Does this only happen to me?

  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Dec 13, 2012 4:59 AM GMT
    Ok, so I've met people online and we talk. I normally don't let my guard down so i am very cautious not to invest any hope/emotion in these people (since i have never met them). Although, what annoys me the most is that when i seem to least responsive, they seem to care and put in so much efforts to talk to me. Like i would get alot of texts with emoticons and such, and after awhile i thought oh well they seem like a nice person so I start giving them my attention and BOOM! Gone, they just either stop replying or barely reply to my text.I don't understand what is going on!! Urg, why do i have to go through these situation and it happens so many times and I'm just stunned. Like really, i have no idea what is wrong with me!? I guess i should just stop paying attention to them....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2012 5:04 AM GMT
    Yep. Never heard if this before in my life. Must be something wrong with you. May I suggest heterosexuality?
  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Dec 13, 2012 5:14 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidYep. Never heard if this before in my life. Must be something wrong with you. May I suggest heterosexuality?


    Yeah i just can't figure out what is wrong with me yet. cuz this happens too often. I think I might give off a bad vibe or sth, or they just know that i'm not up to hook up? I have no idea but it's kinda frustrating.
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    Dec 13, 2012 7:43 AM GMT
    If you read many threads on this site, you will find a lot of similar complaints. If you try going to actual telephone calls, after a couple of texts, a lot of guys won't like this, and they will drop off more quickly, but then they weren't worth talking to anyway.
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    Dec 13, 2012 4:28 PM GMT
    We all like what we can't get. Guys tend to seem competitive on achieving some response. It's the 'playing hard to get' syndrome. I would suggest you continue to do what you're doing, except when you do respond, after a couple of short and spaced out replies, ask them out to meet for coffee. Like Hiker said, if they drop, you don't want them anyway. Great method of weeding out those that aren't really serious.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 13, 2012 4:33 PM GMT
    I would hope you just got a crappy crosssection there and that sooner or later you will find several that reciprocate. Sorry to hear you have had such a time.

    icon_mad.gif
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    Dec 13, 2012 5:57 PM GMT
    This might sound harsh but you'll get used to the "BOOM, gone." Case in point, I've only been on this forum site for about 6 weeks and I've spoken to 4 guys. Only 1 of them I've continued to have a conversation with. I won't hold my breath for the other 3 but if they decide to suddenly "re-strike" a conversation, I'll reciprocate. I'm too much of a nice guy to ignore anyone.

    Based on your original post description, I'd say you're not doing anything wrong and as someone already said, keep on doing what you're doing. You will eventually find a guy or two who will be glad to be speaking to you.
  • joxguy

    Posts: 236

    Dec 13, 2012 8:35 PM GMT
    Here is my thought, maybe when you all of sudden decide, well let me start on going communications, you go over board. I stopped doing the text thing with guys I mee on line, because once we like make a connection, they like text me every five minutes. I find that a pain in the ass so I cut it off quickly.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Dec 13, 2012 8:40 PM GMT
    I think it's part hard to get and the other part is them just wanting attention. I had a friend who only wanted my attention when his love interests werent around to give it to him. It is not your fault. You are perfectly fine. When you try to get someone it never hurts to play a little hard to get. It helps you see if they are willing to go an extra step or two to spend time with you and get to know you. Be prepared for them to do the same. It can make things exciting, but never let the whole getting to know you process be all chase. It isn't fun and it's tiresome. So if this happens again, don't waste your time with them.
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 04, 2013 12:39 AM GMT
    This happens all the time. Many are just "testing the waters" online, and don't plan on meeting up even though they sound really eager in their messages and texts. How far they keep up the pretense and lead on the other guy depends on how vile the character is...
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jan 04, 2013 12:51 AM GMT
    In addition to the 'testing the waters' crowd there are some who do this just for the thrill. Once the shiny wears off they drop whoever it is they are talking to and go on to another.
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    Jan 04, 2013 12:56 AM GMT
    You have to meet BEFORE you invest unfortunately otherwise people fill in the blanks based on THEIR experiences and THEIR emotions. If you both have profiles online, 2-3 emails should be enough to set up a date. Text only to set up a date. The date is your shot chance to truly interact and learn about each other. Otherwise, you're dogging paddling thinking that you're swimming. Meet quickly if their is mutual interest.

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    Jan 04, 2013 12:59 AM GMT
    Too many emoticons is highly suspicious
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    Jan 04, 2013 1:13 AM GMT
    Myol saidIf you both have profiles online, 2-3 emails should be enough to set up a date. Text only to set up a date. The date is your shot chance to truly interact and learn about each other.


    This is exactly what I do icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 04, 2013 1:53 AM GMT
    Myol saidYou have to meet BEFORE you invest unfortunately otherwise people fill in the blanks based on THEIR experiences and THEIR emotions. If you both have profiles online, 2-3 emails should be enough to set up a date. Text only to set up a date. The date is your shot chance to truly interact and learn about each other. Otherwise, you're dogging paddling thinking that you're swimming. Meet quickly if their is mutual interest.


