And another one bites the dust.

  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 21, 2012 4:23 AM GMT
    Don't need advice, really, as this affair just ended for me. Just want to vent and share.

    Met a reasonably hot European bottom about three weeks ago. We had been exchanging online messages for months. Once I finally met him, I fell for his good looks, charm and hospitality. He also had an amazing ass.. (What can I say? I'm a top.)

    First night with him, he asked me to spend the night. He was so charming that I made the mistake of saying yes. We cuddled and fucked in the morning.

    Text messages started flying back and forth, but we couldn't see each other again right away: He's a young, thirtysomething psychiatrist in a NYC hospital. I work random hours at a starter job at a Best Buy in Queens. This starter job is taking away my good time.

    We got together a second time. Spend the night again. I took him to lunch the second day. I started to see warning signs that he wasn't into doing a relationship. He only has relationships with intellectual-types whom he dates. Typical Madonna-whore complex. Yet, he loved my PuertoRican good looks as he truly loves Latins.

    He invites to his birthday dinner where I meet and hit it with his friends. So far so good, right?

    Wrong.

    His job at the hospital starts up again after he had a stay-cation. Communication started to dry out. He struggles with some depression and sends me sad messages about moving back to Europe. He lives in the city. I live in Brooklyn. He starts to lose sexual interest. I can see that it's not gonna work out.

    I ended it today.. thru text message...since he simply wouldn't call me back to discuss anything as he was so phone-adverse (typical young gay bullshit aversion to phone conversation.) Well, I know there wasn't officially anything to end, but I sent the text for my own closure. I wanted more with him. I was falling... but he wanted less and I could read the writing on the wall. He's the brainy type and dislikes love because it makes him 'unstable'...(so I guess it's just easy to fuck random men in the middle of the night after long days at the hospital dealing with cancer patients.)

    I'm gonna be alright. I'm glad I ended it early before it got more painful to get out. But.. man.. gay dating is just the suckage. I hate the constantly repeating cycle of 'meet, fuck, connect, dump, repeat'. I'm worth a relationship, dammit!

    Mistakes I won't repeat again: 1. Spending the night with tricks. 2. Buying said trick expensive lunch when he didn't get it was a date. 3. Considering a relationship with anyone who has a 'Dating For Dummies' book in his book collection.

    Oh well. Here's to 2013 and to hotter, perhaps more stable, relationship-driven men in the future. icon_smile.gif
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 21, 2012 3:10 PM GMT
    sharpcrayon1989 saidI feel for you because I was in a similar situation just not long ago. The guy actually made me feel there is something special between us and I got lured by his sweet words.

    In no time I found myself getting quite emotionally attached to him. I would try to text him more and his response is always short and slow. His excuse is job... I thought it was all bs. Like how busy can you be to send someone a freaking text or simply call someone. I was both angry and sad because that was the first time I ever felt like this about a guy. I eventually summed up the courage and composure to just not try and let it go. Needless to say, it was painful at first but I am in such a better state.

    Don't be too hung up on guys. Use this as a lesson for yourself. I've learned a great deal from this experience.


    Thanks for your response. Yeah, you know how it felt.. when a guy just slowly retreats after coming out of his shell for you. I'm not angry at this individual, just very sad. He's married to his career.. or to the idea of whatever guy he thinks he should partner up with.. and he's deathly afraid of love. So, yes, it's best to move on and quickly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2012 4:36 PM GMT
    Well. You seem to be much more level headed and reasonable than most guys on this site. You already know what to do. And I'm sure you can get over this quickly. Good luck!!!!icon_biggrin.gif
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 21, 2012 5:19 PM GMT
    Thank you, jmusc! Abrazo! icon_smile.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Dec 21, 2012 5:31 PM GMT
    I don't know... Dating can be emotionally painful but I don't think you get yourself closer to finding a true relationship by becoming less available. My five year great romance with Alex began as a pure sex date though I did like him a lot on-line. Just never occurred to me we could be a permanent couple. Maybe it was his inexperience but he opened up first emotionally and I was frankly startled but when I thought about it, and thought "Yeah! Why not?!" I realized I was already deep in and invested. I hadn't even noticed. So don't close yourself off. Don't view this as a mistake. Don't feel you need to do it differently next time. Don't regret. Celebrate that you're out there giving it a go. One day you'll stumble upon the right guy. It just takes time and a lot of disappointments along the way. Good luck and happy hunting!
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 21, 2012 5:44 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI don't know... Dating can be emotionally painful but I don't think you get yourself closer to finding a true relationship by becoming less available. My five year great romance with Alex began as a pure sex date though I did like him a lot on-line. Just never occurred to me we could be a permanent couple. Maybe it was his inexperience but he opened up first emotionally and I was frankly startled but when I thought about it, and thought "Yeah! Why not?!" I realized I was already deep in and invested. I hadn't even noticed. So don't close yourself off. Don't view this as a mistake. Don't feel you need to do it differently next time. Don't regret. Celebrate that you're out there giving it a go. One day you'll stumble upon the right guy. It just takes time and a lot of disappointments along the way. Good luck and happy hunting!


