Anyone else find it difficult with being a double minority?

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    Dec 15, 2012 1:06 AM GMT
    So it's kind of obvious that western culture and more specifically the gay culture portrays an image of what's desirable (caucasian, perfect body, perfect face... Jake Gyllenhaal). Now, I definitely don't have a vendetta against the media or anything because I've had/still have my fair share of fantasies with the Hollister/Abercrombie models icon_wink.gif *insert abercrombie models singing call me maybe video here*

    But being raised in a western culture and being a double minority has seem to make things really difficult. I share the same interests and the mindset of the buds I grew up with, but at the end of every chat my race always seems to get in the way ("sorry not into asians"). On the other side, I really can't relate to other asian guys as many of them have the complete polar opposite interests which I sometimes, really don't understand/attracted to (i.e. don't watch the same tv shows/ can't share taste in music with).

    So I'm stuck in a middle ground where I'm neither wanted completely on one side nor really fit into the other. icon_sad.gif And if I was straight I really wouldn't have problem finding a girl I relate to, because I honestly do always get the "omg kevin, if you weren't gay..." speech and inter-racial relationship seems a bit more friendly on that side.

    So my question is this.

    icon_question.gifIf you are a double minority (gay+asian) or even more (black+jewish+gay), how is the whole dating thing working out? Do you find yourself in the same position or were previously in the same position as I am? What did you do/doing now to cope?

    icon_question.gifIf your not a double minority and are in the bubble (gay and white), what is your take on this situation in the gay community? Why do you think it's this way?

    I'm really just trying to get perspective and in no way making generalization about anyone here. Please post your thoughts away!
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    Dec 15, 2012 3:11 AM GMT
    I guess I'm "in the bubble" by your definition since I'm simply white and gay. I really wouldn't have a clue what goes on in the gay community when it comes to double minorities.

    Personally, I think the more muddled the better. Tend to be more attractive. Thats my opinion anyway.

    I really don't think you're issue is that you're a double minority. I think your issue is that you happen to look rather asian and you share similar problems (problems that I've seen routinely getting posted.) and that you don't really fit in with that group on a personal level. You're "Americanized" (or Canadianized) where your cultures have all been muddled when you were raised in a primarily western muddled up environment. If that makes ANY sense.
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    Dec 15, 2012 3:25 AM GMT
    Well for one prepare yourself for the complete and total dismissal of your feelings by some people in the bubble so to speak.

    Secondly as someone who is black, atheist and gay I tend to feel like a population of one sometimes. Keep in mind that the gay community is still very white male dominated and so what white males find attractive tends to become the norm. So the interracial dating thing really isn't going to pan out exactly how you planned it most of the time. In the straight world when white males date out of their race they tend to date ethnic women but with very European features. You don't see a white guy shacking up with up someone like Alex Wek or Kerry Washington everyday or hell even a darker Latina. So don't expect much difference from their gay counterparts either. Honestly lesbians luck out the most in this because women seem to have less of a problem dating out of their race.

    You just need to hang in there and wait until you find the right type of people who mesh with you.
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    Dec 15, 2012 3:35 AM GMT
    I'm gay and Mexican(half-Mexican, 1/4th Spanish and Ukrainian), if that's considered a minority still but I think me being a homosexual makes my life more difficult in terms of dating than my ethnicity. I can't seem to find a date because I can't seem to find any people who are gay. I have met some people at school but they are either not my type or are very obsessive with me. Usually the people I hang out with are straight people so it makes dating really difficult for me.
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    Dec 15, 2012 3:39 AM GMT
    Christian16 saidI'm gay and Mexican(half-Mexican, 1/4th Spanish and Ukrainian), if that's considered a minority still but I think me being a homosexual makes my life more difficult in terms of dating than my ethnicity. I can't seem to find a date because I can't seem to find any people who are gay. I have met some people at school but they are either not my type or are very obsessive with me. Usually the people I hang out with are straight people so it makes dating really difficult for me.

    Sounds like the problem is simply you. Not in a bad way but you don't have a problem with guys you've met turning you down because you're Mexican. It just sounds like you have the same problem as the rest of the single gay community. icon_cool.gif
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    Dec 15, 2012 3:40 AM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince saidWell for one prepare yourself for the complete and total dismissal of your feelings by some people in the bubble so to speak.

    Secondly as someone who is black, atheist and gay I tend to feel like a population of one sometimes. Keep in mind that the gay community is still very white male dominated and so what white males find attractive tends to become the norm. So the interracial dating thing really isn't going to pan out exactly how you planned it most of the time. In the straight world when white males date out of their race they tend to date ethnic women but with very European features. You don't see a white guy shacking up with up someone like Alex Wek or Kerry Washington everyday or hell even a darker Latina. So don't expect much difference from their gay counterparts either. Honestly lesbians luck out the most in this because women seem to have less of a problem dating out of their race.

