Condom reluctance

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 15, 2008 9:10 AM GMT
    Does anyone else come across this with guys? I've been "seeing" a couple of new guys in the last week and neither of them wanted me to use condoms saying it was going to "spoil" the moment and that they didn't like using them. In the end I didn't have penetrative sex with either of them. What has happened to safer sex? Have we become complacent?
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    Sep 15, 2008 9:52 AM GMT
    No thank God. Can you spell H.I.V.? Maybe reminding them that spending 10,000 pounds per year on drugs can spoil a lot more than just the moment.
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    Sep 15, 2008 7:26 PM GMT
    I think there's a certain apathy about HIV and other stds. With all the drugs, and treatments available I think people are getting complacent. You've always got to look out for number one!
  • jc_online

    Posts: 487

    Sep 15, 2008 7:52 PM GMT
    In addition to looking out for yourself, let's look out for each other. Talk with your friends about condom usage. Encourage other that you know to make choices that will protect them and their sexual partners.

    I also recommend masturbating with condoms a few times, to get used to any perceived difference in touch, texture, and ability to get off while wearing one.

    Don't give up! Make safe choices men - both poz and neg, we owe it to each other to reduce STDs and HIV. Even if you're a nasty hot sex pig, get out that latex!

    Paece and safety bros-
    JC
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    Sep 16, 2008 12:03 PM GMT


    Heh, if they're willing to risk your health and just 'trust' them, I for one wouldn't want to leave them alone in the bedroom with my wallet lying around.
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    Sep 17, 2008 11:43 PM GMT
    redheadguyDoes anyone else come across this with guys? I've been "seeing" a couple of new guys in the last week and neither of them wanted me to use condoms saying it was going to "spoil" the moment and that they didn't like using them. In the end I didn't have penetrative sex with either of them. What has happened to safer sex? Have we become complacent?


    What I've encountered are actually younger guys (~22yrs) who refuse to use condoms for penetrative sex, rationalizing that if you don't use it for oral sex, then what's the point?

    I gave up arguing w/ them over it after 30 min and refused to pursue anything further with them.
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    Sep 18, 2008 12:02 AM GMT
    No ones ever told me not to use rubbers when fucking them but I've been in dozens of situations where if I didn't pull it out, they probably would have allowed me to have sex with them bareback.

    Notice how there aren't many younger guys proclaiming to be positive despite the hiv rates for young gay/bi men is steady rising? No doubt this is one of the main reasons why the rates continue to rise. No one wants to talk about it or get tested.


    BTW, sorry guys but the vast-majority of people are going to bareback and there's literally nothing you can do about it. Notice how there's still chldren being born? Barebacking. Condoms just isn't part of human nature and unless highly trained, the mind will reject rubbers as abnormal.
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    Sep 18, 2008 12:04 AM GMT
    redheadguy saidDoes anyone else come across this with guys? I've been "seeing" a couple of new guys in the last week and neither of them wanted me to use condoms saying it was going to "spoil" the moment and that they didn't like using them. In the end I didn't have penetrative sex with either of them. What has happened to safer sex? Have we become complacent?


    Complacent and just plain ignorant. Much of that due to deliberate Bush Admin decisions to cut sex education at all levels, to make condom a forbidden word to speak and instead rely solely on abstinence as the cure for most sex issues, and to ignore the special needs of the gay community.

    My partner & I spend most of our free time on this issue, contributing money directly to HIV/AIDS causes, and indirectly helping by volunteering to support fundraising efforts to bring in more money for area AIDS agencies. In fact, this entire week we're taking classes on our own time, to become proficient with a sophisticated computer software program that supports non-profit fundraising of all kinds.

    Then next week we'll start work on the donor database of our county's principle HIV/AIDS agency, to improve their fundraising effectiveness. A place where we spend a great deal of our time already, and where we discuss the issues your raise with their counselors, case workers, medical personnel and senior administrators.

    We therefore have first-hand statistical evidence that HIV cases are rising among young gays, not surprising with the attitudes you experienced yourself. The agency we support has initiated outreach programs for young gay men, to provide the education they aren't getting in their schools because of Republican policies at Federal, State and local levels here.

