Interracial dating: how you feel of guys who only date 1 race outside of theirs?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2012 1:58 AM GMT
    So I met a guy this afternoon over lunch and was smitten. He's Latin. Especially for where I live, it's nice to meet someone who is open to dating a Black guy because most of the (gay) couples I see here are combinations of White/Latin, Latin/Latin or White/White and Black/White. I don't even come across many Black/Black couples. Maybe 1 in the whole crowd.

    However, (and maybe I'm over-analyzing) the idea that he only dated Black dudes kinda made me skeptical. It's hard to pinpoint why it made me skeptical...but I would like to see him again. But in the past, I've dated types like that and the relationship just seemed to never pan out. And in nearly all circumstances where we went out clubbing, there was the Black ex boyfriend there that had to be the ass-wipe and distract the flow of things. Or, the guy is the one being ass-wipes by 'claiming' it's an ex but the ties aren't completely severed. Although I often hear them being or getting out of long-term relationships with Black dudes, I haven't actually had one manifest itself. All of my long-term exes never dated Black men exclusively.

    So even though I like the guy, I'm not sure if it'd go beyond probably just a hookup...until I know that I'm not going to be dealing with BS at some point down the line. It was a bit too early to bring this up in conversation, but when he mentioned having gotten out of a 4 year relationship, my heart sank.

    I tend to date mainly interracial, but I will go for White, Greek, Latin, Italian..whatever. I don't really date Black dudes ANYMORE because I find 99% of the time our demeanors clash. For many, I'm not 'Black' enough anyway (because hello, I'm not 100% Black anyway, but for the sake of lazy Americans who think everyone with some Black background is 'Black' ). At-least not in the stereotypical way. I operate differently. But of course if someone interracial who only dates Black guys feels I'm going to behave a certain way, they might feel the same.

    What do you think? Would you be concerned?
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 22, 2012 2:03 AM GMT
    I'm latin.. and I date outside my race 90% of the time. So, what can I say? You're into latins. Is he into you? Then, if so, why not go with the flow.

    On the other hand, everytime I have dated outside my race it hasn't panned out.. so, what do I know. icon_razz.gif
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    Dec 22, 2012 2:14 AM GMT
    PR_GMR saidI'm latin.. and I date outside my race 90% of the time. So, what can I say? You're into latins. Is he into you? Then, if so, why not go with the flow.

    On the other hand, everytime I have dated outside my race it hasn't panned out.. so, what do I know. icon_razz.gif


    I'll go with the flow...but I've been there before and know sometimes that flow turns into a damn dam. At the same time, I believe everyone deserves a clean slate regardless of how many times it hasn't worked out.

    Now when you say it didn't pan out, do you mean it turned into a relationship and didn't work out...or in my case, the boat sank before it even left the dock?
  • PR_GMR

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    Dec 22, 2012 2:23 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said
    PR_GMR saidI'm latin.. and I date outside my race 90% of the time. So, what can I say? You're into latins. Is he into you? Then, if so, why not go with the flow.

    On the other hand, everytime I have dated outside my race it hasn't panned out.. so, what do I know. icon_razz.gif


    I'll go with the flow...but I've been there before and know sometimes that flow turns into a damn dam. At the same time, I believe everyone deserves a clean slate regardless of how many times it hasn't worked out.

    Now when you say it didn't pan out, do you mean it turned into a relationship and didn't work out...or in my case, the boat sank before it even left the dock?


    My boat just sank before it even left the dock. Check out my thread 'And Another One Bites The Dust'. That's what I get for dating white European dudes.

    Still, man... you gotta take the risk. You gotta be strong enough to take the risk.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2012 2:29 AM GMT
    I don't see a problem. He tends to date mostly black men and you are black. Praise your respective God for this bounty and go forth and reap the fruits thereof.
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    Dec 22, 2012 2:54 AM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince saidI don't see a problem. He tends to date mostly black men and you are black.


    lol...yeah I guess it's better than the guy who has NEVER dated one before, and presumes to tell me he hasn't. Those don't work either.

    An example of this topic is a Latin guy I met last year. He dated only Blk guys. Things were great at first, but when I went to visit him in his city, first he acted like he couldn't put out and wanted to sleep in separate beds. Then, he didn't even tell me there was a dude he occasionally hooked up with and got all jealous when I showed up to the party. Then, the same night I ran into another dude whom he hooked up with. This guy hooked up with every Black dude in the club! Then, the next time I planned to see him...he claimed he "had company". That was it.

    the thing that separates this dude though from the others, is he did seem to want to go on a date first and not just jump to sex. So I respect him for that and have a little bit better outlook.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 22, 2012 2:56 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said
    MashogaNubianPrince saidI don't see a problem. He tends to date mostly black men and you are black.


    lol...yeah I guess it's better than the guy who has NEVER dated one before, and presumes to tell me he hasn't. Those don't work either.

