Open relationships? Are they really the beginning of the end?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 3:41 AM GMT
    My partner, (ueatzit) and I have been together for a while - 12 years. We were monogamous for the first 5, and then, for a host of reasons, decided to open it up a bit to include a third once in a while. We spent nearly a year mutually working out realistic "rules" we both agreed we'd follow and, while it hasn't always been easy, we've really had alot of fun, met some amazing guys and made a couple of awesome friends though this arrangement.

    Here's my question: SO many times, we've had people tell us: "Oh, your open, you don't really love each other", "Oh, you're gonna break up soon", "Oh, why cant you just be satisfied with just one guy - you're so greedy", etc. etc., and I find myself wondering, why all the vitriol? What is it about being happy but open, that offends some so much?

    For the couples in the same boat - how do you react when you hear this? What do you tell people when they say things like we've heard... just curious.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 5:09 AM GMT
    You were monogamous for 5 years, and polygamous for 7 years.

    You tell US which one lasts longer. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 5:10 AM GMT
    BTW, the best way to start the end of a relationship is to start a relationship.
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1167

    Dec 14, 2012 5:18 AM GMT
    Most gays don't know sacrifice. Some days they need person A, other days they need person B's 11-inch cock, or person C's tight ass when things with person A hit a rough patch, or person D when bored and wanting to change up the routine. They will never give up any hedonistic desires for the sake of true love.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 14, 2012 5:45 AM GMT
    whytehot saidMost gays don't know sacrifice. Some days they need person A, other days they need person B's 11-inch cock, or person C's tight ass when things with person A hit a rough patch, or person D when bored and wanting to change up the routine. They will never give up any hedonistic desires for the sake of true love.


    Sadly, this is very true. Most gays just don't want to settle down. Makes me anxious when I met someone I would like to build something with, because most of the time they just want to keep rolling and fucking everything that moves.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 5:53 AM GMT
    PR_GMR said
    whytehot saidMost gays don't know sacrifice. Some days they need person A, other days they need person B's 11-inch cock, or person C's tight ass when things with person A hit a rough patch, or person D when bored and wanting to change up the routine. They will never give up any hedonistic desires for the sake of true love.


    Sadly, this is very true. Most gays just don't want to settle down. Makes me anxious when I met someone I would like to build something with, because most of the time they just want to keep rolling and fucking everything that moves.
    Change the word "gays" to "guys."

    Our sexual orientation has nothing to do with our horniness. Males (of every species) were born to spread their seed. It's only natural to have desires of other partners. It's unnatural to dismiss those other partners as socially unacceptable.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 5:59 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidSome people are able to separate "sex" from "relationship". Others are not. Neither is right or wrong per se; it's up to the individuals in the relationship, imo.

    That said, I love trollin' OR guys.....they're usually good for some excellent butt-hurtedness, lol. icon_razz.gif
    Sometimes you can be a total asshole, and sometimes a perfect fucking angel.

    This is one of those sometimes. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 6:20 AM GMT
    Personally I think you might as well as be single if you're in an open relationship. I am a very possessive and jealous person and I couldn't deal with that kind if thing. Sometimes you've got to make sacrifices if you care about someone. But if that kind of free wheeling lifestyle works for you have at it.

    Why not just get a houseboy?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 6:30 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    paulflexes said
    yourname2000 saidSome people are able to separate "sex" from "relationship". Others are not. Neither is right or wrong per se; it's up to the individuals in the relationship, imo.

    That said, I love trollin' OR guys.....they're usually good for some excellent butt-hurtedness, lol. icon_razz.gif
    Sometimes you can be a total asshole, and sometimes a perfect fucking angel.

    This is one of those sometimes. icon_lol.gif

    What can I say....

    tumblr_m9uskmZruC1r9hy5bo1_400.gif

    icon_lol.gif
    The bible was wrong when it said "I shall not want." You obviously need to "want" more. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 8:57 AM GMT
    If you and your guy are communicating openly about your arrangement, and it is causing more good than harm, who cares what people think? There are a million reasons that someone would get on your case for being in this kind of open relationship. Just make sure you're practicing safe sex at a level that you're both comfortable with.