    Thanks, Destin. Ultimately, I'm glad I risked it. I know I have the ability to connect. And the ability to disconnect when the games and lack of interest start.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 21, 2012 5:52 PM GMT
    Aristoshark saidThere seem to have been class issues here.


    Possibly. I suspect he didn't think I was intellectual enough for him. Also, I'm struggling financially trying to get settled in NYC. That certainly didn't help.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Dec 21, 2012 9:40 PM GMT
    I'm so sorry that happened to you PR... But at least, you ended it before it got harder. I too had a similar experience only this guy was a visitor from Germany and I was a naive 18 year old.

    I met this guy online where he sent me a message saying the general he thinks I am attractive and would like to meet me sort of thing. Since I wasn't having any luck with guys, I thought, what's the harm? He picked me up and walked the strip (I live in Vegas) and generally had a good time as we got to know each other. Then we went back to his hotel room and talked a bit, and then engaged in oral play. We didn't do anything other than that since I declined to going the full way as I felt I wasn't ready so we just cuddled the night away. He takes me home the next day and says he will message me as he enjoyed our time together and well sure enough, never heard from him again and whenever I did send him a message, he never replied back.

    Not exactly like your story since you saw this guy longer but I do understand the feeling. I'm just glad I didn't do anything further with the guy but it did kind of give me the impression that no guy would ever like me for who I was. Just seemed like a repeating cycle as I had 3 more experiences like that. Just seems like gay dating leads to nothing but sadness at times.

    Anyway, I'm sure you'll find a great guy someday. Keep your chin up. icon_smile.gif 2013 is just around the corner. icon_smile.gif
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 21, 2012 10:23 PM GMT
    Dusk_Moonlight saidI'm so sorry that happened to you PR... But at least, you ended it before it got harder. I too had a similar experience only this guy was a visitor from Germany and I was a naive 18 year old.

    I met this guy online where he sent me a message saying the general he thinks I am attractive and would like to meet me sort of thing. Since I wasn't having any luck with guys, I thought, what's the harm? He picked me up and walked the strip (I live in Vegas) and generally had a good time as we got to know each other. Then we went back to his hotel room and talked a bit, and then engaged in oral play. We didn't do anything other than that since I declined to going the full way as I felt I wasn't ready so we just cuddled the night away. He takes me home the next day and says he will message me as he enjoyed our time together and well sure enough, never heard from him again and whenever I did send him a message, he never replied back.

    Not exactly like your story since you saw this guy longer but I do understand the feeling. I'm just glad I didn't do anything further with the guy but it did kind of give me the impression that no guy would ever like me for who I was. Just seemed like a repeating cycle as I had 3 more experiences like that. Just seems like gay dating leads to nothing but sadness at times.

    Anyway, I'm sure you'll find a great guy someday. Keep your chin up. icon_smile.gif 2013 is just around the corner. icon_smile.gif


    Thank you. Ive had my share of romantic dissapointments. This one just adds to the list. The reason why I moved on so quickly it's because I learned my lesson with someone I was involved with about 2.5 years ago. He behaved the same way this guy did.. and it took over 6 mos to get over that dude. The older I get, the wiser I've become.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Dec 22, 2012 1:14 AM GMT
    Well it's better to move on quickly then spend a few months dreading/wondering. So all in all, it seems like the closure part is a lot easier for you for that relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2012 1:24 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidThere seem to have been class issues here.

    ""He's a young, thirtysomething psychiatrist in a NYC hospital. I work random hours at a starter job at a Best Buy in Queens.... He only has relationships with intellectual-types whom he dates."

    How did you ever figure that one out?

  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 22, 2012 1:44 AM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    Aristoshark saidThere seem to have been class issues here.

    ""He's a young, thirtysomething psychiatrist in a NYC hospital. I work random hours at a starter job at a Best Buy in Queens.... He only has relationships with intellectual-types whom he dates."

    How did you ever figure that one out?



    We had talked about it.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 22, 2012 1:54 AM GMT
    And so begins this hellish state of getting over someone:

    I want to call
    I want to call
    I want to call

    I better not call
    I better not call
    I better not call

    I want to text
    I want to text
    I want to text

    I better not text
    I better not text
    I better not text

    I better not...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2012 2:08 AM GMT
    Sorry it didn't work out.