Coming out

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2012 11:18 AM GMT
    I just came out to my mother. I think i now have post traumatic stress lol. Is coming out ever a pleasant experience?
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    Dec 19, 2012 1:00 PM GMT
    Yes and no! Yes, I was relieved to tell the truth. Sort of a "I'm free" feeling. On the other hand, my mom was confused and didn't know how to take it. Over time, it got better and our relationship improved. It was worth it to come out for me. Hope it works well for you too! icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 19, 2012 1:05 PM GMT
    ... overall coming out to other gays and some very very close friends has been pleasant, but coming out to family has been very stressful.

    congratulations on coming out to your Mother.
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    Dec 19, 2012 1:15 PM GMT
    Was just not that big of a deal. Was married for a while and had a couple of kids and even telling them was easy, probably because it was not really such a dramatic event as it was introducing a new relationship who just happened to be hot, sexy, smart and male. It's like the next day everyone moves on. No big deal.
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    Dec 19, 2012 1:23 PM GMT
    jayj014 saidI just came out to my mother. I think i now have post traumatic stress lol. Is coming out ever a pleasant experience?

    Other guys here tell some great & happy stories about their coming out. So yes, it can be a pleasant experience. Mine was, with just a few bumps. I wouldn't go back for anything. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 19, 2012 1:59 PM GMT
    On my 20th birthday(22 years ago) I came out to my Mom.

    Her response was "I'm not shocked and I'm not upset. But do you still like girls?"

    We had some good laughs that night.

    But her full acceptance was a slow process.

    The idea of her son having sex with some random guy didn't appeal to her.

    Though when I finally met a guy I cared about enough to pursue a relationship, she was very supportive.

    One of the sweetest things she's ever told me was "I just want you to be with someone who will be good to you." Every mother's best wish for her child.

    After coming out to my Mom, I was confident to tell anyone else who ever cared to know.

    GREAT FOR YOU, CONGRATULATIONS!
  • laydbck

    Posts: 34

    Dec 19, 2012 3:12 PM GMT
    anyone having issues with being gay can contact G force sports which is an anymouis sight where you can find a mentor to talk to.


  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    Dec 19, 2012 3:31 PM GMT
    Hi Jay:

    I was outed to my parents so needless to say, it was a little bit stressful. But over time, they've become OK with things. What does happen when you come out, despite the initial pain of it, is totally liberating. I think sometimes the pain is due to the need to conform to what others think we should be, being ripped away.

    Think of it this way - we as gay guys are lucky, in that we have the option to come out and then become who we want to be, uniquely. What a great opportunity.

    Though it may not seem like it now, an amazing life is right in front of you. Be the person you truly want to be, and don't hold back. There are a lot of wonderful, supportive people on this site and in general. None of us start out confident in this game, but through being supportive and understanding - we become that.

    You have every reason to be optimistic, excited and yes, even a little scared. It's all OK. :-)

    You're going to be great. Congratulations to you for coming out and daring to be YOU!
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    Dec 19, 2012 3:32 PM GMT
    Yes, first of all, congrats on coming out.

    If your coming-out experience wasn't very pleasant, just give it some time. Things could possibly get better, and hopefully they will.

    And I agree with Erik. There's a huge weight lifted off your shoulders in a sense. My situation was pretty similar because my mother also just couldn't seem to get it at the time. She thought it was only "teenage confusion" on my part, considering I came out at 15. Since then, we've both come a long way. We're so close that it's ridiculous. (Yeah....I'm a Mama's boy.) She still playfully wishes for the "right" girl to come around, but soon after she'll also let me know that she'll be happy with whoever I choose to be with. As long as he is good to me.

    My dad......didn't even care as much as I thought he would. I honestly thought this man was going to through me out (even had bags packed just in case). He just gave me a little speech about parenting, basically told me he didn't care and he still loves me.

    My brother on the other hand........that bitch is still in denial. Like. Get it out of your head. I feel like his friends are starting to think he's crazy. That or just too damn prideful. (His definition of pride, that is.)
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    Dec 19, 2012 5:31 PM GMT
    Congrats to you! Some great comments here, read them and I think you'll find that they're all mostly very supportive and informative. Good luck!
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    Dec 19, 2012 5:33 PM GMT
    Congrats! It can make you a little shellshocked at first, but it is extremely freeing! There is not a better feeling in the world!
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    Dec 19, 2012 6:17 PM GMT

    My coming out to my family was kind of accidental (longish story !). At that point I had never even been with a guy.

    Once I got past that and was re-assured that 1) my family loved me no less and 2) my mother and brother said they had known for a long time, then came the hard part: giving myself permission to be who am I am, and risking rejection etc to enjoy having sex with and developing romantic feelings for men. Once I was able to do that, things were fantastic.

    In my case honestly think the hardest part was becoming 100% ok with who I am.
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    Dec 19, 2012 6:18 PM GMT
    My coming out to my family was kind of accidental (longish story !). At that point I had never even been with a guy.

