What should my next move be?

  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Dec 18, 2012 5:28 AM GMT
    Okay, 2 weeks ago at my work party I was pretty drunk and one of my friends told this guy "Adam totally wants to hook up with you" to this guy I hooked up with last Xmas party (but have had ZERO contact with since then).

    He then told them to bring me over. We chated for a bit but then I eventually left.
    I drunkenly texted him and since then we've been texting each other. We planned to go clubbing one friday but he had to "rain check" it as it he wasn't tired so we aimed for the following Thursday. He bailed on that saying he was too poor to go clubbing and was pretty apologetic but wanted to know when I was free next.
    I told him I was going to a works drink catchup on Saturday night. He said he would come after a dinner he was going to.
    On saturday I texted him if he was still coming and he said "unsure" but then at the party someone else said that he texted them saying he was coming which got my hopes up. He never made it out, so I haven't made any contact since then.

    Anyways, today (Tuesday) I saw him at work. He walked by and he waved so I smiled and waved back but I couldn't talk as I was with a customer. I checked an hour later and there was a couple of messages from him on my phone again and I've sent him a couple back and forwards. He seems to take FOREVER to reply though.

    Anyways I think he's super cute and wanna hang out with him but I don't wanna seem desperate especially now i've instigated 'catchup's a couple times now.
    I'm kinda over the pointless back and forward messages.

    Thoughts?
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    Dec 18, 2012 5:46 AM GMT
    If he really was as into you as you are into him, he'd make more of an effort to hangout with you. Been there, done that. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Let him make the first move next time, but, don't get your hopes up just in case.
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    Dec 18, 2012 6:50 AM GMT
    Gotta agree.

    You're coming off needy. And I don't think he's all that into you. Plus he's a jerk for just not being upfront about it. Try to maintain your dignity. God knows how many times I've sacrificed it for a man who simply doesn't feel the same...even though he said that he liked me alot.
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    Dec 18, 2012 6:52 AM GMT
    Your next move is to move on. 3 strikes and he's OUT.

    I don't deal with flakes when plans are made. I don't care how poor you are, how rainy it is outside, or how unsure they are. If they making excuses it's almost always a reason. And usually non of the above.
  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Dec 18, 2012 11:42 AM GMT
    Ugh now I've come across as a desperate fool!
    The last text I sent asked him what he was up to for week.
    He said "pretty open this week actually. You"

    How should I respond?
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    Dec 18, 2012 1:01 PM GMT
    Onemoresummer saidUgh now I've come across as a desperate fool!
    The last text I sent asked him what he was up to for week.
    He said "pretty open this week actually. You"

    How should I respond?


    Just play it cool, ease off a little. He knows he doesn't have to put forth much effort and you are right there. Wait and see if he does the persuing.
    If not, I would move on to someone else.
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    Dec 18, 2012 7:24 PM GMT
    Don't. Move on with head held high.

    This is typically how guys end it with me.
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    Dec 18, 2012 7:32 PM GMT
    Onemoresummer saidUgh now I've come across as a desperate fool!
    The last text I sent asked him what he was up to for week.
    He said "pretty open this week actually. You"

    How should I respond?

    In my limited experience, this means that he's interested but only a little bit. He likes having you as a backup for when/if other things don't work out. If you stop responding, you won't hear from him, just like you didn't hear from him for a year after you hooked up.

    If you're actually interested, I'd reply back that you're free a couple days that week (giving actual dates) and tell him to pick one to hangout. Don't be too free but don't be vague either. You need to be direct and actually make firm plans. "I'm free Monday, Wednesday and Thursday - pick a night and let's go get a drink at Bar Funsies." If he doesn't pick a night and show up, you're done. It's time to move on.
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    Dec 18, 2012 7:36 PM GMT
    If someone really wants to be with you, he'll make time for you. Some way, somehow, he'll find a way to do it.
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    Dec 18, 2012 7:39 PM GMT
    Like others have said, if he was interested in all, even if it were to jump your bones one night, he'd make an effort to at least see through plans that you have made. The fact that he bailed on you at least 3 times tells me you're a back up plan if he has nothing better to do one night.

    If someone has made plans with me, even if other more important things come up, I at least show up and do something with them but have to leave early. I reschedule things and move around events for a date with someone I like.

    I'd forget about it dude... stop letting him have a backup plan.
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    Dec 18, 2012 8:16 PM GMT
    Onemoresummer saidUgh now I've come across as a desperate fool!
    The last text I sent asked him what he was up to for week.
    He said "pretty open this week actually. You"

    How should I respond?


    I'd give him the chance again for specific plans like someone above stated.