    An example of this topic is a Latin guy I met last year. He dated only Blk guys. Things were great at first, but when I went to visit him in his city, first he acted like he couldn't put out and wanted to sleep in separate beds. Then, he didn't even tell me there was a dude he occasionally hooked up with and got all jealous when I showed up to the party. Then, the same night I ran into another dude whom he hooked up with. This guy hooked up with every Black dude in the club! Then, the next time I planned to see him...he claimed he "had company". That was it.


    (/facepalm)

    I feel your pain, Fuzzy. I feel your pain. Hang in there, bro.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2012 3:15 AM GMT
    I understand your skepticism.

    You don't want to hear that the guy likes your racial type.

    You want to hear that he likes YOU.

    Likewise I don't like hearing a guy tell me that he's into white guys, or guys over 40 or 'big guys'. I immediately consider that he's likely to meet another dude who is whiter, older and bigger than me.

    You're not a type but an individual. Go for someone who can see that.
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    Dec 22, 2012 3:37 AM GMT
    GeorgeLifts saidI understand your skepticism.

    You don't want to hear that the guy likes your racial type.

    You want to hear that he likes YOU.

    Likewise I don't like hearing a guy tell me that he's into white guys, or guys over 40 or 'big guys'. I immediately consider that he's likely to meet another dude who is whiter, older and bigger than me.

    You're not a type but an individual. Go for someone who can see that.


    But the guy wanting his type is his way to get into the door. It onto matter how the door opens as long as it does. Use that to your advantage. So he has a type that he sticks with. If he were a black guy that only dated black men would that be a problem? Be glad his type is like you and try and work it to your favor.
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    Dec 22, 2012 5:12 AM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    But the guy wanting his type is his way to get into the door. If he were a black guy that only dated black men would that be a problem? Be glad his type is like you and try and work it to your favor.


    But the title is about guys outside of their own race. We can't really relate same-race and inter-race because whether we want to believe it or not..it's simply not the same thing.

    George lifts has it spot on. Talking about how much a person likes so and so does give that vibe off of the guy possibly meeting someone who fits the traits even moreso. Not very confiding. Again, just speaking generally...not necessarily of the guy himself.

    That said, I think from a Black gay man's perspective, I think if you want to see yourself in a interracial thing, is one of the most challenging playing fields. I've found that with the exception of parts of Florida and NYC areas...You always have to deal with either someone just experimenting, or someone who is a feen, or dealing with people who want to be your friend (or fuck buddy) at most, but nothing more. It's a really challenging arena for us. No matter how many I/R couples you see out there...
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    Dec 22, 2012 5:30 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    But the guy wanting his type is his way to get into the door. If he were a black guy that only dated black men would that be a problem? Be glad his type is like you and try and work it to your favor.


    But the title is about guys outside of their own race. We can't really relate same-race and inter-race because whether we want to believe it or not..it's simply not the same thing.

    George lifts has it spot on. Talking about how much a person likes so and so does give that vibe off of the guy possibly meeting someone who fits the traits even moreso. Not very confiding. Again, just speaking generally...not necessarily of the guy himself.

    That said, I think from a Black gay man's perspective, I think if you want to see yourself in a interracial thing, is one of the most challenging playing fields. I've found that with the exception of parts of Florida and NYC areas...You always have to deal with either someone just experimenting, or someone who is a feen, or dealing with people who want to be your friend (or fuck buddy) at most, but nothing more. It's a really challenging arena for us. No matter how many I/R couples you see out there...


    I just don't see what's wrong with capitalizing off of a man being into black men. Get in where you can fit in.

    And in a lot of parts of Florida it is very hard to find a man who isn't that one of those things. Although I don't mind snow bunnies. If that is who is shopping then you sell what you got.
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    Dec 22, 2012 6:32 AM GMT
    I totally see your concern. But think of it like this: dating a guy like that can have two side effect: his experience with black guys could give him a more refined perspective about people from different races, you don't have to worry about proving to him that you are not the skin you have, you don't have to prove you are neither "too white" or "not enough black", you are just...yourself. But you may take this guy with caution, because if he's consistently dated ONLY black guys, it's very likely that he has a fetish based on a stereotyping about black guys (which for you could be annoying). I say if this guy shows any symptom of some black cock slut, run away as fast as you can. Because in his mind, you, purely as a fetishized sexual object, can be replaceable. I personally would rather die if I have to date some fucking rice queen.
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    Dec 22, 2012 9:44 AM GMT
    this topic seems to come up in one form or another with regularity lol
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    Dec 22, 2012 10:06 AM GMT
    jayj014 saidthis topic seems to come up in one form or another with regularity lol


    And by the same people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2012 11:27 AM GMT
    This analysis seems way over complicated.

