Lost My Grandmother Last Week

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    Dec 14, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    Well - it's been a week since her service, on Dec 7th. And I'm doing ok thus far.

    I've finally had time to digest the fact that she's gone, and what that is going to entail.

    During the latter part of last week, I had to make all the decisions for the family, as I took her about 5 yrs ago to make her arrangements, so I knew what she wanted.

    She left us on Wednesday morning, and I had pulled the service and the entire extended family together for a service on Friday afternoon.

    The chapel was packed, we had a slide show of the major milestones of her life, and there was a lot tears.

    I felt that since I was the oldest grandchild, it was incumbent on me to say something at the service, and share my deep thoughts about my grandmother - this is what I shared with everyone. It made me feel better that I was able to show everyone how much she loved her family, and Christmas - since her departure was so near to it.

    I miss her terribly.

    For those of you who may not know me, I’m Gerry, and the first of Dorothy’s ten grandchildren. Being the oldest, I had the privilege of having her in my life the longest – which made me her favourite.

    Gramma was always the source of my strength. When I was upset or having a rough time, she always called me ‘Gramma’s Boy.’

    We’d sit in in Gramma’s chair - that old black rocker - for what seemed like hours and she’d hold me tight and rock me until I stopped crying. And she’d say “Look at that – you got Gramma’s shirt all wet” and wipe my tears away with her hand. And we’d laugh.

    The relationship I had with her was very special to me, just as the relationships you’ve had are as equally as special to you.

    There have been many times throughout my life, when she was my rock, and it started at a very young age – even before I learned to read or write. I can remember one time when I had a temper tantrum (this was not the only time, I am a bi-product of this family after all)

    Anyhow, after this tantrum ended, I was defiant and drew a map. This map was going to help me run away from home – my destination? Gramma’s house.

    I never got there that night - even though mom bundled me up, because there was snow on the ground – I got to the end of the driveway and realized the map wasn’t going to help me because I didn’t know which way to go.
    But instead, I came back in, I picked up the old rotary dial phone and my little fingers dialed 7258264, and told her I wanted my gramma. And sure enough, she told Gramma’s boy it was going to okay. And miraculously – it was.

    Throughout my life, I’ve always turned to Gramma. Growing up, she showed me love and acceptance. She and I had a special bond that I am going to miss dearly. Anytime I’d cry, I’d cry that I wanted my Gramma.

    It wasn’t always a one way street though, I can recall one holiday when we were still living on Crerar, Gramma wasn’t feeling well, had back pain and a migraine. She couldn’t leave the house. I was upset that she wasn’t going to be there, so that year, I called Gramma, and I talked to her, and told I was going to come and stay with her cuz I didn’t want her to be alone.

    Mom sent me with a couple of plates of turkey, and Gramma and I ate together – she sat in her chair, I sat on the floor, and used that old square black footstool for my table. We had a sleep over that night, and even though she was in pain, she got up, used that heavy metal ashtray as a cane, walked over, tucked me in and kissed me good night.

    She showed me the importance of family and love. She showed me how to love, unconditionally, and how important it is that you tell the ones you love that you do love them.

    She always had a special place in her heart for Christmas. My memories of excitement as a child, were the presents. Later on in life, I felt like I finally figured it out, presents weren’t the most important, but it really wasn’t me figuring it out. It was her, she never waivered over what she felt was important, and that taught me what really matters most, especially at Christmas -- is be happy, make sure everyone is fed and that the family is all together under the same roof. And you know, It didn’t matter where you were – watching TV in the front room, playing in the basement with the kids, or in the kitchen underfoot, as long as you were home – she was happy.

    Sharing these memories makes me realize that this is going to be the first year that she’s not going to be under the same roof for Christmas with us. But I know, she’s going to smile down on us from Heaven when she sees the rest of us keeping the holiday true to her tradition -- the way she always cherished it – together.

    If she were here today, she’d look around and give us a big smile, because we are her family and we’re all under the same roof.

  • Webster666

    Posts: 9225

    Dec 14, 2012 11:19 PM GMT
    Wow, you're an angel.
    Your story made me cry.

    My grandmother was 69 years old when I was born.
    And, she ended up raising me.
    She made it all the way to 96 years old before she died.
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    Dec 14, 2012 11:35 PM GMT
    My sympathy on the loss of your grandmother. Your story was good, if sad, to read. She will never be totally gone, but live on in the mwmories of those who loved her.
  • mybud

    Posts: 14211

    Dec 15, 2012 5:11 AM GMT
    You're in my thoughts man...Time heals.....Steve
  • RaggedyMan

    Posts: 7235

    Dec 15, 2012 5:25 AM GMT
    thank you for sharing. sorry for your loss. My aunt died over a month ago so I kinda know how you feel. this will be the first christmas she wont be over for our midnight gathering. Just remember she loved you. Sounds like she taught you well.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Dec 15, 2012 8:28 AM GMT
    Thank Buddha that you posted this when only sensitive assholes are here. I share your loss. Tomorow that disaster in the USA will overshadow her in the news. You're still without your loved one.
  • Karl

    Posts: 5789

    Dec 15, 2012 8:30 AM GMT
    Im sorry for your loss.
    I've been reading your story over and over again and I almost cried.
    Thanks for sharing , my thoughts are with you and your family.
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    Dec 15, 2012 8:56 AM GMT
    I'm sorry for your loss

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    Dec 15, 2012 10:42 AM GMT
    Death is a parts of life's natural cycle, it is this that makes us cherish the life we have been given as those around us. Sounds like she lives on in you though...she certainly didn't die alone.
    The pain you feel stems from the love you have for your Grandma and your loss, there can't be any greater tribute to her than that.