    That's like my biggest peeve about trying to date in this day and age. Seems like people don't know how to ask anyone out anymore. I had 1 guy get mad at me because I suggested getting together, then he claims I was being vague and not making specific plans. I told him...your input would be just as helpful.

    When I suggested going to a couple of gay spots, he's blows up on me asking why I have to go to 'gay' places. I'm like dude, you just told me you wanted me to make specific plans. Now you're criticizing the plans I made. Needless to say, I quickly dumped his number out. Watch out for guys who agree to going on a date without giving any input on their own. Guys who are just too agreeable about a date without making any effort to suggest something tend to flake.
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    Dec 18, 2012 8:24 PM GMT
    What Ice, Squintz and Slim said is probably true - he is just not that much into you. But Imasrsd gave you the perfect play - give him a couple of alternate dates . On the off chance that he does have an interest in you, he will follow through. But be prepared to write him off when he (likely) fails on you again. And even if you get this one date, given past history, it's more than likely won't lead to anything in the future.
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    Dec 18, 2012 8:26 PM GMT
    Never get drunk at the office party. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 18, 2012 8:47 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidNever get drunk at the office party. icon_rolleyes.gif


    who'd want to go to some bullshit like that anyway? i don't need people I deal with on a daily basis to know how I am when I have a buzz nor would I want to know how they are.
  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Dec 19, 2012 3:48 AM GMT
    I didn't bother texting back. Can't be bothered with back and forth messages that go nowhere. If he wants to do anything up to him.
    Thanks for the advice!
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    Dec 19, 2012 4:28 AM GMT
    mindgarden saidNever get drunk at the office party. icon_rolleyes.gif


    Yeah, it's just a bad idea.

    Sounds like you are his back burner guy. He probably has other "prospects" and is coming to you when they don't pan out. Don't be strung along for too long, my friend.
  • mrblue

    Posts: 27

    Dec 19, 2012 6:13 AM GMT
    Good choice. It seems he was never the one to initiate any of the messages so he is probably not interested in moving it forward.

    Next!
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    Dec 19, 2012 8:59 AM GMT
    This is why my inclination to meet men anymore at bars has fizzled almost entirely due to this kind of stuff. I know you didn't meet the guy at a bar...but, on an average weekend of getting numbers, this is the kind of stuff I have had to deal with repeatedly.

    Sometimes I like to play the game of, "who's going to call first". If I ask for someone's number, I want to see them be the person to hit me up first since I already made the initial effort. Or, if I hit on someone...I won't ask for their number since I already made the initial approach.

    Saves me alot of headache and frustration. There's a guy at the gym who've we chatted occasionally there or out at the bar...but the guy hasn't even so much asked for my name much less me ask for a number.

  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Dec 22, 2012 11:47 AM GMT
    UPDATE:
    He message me 2 days after the last text asking to go clubbing.
    We did.
    We hooked up at the club. Then he stayed the night at mine ;)

    He also came and talked to me at work the next day.

    So do you think he sees me as just a hook up given that the only 2 times we've hung out we've slept together or what?
    I kinda wanna hang out again but not sure if i'm just a random connivence for him...
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    Dec 22, 2012 12:17 PM GMT
    Funny how much some guys give more attention when it's nothing serious, but can't seem to pull themselves together to commit.

    /jaded experiences
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    Dec 22, 2012 12:17 PM GMT
    FUCK BUDDIES
  • Ej101

    Posts: 444

    Dec 22, 2012 1:01 PM GMT
    He just want to hookup with you, that's all
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    Dec 22, 2012 1:42 PM GMT
    Onemoresummer saidUPDATE:
    He message me 2 days after the last text asking to go clubbing.
    We did.
    We hooked up at the club. Then he stayed the night at mine ;)

    He also came and talked to me at work the next day.

    So do you think he sees me as just a hook up given that the only 2 times we've hung out we've slept together or what?
    I kinda wanna hang out again but not sure if i'm just a random connivence for him...


    What are you hoping for with this guy? If I were you I would be very cautious about getting too emotionally involved and hoping for something long term. He sounds like a player and if you fall for him you are likely to get hurt. I would tread very carefully.
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    Dec 23, 2012 1:22 AM GMT
    Neight saidFUCK BUDDIES


    +1
    That's what it sounds like. . .
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    Dec 23, 2012 1:27 AM GMT
    Onemoresummer saidUPDATE:
    He message me 2 days after the last text asking to go clubbing.
    We did.
    We hooked up at the club. Then he stayed the night at mine ;)

    He also came and talked to me at work the next day.

    So do you think he sees me as just a hook up given that the only 2 times we've hung out we've slept together or what?
    I kinda wanna hang out again but not sure if i'm just a random connivence for him...

    You're a random convenience. I want to make a joke about a convenience store but it'd probably fall flat on it's face. icon_neutral.gif