The guy asked for gifts from me. WHY??

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2012 4:46 PM GMT

    I have been seeing this guy for more than 4 months. We are not
    exclusive to each other but we text every day and hang out every week.
    I bought him two gifts for him for his birthday in September, sent him
    a bunch of underwears for Thanksgiving and an eye cream for Chrismas.
    But today he emailed me a Groupon from a local Wholefood-like grocery
    store and said "you can shop for me." I was shocked, for two reasons:
    first, I don't understand why he was asking me to shop and pay for
    him. I've already given him gifts while he never did the same.

    Second, it wasn't the first time he sent me Groupon emails. Some were
    local restaurant deals and a couple were electronic gadgets. I thought
    he was just being nice and sent me some good deals to save my money.
    But now I think he was probably just trying to make me buy those deals
    for him. But, what?????

    A little more backgound about him: he is the bottom when we have sex
    (thanks to him I've learned how to do anal sex); but he is masculine
    (not submissive) and older than me. He is a Christian and from
    middle-west.
    So I am really confused why he asked me to shop for him. Is it common?
    Should I buy it for him?
  • Angelix90

    Posts: 267

    Dec 19, 2012 4:53 PM GMT
    The first thing that comes into my mind is that he might be using you to get what he wants.

    Did he specifically ask you to buy all those stuffs for him or he just send you the deals without stating any reason?

    I suggest you should talk to him.
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    Dec 19, 2012 4:54 PM GMT
    You kinda set yourself up. . . icon_rolleyes.gif

    Why are you buying so much stuff for a guy you haven't know for that long?
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    Dec 19, 2012 5:20 PM GMT
    Hey if a man is buying things for me I know I would capitalize on that especially if it meant I didn't have to be too shackled down to him. That's probably where this guy is coming from.
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    Dec 19, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    All that in only 4 months of knowing someone? Looks like he has gotten accustomed to getting things from you and may probably be your 'friend' so long as you keep buying him things.
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    Dec 19, 2012 7:48 PM GMT
    Don't know why you gave us the info on his being a bottom/masculine/christian/middlewest - Middle Western christians who like to be fucked do not have a statistically significant known propensity for being gold-diggers.

    You might be over-thinking this. You could just ignore the "You could shop for me" email, and see what develops. Possible a failed attempt at humor? He might just be addicted to groupon, etc. (has a compulsive need to buy things only on sale).

    I would relax for now, and see what develops.

    Also - are you originally from outside the US? Giving gifts (the underwear - I hope it was some outrageously sexy International Male stuff) is not a tradition of the US Thanksgiving holiday. It is supposed to be "thanks" which are being given, and the thanks was to be towards god (or for us non-believers, to Providence). Norsk?

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    Dec 19, 2012 11:31 PM GMT
    Nothing is a bigger turnoff for me than someone who ASKS for gifts for themself. I like to believe I'm generous, but I'm not to be exploited, nor should anyone.

    Once you're effectively (if not legally) married, your husband can ask for anything. And in a marriage it's usually things for both of you to use, anyway.

    But asking for food, that I presume is for himself, since you live apart??? Is this guy self-sufficient, able to support himself? This has elements of a "run away" situation.
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    Dec 20, 2012 5:14 AM GMT
    Angelix90 saidThe first thing that comes into my mind is that he might be using you to get what he wants.

    Did he specifically ask you to buy all those stuffs for him or he just send you the deals without stating any reason?

    I suggest you should talk to him.



    Yes I suggested that we could go shopping together but he just said "haha no. You can shop for me."
    After like two hours, I told him that it was weird you asked me to shop for you. I wish he could justify or explain what he said. But he just replied "You are taking it wrong. I don't ask for anything from you!!!"
    icon_eek.gif
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    Dec 20, 2012 5:15 AM GMT
    Slim2010 saidYou kinda set yourself up. . . icon_rolleyes.gif

    Why are you buying so much stuff for a guy you haven't know for that long?