    It's dating; meeting people. You're his type. He's now single. Take things as they come !
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    Dec 22, 2012 11:41 AM GMT
    kangourou saidThis analysis seems way over complicated.

    It's dating; meeting people. You're his type. He's now single. Take things as they come !


    Exactly!
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    Dec 22, 2012 1:46 PM GMT
    I think first off, any guy just getting "out" of a 4 year relationship, will still be attached to his ex to an extent. If he is immediately coming out of relationship and is seeking one intentionally? I don't think he's stable nor is he ready to call it quits with his significant other. (And I speak from experience).

    I'm Asian and tend to stay away from other Asians. Just like you I'm not the typical Asian guy. In my opinion, the stereotypical asian guy can't dress, they smell funny, they have a strong accent etc. That is NOT attractive to me at all. Some may say the problem is that you don't like who you are blah blah blah.. NOT true. I am proud of being asian, but would NOT be proud in dating a typical asian guy and where I live asian guys don't cut it. 99% I will looking for other races to date: White, Latino, European...

    Keep your chin up! icon_smile.gif

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    Dec 22, 2012 1:48 PM GMT
    jayj014 saidthis topic seems to come up in one form or another with regularity lol


    Racial dating will always be an issue (str8 or gay) just because it's a taboo subject. It will be so more prevalent in the "south" more than in other regions of the USA.
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    Dec 22, 2012 1:50 PM GMT
    Wait. It bothers you that he's into black guys - but you don't even date black guys. That's just messed up.
  • Ej101

    Posts: 444

    Dec 22, 2012 1:51 PM GMT
    Who cares if you are dating outside your race?!! I am latino and dating a white guy.
  • ohioguy12

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    Dec 22, 2012 2:05 PM GMT
    I understand your skepticism about guys of other races being into black guys, or "chocolate chasers." I'vebeen with many guys like that, and I just seem like a fetish to them, and often they want you to fulfill certain stereotypes or they're done with you.
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    Dec 22, 2012 3:39 PM GMT
    youngRJ1 saidI think first off, any guy just getting "out" of a 4 year relationship, will still be attached to his ex to an extent. If he is immediately coming out of relationship and is seeking one intentionally? I don't think he's stable nor is he ready to call it quits with his significant other. (And I speak from experience).

    I'm Asian and tend to stay away from other Asians. Just like you I'm not the typical Asian guy. In my opinion, the stereotypical asian guy can't dress, they smell funny, they have a strong accent etc. That is NOT attractive to me at all. Some may say the problem is that you don't like who you are blah blah blah.. NOT true. I am proud of being asian, but would NOT be proud in dating a typical asian guy and where I live asian guys don't cut it. 99% I will looking for other races to date: White, Latino, European...

    Keep your chin up! icon_smile.gif


    So let me rephrase what you just wrote: you don't like to date other Asians, because according to you, they are just as "stereotypical as you just described". Yet yourself is not. Wow, that means you are the only one. How precious.

    Sincerely,
    Your typical Asian fellow.
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    Dec 22, 2012 3:49 PM GMT
    youngRJ1 saidI think first off, any guy just getting "out" of a 4 year relationship, will still be attached to his ex to an extent. If he is immediately coming out of relationship and is seeking one intentionally? I don't think he's stable nor is he ready to call it quits with his significant other. (And I speak from experience).

    I'm Asian and tend to stay away from other Asians. Just like you I'm not the typical Asian guy. In my opinion, the stereotypical asian guy can't dress, they smell funny, they have a strong accent etc. That is NOT attractive to me at all. Some may say the problem is that you don't like who you are blah blah blah.. NOT true. I am proud of being asian, but would NOT be proud in dating a typical asian guy and where I live asian guys don't cut it. 99% I will looking for other races to date: White, Latino, European...

    Keep your chin up! icon_smile.gif


    This post is disgusting, and so sad. Yeah, there's some self hate here. I can't believe you say the typical asian guy "smells funny" and "can't dress."

    Guys that can't date their own race are just messed up. Look in the mirror. You're not special.
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Dec 22, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    whats this american thing with race , i cant understand it, there is only one race 'unless someone wants to date aliens or other earth animals... icon_eek.gif
  • monstapex

    Posts: 478

    Dec 22, 2012 4:16 PM GMT
    Threads like this always reminds me of this movie.icon_rolleyes.gif