    I'm glad you had the common sense to decline those new guys. Whenever I enter our agency's building on clinic days I see young men waiting for their medical appointments, many only teenagers, their futures already in doubt before they've had more than a glimpse of life because of ignorant mistakes.

    Their poor decisions made easier by a government that serves not the best interests of its citizens, but the rigid philosophies of the special interests that sustain them in political power. When arbitrary goals trump practical logic and the pragmatism that once made America great, it's not surprising when the fallout is trampled lives and the betrayal of the American Dream.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2008 12:16 AM GMT
    spoil the moment VS. spoil your life.
    hmm, tough choice.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Sep 18, 2008 12:21 AM GMT
    I think it goes like this:
    hiv + is no longer a death sentence =
    let's bareback! =
    I probably won't become poz =
    Even if I do become poz, I won't die since =
    hiv + is no longer a death sentence
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    Sep 18, 2008 12:27 AM GMT


    Complacent and just plain ignorant. Much of that due to deliberate Bush Admin decisions to cut sex education at all levels, to make condom a forbidden word to speak and instead rely solely on abstinence as the cure for most sex issues, and to ignore the special needs of the gay community.

    . When arbitrary goals trump practical logic and the pragmatism that once made America great, it's not surprising when the fallout is trampled lives and the betrayal of the American Dream.
    [/quote]



    Bush is responsible for gay guys not wearing condoms??!!!!

    How stupid is this scapegoating gonna get? Personally I work 5 months a year to pay my taxes. i would rather take that time off then assume that everybody else is so stupid and irresponsible that they need a full time government supplied nanny to keep them out of trouble.
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    Sep 18, 2008 12:29 AM GMT
    I just came out to my docotor at my last physical.

    After what he's told me I think i'll be using Condoms durring oral aswell... I think this is one area people make allowances and its really dangerous. You can contract Gonreaha sp? and other STDs orally from the back of the throat to the penis and vice versa... it's not coolio.





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    Sep 18, 2008 12:34 AM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    Bush is responsible for gay guys not wearing condoms??!!!!


    Actually, yes. The ones we're seeing in the clinics are right out of HS, or some still students. Schools where condoms cannot be mentioned, where sex education consists of appeals for abstinence. Leading young men to erroneously believe it's not a big deal, if the adults aren't concerned about it.

    These are Bush policies and funding decisions at work. And as sex education and free condom availability have gone down, HIV cases among the young have gone up. Along with increased teen pregnancies, not to overlook the negative impact on straights, as well.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Sep 18, 2008 12:34 AM GMT
    Alpha13 said


    Bush is responsible for gay guys not wearing condoms??!!!!

    How stupid is this scapegoating gonna get? Personally I work 5 months a year to pay my taxes. i would rather take that time off then assume that everybody else is so stupid and irresponsible that they need a full time government supplied nanny to keep them out of trouble.


    People are idiots - c'mon, we all know this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2008 1:55 AM GMT
    If some guy didn't want me to use a condom I would kick them out of bed. I don't want my cock anywhere near them.
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    Sep 18, 2008 3:18 AM GMT
    I've never suggested to a guy that we didn't need to use condoms or that it would ruin the moment. I only suggested that wasn't going to top with one, because I hadn't found them to be all that pleasurable. It's totally fine if they don't want me to top - there are other things to do. But the guys that wanted to bottom were willing to bareback. I felt guilty doing it and I always pulled out - even when they didn't want me to.

    Yes, I've been tested and so far negative. My number of partners is low and they weren't cock hounds either. Yes, the HIV testing - I've had two - is shifting my fear levels up - which is good for this new business of dating.

    I've spent 12 years having sex without condoms - 4 pregnancies and 2 kids later - so I'm conditioned to accept barebacking without apprehension. Not a smart way to think, but I'm retraining my brain and my dick - al la J/O w/condoms - to just consider the condoms as part of the act.

    I'm not complacent. One of the closest friends I have is gay and has HIV. I've been watching him get sick over and over and over for the last two years. Now he can't even work and he's not much older than me.

    BTW - I'm quite liberal, but for the record, George Bush had nothing to do with the unsafe sex I've had. Just the thought of GW is a safe sex mechanism - who the hell could be in the mood with him on your mind?