    You just need to hang in there and wait until you find the right type of people who mesh with you.


    So would you say that it is an issue with gender? Is the problem that men tend to be more superficial and place more importance on a persons facial characteristics rather than their personal characteristic? Because I asuumed that lesbians are even more white dominant than the gays.
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    Dec 15, 2012 3:46 AM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    Christian16 saidI'm gay and Mexican(half-Mexican, 1/4th Spanish and Ukrainian), if that's considered a minority still but I think me being a homosexual makes my life more difficult in terms of dating than my ethnicity. I can't seem to find a date because I can't seem to find any people who are gay. I have met some people at school but they are either not my type or are very obsessive with me. Usually the people I hang out with are straight people so it makes dating really difficult for me.

    Sounds like the problem is simply you. Not in a bad way but you don't have a problem with guys you've met turning you down because you're Mexican. It just sounds like you have the same problem as the rest of the single gay community. icon_cool.gif


    Haha yeah I know. I'm just pointing out that even though I'm considered a double minority, I think me just being gay is more of a problem than me being Mexican lol!
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    Dec 15, 2012 3:50 AM GMT
    1. I'm "ethnic" (even I don't know any more than that) but identify as latino. I'm not out yet, but I probably fit into the double minority.

    2. I'll let you know how the dating thing works for me.

    All I can really say is that all people are shallow, but men appear to be more so, especially gay men. Though some people don't realize it, they have an idea of beauty and just go along with it. Some guys are just into ethic men, some are just into "white" men, others don't care.

    Just keep trying. I'm sure you'll find "the one" some day.
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    Dec 15, 2012 3:52 AM GMT
    KKim11 said
    MashogaNubianPrince saidWell for one prepare yourself for the complete and total dismissal of your feelings by some people in the bubble so to speak.

    Secondly as someone who is black, atheist and gay I tend to feel like a population of one sometimes. Keep in mind that the gay community is still very white male dominated and so what white males find attractive tends to become the norm. So the interracial dating thing really isn't going to pan out exactly how you planned it most of the time. In the straight world when white males date out of their race they tend to date ethnic women but with very European features. You don't see a white guy shacking up with up someone like Alex Wek or Kerry Washington everyday or hell even a darker Latina. So don't expect much difference from their gay counterparts either. Honestly lesbians luck out the most in this because women seem to have less of a problem dating out of their race.

    You just need to hang in there and wait until you find the right type of people who mesh with you.


    So would you say that it is an issue with gender? Is the problem that men tend to be more superficial and place more importance on a persons facial characteristics rather than their personal characteristic? Because I asuumed that lesbians are even more white dominant than the gays.


    I don't see the same sort of racial issue with lesbians that men of any orientation have and when you think about it women tend to be more willing to try to date outside of their race than men. I mean in some cases not all. Straight black women are the exception. But I do think its more of a gender thing than a gay thing.
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    Dec 15, 2012 4:07 AM GMT
    Sometimes, I would go to sleep thinking to myself: "How the hell haven't I blown myself up already." Being in America for the past 5 years has done so much damages that I don't think I would ever be that cheerful, optimistic person I was before. Everyday I feel like I don't belong to this society: gay, Asian, foreign, average looking, with so many mental issues. The more I stay, the further I feel. Every party I go to, I feel like the room drift into 2 sides: me and the rest. There are conversations exchanged, but nothing else. No friendship nor relationship. I don't think I'm a double minority any more, I think it's more like...quadruple minority.
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    Dec 15, 2012 4:10 AM GMT
    seamonkey_88 saidSometimes, I would go to sleep thinking to myself: "How the hell haven't I blown myself up already." Being in America for the past 5 years has done so much damages that I don't think I would ever be that cheerful, optimistic person I was before. Everyday I feel like I don't belong to this society: gay, Asian, foreign, average looking, with so many mental issues. The more I stay, the further I feel. Every party I go to, I feel like the room drift into 2 sides: me and the rest. There are conversations exchanged, but nothing else. No friendship nor relationship. I don't think I'm a double minority any more, I think it's more like...quadruple minority.


    What would you say is the biggest reason in your mind that at parties, people avoid you?
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    Dec 15, 2012 7:13 AM GMT
    If you are a double minority (gay+asian) or even more (black+jewish+gay), how is the whole dating thing working out? Do you find yourself in the same position or were previously in the same position as I am? What did you do/doing now to cope?

