Lonely and depressed...

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    Dec 12, 2012 11:57 PM GMT
    I really don't like to make such depressing threads, and this isn't me whining or complaining about how bad I have it, so save your "there are people who have it worse than you out there, grow a pair!!!" posts for another thread please. I just feel like I need to vent, and I really don't have anyone in my life who I feel completely comfortable talking to about this...

    But anyway, I just feel so emotionally drained. Part of me just feels like crying, but I'm not a cryer so I just suck it up and try my best to put a smile on and act as if nothing is bothering me.

    I don't have any friends, except for 1, and she has her own problems and stuff so it's not like she is really able to help me. I'm just so confused about my life, and I'm just sick of being so lonely. I go to school and work most of the weekend, so it's not like I even have much time to get out there and meet people and try to socialize.

    I still am kind of confused about my sexuality, and even though I'm pretty sure I am gay (although I am attracted to certain girls at times), I just feel like I'll never be able to fully embrace who I am. No matter how much anyone tells me it's ok, that they don't look at me or love me any differently...I still won't be able to accept myself 100%. Aside from that, I'm also confused about my career path and what type of job I want (This is my 5th year in college and I still haven't graduated, because I've changed schools/majors so many times, and I'm still not sure if this is what I really want). Being that I'm in school, I don't have much of a choice except to live at home with my Mom and brothers, and my Mom is dating a guy who I just can't stand. He makes me very uncomfortable in my own home, and no matter how much I tell my Mom she just doesn't care...I really don't have anywhere else to go, and I don't make enough money to live on my own.

    I just feel so trapped and I feel like I'm slowly drowning in quick sand. I feel like I'll be lost in life and alone forever, I just can't see my life getting any better or anything changing. I'm not suicidal or anything, but if someone were to tell me that this was my last week on earth, I probably wouldn't even care very much.

    I just don't know what to do...like I said, I try my best. I don't lay in my bed and cry and have a pity party for myself. I get up every day and do what I have to do. I try my best to make changes and improve my life, but somehow the loneliness and confusion gets me every time.
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    Dec 13, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    The Amityville ghost is haunting you. You must move, or else be dragged into the next Amityville sequel.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Dec 13, 2012 12:40 AM GMT
    FWIW, these feelings you're having are common among guys in your age group -- especially gay guys. I've only been on this forum a month or so but I've seen several similar posts. Each are unique but similar in certain respects. I know I went through something like this when I was about your age.

    I think it is important to reach out to people and if it helps to spill your guts online then go for it. On the other hand, I think it is important to learn to communicate with people in real life. If you can find a counselor or someone who is willing to just listen to you vent, so much the better.

    Our lives change when we change inside. Part of it is just growing up but part of it is learning new social skills, new ideas, new behavior patterns and habits, etc. The real question is, what do you want -- and just as importantly, how come you don't know that already? What is it that gets in the way of you feeling your own self-worth and value? What inhibits your excitement?

    Begin to discover some answers to questions like this and you'll move out of your stuck place. It's weird but that's how it works.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Dec 13, 2012 12:46 AM GMT
    I''m also struggling with accepting my sexuality. I am currently seeing a school counsellor. I've only had one appointment but after telling her what I've been dealing with the last 5 years (at least) of my life it felt SO much better. I will have 4 more sessions to vent to her and she will try to let me see that judgements and selfperception are two different things. Look for help, professionally. It's ok if you do.
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    Dec 13, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    Daelin saidI''m also struggling with accepting my sexuality. I am currently seeing a school counsellor. I've only had one appointment but after telling her what I've been dealing with the last 5 years (at least) of my life it felt SO much better. I will have 4 more sessions to vent to her and she will try to let me see that judgements and selfperception are two different things. Look for help, professionally. It's ok if you do.


    I do see a social worker/therapist sometimes, but probably not as often as I should...
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    Dec 13, 2012 3:03 AM GMT
    steelguitar said
    Daelin saidI''m also struggling with accepting my sexuality. I am currently seeing a school counsellor. I've only had one appointment but after telling her what I've been dealing with the last 5 years (at least) of my life it felt SO much better. I will have 4 more sessions to vent to her and she will try to let me see that judgements and selfperception are two different things. Look for help, professionally. It's ok if you do.


    I do see a social worker/therapist sometimes, but probably not as often as I should...

    Do more. LIke...every week. 45 minutes. Feels SOOOO good. And it's free at school. After you graduate, you have to pay for it and it sucks royally when you're also struggling to find a job. You still have x amount of YEARS with one. I personally only had a few months and now I'm shelling out $50 a week for one - which is low for a therapist.
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    Dec 13, 2012 3:41 AM GMT
    I would recommend counseling at your school. It is just a way to vent your feelings and to redirect your thoughts. I go to counseling just to have someone to talk to.

    I understand where you are coming from. I transfer to different school and locations so I had a hard time building friendship. It is hard to make friends especially when you are busy with school work and there are not that many people around that what you want (depends the type you are looking for I guess). If you want superficial people, they are everywhere.

    Whatever you are feeling, you are not the only one. It is not a good feeling but you have to remember that does not last. A gay life is hard a lonely, but that doesn't mean you can't find things that you love in life. I think it is more about soul searching and to find who you really are as a person and what is it that you want in life. I would say use this time and find what really matters to you, whether it is activity or dating.

