Would you dump a bad friend before or after New Years?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2012 9:54 AM GMT
    So I'm planning to break it to my friend tomorrow that I no longer want him in my presence. I don't want to be with a friend that can't choose whether he wants to just be friends with me or something more. In addition, he's turning out to be a controlling, manipulative sociopath who wants to monopolize all my time and call it 'just friends' and I am sick of people thinking we're together. People think we're together and it's been keeping me single since I met him, and 1 minute he's talking about he wants me to himself and calling me baby, then the next minute he's saying he'll never hookup with me and that he doesn't want a boyfriend. Like literally all that in 1 night.

    The bad part about it is it's right before New Years and Christmas. I know if I dump his ass like a piece of shit out my ass, I may or may not have firm holiday plans. I could end up having nothing to do. I do have a couple friends I could connect with...but him and I been talking about this now for quite some time.

    At the same time, I can't deal with anymore of the bullshit. If YOU were in the same situation (not necessarily analyzing mine), would you wait until after the holidays? Like, get your present...have your toast, and then break the news on 1/1/2013 at 12:01 am?

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    Dec 20, 2012 10:04 AM GMT
    Before, if you feel like that now then it's better to do it as soon as possible, you don't want to go through the whole charade surely?
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    Dec 20, 2012 10:11 AM GMT
    Pure saidBefore, if you feel like that now then it's better to do it as soon as possible, you don't want to go through the whole charade surely?


    Honestly though I'm not really basing it on the holidays. It's really 1 particular thing that was said that has me wanting to bounce...but it just so happens its around this time.

    He thinks we're going out for an end of the world party tomorrow night. Yeah...end of of OUR world lol.

    yourname2000 said"I'm making some changes for the new year....and you're one of them."


    lol, he asked me the other night what my New Year's resolution was. I said to stop hanging out with YOU. Then I laughed and said I was joking...just like he always does when he tells me some fucked up lie, and tells me days later that he was joking.
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    Dec 20, 2012 11:55 AM GMT
    Just wean him out of your life. Don't call him. Don't text him. If he asks you to hang out, "you're too busy". He'll eventually go away.

    No need to tell him off and create an enemy.
  • Angelix90

    Posts: 267

    Dec 20, 2012 2:13 PM GMT
    Do you know when is the appropriate time to remove cancer?

    As soon as you discover it.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 20, 2012 2:53 PM GMT
    Before. Beware of burning bridges though. GAMRican said it well.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Dec 20, 2012 4:46 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidJust wean him out of your life. Don't call him. Don't text him. If he asks you to hang out, "you're too busy". He'll eventually go away.

    No need to tell him off and create an enemy.


    There's a lot of ugliness in the world (and sometimes in this forum). Don't add to it no matter how hurt you are. You do realize your anger is because you are feeling hurt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2012 4:47 PM GMT
    Be a bitch and do it ON New Years Day icon_lol.gif I would...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2012 4:48 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidJust wean him out of your life. Don't call him. Don't text him. If he asks you to hang out, "you're too busy". He'll eventually go away.

    No need to tell him off and create an enemy.


    This works until he flat out asks, "Why are you avoiding me? What did I do?" Or worse, "What's wrong with you you're acting weird?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2012 4:59 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidJust wean him out of your life. Don't call him. Don't text him. If he asks you to hang out, "you're too busy". He'll eventually go away.

    No need to tell him off and create an enemy.

    This^^

    No need to create a dramatic situation and create an enemy. Just distance yourself from him. Dont answer his texts/calls promptly. And give other things a priority over him.

    If he is very persistent on getting your time and you are interested then make it clear what you want e.g." I'm looking for a hook up. Do you want to hook up with me." Get him to say no by not getting into a discussion as to why he wont hook up with you. If he says he will hook up with you, then call his bluff and arrange a hook up with him and nothing more.

    As for me I would have distanced myself from some like that a long time ago. I have a low tolerance for flakes. If I did continue with him like you did, I'd have given the "Put out or shut up" indication a long ago.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Dec 20, 2012 5:04 PM GMT
    BlackCat90 saidBe a bitch and do it ON New Years Day icon_lol.gif I would...




    Nahhhhhh. I had this done to me; a shitty way to start the New Year...for both of you two.



    I favor the disssociation-by-neglect method.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2012 5:09 PM GMT
    I personally would do it ASAP, so before the New Year's. There is still time for you to make other plans, and depending on what those plans are, waiting until after New Year's can be a bad idea. Besides, it drags out the current situation.

    If you are superstitious at all, and if this means anything to you, apparently how you are feeling (happy, sad, etc.) when the clock strikes 12:00am is supposed to represent how the year will be for you!

    Do the break up now, make New Year's plans, be happy as you celebrate, have a great year.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2012 5:21 PM GMT
    I have a friend somewhat like that. Although I don't feel the need to ban him from my presence. But if I could line up something better to do I would certainly cancel on him. (I don't trust him to actually show up, in any case.)
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    Dec 20, 2012 5:34 PM GMT
    RunintheCity said
    GAMRican saidJust wean him out of your life. Don't call him. Don't text him. If he asks you to hang out, "you're too busy". He'll eventually go away.

    No need to tell him off and create an enemy.


    This works until he flat out asks, "Why are you avoiding me? What did I do?" Or worse, "What's wrong with you you're acting weird?"
    Very good point. If this guy is as fucked up as he sounds, there will probably be some drama down the line - possibly with other friends. Something to consider.