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    Sep 18, 2008 3:27 AM GMT
    OHhiker saidBut the guys that wanted to bottom were willing to bareback. I felt guilty doing it and I always pulled out - even when they didn't want me to.


    You can still spread any number of diseases by penetrating someone without a condom and not ejaculating in them. pre-cum can have a viral load, it can spread infections, it can even get a gal pregnant. An infected bottom can still give you gonorrhea, HIV, chlamydia, herpes, syphilis, and a variety of others.
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    Sep 18, 2008 4:14 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie said
    OHhiker saidBut the guys that wanted to bottom were willing to bareback. I felt guilty doing it and I always pulled out - even when they didn't want me to.


    You can still spread any number of diseases by penetrating someone without a condom and not ejaculating in them. pre-cum can have a viral load, it can spread infections, it can even get a gal pregnant. An infected bottom can still give you gonorrhea, HIV, chlamydia, herpes, syphilis, and a variety of others.


    That's quite a list of afflictions...probably a little on the short side. icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2008 5:35 AM GMT
    I don't think this complacency is restricted to younger guys. The two guys I had sex with (not at the same time) were 28 and 45.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2008 5:39 AM GMT
    Well it might spoil your moment in Time?
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    Sep 19, 2008 1:52 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie, I think I understand the get a gal pregnant aspect. Actually children are by far the most common high-cost side-effect of unprotected sex. I'm in for about $160,000 in expenses so far - that estimate is on the light side. Plus an easy $200,000 over the next ten years is likely.

    Readheadguy, you mention 'safer' sex - so are you still doing things like oral without condoms? Would oral without condoms not fit into your idea of complacency?

    Yes you can get diseases from coming into contact with another human - especially if there are fluids transmitted. But being selective about who you hop in the sack with is far more useful than condoms - and really useful with condoms. Two people who have no diseases have a much smaller chance of giving each other something - condoms or not - than two people where one has a disease and they are using condoms for protection.

    I'd suggest that picking up a hot guy in a bar and giving him a bj that night is far more risky than dating a guy you meet outside a bar or club, observing that he's more into work, his house, sports and hanging out with friends than cock hunting, seeing that he's got a good job, pays his bills, doesn't do drugs or go our drinkin and carousing - i.e. you vett him for sanity and responsibility. The second guy is going to be a safer bet for clean bill of health.
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    Sep 19, 2008 2:00 AM GMT
    OHhiker saidYes you can get diseases from coming into contact with another human - especially if there are fluids transmitted. But being selective about who you hop in the sack with is far more useful than condoms - and really useful with condoms. Two people who have no diseases have a much smaller chance of giving each other something - condoms or not - than two people where one has a disease and they are using condoms for protection.

    I'd suggest that picking up a hot guy in a bar and giving him a bj that night is far more risky than dating a guy you meet outside a bar or club, observing that he's more into work, his house, sports and hanging out with friends than cock hunting, seeing that he's got a good job, pays his bills, doesn't do drugs or go our drinkin and carousing - i.e. you vett him for sanity and responsibility. The second guy is going to be a safer bet for clean bill of health.


    Yes, only having sex with guys without STIs is a sure way to avoid them, but you can't select these people. Even in the scenario you mentioned. Perhaps the non-cock hound lived with his boyfriend. They broke it off for a variety of reasons. What the guy didn't know is that his former boyfriend was deep throating anything with a cock in the washroom of an Burger King. He has genital warts now but doesn't know it yet. Now you do too. YIPPY! Lacking omniscience, always go for condoms to protect you and everyone you will sleep with in the future.

    Besides, we need you around to pay that child support. ^_~
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 19, 2008 2:04 AM GMT
    I like condoms. icon_biggrin.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Sep 19, 2008 4:55 PM GMT
    NEWSFLASH....


    Tractortrailer carrying Condoms overs turns ..... spills Load

    Back to you Anderson icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2008 9:14 PM GMT
    In all seriousness. if everyone used condoms for every sex act, how are people going to continue having children? I'd like a point by point explaination.

    Or is condomless sex only restricted to gay men?