Crush on my work partner

  • seanboe1

    Posts: 37

    Dec 16, 2012 5:19 AM GMT
    So a little background first. I am a 29 year old Gay man that works as a Paramedic. Recently I was assigned a new partner whom is 20 years old and quite good looking. I immediately took notice and began to develop an innocent crush on him. Our personalities and sense of humor click very well. I felt as though he was straight until I began to pick up on some things that pointed me to in the direction that he would be at least curious. He acts very straight (but so do I) but has some effeminate mannerisms such as the way he uses his hands to talk. Also he is VERY flirtatious with me and wants to wrestle and tries to tackle me all the time. There is a constant strange tension between the two of us and he sets my gaydar off (haha). We spend 48 hours a week together as partners on an ambulance and have now spent a little bit of time together outside of work. Recently I threw a Christmas party at my house and we ended up spending about 9 days straight together. He had ample opportunity to leave if he wanted. Nothing out of the ordinary happened outside of flirting. Also he talks about his penis on a regular basis and I probably know more about his then my own haha. I know he has slept with women and he constantly is text messaging 2 different girls that he has slept with or says he wants to. I have not told him that I am gay but he has asked me on several occasions if I am and says he would be cool with it. I have no plans to come out at work due to profound homophobia in my line of work but am considering telling him. Also while at work we spend a ton of time sitting or laying on the couch, and the other day he grabbed my bare toes and laughed. I found it kind of interesting. Also since he spent the 9 days with me he has been a bit more distant in regard to text messages. I have no idea how to take all of this and have a huge crush on this guy.

    He does mention girls occasionally. Especially a few obviously attractive ones like Mila Kunas or other very attractive female stars. Usually He'll say something like I would do dirty things to them. haha. Also on one of the nights we were at my house together he wanted to go the restaurant Twin Peaks (if you don't know what that is think classy Hooters with better food and atmosphere). We went, and I found myself looking at the girls more than him. I payed pretty close attention to where his eyes wandered and honestly I never saw him make a glance at the very scantily clad women there. He is pushed to talk to girls all the time even by friends and even me haha but makes no significant attempt. The girls I know he has slept with are how do I say this politely a bit on the promiscuous side. He has not had a girlfriend since High School. He says he is just super awkward around girls and that is why he has not made any headway in that area. Also one of the girls that he slept with is trying to hook up with him again. He is not putting in the effort that most guys seem to when it comes to sex. The same girl is also trying to hook up with my roommate and his friend. So not sure how to read into that. I have a huge crush on this guy like I have never had before. I would love some advice on how to proceed.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 16, 2012 5:31 AM GMT
    9 days??? wow .. I think you may have missed your opportunity even though it was like a stack of bricks hitting you on the head ... but really who really knows about straight guys .. maybe he is just bi curious. ... or maybe just wants to be buds. It's difficult to tell since we don't know him. But if he is dating women, I would have to say he is straight and just looking at you as a best bro ... maybe you should consider coming out to him
  • seanboe1

    Posts: 37

    Dec 16, 2012 5:57 AM GMT
    Fair enough man. I am probably going to come out to him in the next couple of days. At this point I am trying to view him as straight to keep my own mind in check. He actually just texted me bragging about screwing a girl. Sooo I am probably reading too much into the signs. I have never had a crush this bad before on a straight guy even in middle or high school. I feel like an idiot to be honest.
  • seanboe1

    Posts: 37

    Dec 16, 2012 7:08 AM GMT
    He is not dating women just occasionally sleeping with women that come onto him. Not the other way around. According to him he has the dick of life whatever that means.
  • seanboe1

    Posts: 37

    Dec 16, 2012 8:12 AM GMT
    That is not a bad idea. I think that is how I got most of my sexual encounters in high school. hahaha. So what do you think about this guys actions? Gay, curious, Bi, straight. Are there a lot of gay men that have slept with women? I never did even when I was in the closet.
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Dec 16, 2012 7:26 PM GMT
    seanboe1 saidThat is not a bad idea. I think that is how I got most of my sexual encounters in high school. hahaha. So what do you think about this guys actions? Gay, curious, Bi, straight. Are there a lot of gay men that have slept with women? I never did even when I was in the closet.


    I consider myself bisexual and I slept with dozens (maybe a hundred or more) women (but only a handful of men) when I was his age.