    If anything it is a challenge. Face it with all you got, grow up and emerge as a new being that you are capable of.
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    Dec 13, 2012 4:01 AM GMT
    waterloonicetop saidjoin a club or volunteer place where you are forced to interact with people. MAKE the time, if you have time to notice your mothers boyfriend you have time to not be at home.

    is there a coming out discussion group at your school? if there isnt, start one. doesnt have to be professional, just guys sitting around talking and sharing (and a good meat market too)

    everyone has time for stuff, make the time.


    How is he gonna start one if he doesn't know any one.........but at the same time....is he not living in New York
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    Dec 13, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    Try to find a hobby that you enjoy whether it is exercise, chess, etc. You'll meet other people with similar interests and make some friends.

    Also, if you feel like you are being productive at something, that can help lift your mood or just give you something to do if you are bored.

    I try to channel any negative energy I have into workouts, paintballing, or going to the shooting range, etc.

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    Dec 13, 2012 6:59 AM GMT
    Daelin saidI''m also struggling with accepting my sexuality. I am currently seeing a school counsellor. I've only had one appointment but after telling her what I've been dealing with the last 5 years (at least) of my life it felt SO much better. I will have 4 more sessions to vent to her and she will try to let me see that judgements and selfperception are two different things. Look for help, professionally. It's ok if you do.
    OMG dude, I had no idea! You have my undying support, and I applaud your action to seek counseling.

    *hugs* icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 13, 2012 7:12 AM GMT
    Steel:

    Don't let those things hang you down. I struggled with my sexuality for many years when I was in undergrad. One of my biggest life savers was surrounding myself with friends (gay and straight) that were there to listen to my problems. Ironically, I met a friend online and eventually we lived in the same city and are to this day best friends. If it wasn't for him, I don't think I could have gotten through my personal struggles. I think the biggest thing is having optimism, while learning how to build yourself with self-confidence. I lacked self-confidence because I felt I was ugly and useless. Once I overcame those difficulties, I was able to make more friends and actually got healthier/more fit than I have ever before. I still have moments where I struggle, but I call my lifeline (friends) that help me through it. It's not specific help, but no one can have a specific answer. Life is too complicated for simplicity.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Dec 13, 2012 3:54 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Daelin saidI''m also struggling with accepting my sexuality. I am currently seeing a school counsellor. I've only had one appointment but after telling her what I've been dealing with the last 5 years (at least) of my life it felt SO much better. I will have 4 more sessions to vent to her and she will try to let me see that judgements and selfperception are two different things. Look for help, professionally. It's ok if you do.
    OMG dude, I had no idea! You have my undying support, and I applaud your action to seek counseling.

    *hugs* icon_biggrin.gif


    haha, thanks icon_smile.gif Support is always good! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 13, 2012 4:10 PM GMT
    Have you tried Fukitol?
  • SomeSiciliano...

    Posts: 543

    Dec 13, 2012 4:12 PM GMT

    I really can not add to much to the good advice up there but just wanted to throw some more empathy you way. My job has forced me into new cities where I knew few people (if any). I know that the sense of isolation can feed on itself. The key to making the best out of things has always been getting out of my head and finding social or service organizations that pique my interests.

    Being a full time student I know you do not have a ton of time on your hands. But setting a commitment, even a few days or hours a month, can make a difference. Approach it with managed expectations....you may not expand your social circle 100 fold, but I made some intimate connections that have lasted for years. Thought rarely prompts change an action but action will always lead to thought and change.

    Be well. This time of year is tough on lots of people. The expectation of 'joy' during the holidays coupled with dark and cold days suck. I can assure you that you are not alone in your struggle.
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    Dec 13, 2012 4:54 PM GMT
    Thanks guys...luckily, my co-payment to see my therapist is only $20 so it's not major money. And my Mom usually will help me out with that if I'm broke and I need to go. Thankfully I have an appointment today lol.
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    Dec 13, 2012 5:06 PM GMT
    I am so glad you will be able to work with a therapist regularly. It sounds like you are doing so much right in terms of trying to make things better for yourself. Having a therapist to talk to may very well help make it easier for you to tolerate where you are right now and also help you find ways to move ahead. Nice work!
  • Whymim

    Posts: 10

    Feb 15, 2013 2:24 AM GMT
    cheer up =)
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    Feb 15, 2013 5:44 AM GMT


    "..I still won't be able to accept myself 100%."
    It seems to me this is the crux of the problems you're experiencing.

    Why you can say that, as you have another 60 years ahead of you, where experiences compound themselves and change your perspective, is a complete and utter mystery to me. icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 15, 2013 5:53 AM GMT
    The zero friends thing really puts a kicker into depression mode. That's probably something you should try to focus on because even if you're dealing with the gay issues, having a good relaxed time with friends makes a world of difference.

    As people have suggested, try to make time to get out there and meet people. Sport leagues, hobbies, etc.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Feb 15, 2013 5:58 AM GMT
    Steel, I'm hoping that things are looking up for you by now. The therapist is a really good move.

    Just another idea to explore: Go to your regular primary care doctor and ask him to look for anything physical that may be affecting your moods and outlook. I recently went for a checkup and my doctor found my iron level was the lowest it has been in three years. Have been on iron supplement for about a month and am starting to feel much better. Iron is really not something to self medicate, so don't just go start taking it, but do be sure you look at all sides of your health with a doctor's help.
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    Feb 15, 2013 5:58 AM GMT
    Every time I see a thread like this, it makes me wanna go to youtube and search for:


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    Feb 15, 2013 11:20 AM GMT
    At least you are not denying your feelings and your situation, which sounds genuinely distressing.

    Seek and accept help would be my advice, and be kind to yourself.

    You have insight into what is troubling you, and that is a start.