    Once I got past that and was re-assured that 1) my family loved me no less and 2) my mother and brother said they had known for a long time, then came the hard part: giving myself permission to be who am I am, and risking rejection etc to enjoy having sex with and developing romantic feelings for men. Once I was able to do that, things were fantastic.

    In my case honestly think the hardest part was becoming 100% ok with who I am.
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    Dec 19, 2012 6:26 PM GMT
    The actual day and the coming time it sucked. I lost my best friends (My parents). We didn't talk for about a month. I never had felt so lonely and depressed.

    But..... after that dark time my life has gradually gotten better and I have never been happier. I don't have to lie to my parents or anyone anymore. I can just be myself and enjoy all that comes with it. My parents and I have steadily grown close again. We may not talk about every personal detail but I have never felt closer to them.

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    Dec 19, 2012 9:43 PM GMT
    If it were a pleasant experience, then "coming out" wouldn't need to exist. The issue is coming to terms with who you are and basically telling the people who you are closest to that you are the same person that you were before you told them but they were mistaken in who they thought you were.

    You are not bad, flawed, broken, evil or unworthy of love and respect because you are gay. That is not said because I thought you said it but rather because you cannot let anyone (no matter who they are or how important they are to you) convince you that these things are true.

    Then, in the long run, coming out is always better than not because you eliminate the relentlessly draining aspects of living an untrue life will have on your health, your psyche and your all of your relationships.

    All you need to do now is to enjoy living your life honestly and occasionally demonstrate to your family and friends that you are happy and that they have the option to be happy for you too, but your happiness in being out is not contingent on their happiness.
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    Dec 19, 2012 9:47 PM GMT
    Coming out is a pleasant experience when you come out to your uber-hot straight best bud, who immediately replies, "Oh, thank God! I've been in love with you from the moment I saw you!" before giving you the kiss of your young life.

    Which has happened zero times in the history of the human race ... icon_smile.gif
  • FLMatman

    Posts: 15

    Dec 19, 2012 10:31 PM GMT
    I was outed by email to my mass distribution list for my annual FSU vs UM tailgate party to over 300 of my closest friends, family members, co-workers, fraternity brothers, and classmates back in 1996. I have to conduct one-on-one conversations with 12 people who matter in my life. This person who outed me was my best friend which I didn't forgive until almost ten years later. Today, I considered him as a friend but he is not my best friend. My other best friend was totally cool as he remembers that I try to tell him back in 9th grade after winning my first wrestling match in high school. Now, that is another story!
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    Dec 19, 2012 10:37 PM GMT
    Coming out to people you care about is always stressful, in some way. It's because you're doing a "reveal" of something previously hidden, and worry about acceptance.

    Often there is a huge stress relief after, particularly if they figured it out before you told them, lol.

    Immediately after, if you've been stressed for too long, you may also be "coming down" from the stress hormones. The energy from those, no matter how non-constructive the effects, can also feel like a loss.
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    Dec 19, 2012 10:50 PM GMT
    Congrats on coming out.

    To answer your question, I don't think it's ever pleasant. However there are definitely varying levels of how bad it can go.
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    Dec 19, 2012 11:05 PM GMT
    I came out at like 30, so I did not care what people thought at that point.It can be harder when you are you are younger.Chin up.Dont let anyone insult you or belittle you.Keep an F bomb handy just in case.Ryan
  • Immadragon_

    Posts: 28

    Dec 19, 2012 11:13 PM GMT
    Congrats! I came out to my best friend in ninth grade and it was the most stressful thing ever. I remember every minute of it. I was at home watching tv and I had just made a bowl of velveta Mac n cheese. I texted her I wanted to tell her something important and to not laugh at me and she said okay. And then I texted "I am gay" plain and simple. And literally it felt like hours before she replied. And she said well duh that's cool, but it was pretty obvious anyway. She told me she would love me no matter what and literally life couldn't have gotten any better. I felt like a big heavy weight got lifted off my shoulders. Haha cheers
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Dec 20, 2012 1:26 AM GMT
    Coming out should be a pleasant experience...No more lies about yourself to the ones you love...Free to live life on your terms....Stress now....Resolve for eternity....All the best.
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    Dec 20, 2012 1:32 AM GMT
    Coming Out is not always easy.

    NOT coming Out is Hell.

    And congratulations OP.

    You have NO idea how much bigger Your life is about to get.

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2012 1:33 AM GMT
    Cash saidComing Out is not always easy.

    NOT coming Out is Hell.


    +1

    So is staying in the closet.
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    Dec 20, 2012 1:35 AM GMT
    The actual act of coming out for me has never been pleasant, but it gets easier each time you do it. I thought coming out to my parents would be near impossible, but it actually wasn't that bad. Anyway, being out is much more fun than the actual act of coming out.