    I remember once I was walking down the street with my buddy when an incredibly hot chick approached. When she passed us, my buddy and I turned around to look at her at exactly the same moment she was turning around to look at us. We all laughed and then started talking to each other. She ended up coming back to my place with me and my friend and a three-way ensued. After that my buddy and I started having sex just the two of us. So ask your coworker if he'd be interested in setting up a MMF threeway with you and a chick you both find hot and then see what happens.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 16, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    A co-worker?
    Don't fish off the same pier.
    Or, don't get your honey where you get your money. If you really have profound homophobia in you're line of work, why is this even an issue?
  • seanboe1

    Posts: 37

    Jan 02, 2013 12:38 AM GMT
    The "signs" have gotten stronger from him. He actually climbed on top of me and "stared into my eyes for a second the other night, he is continuing to touch my legs and face and he told me the other night that he wanted to fuck me "jokingly of course". All unsolicited and not really reciprocated. Also I think he told me he triple kissed with a guy and girl when he was in college. Also he is an emotional roller coaster at work one minute he is happy and the next he is super angry or depressed. I am pretty sure at this point he either thinks I am bi or gay and is using me to explore his own feelings in a non threatening way. I am really falling for this guy which sucks. I like the no regrets approach to the situation.
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    Jan 02, 2013 12:50 AM GMT
    It sounds like he is interested, but I would personally not want to date someone from work or get involved at all like that. I know lots of people do though.
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    Jan 02, 2013 1:00 AM GMT
    Let's see, he's happy at one point and then super angry the next. So he's probably bipolar. You have to ask yourself if his unstable mood swings are worth your time in a relationship.
  • thadjock

    Posts: 2183

    Jan 02, 2013 1:04 AM GMT
    smudgetool saidA co-worker?
    Don't fish off the same pier.
    Or, don't get your honey where you get your money. If you really have profound homophobia in you're line of work, why is this even an issue?


    yeah this cannot end well,

    i fell into that hard crush trap and "dated"? (occasionally had sex with) my mailman, he was exactly my type and very flirty, so i saw an open door. it was fine for several months but then he met my new "interest" at the door one day, and it was nothing but glares and missing bills/packages ever after, a USPS nightmare till i moved to a new place and got a new mailman.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jan 02, 2013 1:11 AM GMT
    If you are going to be around this guy, you need to get together on a day off and talk. Tell him that you think he leans gay and that if he wants to follow up on it then he needs to realize the work situation and the position it puts you and he both in due to management. If he is several years younger and has mood swings he may be dealing with all of this under the surface to some extent. It may be good just to talk it out and agree to be buddies so that he knows he has a safe zone. Relationships at work are not advisable, but they have been known to happen. It's your call. If, however, it could have any effect at all on your paramedic responsibilities, you had better be very, very careful. Your patients are first.
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    Jan 02, 2013 1:14 AM GMT
    seanboe1 saidThe "signs" have gotten stronger from him. He actually climbed on top of me and "stared into my eyes for a second the other night, he is continuing to touch my legs and face and he told me the other night that he wanted to fuck me "jokingly of course". All unsolicited and not really reciprocated. Also I think he told me he triple kissed with a guy and girl when he was in college. Also he is an emotional roller coaster at work one minute he is happy and the next he is super angry or depressed. I am pretty sure at this point he either thinks I am bi or gay and is using me to explore his own feelings in a non threatening way. I am really falling for this guy which sucks. I like the no regrets approach to the situation.


    Normally, I'm not one who advocates sleeping with co-workers.

    However, in this case, you two need to just fuck and see how this works out.

    Let us know.
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Jan 02, 2013 1:21 AM GMT
    A guy at work, who is likely straight, you are heavily crushing on?

    Sorry, but this is going to end in tears.
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    Jan 02, 2013 1:21 AM GMT
    LJay saidIf you are going to be around this guy, you need to get together on a day off and talk. Tell him that you think he leans gay and that if he wants to follow up on it then he needs to realize the work situation and the position it puts you and he both in due to management. If he is several years younger and has mood swings he may be dealing with all of this under the surface to some extent. It may be good just to talk it out and agree to be buddies so that he knows he has a safe zone. Relationships at work are not advisable, but they have been known to happen. It's your call. If, however, it could have any effect at all on your paramedic responsibilities, you had better be very, very careful. Your patients are first.

    +1
    (Personally, I think he's too young, and just curious. What are you expecting? long term? or just a fling? If so, get ready for the consequences.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2013 1:30 AM GMT
    Fucking coworkers (straight or gay) is a recipe for disaster if you plan on advancing in any company...unless that coworker is your boss.
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    Jan 02, 2013 1:37 AM GMT
    I'm not even going to bother reading your actual post. The information contained in the title is sufficient for me to give you my opinion.

    Keep it out of the workplace. Entire sitcom story arcs have been based off of workplace romance.
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    Jan 02, 2013 1:45 AM GMT
    It seems like he likes you, mostly consciously, but isn't all that clear on how to express it or even if you'd reciprocate(which you haven't, so he might be have a screwed up perception of your stance). If he's making that much effort to spend time with you off of work and to get physical with you, he has to like you on some level. People don't grab, rub, mount, etc other people they are repulsed by.

    Since you both work together, it'd probably be best to approach this with tact. If he's asked you which team you swing for, then he has to have some idea that you're into guys to begin with. If you really want to move things forward with him in a way that isn't all that threatening, the next time he asks, just be honest with him and make it clear that you like to keep your private life private and would prefer it if he didn't mouth off about it at work. Keep it relaxed and nonchalant but be firm about the need for his confidence with this information. That would make your proclivities clear and put the ball back in his court if he wanted to eventually experiment with you or whatever.