    These other people could be jealous that they are single while you get to experience more than one man. They could be jealous because they like you and want to possess you and be with you. They could be confused and think you're cheating. They could doubt that the two of you love each other because when they project themselves into your shoes, they cant understand how you live such a life.

    If you want some good literature on open relationships consider these books:
    "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardey
    "Open" by Jenny Block
    "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino

    My last guy and I were open, and we have both agreed that the relationship didn't end for that reason, but many others. I thoroughly enjoy watching a partner have sex in front of my eyes with another man. I only get jealous when someone is lying to me, or when someone is not satisfied, and I can tell, and they wont communicate about it. But the more communication that there is, the hotter it is to be open, for me. So enjoy it and do what works for you guys!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
    There are many reasons why people agree to an "open" relationship. Some people enter into one because they believe that it's the best option for them in light of their circumstances. For example, some guys in a loving, long-distance relationship may choose to have an open relationship because it may be the most realistic option for them. I was recently in one and I ended it recently not because of the nature of the relationship but because of other, more significant considerations. Other people on the other hand will not even consider entering into a committed intimate relationship unless it's open because they're inherently polyamorous. Still others begin with an open relationship in order to see where the relationship might lead them, with the intention of potentially converting that relationship into a committed, exclusively monogamous relationship at a later time if everything panned out. Finally, others start with a committed, monogamous relationship and then open it up after a period of time. With respect to the latter, there are a variety of reasons why people decide to have an open relationship after being in an exclusive, monogamous relationship--some may have simply lost their passion for each other; others may feel the need to spice up their relationship; etc. It is difficult, if not impossible, to judge why a particular couple is in an open relationship; only the parties involved know exactly why they're in one. It may well be a temporary bandage that will ultimately lead to final separation. It may also be simply a genuine attempt to make the relationship more interesting. Regardless of the reason, it would be presumptuous to judge people in an open relationship without fully knowing their particular circumstances. What I know is this: open relationships can work, but they require a level of sustained effort from the parties involved. And I do agree that trust in your partner, honesty, transparency, purposiveness, and a genuine commitment to communicate are critical in maintaining a healthy open relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 2:49 PM GMT
    I honestly do believe they can be the beginning to the end. Yes you set these rules but I am sure in those 7 years the rules have expanded. The boundaries will continue and who knows, one day it might just collapse. However I am sure it is different for each couple.

    All I know is that for some the open relationship works. For others being committed to one guy works.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 3:09 PM GMT
    Who care.
    There is no way to predict how long a relationship will last, monogamous or open.
    There is nothing immoral about it : nobody is abused, coerced or mislead.

    When a relationship suffer from sexual boredom, but everything else is going just fine, and none are of the possessive/jealous type, going open might be a solution, or the last attempt to fix the relationship.

    Better to become open and stay happy as couple than break up.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Dec 14, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    They don't offend me. I'd just rather have a real relationship. Open is just too stereotypical for me. But if it works for you, why even care what other folks think?
  • joey7630

    Posts: 1

    Dec 14, 2012 3:41 PM GMT
    theres a HUGE difference between wanting sex with another guy and truly loving your partner!!!

    im 3 years with my bf, live together and wana get married. i couldnt imagine being with anyone else and him the same.
    but we do have 3sums and group fun with guys who are into the same stuff as us..... i get a real thrill watching him with a guy and as its just plain old SEX theres no emotional attachment to it at all.

    Its basic human desire to wana try different things whether your gay/str8/bi or man/woman.
    u shouldnt care what other people say too, most out there thrive on gossip and more gossip! i know many couples who are many years together who have partly open to fully open rships and they TOTALLY love each other and are very happy.

    some couples would never dream of being open while others just love it. the main r'ship breakers though are those who break the rules each couple set down...... or if one wants to be open and the other doesnt.....

    in conclusion..... do what makes you happy, if you love your partner then thats all that matters..... to hell with the moaners.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 8:47 PM GMT
    Who give's a shit how others react!

