I'm Afraid of Being Hurt Because I'm Gay.

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    Dec 13, 2012 6:19 AM GMT
    ALot of you know where i'm from, those who don't I live in Alabama. I am just afraid of being beat up, harrassed or ... worse for being gay.

    I have found myself in many a bad situation when I was younger, but even though I am out, I still sometimes worry if one person will take it too far.

    How do you get over this feeling. When I look in the media it seems as if someone is always getting gay bashed or whatever. I just get scared sometimes. I know how vicious people are here.

    But even if I leave AL, this happens everywhere. How do you guys deal?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 13, 2012 6:22 AM GMT
    You don't get over it, because the possibility of gay people being hurt is very real still. So you always look over your shoulder and be careful about how and who you associate with.
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    Dec 13, 2012 6:27 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidALot of you know where i'm from, those who don't I live in Alabama. I am just afraid of being beat up, harrassed or ... worse for being gay.
    Learn how to fight. Take MMA or some other self-defense class. And learn how to properly use a firearm.

    That's what saved me from the wrath of ignorant southerners. I have no regrets for the guys I shot and beat up.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 13, 2012 6:29 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    JamieJfromtheA saidALot of you know where i'm from, those who don't I live in Alabama. I am just afraid of being beat up, harrassed or ... worse for being gay.
    Learn how to fight. Take MMA or some other self-defense class. And learn how to properly use a firearm.

    That's what saved me from the wrath of ignorant southerners. I have no regrets for the guys I shot and beat up.

    That sounds scary ...you had to shoot some people? What happened?
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    Dec 13, 2012 7:10 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    paulflexes said
    JamieJfromtheA saidALot of you know where i'm from, those who don't I live in Alabama. I am just afraid of being beat up, harrassed or ... worse for being gay.
    Learn how to fight. Take MMA or some other self-defense class. And learn how to properly use a firearm.

    That's what saved me from the wrath of ignorant southerners. I have no regrets for the guys I shot and beat up.

    That sounds scary ...you had to shoot some people? What happened?
    1992...gang of fag bashers...stopped "almost dead" in their tracks by a 12 gauge shotgun.

    The funny part is the cop who showed up told me I shoulda killed them instead of just grazing them with 00 buckshot. icon_lol.gif
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    Dec 13, 2012 7:12 AM GMT
    I live in Alabama and am pretty much openly gay. I've never gotten any type of physical threat yet and out of all the people I've told, all of them have been supportive. Times are changing, Jamie! Maybe you live in a rough part? I live close to Huntsville.
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    Dec 13, 2012 7:14 AM GMT
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pink_Pistols

    Not a soul around you will think anything of you having a firearm...just part of the geography and culture.....
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    Dec 13, 2012 7:48 AM GMT
    Well, you're also African-American??

    Isn't being harassed for the color of your skin just as likely in a southern state?

    Regardless. . . Yeah, it happens everywhere ( some places more than others ), you're NEVER going to completely get away from any kind of hatred because people will always be ignorant and intolerant.

    Hopefully you don't stay in Alabama for the rest of your life ( not because of my personal views about the state, but because no one deserves to live somewhere they don't feel safe). . .
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    Dec 13, 2012 8:01 AM GMT
    So is moving not an option? Sure, you may not be able to escape potential harassment, but you can certainly reduce the chance of it happening.

    I've been out for years and haven't had a single issue with people. For some reason, in the back of my mind, I can't help but think that it's only a matter of time.....





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    Dec 13, 2012 8:41 AM GMT
    OK, after months of posting on this and related topics, you haven't figured out a thing yet? Seriously?

    Stop spinning round and round; pick up and move somewhere that is more hospitable to building a new, more positive life. Just accept it and get a move on.

    All you are doing right now is digging a deeper hole to wallow in.
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    Dec 13, 2012 3:41 PM GMT
    TIme to grow up man; you have two choices, learn to defend yourself or move to a gay friendly city.
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    Dec 13, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    intensity69 saidOK, after months of posting on this and related topics, you haven't figured out a thing yet? Seriously?

    Stop spinning round and round; pick up and move somewhere that is more hospitable to building a new, more positive life. Just accept it and get a move on.

