Everyone hot who is interested in me is apparently easy =(

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2012 7:13 AM GMT
    There's the thread title and then there's my post, which ended up being a rambling stream of consciousness with multiple other "questions". I might have interpreted some situations/events below wrong, so please let me know whether you agree or disagree with my thinking (keeping in mind i've been assuming many people's motives). Sorry for rambling... dunno how to edit without cutting potentially relevant factors... Anyway...

    Looks like I'm a beggar and chooser at the same time, since the guys I like are almost always way better-looking than me (I'm above-average but have been told often that my standards are still too high)... hence I haven't touched a guy in almost a year. It doesn't help that I've been a prude for as long as I was gay... but lately I've become so horny that I'm opening up to the idea of making out with someone I just met at a club as long as they are super hot.

    But it seems like the last 4 times a really hot guy is interested, my friends warn me that said guy is either a slut, or a rice queen if white (i'm asian). Most of my time, it's my ex who is telling me these things... Since I'm such an introvert, (he keeps reminding me that tops need to make the first move lol, is that true?) he's also been my wingman, though a really lousy one, so sometimes I can't help but wonder if he's trying to sabotage my potential relationships or flings. Quick backstory on the ex: we dated 2 years ago for 6 months, before I broke up with him due to my discomfort with his moral code, but as a person he's great, and we stayed close friends since.

    Most recently I was at a club, and saw a really cute guy in the crowd on the stage dancing with an asian dude. It looked like he was taken, so I just bitterly/jokingly pointed him out to my ex, who recognized the guy and warned me that he'll sleep with any asian, so I set my sights elsewhere... until I keep noticing him smiling at me over the shoulder of the asian dude he's being grinded by... my ex also noticed, introduced us both and got a convo started among us, before patting me on the back saying "he's all yours" while leaving (can it get more obvious!?) The other asian guy was right there and I couldn't bring myself to chat until I asked them if they were dating, and they said they're just friends. Phew.

    Either my ex regretted setting us up, or was surprised/horrified that I haven't totally made a fool of myself yet, because soon he came back and dragged me away to get more beer, which was timely because I was still too sober to be in even my version of slut mode. (what's the male term for slut or whore btw?). My ex told me the name of a mutual friend who the hot guy had slept with, presumably among many others, warning me not to sleep with him. I had no intention of sleeping with the guy and am pretty confident in my self-control, so I reassured him Ithat I'm just having some light fun at the club.

    When we started returning from the bar, the hot guy appears saying "you left me!" I said "I said I'd be back! Where's your friend?" "I dunno, he's around..." Then he starts getting touchy feely while we were dancing, increasingly so until he kissed me, quickly apologized for it, and then did it again and again, along with the apologies, and soon we were making out.

    One of my ex's friends sternly tells me "i know he's hot but you can do so much better", which made me start to worry about my reputation. But then again, am I any worse for making out with an allegedly-slutty stranger than with any other stranger? To me, his history is less relevant than me making a conscious decision to be "bad" while drawing an arbitrary(?) moral line between 2nd and 3rd base.

    Then there's his friend, who caught us kissing with a horrified look on his face, who forced it into a pained smile when I finally noticed. He kept physically inserting himself into our grinding pile (for lack of better words), but the hot guy kept coming back to me. So I asked the friend privately if they have ever dated, and he insisted that they were just friends, (though prolly not without benefits, in my mind)... because seemingly at the prospect at not getting any that night, the friend suddenly became enamoured with my ex and was all over him. My ex texted me "it is only supposed to be a trade and move on... not all night long". What does that mean? Did I even need a wingman for only a few minutes of grinding? Later he was giving me the death stare while "unwillingly" pity-grinding the friend, and kept saying "I hate you lol" every time we are in earshot. But I really question his apparent selflessness when they began necking and kissing each other.

    Eventually my ex tried to discreetly whisk me away to our group's usual after-clubbing eatery, but I wanted the hot guy's company for as long as possible, so I told him I'm leaving, and he and his friend came with everyone to the restaurant. My ex kept telling me that I shouldn't have brought him here if I didn't intend on bringing him home. Is this true? Expectations for if u bring a guy from the club to the restaurant?

