Do you view every hookup as a potential bf?

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 11, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    After you are done having/enjoying sex with a trick; do you wonder if he is "potential bf material"?


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  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Dec 11, 2012 4:32 PM GMT
    The question as asked confuses me.

    Hook ups are one thing. Dates are something else.
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    Dec 11, 2012 4:44 PM GMT
    I know what you mean. And yes, most guys I hook up with I can see the possibility of them being a potential BF. Of course I soon realize that most aren't in reality, but it still won't deter me from having sex again with them in the future.

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    Dec 11, 2012 5:10 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidOf course I soon realize that most aren't in reality, but it still won't deter me from having sex again with them in the future.



    Does that mean you're still having sex with the Palm Beach guy?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 11, 2012 5:21 PM GMT
    I don't hook up ... I gave that up a long time ago ... if a guy doesn't make it past the first date then there is not likelihood for a connection. I really don't like hookups, they leave me feeling, well, sort of gross. Besides at my age, the hookups are not going to be those hot looking beefcakes of yester year ... so why bother?
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    Dec 11, 2012 6:00 PM GMT
    I think that some of us when we were younger, believed that every guy we liked and met were candidates of a termed relationship. That concept stemmed from our youthful idea of being hopeful romantics. Unfortunately for many, that reality is a facade, including me.

    As I aged, I learned to separate my emotions from physical needs. I became quick to tell a hookup that the fun was over and he needed to leave. I'm glad that chapter in my life is done and I found a guy whom I believe I'll spend the rest of my life with.

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    Dec 11, 2012 6:47 PM GMT
    unfounded7 said
    jmusmc85 saidOf course I soon realize that most aren't in reality, but it still won't deter me from having sex again with them in the future.



    Does that mean you're still having sex with the Palm Beach guy?


    I stopped having butt seks with him because he...

    A) lived too far
    B) wasn't that great anyways. Smelled like pot.


    He's not a very good example. I was boinking this typical South Beach muscle douche a few times. Total circuit tool but great in the sack. I don't think we can ever be partners but he is a fun lay.

    Lol. Actually he is an HIV counselor. I don't know if that makes him the best HIV counselor ever, or the worst....icon_eek.gif
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    Dec 11, 2012 6:50 PM GMT
    rnch saidAfter you are done having/enjoying sex with a trick; do you wonder if he is "potential bf material"?

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    Of course. Or I did when I was still single. Naturally most weren't, but I ran them through my sorting machine just the same, as a matter of routine.
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    Dec 11, 2012 6:56 PM GMT
    After 3 failed relationships I have to come to realize that I have no clue what BF material even looks like... and I have quit hooking up, so my mind doesn't get to daydream about whether or not the torso from grindr could be the next Mr. Dudewithabeard.
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    Dec 11, 2012 7:01 PM GMT
    No.

    BF candidates are subject to the 90 day rule. (Or at least nine days!)
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 11, 2012 7:26 PM GMT
    atxd13 saidNo.

    BF candidates are subject to the 90 day rule. (Or at least nine days!)


    What is this rule? Could you elaborate?
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    Dec 11, 2012 8:23 PM GMT
    No, I only see them as my new future ex. icon_wink.gificon_smile.gif
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    Dec 11, 2012 8:39 PM GMT
    rnch saidAfter you are done having/enjoying sex with a trick; do you wonder if he is "potential bf material"?


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    actually sometimes. as weird as this is, I used to have a no-hook up rule and would only go on dates... then I stopped and realize that I'd probably had just as much luck with relationships stemming from hookups as anything else, so now I keep an open mind.
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    Dec 11, 2012 9:36 PM GMT
    Sure, why not? Of course, the consideration only lasts for five minutes or so. The ones with real potential all seem to live far away and are only in town for a couple of days.
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    Dec 11, 2012 9:37 PM GMT
    Not really
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    Dec 11, 2012 9:53 PM GMT
    homastj saidactually sometimes. as weird as this is, I used to have a no-hook up rule and would only go on dates... then I stopped and realize that I'd probably had just as much luck with relationships stemming from hookups as anything else, so now I keep an open mind.