    I just like to make the guy I like happy.
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    Dec 20, 2012 5:31 AM GMT
    HikeSwimSkiSF saidDon't know why you gave us the info on his being a bottom/masculine/christian/middlewest - Middle Western christians who like to be fucked do not have a statistically significant known propensity for being gold-diggers.

    You might be over-thinking this. You could just ignore the "You could shop for me" email, and see what develops. Possible a failed attempt at humor? He might just be addicted to groupon, etc. (has a compulsive need to buy things only on sale).

    I would relax for now, and see what develops.

    Also - are you originally from outside the US? Giving gifts (the underwear - I hope it was some outrageously sexy International Male stuff) is not a tradition of the US Thanksgiving holiday. It is supposed to be "thanks" which are being given, and the thanks was to be towards god (or for us non-believers, to Providence). Norsk?




    I mentioned he is a Middle Western christian was because I tried to tell you that he is not a bad guy. I don't think it was an evil story about a gold-digger. It might be just a personality thing.

    The first thought that came into my mind was what I posted originally. But after I over-think about it, now I sorta believe that it might be just a failed attempt at humor like you said.

    Yes I was from outside the country. China actually. But the underwear thing wasn't really for Thanksgiving. I said it was for Thanksgiving because I bought them in November after he sent me a video showing his old underwear and said "it makes me sad I don't have any new underwear." I am a romantic at heart and wanted to make my guy happy so I just bought him a bunch of underwear.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2012 5:33 AM GMT
    too young and too attractive to be a sugardaddy...
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 20, 2012 7:15 AM GMT
    FFFF said
    HikeSwimSkiSF said

    I would relax for now, and see what develops.

    Also - are you originally from outside the US? Giving gifts (the underwear - I hope it was some outrageously sexy International Male stuff) is not a tradition of the US Thanksgiving holiday. It is supposed to be "thanks" which are being given, and the thanks was to be towards god (or for us non-believers, to Providence). Norsk?




    I am a romantic at heart and wanted to make my guy happy so I just bought him a bunch of underwear.

    Sweet man - hope things work out for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2012 7:17 AM GMT
    he loves your bank account more than you. Sorry for being blunt
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    Dec 20, 2012 7:18 AM GMT
    FFFF said
    sent him
    a bunch of underwears for Thanksgiving


    I place the blame squarely on you doing this. Thanksgiving is not a gift giving holiday.
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    Dec 20, 2012 4:16 PM GMT
    BlueJeans90 saidhe loves your bank account more than you. Sorry for being blunt


    You might wanna check and make sure he hasn't been slowly taking money out of your bank account and stashing. Make sure be never gives you his pin number.
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    Dec 20, 2012 4:43 PM GMT
    Even Midwestern Christians can be bad people. icon_rolleyes.gif

    He may be a great guy, but those two attributes alone are not the reason why.

    If you believe he is a good guy the answer is pretty simple; stop buying him things and see what happens.


    FFFF said
    I mentioned he is a Middle Western christian was because I tried to tell you that he is not a bad guy. I don't think it was an evil story about a gold-digger. It might be just a personality thing.
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    Dec 20, 2012 4:47 PM GMT
    Sorry, this guy sounds like a bag of trash.
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    Dec 20, 2012 4:59 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince saidHey if a man is buying things for me I know I would capitalize on that especially if it meant I didn't have to be too shackled down to him. That's probably where this guy is coming from.


    You often ask in other posts about what you could do to make you more likeable/datable... Just going to go ahead and let you know this is one of those things to work on.

    To the OP:
    HikeSwimSkiSF saidDon't know why you gave us the info on his being a bottom/masculine/christian/middlewest - Middle Western christians who like to be fucked do not have a statistically significant known propensity for being gold-diggers.

    You might be over-thinking this. You could just ignore the "You could shop for me" email, and see what develops. Possible a failed attempt at humor? He might just be addicted to groupon, etc. (has a compulsive need to buy things only on sale).

    I would relax for now, and see what develops.

    Also - are you originally from outside the US? Giving gifts (the underwear - I hope it was some outrageously sexy International Male stuff) is not a tradition of the US Thanksgiving holiday. It is supposed to be "thanks" which are being given, and the thanks was to be towards god (or for us non-believers, to Providence). Norsk?