    Even though I only had 4 beers that night and was pretty sober, I wanted to use the food as a pretext to appear gradually less drunk and hence less interested in the guy, to let him go less-abruptly. Sure enough he had his hand on my thigh the whole time and tried to feed me several times lol... we look really good together, sigh. Since the club, I had stopped reciprocating, but he didn't seem to take the hint, until everyone was leaving the restaurant and saying goodbyes, and instead of saying bye or even looking at him I simply began walking towards home with another friend (as instructed by my ex lol). Fortunately he didn't follow.

    The next day my ex told me he's never seen me so desparate before, which was strange coming from someone who currently visits his other ex for "benefits", (which I brought up like an asshole lol) He mentioned that the asian guy from the night before is still asking him for a hookup. I was like "lol now how would that be possible if you didn't give him your number?"
    "cuz he asked, and so he won't bother you while you were having fun, I just went with the flow... that's why i kissed him too"
    "haha only you would convince yourself that you were kissing him for me"
    Then my ex got defensive and said that if he actually wanted some he could have gotten it from his other ex, or one of our friends, or just went for the hot guy himself.

    Usually I pride myself in my intuition at knowing other's inner motives, but there's way too much to process...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2012 7:19 AM GMT
    Cuz i'm talking about my questionable behaviours, and also don't want my gay friends to potentially find out that i'm the kind of guy who writes a ridiculously-long post online lol

    edit: i don't think u read any of it if u think I hooked up at any point
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1165

    Dec 17, 2012 8:02 AM GMT
    coolbeans said...But then again, am I any worse for making out with an allegedly-slutty stranger than with any other stranger? To me, his history is less relevant than me making a conscious decision to be "bad" while drawing an arbitrary(?) moral line between 2nd and 3rd base.


    Any guy u just met who would make out with you at a club is a slut. You draw the line between 2nd and 3rd; I draw it at 1st base.
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1165

    Dec 17, 2012 8:13 AM GMT
    btw I can see why you and your ex split. He rationalizes his wrongdoings while you rather compartmentalize yours than deny them. Must have been a lot of accusatory conversations between u two...
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    Dec 17, 2012 8:23 AM GMT
    Personally, I don't think your ex has your best interest in mind. Doesn't seem like he's actually trying to be your wing-man, He doesn't want you to find another guy. It sounds like your ex's friends feel the same way.

    Tops don't always need to make the first move; that's like saying "tops are the men in a relationship and bottoms are the women".

    Male term for "slut" or "whore" . . . "Man-Whore".?? Haha

    It wasn't wrong of you to make out with the "allegedly slutty stranger" at the club. You were dancing with him, you got in the moment, it happens. And you didn't have any intentions of going any further, so, of course not.

    But, inviting him to the restaurant after probably wasn't such a good idea. I think you might of led him on, especially after dancing and making out with him.

    You listen to what your ex says a little too much. Don't let it affect your decisions when you're looking for someone. He obviously IS trying to sabatoge your efforts.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 17, 2012 1:18 PM GMT
    Post count.+1


    That was too easy.
  • highforthis

    Posts: 680

    Dec 17, 2012 11:45 PM GMT
    HungWhiteDick said
    coolbeans saidi don't think u read any of it if u think I hooked up at any point


    You sex the ex on occasion and you made out with easy guy in the bar


    His ex sexes an "other ex" on occasion, not the OP himself.

    I've been in a similar situation, where a superhot guy wanted me, but I backed off because I heard he's easy and loves twink bottoms. But if I went for him, it doesn't make me any "easier" than anyone who has ever hooked up. I actually regret not getting on with the superhot guy.

    I have an asian friend who rejected this cute white guy because that guy was rumoured to be a rice-queen. That's stupid, why choose hard if you're not even looking for anything serious? If it's about pride, an easy hot guy's standards are probably as good as a not-so-easy average guy's standards, right?
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    Dec 18, 2012 1:42 AM GMT
    Slim2010 saidIt wasn't wrong of you to make out with the "allegedly slutty stranger" at the club. You were dancing with him, you got in the moment, it happens...


    Haha, it's like you are feeding lines for me to explain to my friends why I'm not a man-whore.

    Honestly it wasn't just the heat of "the moment" and it didn't "just happen". I was hoping to make out with him the minute I first saw him, and knew it was a sure thing by the time he followed us to the bar. The knowledge of the fact that he's predisposed to my "type" made it easier than usual to be coy and just let him do all the work lol.

    I had the feeling that my ex would have wanted me to fail with even a non-slutty guy, and he probably would be just as lousy at "helping" me. But from my interactions with the hot guy, I also sensed that my ex probably wasn't completely lying about him.

    whytehot saidbtw I can see why you and your ex split. He rationalizes his wrongdoings while you rather compartmentalize yours than deny them. Must have been a lot of accusatory conversations between u two...