    You have done well in holding things together for her, but remember that there are times to be strong and times to release that hurt.

    Posts: 73

    Dec 15, 2012 10:51 AM GMT
    Wow reading the story you wrote about your grandma it made me cry, I'm in tears just writing this message. God bless your grandma rest in peace, sorry for your loss condolences. Same here I'm a grandmas boy I'm happy she's still alive but don't know how I'm going to cope if she won't be alive. I was raised by my grandparents when I was younger just a baby until the age of 12 my mom was there for me too but she was working away so all the time I was with grandparents raising me. If you need someone to talk to DolGe then please feel free to get in touch with love Alin xx
  • Sportsfan1

    Posts: 479

    Dec 15, 2012 10:54 AM GMT
    You have my deepest sympathy. I lost both my grandmothers a long time ago. I still miss them a great deal. A loved one never truly leaves you. She will always be in your heart. Think of her now as a "Guardian Angle" looking out for you. God Bless!
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    Dec 15, 2012 12:23 PM GMT
    That was really touching. The way I dealt with my grandmother passing was by thinking of fun times we had together. I was filled with happy thoughts, and honored that I had the chance to be her grandson and that she was my grandmother. Its all the times we shared together that made me cope with the situation. Hope my advice helped. Stay strong
  • Ej101

    Posts: 444

    Dec 15, 2012 12:24 PM GMT
    I am sorry for your loss
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    Dec 15, 2012 12:34 PM GMT
    Thank you everyone for your kind words, in the forum and in private. To me my Gramma could do no wrong. She was my superhero growing up. Needless to say as I matured - I realized she was human as well.

    That didn't really shatter my superhero view of her but made me love her even more because she had weaknesses.

    I will always cherish the time we had together. And as the deacon at her service said "it may seem like a long time to be away from her on earth, but a simple fleeting moment for her while she spends eternity in paradise"

    As for me - I'm doing ok.

    Many thanks again.

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    Dec 15, 2012 3:28 PM GMT
    Your grandmother must be very proud of you. My condolences.
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    Dec 15, 2012 3:38 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear that. I was very close to Grandma. I called her "Manman" instead grandma. Every year, I pay for the mass service for her the church across the street from my apartment
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    Dec 15, 2012 6:19 PM GMT
    She was a beautiful and very caring lady , you are very lucky to have those wonderful memories ..
    My best to you and your family ,
    Hugs .
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    Jan 26, 2013 12:12 AM GMT
    It's been over a month and a half now, and although it's gotten easier - today was an extremely hard day when I found a voicemail in my email box from her, which she left at work a couple of years ago.

    Thanks guys for your support...
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    Jan 26, 2013 12:19 AM GMT
    *Hugs, man. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your grandmother looked like a beautiful lady.
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    Jan 26, 2013 12:43 AM GMT
    Sorry for your loss. And what a beautiful story. Brought back memories of mine. The love and laughter they gave us.
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    Jan 26, 2013 12:53 AM GMT
    *hugs* Oh Gerry I'm so sorry to hear your grandmothers passing. She's resting peacefully and is so proud of you!

    All my love
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    Jan 26, 2013 12:58 AM GMT

    It does get easier as time goes on...probably the words are acceptance and adjustment.

    What did you do with the voicemail...did you keep it or did you delete it ??
    Sometimes we hold on to things like this...for a while, but when we are ready we delete them...which is part of acceptance.
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    Jan 26, 2013 1:09 AM GMT
    You wrote (and delivered) a beautiful eulogy for your grandmother at her service. I'm sure she was looking down smiling and hearing every word. I know the audience / congregation all felt the special bond you shared with your beloved grandmother. What a fine grandson you were for her.

    I too was raised by my grandparents (from the age of 9) and I was their eldest grandchild. I was the only grandchild who spent any time with, or really cared about - my grandparents. I think of them each day. Mine are gone now, but they're in my life all the time. I believe we'll be reunited again one day - - in Heaven.

    May your warm memories sustain you - all the days of your life.
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    Jan 26, 2013 1:15 AM GMT
    2 of my grandparents died either before or shortly after my birth.

    My dad's father deserted the family and moved to South America long before my dad got marrd -- so that's #3 gradparent I never knew.

    My last remaining grandparent died when I was in 8th grade, but she had been sick for years and there was never any close relationship wth her.

    I envy folks who grieve for their grandparents, because I never had any of those wonderful relationships to remember.

    OP, I envy you so much!!
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    Jan 26, 2013 1:37 AM GMT
    Bodycontactau: I kept it - she was a bit of a nostalgic packrat, and it rubbed off. I've already accepted that she's gone. Why would one delete something like that ? To me - it would be like cutting her out of my pictures.

    Jockbod48: growing up and having your grandparents have a hand in raising you makes you a different kind of person. I think it has to do with the fact that they already made all their mistakes on their own kids, and you learn different levels of the morals and values that your parents would have tried to teach. Generally, they are aligned, but the reinforcement of them from someone you look up to and love so much just entrenches the that much more.

    Mileshelvetica: It's saddening that you weren't able to experience what many in life do. I'm not sure how I feel on you envy the grieving process. It's not an easy process to navigate when you're in it - as I'm sure you must know. I'm sorry you didn't get to know your grandparents.

    Thanks Fivealive icon_smile.gif