    Your call though. No matter what the signs are or how you approach it, he could still end up blowing up about it. Of course, the longer you wait, the more his feelings for you may dissipate if you continue being indifferent so there's obviously a time limit to this.
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    Jan 02, 2013 1:45 AM GMT
    RoadsterRacer87 saidI'm not even going to bother reading your actual post. The information contained in the title is sufficient for me to give you my opinion.

    Keep it out of the workplace. Entire sitcom story arcs have been based off of workplace romance.


    Except life isn't a sitcom.
  • seanboe1

    Posts: 37

    Jan 02, 2013 3:01 AM GMT
    I am trying to remain objective about the situation. I have never had a work relationship and never planned on it. That being said I have 0 desire to work for the agency I do for much longer. I actually have another job lined up and am already working for them part time. I just turned down a full time spot with them due to an upcoming vacation I have lined up. My industry is fairly easy to move around in. My desire to be with this guy has not effected my patient care at all and will not. Part of working as a Paramedic is having a ton of down time in which to fuck off and then having to get serious very quickly. Working in EMS is hard to describe to others who have never worked in the industry. We work such odd schedules that dating other EMS people becomes the best if not only option sometimes. Hooking up with your partner is extremely common. Frowned upon but common. As to the guy that thought he might be bi polar he is not. It seems like he has some inner frustrations that he is working out. He seems pretty lonely to me due to the fact most of his friends have moved out of the rural area he lives in. I am sure this plays into the feelings I know he has for me. Whether or not it goes beyond best buddies is where I am confused. He does not act like this around other guys and I know most of his friends at this point. I have worked in EMS for 10 years and have been very close to my partners but never like this. I go to work every shift and do my best to stay very objective about the situation, and tell myself that we are just friends and things are pretty normal until he begins the flirting. I enjoy the friendship and work well with this guy, I am doing my best to take it one shift at a time and not overanalyze things. If this was not a work situation then this would not be an issue and I would have already either made a move or written him off. I take the quote "In the end we only regret the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were scared to have and the decisions we waited too long to make. There comes a time in your life when you realise who matters, who doesn't, who never did and who always will. So don't worry about the people from your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future" literally. As far as what I want out of this guy? Only time would be able to tell I guess. I am not afraid of heart break and tears. That is just real life. It wont be the first broken heart and probably wont be the last.

    I am dating other guys so it is not like my life has stopped. For a very long time I was in the closet so far that I was finding forgotten Christmas presents. I regret not coming out earlier and probably always will. I recently found out that a guy who thought I was straight had a huge crush on me and never made a move because of that. He now knows that I am gay and we talk often. He now lives with his partner in another state and I know he regrets not having said anything to me at the time. We would have made an awesome couple.
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    Jan 02, 2013 3:10 AM GMT
    I read it somewhere the other day that some guys would identify themselves as straight,but still would have gay sex. Google straight guy gay sex!!!
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    Jan 02, 2013 4:05 AM GMT
    In my honest opinion, this guy could be really comfortable about his sexuality and just sees you as one of his mates. I don't know about other straight guys but my friends tended to settle down pretty quickly with me. After a good 24 hours of talking they just talked about all sorts of stuff with me, and I was confused too. But one of them asked me drunkenly if I was gay while we were drinking and I told them yes and everyone was cool with it.
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    Jan 02, 2013 4:24 AM GMT
    Here's the thing, in a situation like this, I would think the worst case scenario here. He's completely straight and loves horsing around with his buddies like every other young, immature kid and sees you as a big brother or very close friend. You tell him you're gay and even if he's ok with it continues to act the way he does with you. Seems interested but really isn't. You try something and fail miserably at hooking him making it completely awkward for you and him at work. Your job suffers, people die, you get fired, whatever!

    Or, you two could hit it off, get down and shake some sheets, you realize it wasn't what you thought it would be but he becomes a insane stalker making work completely awkward for you, your job suffers, people die, you get fired....either way, even if you get him, you get fucked in the end and people die!

    Worse case scenario!

    Also, I'd like to part some words of wisdom we practice at my job when it comes to security violations.....

    "If you find yourself second guessing your actions, you probably shouldn't do it"
  • mynyun

    Posts: 1346

    Jan 02, 2013 4:30 AM GMT
    smudgetool saidA co-worker?
    Don't fish off the same pier.
    Or, don't get your honey where you get your money. If you really have profound homophobia in you're line of work, why is this even an issue?


    Ha ha I've never heard of either of these but I understand.

    He may be gay he may be str8. You can be buds and if something happens then it happens. Maybe he is a bit curious and wants to talk about it with someone first. Maybe not. Maybe he asked you if you were gay to let you get the ball started and then talk about it or something.
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    Jan 02, 2013 4:51 AM GMT
    mrkchn saidI read it somewhere the other day that some guys would identify themselves as straight,but still would have gay sex. Google straight guy gay sex!!!


    And, visit www.straightguise.com.