It's time to come out to my parents but I have no idea how? How do you conquer that type of fear?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 17, 2012 5:19 AM GMT
    Ok, i'm gay. My sister knows, friends know (work doesn't know because it's mad homophobic there) and I don't hide it at school or anything. I'm a junior in college but I do live at home. Which sucks, but that's life when you don't have money like that.

    Anyway, I want to come out to my parents but...that's the scariest thing in the world. My unconditioned response is to lie to them and to hide everything possible that could expose the truth. It's gotten to the point where we barely talk to each other and the relationship has decayed. But I can't come out. How do you get over that kind of fear? There's no way I could ever say to them that i'm gay...

    But now life just hurts because I don't know if i'm ready to come out but its only mind ALL the time, I feel like life is just a bad thing and I feel generally really lonely. I don't know if my friends are really my friends and I don't know how to deal. I talked to a counselor but it was so late in the semester I have to wait until February for my second session. I don't know if this willl help me either. School isn't going well, I feel like life is a terrible thing and i'm a gay guy that should've just turned out straight.

    Sorry if this is rambling, i'm just kinda wired
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 17, 2012 7:18 AM GMT
    Have you found the love of your life, or what is your reason for wanting to come out to your parents at this point in time?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 17, 2012 5:08 PM GMT
    Quick perspective check here:

    Coming out to your parents is scary as hell. If you don't feel ready, nobody else is going to tell you you are. If you feel maybe ready, nobody will convince you otherwise. This decision is yours pal--you own it, nobody else. You'll tell them when you do.

    Second: life seems shitty and lonely. Just a heads up: EVERYONE FEELS LIKE THIS. Especially at your spot in life. It's not because you're gay, but because we're gay it's easy to say, "Well, that MUST be why I'm so depressed. If I was born straight I wouldn't feel this way." But everyone does. You're not broken. You're not improperly wired. You're a human being and life does suck sometimes and loneliness happens. I'm not trying to play down their severity--it is painful and difficult to get through that. But you're not unique in that. You're a human being. You're just like billions. Try to find comfort in that.

    My guess is, you want to tell your parents. It's kind of like ripping off a band-aid. You're certain work is not the place for it, but unsure about your parents. I'm guessing that's because you're sensing there's a chance it might go okay with your parents.

    You'll figure it out. It's really something you have to decide. A counselor will help put it into perspective but it'll always be your choice.

    And I'm sorry shit feels hard and kinda hopeless right now. It doesn't always.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 17, 2012 5:25 PM GMT
    ChunkJGZX said a lot of very good things in his post especially the fact that coming out to your parents can be one of the hardest things to do. However it can also be a very freeing experience as well, although that feeling may come much later after the fact. In all do it whenever you feel ready. If you don't feel ready yet because you are currently living with them and it could cause a bunch of stress than there's always the option of waiting til you can live on your own. When I came out I had already been out of the house for nearly a year, and while it was still a sad, frustratingly annoying experience, I was able to go back to my apartment and not have to deal with their negativity if I were to still be living with them. After six months our relationship is back to being close, with the exception that I no longer seek their approval. Of course, my counselor had told me also that some people never tell their parents and they are perfectly content in keeping it that way. In all I wish you luck on however you choose to approach it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 17, 2012 7:36 PM GMT
    It's better to face your fear and come out while you can, instead of having your fear thrown in your face when your parents find out through other means and confront you about it.

    My parents caught me in the act with my bf 20 years ago. That wasn't a pretty situation. However, I did survive, overcome, and a lot happier now as a result.
  • Sportsfan1

    Posts: 479

    Dec 17, 2012 8:57 PM GMT
    My brothers and sisters all know. I told them all many years ago. I have never told my parents. I probably never will. First of all, my parents and I have never discussed anything dealing with sexuality of any kind. Secondly I know how they think and they simply would not understand. Fortunately I live on my own, I do not live with my parents like you do. You have to ask yourself would your life be better them knowing this aspect about you or not. Remember you do not owe your parents anything, they should be able to love and accept you as you are, not the other way around. As soon as you are able get a place of your own. This time in your life is not forever, just hang in there and things will get better. All the best to you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 17, 2012 8:57 PM GMT
    do it on ur own time. when the pros outweigh the cons, u'll know it's the rt time.
    told mine over dinner (yep, in public); just couldn't live a lie anymore. went well. was the rt time...4 me.