    All you are doing right now is digging a deeper hole to wallow in.

    I wouldn't be so harsh as to use the word "wallow" but I agree this is beating a dead horse. His situation has been detailed ad nauseam, the solution evident.

    Perhaps not an easy solution for him, but I see no other. If his community will not change (and I doubt it will anytime soon - I lived in Alabama myself for over 2 years), then you seek greener pastures. You can try dealing with it, but also die dealing with it. I prefer a place where my chances of living happily are greater.

    And I can suggest plenty of places for a gay man in the US, or even in other countries, we all can. Not too many in the Deep South, but they exist even there. Just not a lot in Alabama.
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    Dec 13, 2012 4:34 PM GMT
    Simple - If you can get a permit there to legally carry a gun, get a permit, get a gun, learn how to use it, and carry it with you. If you can't, move to a more civilized location.
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    Dec 13, 2012 4:39 PM GMT
    I need to go to an Island of Paradise where all humble gays lives, life would be so much more easier!

    we can have almost anything of our own! from highly intelligent CIA ,to assassins, no one could actually touch us! icon_evil.gif
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    Dec 13, 2012 4:41 PM GMT
    HikeSwimSkiSF saidSimple - If you can get a permit there to legally carry a gun, get a permit, get a gun, learn how to use it, and carry it with you. If you can't, move to a more civilized location.

    Interesting definition of civilized, where everyone carries guns. I would have thought it's a place where NO ONE carries guns. icon_confused.gif
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    Dec 13, 2012 4:45 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    HikeSwimSkiSF saidSimple - If you can get a permit there to legally carry a gun, get a permit, get a gun, learn how to use it, and carry it with you. If you can't, move to a more civilized location.

    Interesting definition of civilized, where everyone carries guns. I would have thought it's a place where NO ONE carries guns. icon_confused.gif
    If everyone carried guns there would be no need for guns...icon_smile.gif


    And to answer the OP question- Yes and No. Am I worried about getting into a confrontation, yes I am. But most of the people who I have told and have guessed have been very supportive. I have meet some homophobs who just don't give a crap and just say what you are doing is wrong...I have yet to meet anyone who will physically harm me and I live in a ULTRA Conservative area of Georgia.

    Now I will say I am not nervous about getting into a fight. I can handle my own..I dont want to fight people because I am not a violent person at all but I will protect myself and the people around me...
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    Dec 13, 2012 4:46 PM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidALot of you know where i'm from, those who don't I live in Alabama. I am just afraid of being beat up, harrassed or ... worse for being gay.

    I have found myself in many a bad situation when I was younger, but even though I am out, I still sometimes worry if one person will take it too far.

    How do you get over this feeling. When I look in the media it seems as if someone is always getting gay bashed or whatever. I just get scared sometimes. I know how vicious people are here.

    But even if I leave AL, this happens everywhere. How do you guys deal?


    Haters are everywhere and haters gonna hate. You can get hurt for being gay, for being black, for being in the wrong place in the wrong time. Welcome to Real Life.

    You're too young to live in fear, man. Get the fuck out of the South if you can (let's face it - the deck is stacked) and then get out and live your life. It's the only one you get.
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    Dec 13, 2012 4:49 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    HikeSwimSkiSF saidSimple - If you can get a permit there to legally carry a gun, get a permit, get a gun, learn how to use it, and carry it with you. If you can't, move to a more civilized location.

    Interesting definition of civilized, where everyone carries guns. I would have thought it's a place where NO ONE carries guns. icon_confused.gif


    That would be a great life.. Unfortunately (fill in the blanks)..

    I'm one of those homo's who refuses to be harassed, and I'm quick intervene for those who are young or not so confident.... as I've posted before: BRING IT ON!!! Hand to Hand combat training... yeah, I'll avoid a fight, if possible... BUT? I'll only take it so much... Then I kick some ass and always end it with: Now go tell ya Mama/Wife/GF a FAG kicked your ass.

