AMoonHawk saidWhen I was about 4 or 5 years old I was crushing on a couple of guys in the neighborhood that I thought were so good looking. They were probably only 2 or 3 years older than me, bit I thought they were soooo handsome.
Really by 4 or 5, you knew, wow!
I have a similar reaction to people who didn't know until later in life. I also was very much aware of my sexual orientation before kindergarten. I had my first crush on an older neighbor kid when I was about 3 or 4 years old. He was maybe five and wanted nothing to do with me. I know it was that early because I remember it was when mom used to take me to pre-K reading classes. Also what might have burned it into my memory was a fire at that kid's home. Then my mom invited them to stay with us until they found housing. I distinctly recall being so impressed in that moment with my mother's kindness.
So I wound up living for a few days with the love of my life camping in our living room, thinking, morbidly, how lucky I was to have him so close due to that fire (that I did not start--I swear), yet I couldn't do anything about it. Sexually frustrated at 4 (just kidding).
So it's hard for me to relate to guys saying they didn't know about their own orientation as children and nearly impossible for me to imagine what sort of thinking goes on in guys who suppress their identities well into their adult lives.
I have a friend who I grew up with--I think since we're about 8 years old--who is just now, at 55, starting to acknowledge his bisexual feelings. We're just at a point where we joke about it. He's the one who always brings it up. He did have a recent three way and really liked it. But there's something so sad about that to me. Not that he's missed out on having fun, he's had a lot of fun. I don't know what it is, just seems a little sad. Oh, wait, I know what it is, he's 55 and missed manning boat. That's okay though, I had enough fun for the both of us. I'll just have to share with him more of those stories.