    Yeah I'm actually pretty self aware of that tendency... surprised it was so apparent. I hold much contempt for people who make excuses for their morals.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2012 2:17 AM GMT
    Good read. For a long "rambling" one, it's refreshingly honest imo. Looks like you're not setting yourself up to date anyone from this site either icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2012 2:26 AM GMT
    I lurked and saw already that there was no one in my area. At least no one hot enough hahaha.

    Actually not true, I messaged 4 guys but they weren't interested lol.
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1165

    Dec 18, 2012 3:21 AM GMT
    Slim2010 saidIt wasn't wrong of you to make out with the "allegedly slutty stranger" at the club. You were dancing with him, you got in the moment, it happens. And you didn't have any intentions of going any further, so, of course not..


    Judging from OP's openly-calculated thought process as displayed in his post, I doubt anything "just happened" rofl.
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    Dec 19, 2012 12:24 AM GMT
    Tomorrow I'm going out with that group of friends I was with for the first time since the slut episode of last friday... but for some reason I feel no shame at all lol.
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1165

    Dec 19, 2012 2:24 AM GMT
    coolbeans saidI lurked and saw already that there was no one in my area. At least no one hot enough hahaha.

    Actually not true, I messaged 4 guys but they weren't interested lol.


    Just curious btw. Can you send me a private pic? Chances are i'm not in your area, but I really want to know how you look like, and why only 4 people are good enough for you. Obviously you live in a city big enough to have gay clubs...
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    Dec 20, 2012 5:39 AM GMT
    Sent lol. Yeah I live in LA so there's a ton of guys... but I'm also really picky. I'm like a 7/10, but the only guys I've ever touched are 11/10's... they happen like once or twice a year lol. I think i'll be forever alone...
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 20, 2012 6:18 AM GMT
    You're a mess. So you're a 7 looking for 10s, and a prude besides (and since no pic, maybe even a 6). Just what is the point of your post? Kissing a guy in a club is not slutty. Leading him on by taking him along with you to eat afterwards when you don't want him is vile, and probably signifies you're a 22 year old arrogant twit. Yes, you will likely be alone forever, unless someday you are willing to rent. So get some porn and exercise your hand.
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1165

    Dec 20, 2012 7:13 AM GMT
    coolbeans saidSent lol...


    Kinda creepy how you can message me and I can't message you...

    Anyway, LOVE the picture... especially the AF model you were tonguing. IN WHAT UNIVERSE does this happen to a 6/10? (no offense) Please teach me your ways.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 8:00 PM GMT
    ^^I think this happens more often than you think, just not between an asian 6 and a white 10 lolol

    I don't have "ways"... i just wait for a long time inbetween 10's, and hope my personality will reel them in.... the last time one was interested in me was like a year ago hahaha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 8:04 PM GMT
    Suetonius saidYou're a mess. So you're a 7 looking for 10s, and a prude besides (and since no pic, maybe even a 6). Just what is the point of your post? Kissing a guy in a club is not slutty. Leading him on by taking him along with you to eat afterwards when you don't want him is vile, and probably signifies you're a 22 year old arrogant twit. Yes, you will likely be alone forever, unless someday you are willing to rent. So get some porn and exercise your hand.


    Isn't kissing a guy at a club also leading him on to some degree?
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 25, 2012 3:48 AM GMT
    coolbeans said
    Suetonius saidYou're a mess. So you're a 7 looking for 10s, and a prude besides (and since no pic, maybe even a 6). Just what is the point of your post? Kissing a guy in a club is not slutty. Leading him on by taking him along with you to eat afterwards when you don't want him is vile, and probably signifies you're a 22 year old arrogant twit. Yes, you will likely be alone forever, unless someday you are willing to rent. So get some porn and exercise your hand.


    Isn't kissing a guy at a club also leading him on to some degree?
    No, it's a mutual action(unless you are overpowering a kissee).
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    Dec 25, 2012 5:46 AM GMT
    I didn't drag him to the restaurant; I just told him my frds and I were leaving, and he & frd followed us. I knew he wanted more, but I could have just as easily assumed that he just wanted food too lol, right?

    Where do u draw the line? Wouldn't making out with a guy be more deceptive (if I didn't want to take him home) than letting him join us for food?