    P.S.. Yeah, I've lost a few but, the other guy has always come out well worn and with the hickey's to prove it!!
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    Dec 13, 2012 4:54 PM GMT
    Move to Toronto or Vancouver. We don't fear gay-bashing here.
  • Sportsfan1

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    Dec 13, 2012 4:55 PM GMT
    I completely understand your feelings. What I have done is what so many people have advised. I do not put myself in harms way. I am very careful when I go out by myself where I park my car and I try to go to places where I know there will be lots of other people around. I have been threatened by physical violence so I know the threat is there. However by being aware of the type of people around you you can take certain precautions. Also working out and projecting a strong physical presence does not hurt. Wishing you all the best!
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Dec 13, 2012 4:59 PM GMT
    I'm gonna break it down real good for you.

    1. You need to move out of Alabama.

    2. You've been miserable for months...years even, yet nothing has changed. You still are in the same exact situation as u were a year ago, still posting about the same problems.

    3. You need to just make a life-choice and decide what you're gonna do.
    A. Either accept who u are....and live your life where u are in Alabama and stop being miserable. I know Alabama is not known for it's progressive attitudes, but surely there are SOME people there that are relatively sane and you could become close to.
    B. Choose to leave behind what's holding you back. This is your one life you got. What are u gonna do with it? Live it through someone else? Live it cuz Daddy needs you? Dont u have brothers and sisters? Or are u gonna live your life for you..... because that's all u got.

    I know life-decisions are moves like that aren't easy, but neither is living in a state of misery. you're slowly killing yourself. Just fucking do something drastic if u have to. Just do it already.
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    Dec 13, 2012 5:00 PM GMT

    It's a sad, sickening and infuriatingly reality that many, many people have to live in fear that they will be attacked because of their orientation (or a host of other attributes). But it is a reality nevertheless.

    Some people have mentioned moving to a less threatening place, a great idea if you can, though unfortunately no place is completely without hateful idiots. I live on the seacoast of New Hampshire, which is a place that is, by and large, as live and let live as I can imagine. But a few years ago a boyfriend and I had a close call with a basher at an ice cream stand less than thirty miles south of Boston. I was able to bring a quick end to that situation because - after several years of self defense training - I was able to make clear that, if the would be attacker decided to try to hit me, I would put a quick end to the encounter on my terms. (One thing that always stood out to me about that nightmare is that this all happened in broad daylight in a line full of other people and no one stepped forward to help. Once it was all over a number of people came over to say they were sorry it happened and to pat me on the back for ending it. It was a reminder that we need to be able to manage these things on our own sometimes.)

    So my other advice: get some self defense training. If you want something that you learn quickly and that has a good chance of ending an attack quickly, I would recommend Krav Maga. Hopefully, you will never need to use it. Most bullies are cowards and will attack those they think they can hurt easily. Knowing that you can defend yourself and learning to carry yourself in a way that projects confidence and good awareness of your surroundings may put off some of those cowards.

    Other people have mentioned carrying a gun. If you go down that route just get plenty of concealed carry training and remember only draw your weapon if you are truly ready to aim to kill and to fire.

    tldr: maybe you should consider moving; in any case, get some self defense training.
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    Dec 13, 2012 5:24 PM GMT
    Fight back as hard as you can if that were to happen and free your mind from worrying about a hypothetical situation. Not good to live in fear. I live in Arizona so I feel ya, I used to be that way but all the hicks and rednecks I know don't care and love me, and would kill someone if they bashed me.
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    Dec 13, 2012 5:33 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    HikeSwimSkiSF saidSimple - If you can get a permit there to legally carry a gun, get a permit, get a gun, learn how to use it, and carry it with you. If you can't, move to a more civilized location.

    Interesting definition of civilized, where everyone carries guns. I would have thought it's a place where NO ONE carries guns. icon_confused.gif
    Art, you have jumped the gun so to speak - " civilized location" referred to a place where the local yokels were not vicious and hateful.
  • hawkeye7

    Posts: 565

    Dec 13, 2012 5:39 PM GMT
    McQueen saidMove to Toronto or Vancouver. We don't fear gay-bashing here.

    you do realize that Americans can't really move to Canada, I tried it.
    You have to have a preset job with a certain income and you must sign off on asking for state health care.