Time to have the birds and Bee-Gee's talk with my dad?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 6:32 AM GMT
    So I thought my dad was dealing with me being gay even though we never discuss it. But then at my grandfather's funeral this week, I introduced my friend Carrie to him.

    Me: "Hey Dad, this is my friend Carrie. I've known her for three years now."

    After she left, he said to me, "She's so pretty, and smart! You shouldn't let a girl like that get away!"

    I was half-tempted to respond to him, "Let her get away? What do you want me to do, run her over with my car?"

    Just when you think a parent is finally accepting you for who you are, they start dropping hints about getting married to a girl. Guess I'm back to the drawing board on this one. icon_confused.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 14, 2012 6:50 AM GMT
    Senility ... it never ends ... just learn to ignore it
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    Dec 14, 2012 7:36 AM GMT
    I would of just reminded him I'm gay and have a partner and move on. And then when you get home secretly imagine sending him to a home like everyone else does.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Dec 14, 2012 2:45 PM GMT
    just tell him she's a transsexual
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 3:37 PM GMT
    Dad : Son, I think it's time we have a talk about sex.
    Son : Sure dad, what do you need to know ?
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    Dec 14, 2012 3:46 PM GMT
    You are old enough to live a separate life from your parents. Let him live in his fantasy world and you continue to live your reality. The mind games parents inflict on their children can be so destructive. Ignore him and allow him his fantasy.
  • kevmoran

    Posts: 1543

    Dec 14, 2012 3:58 PM GMT
    Same thing happened to me. My friend is gorgeous and my family all met her and would not stop asking why I was not dating her. "But I'm gay" "But she's soooooo pretty!!" "I don't like girls" "But when a girl like that comes along sometimes you have to put some things aside" "Smells like fish"

    I don't think it's anything with him not accepting you, just not understanding. I say just laugh it off, parents never quite get it, and that goes for everyone not just gay men.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 4:20 PM GMT
    I've had the same comments from my mother for years. She's 85 and has finally quit hinting about grandchildren, so I'm happy about that and don't even try to get her to change her thinking anymore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 4:22 PM GMT
    Denial is truly an amazing thing. The things people can convince themselves of even when the obvious truth is staring them right in the face.
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Dec 14, 2012 4:25 PM GMT
    My grandmother keeps bribing me to go straight. I generally try to ignore her input though.
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    Dec 14, 2012 4:47 PM GMT
    Medjai saidMy grandmother keeps bribing me to go straight. I generally try to ignore her input though.


    Did she offer anything good?
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    Dec 14, 2012 4:49 PM GMT
    kevmoran saidSame thing happened to me. My friend is gorgeous and my family all met her and would not stop asking why I was not dating her. "But I'm gay" "But she's soooooo pretty!!" "I don't like girls" "But when a girl like that comes along sometimes you have to put some things aside" "Smells like fish"

    I don't think it's anything with him not accepting you, just not understanding. I say just laugh it off, parents never quite get it, and that goes for everyone not just gay men.


    Totally agree.
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Dec 14, 2012 5:09 PM GMT
    swimguychicago said
    Medjai saidMy grandmother keeps bribing me to go straight. I generally try to ignore her input though.


    Did she offer anything good?


    Oh, very much so. Cars, condos, big fat cheques. I don't think she gets it.
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    Dec 14, 2012 5:19 PM GMT
    Medjai said
    swimguychicago said
    Medjai saidMy grandmother keeps bribing me to go straight. I generally try to ignore her input though.


    Did she offer anything good?


    Oh, very much so. Cars, condos, big fat cheques. I don't think she gets it.


    Completely understand this one... obviously there are some things money cannot purchase... and truly, she doesn't get it...in my situation, I believe it's most likely a cultural/generational issue.. icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 5:23 PM GMT
    Medjai said
    swimguychicago said
    Medjai saidMy grandmother keeps bribing me to go straight. I generally try to ignore her input though.


    Did she offer anything good?


    Oh, very much so. Cars, condos, big fat cheques. I don't think she gets it.