    I've read several past threads on the same subject matter as the OP and after carefully analyzing other people's thoughts, the double minority difficulty has no place in my life. I have an amazing group of friends of all different nationalities who like me for me. We are very considerate of each other's culture and always willing to learn more. I guess I'm lucky to have such an amazing bond with them.

    As for dating, I only chose to date guys who were open minded. In other words, they either didn't give a shit that I'm Asian or they loved the fact that I am Asian and wanted to get to know me as well as my culture. Yes, you will find guys out there who are not into minorities, but at the same token, there are PLENTY of guys who are.

    On one of your post, you asked for seamonkey on his thoughts of avoidance at parties. Honestly, look at the crowd around you and you will see plenty of guys getting avoided regardless of race. I believe it has nothing to do with race but instead, it's the versatility of that person when it comes to conversation. Tonight I went to a Christmas party. By the end of the night, everyone spoke to the Filipino guy because he was friendly and loved to chat. But for the pretty white guy who stood in the corner....no one talked to him and he left the party early.
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    Dec 15, 2012 7:32 AM GMT
    Is being both "top" and "bottom" considered a double minority? Cuz I'm fine with that.
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    Dec 15, 2012 8:06 AM GMT
    I can relate somewhat to the OP because we sort of have the same similar background. While I do see some insightful viewpoints in the post and several replies, I think it's important to point out this. Since when do you have to be one way or another ? You claimed that you're not *Asian enough for Asian guys/community and not *White enough for gay white guys. I mean, to be honest, Who cares really ? You can just do whatever you want. There will always be haters and lovers in your life. Find those that love you and hang on to them.

    I, for once, accepted the fact that I'm Asian-American and Gay and Proud. Now if anyone dislike or discriminate me on any of those basis, then screw them, it's better for me to not know them anyway. As far as dating goes, I had my fun with different types of men before and I feel like at this age, I don't really need to justify or explain my preferences or attractions or whatever. From my experiences in dating/sex, Blacks, Chinese, Mexicans/Latinos, Whites/Euros and Middle Eastern guys expressed interest in me before and I slept with a number different types. I don't feel like I'm missing out on any sort of foreign cock! icon_mad.gif

    As far as food, music or other tastes, I don't think you should *limit yourself to anything. Examples: I am Asian and I don't like Kimchi or Korean and Indian food, does that make me racist/mean against them? Hell No! I like French Croissant and English muffins for breakfast and One Direction boy bander more than Asian music, does that make me like those French/English boys/cultures more? Not necessarily. I guess my point is it's okay to like other/foreign stuff that's not familiar to you! It's 2012, you don't really have to explain yourself, just be yourself and be unique and be happy/Gay !!! If people are racist or mean to you, fuck them, move on !! Blah !!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2012 3:44 PM GMT
    Admit that it's there, but move past it. Don't think of yourself as being different, rather you are unique. Be yourself, and be proud of it. Confidence is key.
  • TheBizMan

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    Dec 15, 2012 5:40 PM GMT
    I don't find it difficult.. as a matter of fact I use it to my advantage more often than not.
  • rnch

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    Dec 15, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    As a career federal civil service employee, I suffer from the double minority status of being a Pale Male.


    icon_eek.gif
  • Puppymuncher

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    Dec 22, 2012 6:04 PM GMT
    Hey, there's nothing we can do about our background or our orientation. Our looks are there for better or for worse. There's always someone better looking, more muscular, taller, whatever; just like there's always someone uglier, fatter, shorter..etc.

    Don't get so hung up on physical stuff. Work with what you have and try to improve on them. For example, I'm asian, obviously. I've had my share of frustrations over the "no asians" comment on hookup sites. But you learn to not let those things get to you. There's tons of people out there who will never be attracted to me. But there's also quite a few that will, whether physically or otherwise. And that's what fuels the ego boosts. The fact that you find yourself attractive and thus so will other people.

    As an asian, I'm proud that I'm gonna look great for the next 30 years. We generally age pretty gracefully, just look at your parents and see if you can guess their age. I love making fun of myself for the lack of hair over most of me, but that's fine because there's a whole group of guys out there who are attracted to no body hair. At 5'11, I'm one of the taller asian guys I know. I also have the ability to grow facial hair. Visible facial hair. Some like it, others don't. But I've come to appreciate it's uniqueness and work it to my advantage. That and the high metabolism that let's me sustain abs without too much work.

    Being a double minority may seem very daunting, maybe more so depending on where you live. But use what you have to your advantage. Make yourself attractive on the inside and outside. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2012 6:46 PM GMT
    It's hard being white middle class.

    Or in my case, pasty middle class.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2012 8:54 PM GMT
    TheBizMan saidI don't find it difficult.. as a matter of fact I use it to my advantage more often than not.



    Me too.

    Here's some advice guys.....work with what ya'll got!!!!