    I don't find it weird you changed. I was always evaluating guys, no matter how I met them (when I was still single). And getting a guy into bed was a great way to "evaluate" him, I don't care if he was a bar trick or not.

    I may not understand some of this discussion, but I don't exclude from consideration guys to whom I haven't been formally introduced, and with whom I haven't had a proper date first. A guy lying naked next to me in bed is a perfectly fine introduction, as far as I'm concerned, no matter how he got there.

    And I had a couple of LTRs start just that way. Each ended because they ultimately wouldn't be monogamous, and that's an absolute requirement for me. But otherwise they were great guys in different ways, I had no regrets. On the contrary, I have some great memories I wouldn't trade for anything.

    Plus, I gotta say, having tricks can be fun in itself, whether anything lasting comes of it or not. Seems to me you get the best of both worlds: plenty of (safe sex) action in bed, and more chances to sample potential keepers. Worked for me. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 11, 2012 9:55 PM GMT
    rnch saidAfter you are done having/enjoying sex with a trick; do you wonder if he is "potential bf material"?


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    That only happened to me once and it didn't end well.

    I learned then everything has it place. Some people are good for just sex while others are good for more than that. We all have phases of our lives when we are one of these two people.
  • Camz03

    Posts: 91

    Dec 11, 2012 9:57 PM GMT
    Haha yeah I definitely did for a long time. My friends started calling me a serial dater - I tried dating every guy I hooked up with.

    Got over that because it never really worked... Now I'm more open to just hooking up and I'm a lot happier, but that being said, there is definitely room for a hook up to lead to something more.
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    Dec 11, 2012 11:36 PM GMT
    PR_GMR said
    atxd13 saidNo.

    BF candidates are subject to the 90 day rule. (Or at least nine days!)


    What is this rule? Could you elaborate?


    No sex for the first 90 days of dating. Just talking but you're not exclusive. You can play with fb's (if your ethics allow).

    Next 90 days you can fuck but you're exclusive.

    After that its time to decide if its worth pursuing or quit it. Titles are needed after this point.

    I've never made it the full 90 days but I've tried following the general principle. You should be able to go through a couple sexless dates with someone if they are really a match. If its only about sex then it *might* not be the best start to a relationship...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 12, 2012 12:02 AM GMT
    I get that character assessment done very early in the first encounter. After it's done my assessments are already justified and confirmed.
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    Dec 12, 2012 7:47 AM GMT
    .For me, this is a past tense question, since I am in a mono LTR. I don't have any experience in the "hooking up," as guys do today, since my sexual career ran its course before the existence of Grindr, a4a, etc, where guys get instant sex via cell phone. Almost every guy was someone I met in a bar, late at night, after I got to know him for a little while. Unless it went badly for one of us, we usually spent the whole night together. I would not have gone home with them in the first place, if I had not thought there was some potential for continuing relationship - so, in a sense, I made a judgment as to whether they might be potential bf material, before we had sex. If I just wanted quick NSA sex, I would just go to the baths instead. I know guys who formed ltr's after a grinder hook up and after meeting at the baths. Anything is possible, depending upon how selective you are in choosing a hookup.
  • 1blind_dog

    Posts: 376

    Dec 12, 2012 8:32 AM GMT
    PR_GMR said
    atxd13 saidNo.

    BF candidates are subject to the 90 day rule. (Or at least nine days!)


    What is this rule? Could you elaborate?


    I'm assuming it's like working for a corporate business that won't start paying for benefits like health insurance until after 3 months of employment and they want to keep you. They're just not going to give you the benefit of the doubt until you prove you're worth keeping around.
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    Dec 12, 2012 9:08 AM GMT
    dudewithabeard saidAfter 3 failed relationships I have to come to realize that I have no clue what BF material even looks like... and I have quit hooking up, so my mind doesn't get to daydream about whether or not the torso from grindr could be the next Mr. Dudewithabeard.


    This, basically.
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    Dec 12, 2012 9:17 AM GMT
    when i used to hookup i never viewed them as potential BFs after the deed.

    Potential boyfriend requires more than good in bed and interests outside of the bedroom.

  • RollDontWalk

    Posts: 187

    Dec 12, 2012 10:26 AM GMT
    Damn. This thread gives me depressing thoughts about my future.