    I'd take her offer but still freak out with guys in my private life, lol. I mean once the check is cashed she couldn't do shit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 5:51 PM GMT
    That blows man, but I'd go with what everyone else is saying - laugh it off and don't over think it. The fact that he's still talking with you naturally means he clearly still loves you - maybe it's denial on his end, maybe it's just a weird joke that's hard to pick up on.. But let it be.
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    Dec 14, 2012 6:04 PM GMT
    It might come down to wanting grand kids - even if it is subconscious. My partner's brother is gay and when he (my partner's brother) broke up with his boy friend of several years, his mom started talking that he should think about marrying his best gal pal. It was kind of surprising since she is fully accepting of both her sons. I don't think she meant anything bad by it, but still...
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Dec 14, 2012 6:24 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    Medjai said
    swimguychicago said
    Medjai saidMy grandmother keeps bribing me to go straight. I generally try to ignore her input though.


    Did she offer anything good?


    Oh, very much so. Cars, condos, big fat cheques. I don't think she gets it.


    I'd take her offer but still freak out with guys in my private life, lol. I mean once the check is cashed she couldn't do shit.


    Because dishonesty is a great thing to build a life on... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 14, 2012 6:38 PM GMT
    Medjai said
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    Medjai said
    swimguychicago said
    Medjai saidMy grandmother keeps bribing me to go straight. I generally try to ignore her input though.


    Did she offer anything good?


    Oh, very much so. Cars, condos, big fat cheques. I don't think she gets it.


    I'd take her offer but still freak out with guys in my private life, lol. I mean once the check is cashed she couldn't do shit.


    Because dishonesty is a great thing to build a life on... icon_rolleyes.gif


    I always thought so.
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Dec 14, 2012 6:38 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said

    I always thought so.


    Have fun with that.

    I guess I'm one of the few that still puts value on their word.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 6:44 PM GMT
    Medjai said
    MashogaNubianPrince said

    I always thought so.


    Have fun with that.

    I guess I'm one of the few that still puts value on their word.


    Lol my word doesn't mean a damn thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 7:08 PM GMT
    tumblr_lzu2beNo9K1r6nkgzo1_500.gif
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    Dec 14, 2012 7:15 PM GMT
    On a more meta level though, these anecdotes all illustrate the symptoms of an uninformed populace. These people are not getting education that counters the beliefs that homosexuality is a choice.

    Even simple words matter. When a news reporter writes a story talking about a particular person's (or group's) "preference," often editors and the public let it slide. We have to be vigilant.

    Don't just chuckle at Grandma. Gently tell her, in matter-of-fact terms, that you were born gay, just as you were born with brown eyes. Nothing will make you "prefer" women, no matter how pretty they are. "Dad, you must learn this, and tell me that you understand what I'm saying."

    This isn't a failure of parenting, one of the things they dread most.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2012 7:39 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidOn a more meta level though, these anecdotes all illustrate the symptoms of an uninformed populace. These people are not getting education that counters the beliefs that homosexuality is a choice.

    Even simple words matter. When a news reporter writes a story talking about a particular person's (or group's) "preference," often editors and the public let it slide. We have to be vigilant.

    Don't just chuckle at Grandma. Gently tell her, in matter-of-fact terms, that you were born gay, just as you were born with brown eyes. Nothing will make you "prefer" women, no matter how pretty they are. "Dad, you must learn this, and tell me that you understand what I'm saying."

    This isn't a failure of parenting, one of the things they dread most.


    tumblr_m4zc1fMLux1rwcc6bo1_500.gif

    GREAT advice/info..very true.
  • TonyD

    Posts: 168

    Dec 14, 2012 7:41 PM GMT
    SHORT ANSWER:
    Think of it this way: it's taken years to form one opinion, it will take at least as long to 'cement' another
    NOT SO SHORT;
    Unfortunately, this isn't a film where the characters make a life change at the end of the film, unless its a good film where the character goes through changes in spurts, seemingly falling backwards into old beliefs and then, when you least expect it, hurl forward into new awareness and increased growth/ acceptance. This is more reasonable of an outcome.