Is it better to be out?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2012 9:46 PM GMT
    three approaches I see...
    1. I don't give a fuck about what people think, I am who I am... ( keeping in mind that you don't have to be fem to be comfortable with who you are)

    2. just let people assume what they want you don't have to confirm anything no matter what they think they know about you ( including family)

    3. stay totally discrete if anyone threatens your cover up cut them out of your life and move on.
  • HottJoe

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    Dec 20, 2012 9:47 PM GMT
    1
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    Dec 20, 2012 9:55 PM GMT
    I'm using approach 2 right now. But I'm getting ready for 1.
  • Ej101

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    Dec 20, 2012 10:30 PM GMT
    I recently came out and it is better
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    Dec 20, 2012 10:34 PM GMT
    It's definitely better than being in the closet and wondering what could be.

    I'm probably gonna try to go for a 1 when Im out.
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    Dec 20, 2012 10:35 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidJesus. icon_rolleyes.gif Obviously it's better to be out....how many people do you hear about after the fact who wanna crawl back in the closet and live a lie?? "No thanks, I'd rather be scared of my own shadow; and be constantly trying to read between the lines in fear that others are saying about me; and try to keep track of whatever lies I told to whomever about my life."

    Puhleez


    That makes a lot of sense
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    Dec 20, 2012 10:37 PM GMT
    Ej101 saidI recently came out and it is better

    oh wow i would like to hear how that experience was for you.
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    Dec 20, 2012 10:39 PM GMT
    Shyguy_1986 saidI'm using approach 2 right now. But I'm getting ready for 1.

    that's cool. i guess there is a breaking point in each of our lives, hmm i cannot wait until i get to that point... just really confused right now... mixed emotions
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    Dec 20, 2012 11:06 PM GMT
    1 and 2 don't seem mutually exclusive. Let people assume what they want and don't give a crap what they think about it. If they specifically ask, then you can confirm what they assume, otherwise it's not a requirement to broadcast it.
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    Dec 20, 2012 11:12 PM GMT
    Fiyero27 said1 and 2 don't seem mutually exclusive. Let people assume what they want and don't give a crap what they think about it. If they specifically ask, then you can confirm what they assume, otherwise it's not a requirement to broadcast it.


    I like what you said also...and I was not saying broad cast it but basically be bold with who you are... its pretending to be straight makes everyone else happy meanwhile... acting like you are not interested in guys in person.causes you to pass up what could have been great...
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    Dec 20, 2012 11:17 PM GMT
    3 was hell, 2 already pretty nice but

    1 is freedom, liberty and the pursuit of happiness
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    Dec 20, 2012 11:21 PM GMT
    I came out later in life at age 37. I was in complete coverup, stealth, denial mode......when I came out, the closet door was blown completely off the frame....Out, and all know, don't give a fuck what they think...take me as I am, or get out of my life.....strangely only a few have left my life.....but MANY have entered!icon_biggrin.gif
  • Lincsbear

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    Dec 20, 2012 11:25 PM GMT
    Out is better.
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    Dec 20, 2012 11:33 PM GMT
    waterloonicetop saidAnyone over 25 who isnt out to everyone in their family, and worries at all if other people find out is wasting their life. Even if loved ones hate you, and you lose your job, in the long run you will eventually learn coming out is EASIER emotionally, and relationshipwise, no matter how rough life seems when you do it.

    It gets better.

    That meme applies to gays of all ages, and all of you should be out by the time you hit 25. ( i will give leeway for under 25's, in case you are Still financially dependent, and because the coming out process is difficult for younger kids, but no excuses after 25...)


    whew OK i like how you analyzed it. and hmm that gives me like a little under 3 years... i hit 22 in 3 months...
  • Jojo_Blu

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    Dec 21, 2012 12:06 AM GMT
    I say coming out is great if you're in a situation where you know it's safe. If you're dependent on family still and they aren't ok with gay, then you might want to think it over.

    But coming out is great. I was really lucky, my family didn't care, and despite some homophobic nonsense at work, I managed to get through it all alright.

    There's something really empowering/activisty about coming out. Even after you "come out" you'll be coming out for the rest of your life, and what it means to come out will change over time.
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    Dec 21, 2012 12:36 AM GMT
    Jojo_Blu saidI say coming out is great if you're in a situation where you know it's safe. If you're dependent on family still and they aren't ok with gay, then you might want to think it over.

    But coming out is great. I was really lucky, my family didn't care, and despite some homophobic nonsense at work, I managed to get through it all alright.