    I'm just really weird. Meeting someone in real life is a big deal, and most of the time I'm not looking for that. It would take more than 2-3 emails or a few texts to drag me out to meet someone, no matter how cute.

    I once chatted with a guy as friends for a FULL YEAR before meeting in person. What I feared ended up happening. We agreed to have a coffee, but we spent the entire afternoon/night hanging out. And within a few weeks, we were bf's. When we broke up, we lost the friendship and haven't talked since.
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    Jan 04, 2013 2:01 AM GMT
    Myol saidYou have to meet BEFORE you invest unfortunately otherwise people fill in the blanks based on THEIR experiences and THEIR emotions. If you both have profiles online, 2-3 emails should be enough to set up a date. Text only to set up a date. The date is your shot chance to truly interact and learn about each other. Otherwise, you're dogging paddling thinking that you're swimming. Meet quickly if their is mutual interest.



    This. Get it to "in real life" in a public place quick. Or, I'm moving on.
  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Jan 04, 2013 2:58 AM GMT
    Thanks everyone for your reply, I started doing that now. Like i don't text them casually,I either ask for skype then webcam and then maybe a few texts and ask if they want to meet up for coffee. It's been really effective for me since I don't feel invested and it wouldn't hurt me emotionally.
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    Jan 04, 2013 2:59 AM GMT
    s1lovesyou saidThanks everyone for your reply, I started doing that now. Like i don't text them casually,I either ask for skype then webcam and then maybe a few texts and ask if they want to meet up for coffee. It's been really effective for me since I don't feel invested and it wouldn't hurt me emotionally.

    Just don't dump a guy b/c he won't skype haha
  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Jan 04, 2013 3:07 AM GMT
    huhwhat said
    s1lovesyou saidThanks everyone for your reply, I started doing that now. Like i don't text them casually,I either ask for skype then webcam and then maybe a few texts and ask if they want to meet up for coffee. It's been really effective for me since I don't feel invested and it wouldn't hurt me emotionally.

    Just don't dump a guy b/c he won't skype haha


    Hahhahaha I don't lmao, but it's a good way to make sure the he is the person in the picture lmao. I just went out on a date with someone that doesn't look like the picture. (well it's him but at angles and lighting and such)
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    Jan 04, 2013 4:41 AM GMT
    huhwhat said
    Myol saidYou have to meet BEFORE you invest unfortunately otherwise people fill in the blanks based on THEIR experiences and THEIR emotions. If you both have profiles online, 2-3 emails should be enough to set up a date. Text only to set up a date. The date is your shot chance to truly interact and learn about each other. Otherwise, you're dogging paddling thinking that you're swimming. Meet quickly if their is mutual interest.


    I'm just really weird. Meeting someone in real life is a big deal, and most of the time I'm not looking for that. It would take more than 2-3 emails or a few texts to drag me out to meet someone, no matter how cute.

    I once chatted with a guy as friends for a FULL YEAR before meeting in person. What I feared ended up happening. We agreed to have a coffee, but we spent the entire afternoon/night hanging out. And within a few weeks, we were bf's. When we broke up, we lost the friendship and haven't talked since.

    Based on what you wrote, you ARE really weird, unless all you want is to jackoff online (If that's what you're into, fine, but I didn't get it.). You don't want to meet guys, and neither do you want to send emails/txts.
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    Jan 04, 2013 4:48 AM GMT
    Puppenjunge said
    huhwhat said
    Myol saidYou have to meet BEFORE you invest unfortunately otherwise people fill in the blanks based on THEIR experiences and THEIR emotions. If you both have profiles online, 2-3 emails should be enough to set up a date. Text only to set up a date. The date is your shot chance to truly interact and learn about each other. Otherwise, you're dogging paddling thinking that you're swimming. Meet quickly if their is mutual interest.


    I'm just really weird. Meeting someone in real life is a big deal, and most of the time I'm not looking for that. It would take more than 2-3 emails or a few texts to drag me out to meet someone, no matter how cute.

    I once chatted with a guy as friends for a FULL YEAR before meeting in person. What I feared ended up happening. We agreed to have a coffee, but we spent the entire afternoon/night hanging out. And within a few weeks, we were bf's. When we broke up, we lost the friendship and haven't talked since.

    Based on what you wrote, you ARE really weird, unless all you want is to jackoff online (If that's what you're into, fine, but I didn't get it.). You don't want to meet guys, and neither do you want to send emails/txts.

    I'm not jacking off with anyone online haha. And the guy I mentioned earlier, we actually emailed and IM'd each other randomly over a year. It was cool - we talked about everything and there was never any pressure to meet or be sexual. It was just good old fashioned chat.

    I will say that I met my ex online, and he demanded to meet after about 3 days of chatting. I've always had a hard time saying no to him. But for some reason, he created trust instantly with me.