    Do what ever the hell you guys are going to do and don't apologise for it or seek group consensus about an open relationship.

    As long as you aren't hurting other people in the process go do what ever the hell makes you happy!

    If an open relationship makes you both happy and you are maintaining a loving understanding relationship then no one else gets to judge you.
  • Smiling_Eyes

    Posts: 197

    Dec 14, 2012 8:55 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidWho give's a shit how others react!

    Do what ever the hell you guys are going to do and don't apologise for it or seek group consensus about an open relationship.

    As long as you aren't hurting other people in the process go do what ever the hell makes you happy!

    If an open relationship makes you both happy and you are maintaining a loving understanding relationship then no one else gets to judge you.


    Couldn't have said it better myself!

    My husband and I have been together a long time and open for 5 years. Neither of us are into casual sex so our version of openness is individual dates with other guys. I really enjoy meeting new people and the process of getting to know someone. Most often it never leads to sex; on occasion it does. My partner and I are open with each other. This arrangement works for us.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 9:02 PM GMT
    Socially we have been conditioned to buy into monogamy. As muture couples find their path to solice they should be content w/ the rules that define and determine the course of that relationship. Open communication is key and as long as both are in agreement, who's left to judge or should I say care what goes on under the roof of someone elses house.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 14, 2012 9:05 PM GMT
    Slutsicon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 14, 2012 9:06 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    That said, I love trollin' OR guys.....they're usually good for some excellent butt-hurtedness, lol. icon_razz.gif


    YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH I HATE YOU ASINP'IN'DSHNO;J/;/o;JKOJ0PMAoS0[JZJ;SEJOPMGPMNVBPMxc:LM;LM XMKM;LJLJLIJMNm/;zsjposdbmporm0['yjhm,lsmo,v/,l/vg,/,/./,/.k,


    icon_razz.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 14, 2012 9:08 PM GMT
    showme said
    yourname2000 said
    That said, I love trollin' OR guys.....they're usually good for some excellent butt-hurtedness, lol. icon_razz.gif


    YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH I HATE YOU ASINP'IN'DSHNO;J/;/o;JKOJ0PMAoS0[JZJ;SEJOPMGPMNVBPMxc:LM;LM XMKM;LJLJLIJMNm/;zsjposdbmporm0['yjhm,lsmo,v/,l/vg,/,/./,/.k,


    icon_razz.gif


    Heheheicon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 9:09 PM GMT
    My response is, if it doesn't work for you, cool. It works for us currently.

    It doesn't really come up very often in day to day conversation... and when it does, I don't often hear a negative reaction. At least in person with real-life friends, it does happen occasionally on RJ. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 9:11 PM GMT
    If you're not physically attracted to your partner anymore but still care for him emotionally, it may be preferable to breaking up. Then again, if you're not attracted to your partner anymore, are there other problems? Maybe you would be better off to find someone who can offer you both emotional support and sexual satisfaction.

    Then again, if you're content in your relationship and are just horny for other guys, you're probably a slut.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 9:13 PM GMT
    THIS IS MY IDEAL

    ". Neither of us are into casual sex so our version of openness is individual dates with other guys. I really enjoy meeting new people and the process of getting to know someone. Most often it never leads to sex; on occasion it does. My partner and I are open with each other."

    Congrats, Smiling Eyes and your partner
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Dec 14, 2012 9:30 PM GMT
    PR_GMR said
    whytehot saidMost gays don't know sacrifice. Some days they need person A, other days they need person B's 11-inch cock, or person C's tight ass when things with person A hit a rough patch, or person D when bored and wanting to change up the routine. They will never give up any hedonistic desires for the sake of true love.


    Sadly, this is very true. Most gays just don't want to settle down. Makes me anxious when I met someone I would like to build something with, because most of the time they just want to keep rolling and fucking everything that moves.


    I'd be happy to settle down if I could find someone to settle down with!