    There's something really empowering/activisty about coming out. Even after you "come out" you'll be coming out for the rest of your life, and what it means to come out will change over time.


    i agree with what you said and i really hope that it is an empowering experience....
  • Jojo_Blu

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    Dec 21, 2012 12:54 AM GMT
    imthatguy said
    Jojo_Blu saidI say coming out is great if you're in a situation where you know it's safe. If you're dependent on family still and they aren't ok with gay, then you might want to think it over.

    But coming out is great. I was really lucky, my family didn't care, and despite some homophobic nonsense at work, I managed to get through it all alright.

    There's something really empowering/activisty about coming out. Even after you "come out" you'll be coming out for the rest of your life, and what it means to come out will change over time.


    i agree with what you said and i really hope that it is an empowering experience....


    It could be rough, but if you're ready, then you got this. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 21, 2012 1:36 AM GMT
    Jojo_Blu said
    imthatguy said
    Jojo_Blu saidI say coming out is great if you're in a situation where you know it's safe. If you're dependent on family still and they aren't ok with gay, then you might want to think it over.

    But coming out is great. I was really lucky, my family didn't care, and despite some homophobic nonsense at work, I managed to get through it all alright.

    There's something really empowering/activisty about coming out. Even after you "come out" you'll be coming out for the rest of your life, and what it means to come out will change over time.


    i agree with what you said and i really hope that it is an empowering experience....


    It could be rough, but if you're ready, then you got this. icon_smile.gif


    oh man i wish i was lol.. not ready for it yet... i will feel a lot better once i become more independent... but then I know i will have to put up with family and people saying that i am only acting a certain way because i moved or because i got a new job or something.. but the fat will be that .. i will just be more free...
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    Dec 21, 2012 1:39 AM GMT
    Keep your sexuality to the bare minimum in the work place. It is not necessary for people to know your business........especially when it come to those gay information..............only you know your environment best.....But it is self empowering when you are able to be who you are to the fullest outside of professional place........does not mean you should be a harmful man-hunter!
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    Dec 21, 2012 1:43 AM GMT
    Perserverance saidKeep your sexuality to the bare minimum in the work place. It is not necessary for people to know your business........especially when it come to those gay information..............only you know your environment best.....But it is self empowering when you are able to be who you are to the fullest outside of professional place........does not mean you should be a harmful man-hunter!


    I totally agree, and that's more so what i was aiming at. it would just be nice to go out and talk to who you want to .. not worrying about what people think and who see's.. but at work... well work is not your personal life.. so there should be a line drawn... =)
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    Dec 21, 2012 5:05 AM GMT
    imthatguy said
    Perserverance saidKeep your sexuality to the bare minimum in the work place. It is not necessary for people to know your business........especially when it come to those gay information..............only you know your environment best.....But it is self empowering when you are able to be who you are to the fullest outside of professional place........does not mean you should be a harmful man-hunter!


    I totally agree, and that's more so what i was aiming at. it would just be nice to go out and talk to who you want to .. not worrying about what people think and who see's.. but at work... well work is not your personal life.. so there should be a line drawn... =)
    Or you could be lucky and work at a job where being gay is assumed lol. People constantly ask everyone's orientation at my job and no one cares if you're gay.
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    Dec 21, 2012 5:14 AM GMT
    Off course to be OUT...I'm out & no biggie ...number 1 in my view is the way forward :-)
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    Dec 21, 2012 5:53 AM GMT
    Perserverance saidKeep your sexuality to the bare minimum in the work place. It is not necessary for people to know your business........especially when it come to those gay information............


    I once thought this way. But the truth is that most straight people don't keep their business to themselves . They talk often about their wives or families, they wear rings that indicate a right that most gay people in the US don't have...they're out and proud and letting the whole world know their "business"

    This is just one more in the string of lies that gay people tell themselves to rationalize their fears.

    Life is way, way better when you're out, and no I didn't grow up in a very gay-friendly place. For years while "out", I still caught myself erring on the side of "discretion" by avoiding gender-specific pronouns or the like depending on the company out of habit. There's no need for that.
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    Dec 21, 2012 6:19 AM GMT
    I think if many people saw all our selfy profile pics on this thread, they'd get the hint with no words needing to be said!
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 21, 2012 6:23 AM GMT
    xalphaa saidI think if many people saw all our selfy profile pics on this thread, they'd get the hint with no words needing to be said!


    You seriously need a new profile pic.