Can exes transition to FWB?

  • betaplus

    Posts: 2

    Dec 15, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    Can two exes remain friends yet still have sex with each other, because we already established the familiarity and trust with each other? Even though we’re no longer boyfriends, is it possible to be friends, just with benefits? Meaning we like and trust each other enough to have sex, but just not enough to have the title of being boyfriends.

    Any input will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2012 5:26 AM GMT
    Go to a therapist.
    Suggest couples counseling to your ex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2012 7:40 AM GMT
    If I had an emotional connection with the guy, there is no way I could divorce myself of those feelings and just have meaningless sex after we broke up. It would just be too hard for my psyche. On the other hand, if I never was too into him from the outset, then what the heck?! Have fun!
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    Dec 15, 2012 1:39 PM GMT
    Aristoshark saidNo, you can't.
    You'll be wanting him back as a full-fledged boyfriend in minutes.
    This will drive him crazy and will end things for good.
    Don't do it.

    THIS Be friends and just move on. Sex will only complicate it.
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    Dec 15, 2012 1:44 PM GMT
    Stick with friends with the ex and find benefits with a new guy, seems obvious.
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    Dec 15, 2012 1:56 PM GMT
    Not with my history.

    FTS*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2012 2:57 PM GMT
    I sorta went through the OP's scenario a few times with exes, that introduces an additional angle, besides the lingering emotional aspect that others here have touched upon. In my case they were the ones who wanted me to be the FWB after we had drifted apart as BFs. In fact, at one point I was in bed with 2 of them together, a 3-way one of them arranged.

    I'd agree to sex with them during dry spells, nothing else going on, and I guess the same was true for them. I don't have much will power when a guy's inviting me into bed, especially someone who isn't a complete stranger.

    But as soon as I had a new BF the FWB arrangement would cease. Believe it or not, despite being a happily slutty single, when I'm in a serious relationship I become 100% monogamous & faithful, no cheating ever.

    And so these exes would get upset when the FWB deal would abruptly stop. I'd still be comfortable with them as friends (though both my partners have NOT liked that), but the sex was out. One ex simply wouldn't take no for an answer, I think he deliberately wanted to cause a break-up with my partner. He even went so far as to try to seduce me while my partner was sleeping in our bedroom not 15 feet away (the ex was in the guest room following his midnight plane arrival, staying in town until we could drive him home next morning).

    Therefore I see potential problems down the road when you start a FWB relationship with an ex, should he not want to leave the scene gracefully when a new BF comes along. Of course that can be true of any FWB, but I think the ex-BF presents the greater risk of that situation developing. If none of you are going to be monogamous anyway then I suppose it's not a problem, and then you're just left with the question of whether you can break emotionally from a guy with whom you're having sex.
  • ggst82

    Posts: 83

    Dec 15, 2012 3:38 PM GMT
    Do what you will, however I would advise that you heed the advice others have provided. Some ex's can stay friends with each other but it's not easy. I agree if you add sex to the equation it will only complicate matters further. Unfortunately you can only control your own feelings...others have to learn on their own. You need to do what's only right and fair for yourself. I have learned that you shouldn't make someone a priority when they only see you as an option.

    Best of luck and as my grandmother used to never say "this too shall pass." icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2012 3:44 PM GMT
    Not a good idea, especially because you and your ex-bf appear to be incompatible on so many levels. That's not to say that ex-lovers cannot be lovers again--and I've seen that scenario happen many times in the past--but those people were compatible to begin with.
  • in_this_corne...

    Posts: 704

    Dec 15, 2012 3:58 PM GMT
    You're better off as friends with separate conquests.
  • betaplus

    Posts: 2

    Dec 15, 2012 4:01 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the replies.

    I think I'll approach this matter by just staying friends with him. Being FWB will most likely bring confusion and jeopardize the friendship.
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    Dec 15, 2012 5:00 PM GMT
    You're in your 20s. Stay friends with him. Good gay friendships are very hard to find. Have sex with other guys. As long as you have feelings for him, you'll always be making love to him even when he's just having sex with you. Guard your heart a little there.
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    Dec 15, 2012 5:54 PM GMT
    Definitely remain friends but I think that the sex will just muddy the waters way too much...
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 15, 2012 6:07 PM GMT
    I've done it before, but it ended when I got a new boyfriend.... I've also had long friendships that started out with sex .... It's always complicated, I guess... It can be really difficult to find gay friends that are strictly platonic--for me, anyway....

    RJ's nice, because you can have flirty friendships, without the baggage.
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    Dec 15, 2012 6:17 PM GMT
    madfacts saidStick with friends with the ex and find benefits with a new guy, seems obvious.


    Exactly
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 16, 2012 9:50 PM GMT
    Stop dwelling. Move on.