    +1 --- This sums up everything perfectly.
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    Dec 20, 2012 5:25 PM GMT
    Gold-diggers aren't exclusive to any certain area.. if you stop to think about this, think about all of the folk who ran to Cali FROM the mid-west to dig for gold... Gold-diggers are neither exclusive to California or the Mid-West.. they're everywhere!! Asking for gifts? hmmm... not my idea of a "sense of humor," in any "sense!"

    tumblr_mez330CPRh1rm6v8so1_250.gif
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    Dec 20, 2012 6:49 PM GMT
    Perhaps he's just being facetious. Perhaps he feels validated or loved when he receives gifts. Perhaps he's simply telegraphing what he likes. Only you would know since you've had interactions with him. What I'm saying is that there may be other potential reasons for his action that have nothing to do with sugar daddy issues.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Dec 20, 2012 6:56 PM GMT
    It could be that he's a gold digger, but there is at least a slight chance that there are other explanations for his actions. You might consider giving him more and more rope until the situation becomes inescapably obvious.
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    Dec 20, 2012 7:12 PM GMT
    He wants more gifts because you've taught him to expect gifts from you.

    Yes, you should buy it for him. After all the other gifts, if you don't keep giving him more gifts your four month non-exclusive fb might leave you. And he sounds like quite a catch.
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    Dec 20, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    ART_DECO saidNothing is a bigger turnoff for me than someone who ASKS for gifts for themself. I like to believe I'm generous, but I'm not to be exploited, nor should anyone.

    Once you're effectively (if not legally) married, your husband can ask for anything. And in a marriage it's usually things for both of you to use, anyway.

    But asking for food, that I presume is for himself, since you live apart??? Is this guy self-sufficient, able to support himself? This has elements of a "run away" situation.



    I totally agree. It's really unattractive when a guy asks for, or even strongly hints for, gifts.

    Don't do it. You've done enough for him. See what he does for you (not necessarily material gifts but something equally as generous in some way.)

    Good luck
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    Dec 20, 2012 7:38 PM GMT
    I've never heard of this before, and no you shouldn't buy him anything else.

    But I think you definitely need to talk to him about this. Any good relationship is a two-way street. You both give give to each other and you both put in an equal amount of time and effort into the relationship. Just because he bottoms for you, doesn't mean you should expense his way of life.

    No offense, but it sounds to me like you want a relationship, while he wants to be a gold digger.
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    Dec 20, 2012 7:42 PM GMT
    FFFF said
    HikeSwimSkiSF saidDon't know why you gave us the info on his being a bottom/masculine/christian/middlewest - Middle Western christians who like to be fucked do not have a statistically significant known propensity for being gold-diggers.

    You might be over-thinking this. You could just ignore the "You could shop for me" email, and see what develops. Possible a failed attempt at humor? He might just be addicted to groupon, etc. (has a compulsive need to buy things only on sale).

    I would relax for now, and see what develops.

    Also - are you originally from outside the US? Giving gifts (the underwear - I hope it was some outrageously sexy International Male stuff) is not a tradition of the US Thanksgiving holiday. It is supposed to be "thanks" which are being given, and the thanks was to be towards god (or for us non-believers, to Providence). Norsk?




    I mentioned he is a Middle Western christian was because I tried to tell you that he is not a bad guy. I don't think it was an evil story about a gold-digger. It might be just a personality thing.

    The first thought that came into my mind was what I posted originally. But after I over-think about it, now I sorta believe that it might be just a failed attempt at humor like you said.

    Yes I was from outside the country. China actually. But the underwear thing wasn't really for Thanksgiving. I said it was for Thanksgiving because I bought them in November after he sent me a video showing his old underwear and said "it makes me sad I don't have any new underwear." I am a romantic at heart and wanted to make my guy happy so I just bought him a bunch of underwear.



    The above enlarged text screams gold-digger to me. Who does that? And just because he claims to be religous doesn't make him a moral person.

    Set some ground rules, if he doesn't like them, dump him.