    The bottom line here though is that you should try to be the person you wish he was when you end it, not rub it in his face, tempting as it may sound.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 20, 2012 5:48 PM GMT
    ON THE OTHER HAND .... maybe he is waiting for a special occasion like new years to give himself to you ... but IF he is doing that, you better be damn sure of what you want. If you don't want a relationship with this guy, then don't be an ass a wait until you get a present out of him and a night out for new years to drop him. Do it now so you can both start out with a good new year.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2012 6:03 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidJust wean him out of your life. Don't call him. Don't text him. If he asks you to hang out, "you're too busy". He'll eventually go away.

    No need to tell him off and create an enemy.

    Or have some balls and tell him you don't want to see him anymore!

    I hate that "stop talking shit" grow a pair let the person know where they stand. They don't have to like it but then they know what the hell is going on.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Dec 20, 2012 6:20 PM GMT
    Um. HE is not the reason people aren't approaching you. Decide for yourself that the two of you will never be together romantically and relegate him to that group of people who are friends and not potential lovers. If he goes over the line, tell him so. Call him on any ambiguous behavior. You two obviously get along well if people see you together and think you're a couple.
    No one has ever mistakenly believed I was 'with' my closest gay friends. I would suggest not touching him all the time, pressing up against him at clubs and restaurants, leaning in and sharing little observations, secrets and intimacies that exclude the people around you, turning others down repeatedly because you have plans or might have plans with him, etc. And approach others. It's usually a quick way to make them see that you're available. It doesn't have to mean losing a friend.
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    Dec 20, 2012 7:40 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidI hate that "stop talking shit" grow a pair let the person know where they stand. They don't have to like it but then they know what the hell is going on.

    I think the OP's friend is well aware of what is going on. If i remember correctly, in other threads the OP said that he made it clear to his friend as to some of the things his friend did/said that we wasnt cool with.
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Dec 20, 2012 7:43 PM GMT
    just get thru the effin holidays....that way u dont fuck up ur holiday plans and spend them alone like a loser.


    after the holidays. ,dump his sorry ass.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Dec 20, 2012 9:42 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidJust wean him out of your life. Don't call him. Don't text him. If he asks you to hang out, "you're too busy". He'll eventually go away.

    No need to tell him off and create an enemy.


    Terrible advice, yet the typical gay thing to do. Be a man and tell him up front.
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    Dec 20, 2012 9:47 PM GMT
    RunintheCity said
    GAMRican saidJust wean him out of your life. Don't call him. Don't text him. If he asks you to hang out, "you're too busy". He'll eventually go away.

    No need to tell him off and create an enemy.


    This works until he flat out asks, "Why are you avoiding me? What did I do?" Or worse, "What's wrong with you you're acting weird?"
    Just let him have it, now... hell why not make it an official 12-21-12 @11:11 a.m. thing for him in a quick call. Say you don't want to associate with him anymore, and wish him well; and a goodbye. Direct to the point.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Dec 20, 2012 10:18 PM GMT
    You don't want to ditch him because it would mean you won't have any holiday plans? Too bad. You really don't have them now, with this guy calling the shots. It sounds pretty shallow of you to time your breakup according to the party schedule.

    Distance yourself now. Now, not later. Just tell him that you are looking for things in a friendship/relationship that he does not want and that you think it is best to part ways. No, it isn't fun, but it is the right thing to do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2012 10:30 PM GMT
    Doing it sooner rather than later would be best. If you wait till after, your basically just waiting to tell him when he's at the high of his holiday experience. Going from a bad news to a good holiday is better than going from a good holiday to bad aftermath.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2012 12:10 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidJust wean him out of your life. Don't call him. Don't text him. If he asks you to hang out, "you're too busy". He'll eventually go away.

    No need to tell him off and create an enemy.


    +1

    Why we love Alan
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2012 10:19 AM GMT
    lilTanker said
    GAMRican saidJust wean him out of your life. Don't call him. Don't text him. If he asks you to hang out, "you're too busy". He'll eventually go away.

    No need to tell him off and create an enemy.

    Or have some balls and tell him you don't want to see him anymore!

    I hate that "stop talking shit" grow a pair let the person know where they stand. They don't have to like it but then they know what the hell is going on.


    Thanks guys for all the replies. I decided to go ahead and do a combination of them all (being upfront, attempting to wean). I like this the best. I feel too many guys play the weaning game in a passive-aggressive manner of avoiding someone but I believe that if I known someone long enough, they need to be given ultimatums or hit the curb.

    That said...I gave him a 2nd chance and predictably it FAILED. I had this conversation with him in detail tonight about our friendship and it's boundaries and what i am and am not willing to deal with, namely his using my home as a crashing pad and expecting to continue to do so without giving up anything in return (use your imagination).

    He said some convincing choice words, along with a nice present. But at the end of the night what does this mother fucker do? He hops in the car with some random strangers from the bar and doesn't even tell me he's leaving. Apparently my real talk was too much for him to handle.

    Needless to say...the tow truck is on it's way. He musta forgot he parked his car at my place. Burning bridges? Some bridges need to be demolished and REBUILT! I don't believe in hanging on to people who bring nothing but negativity in my life. Sometimes if you keep that raggedy bridge around, you'll be tempted to cross it and sink. So better to just burn it and rebuild. My philosophy.