virgin.
  • reptile18

    Posts: 199

    Dec 11, 2012 4:19 PM GMT
    swtc55 said
    HottJoe said21 and a virgin makes you an old maid in gay years.


    i know well i don't care much about that. i know i'm not the only one. like for instance the guy my age is still a virgin.


    how much do know about the 50 year old? I'd approach with extreme caution... I don't believe hookups are morally wrong, but there are a lot of safety things you might want to consider...
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 11, 2012 4:24 PM GMT
    swtc55 said
    HottJoe said21 and a virgin makes you an old maid in gay years.


    i know well i don't care much about that. i know i'm not the only one. like for instance the guy my age is still a virgin.


    Maybe you'll be ready for a boyfriend after the mystique of your virginity is gone. For a lot of people, sex is better with someone they trust and care for. That's been (mostly) my experience, anyway.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Dec 11, 2012 4:25 PM GMT
    The problem I have with questions like this is that in my mind the word "sex" covers a lot of territory. Think of straight couples dating. They can "make out," even "pet," and get into "heavy petting," and still, technically remain virgins.

    I think gay guys get a little confused about this sometimes. One can have all sorts of pleasurable erotic experiences but save 'butt fucking' for that special occasion or special guy. It just sort of depends on what one wants, what one feels comfortable with.





  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2012 4:28 PM GMT
    Your first time should be with someone who you can trust. Not just with anybody. Just saying
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 11, 2012 4:29 PM GMT
    MikeW saidThe problem I have with questions like this is that in my mind the word "sex" covers a lot of territory. Think of straight couples dating. They can "make out," even "pet," and get into "heavy petting," and still, technically remain virgins.

    I think gay guys get a little confused about this sometimes. One can have all sorts of pleasurable erotic experiences but save 'butt fucking' for that special occasion or special guy. It just sort of depends on what one wants, what one feels comfortable with.







    I agree. I was giving/receiving bj's with my buds in seventh grade, but I didn't have buttsex until high school.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2012 4:39 PM GMT
    Your profile says you're 55.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 12, 2012 12:27 AM GMT
    Virginity is whatever you make of it. If you want sex, but not a boyfriend, then go for it, may be best for you.

    I'm a virgin, but I'm still waiting for the right guy. That's just my view though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 12, 2012 12:36 PM GMT
    Longest non-answer in the history of RJ follows. icon_biggrin.gif

    Ultimately no one here can really answer your question, because it comes down to your values and how you think you should share yourself sexually with another person.

    If you fuck both these guys or neither of these guys it is of no consequence. What matters is whether or not you are happy with the choice you made in the context of what you want for your life.

    That said, sometimes making a decision ... even the wrong decision ... Is the way we figure out the answers to the above. Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 12, 2012 1:03 PM GMT
    swtc55 saidhow did you lose your virginity? do you regret your first time? what should i do? sorry this is so long any input is welcome. icon_confused.gif

    I lost it through deliberate planning & selection of the guy, and doing it on my terms. I'd attempted anal soon after I came out, but the guy was big and I couldn't relax enough, hurting me. He was considerate and stopped before he had penetrated me. That scared me away from it, and since other forms of sex satisfied me I put anal out of my mind for the next 5 years.

    But I got interested again, and in the meantime had a FWB I sometimes slept with, who had a smaller-than-average dick. He was versatile and bottomed with me, but I asked him if he'd top me and end my virginity. He agreed to my terms of condom only, being slow & gentle, lots of lube, and stopping if I said stop. I felt I could trust him.

    To me it was just a functional act of finally popping my cherry, not a big emotional commitment sort of thing. I just wanted to get it over & done with, as smoothly & painlessly as possible, to make me of interest to other guys who'd often want a bottom first & foremost.

    And so he was my first, a great experience. He fucked me 3 times that night in different positions, and again the next morning. I was so enthusiastic, thrusting energetically right back at him, that he questioned whether I was truthful about being a virgin.

    I know some guys have a bad first experience, but mine was the best, again because I wanted it, planned for it, and chose an experienced guy with a small dick. You can always graduate to something bigger, but first time may go best if you start small and work up. At least it did for me. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 12, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    If I were you, I'd peruse the guy your own age. You will have plenty of time to hookup with older guys in the future. I just think you will have an easier time relating to the guy your own age. Good luck,
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 12, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    unfounded7 saidYour profile says you're 55.



    OOPS...Busted!
  • Trauts

    Posts: 1012

    Dec 12, 2012 2:06 PM GMT
    rondan said
    unfounded7 saidYour profile says you're 55.



    OOPS...Busted!


    LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 12, 2012 2:09 PM GMT
    Younger guys I think are interested in me cus they feel more secure than with a douchey young dude that is just horny and does know what he is doing. First time gay sex is not exactly easy.,
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3755

    Dec 12, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    I hooked up with a guy who was a model. Didn't realize it until in person, his profile pictures were not too great. But yeah, really good lookin guy who was 32
    Oh and you are 21, don't hook up with someone more than 20 your age. I put my limit at about 32.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2012 5:14 AM GMT
    I would say be careful with the 50 years old. I don't mean to judge but that is kind of outside the social norm. I am not sure if he has other intention or he is even safe to have sex with. Do you want to lose your virginity that bad? I would say becareful who you sleep with. HIV can happens in a night of mistake.