Help—not "feeling it" during anal sex

  • BrownsTown

    Posts: 158

    Dec 23, 2012 5:01 PM GMT
    My boyfriend and I have only one issue (either relationship-wise or sexually), but it's becoming something that is frustrating us more and more. We're having issues with anal sex.

    Some background, first. He's a top but slightly vers. I've only recently come out (a year ago) and the thought of anal sex either way never much interested me, I'm extremely orally focused. But that said, I'm very willing to try to figure it out, especially for someone I love. :-) I guess I'd consider myself vers, but I'm fine being primarily a bottom for him. Most of the time, we get each other off orally or via handjob, and we're pretty damn good at that, lol.

    But it's when he tries to top me that we have issues. He's a bit on the large side (lengthwise). Some positions, primarily when I'm on my back, are very uncomfortable for me. Other positions, like doggy style or me on top, are okay for me, but do nothing for him. Or as he describes it, as he's thrusting, he's just "not feeling it" ... there's no good sensation for him, and he gets no pleasurable feedback, so he can't keep hard like that. (This not feeling it thing has happened with him with another partner some years back.)

    Any suggestions for us? I have zero interest in buying / using a dildo to get myself more used to the idea of something up my ass, but that seems like a logical thing to do, and I would do it if I had to. I suggested that, but he didn't think that would help or was the issue.

    Thanks in advance for your ideas. I'd hate for this issue to become "something" between us when everything else is going so splendidly. He even met my family this week, and I plan to keep him around along time! ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 3:18 AM GMT
    Maybe when he goes inside you while you are on the back, tell him not to go in too deep at the beginning. Once you get used to the initial feeling, he can go in deeper.

    I have a similar issue. My bf is kind of large lengthwise too and it hurts me a fair bit so this is how we handle it.

    The other advice I have is that you may over time enjoy it. I initially never liked anal sex but once you do it enough you'll just start to enjoy it. Just keep an open mind.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 24, 2012 3:31 AM GMT
    Have you tried on your back, your ass at the edge of the bed, with him standing?

    Another that's might be good is both of you on your sides, him behind you and hold you from behind.

    You can also try lying on your side, him straddling your lower leg and holding your other leg up out of the way.

  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Dec 24, 2012 10:11 AM GMT
    BrownsTown said
    Any suggestions for us? I have zero interest in buying / using a dildo to get myself more used to the idea of something up my ass, but that seems like a logical thing to do, and I would do it if I had to. I suggested that, but he didn't think that would help or was the issue.



    Well that is ridiculous. If he is big than get a butt plug (not a dildo, it needs to have a base on it if it is going in your ass for safety reasons) that is slightly smaller than him and use that to warm yourself up for the main event.

    Different positions work well for different people. Personally I really like to get fucked doggy style, I think that is actually the most comfortable way to take a larger cock. It is hard because you give up a lot of control, so you have to trust him and he has to be considerate of you by going nice and slow at the beginning. Also on the side in sort of a spooning position is really nice because you can pull your knees into your chest which will open you up, but it also protects you because the top can just thrust away willly nilly because there isn't a ton of leverage. Have you tried sitting on it? Either have him lay down and you straddle him facing him or have him sit at the edge of the bed and then you sit on his lap facing away from him, I think those are both good positions for dealing with a larger top.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 24, 2012 1:05 PM GMT
    I suspect that I will be flamed by the some self richteous prigs here for this advice.....

    After lots of fingering/rimming and applying a generous amount of silicone (NOT wated based) lube.....

    A snort from a fresh bottle of poppers, about 10 to 15 seconds before your top tries to get inside of you, will allow you to loosen up/open up enough that your top will slide right in, pain free and most enjoyable for you, the bottom.


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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 9:51 PM GMT
    rnch saidI suspect that I will be flamed by the some self richteous prigs here for this advice.....

    After lots of fingering/rimming and applying a generous amount of silicone (NOT wated based) lube.....

    A snort from a fresh bottle of poppers, about 10 to 15 seconds before your top tries to get inside of you, will allow you to loosen up/open up enough that your top will slide right in, pain free and most enjoyable for you, the bottom.


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    Not to be judgmental in the slightest... But we were taught in HIV prevention class that u should use water based line for anal, cos silicon can cause a yeast infection if left inside u...





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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 9:53 PM GMT
    Yeah I mean the best thing u can do is just get used to.it... Have him eat u out alot... Go slow at first... Just gotta train Ur hole.... It will happen tho just a Lil more time.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 24, 2012 10:07 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]TheHellboundHeart said

    Not to be judgmental in the slightest... But we were taught in HIV prevention class that u should use water based line for anal, cos silicon can cause a yeast infection if left inside u...





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    Hmmmmm.....first I've heard about silicon lube causing a yeast infection; have been using it inside me and in my man for several years now with no problems.

    Has anyone else heard this icon_question.gif
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Dec 24, 2012 10:57 PM GMT
    rnch saidI suspect that I will be flamed by the some self richteous prigs here for this advice.....

    After lots of fingering/rimming and applying a generous amount of silicone (NOT wated based) lube.....

    A snort from a fresh bottle of poppers, about 10 to 15 seconds before your top tries to get inside of you, will allow you to loosen up/open up enough that your top will slide right in, pain free and most enjoyable for you, the bottom.


    icon_idea.gif



    icon_biggrin.gif



    icon_cool.gif


    I agre, poppers really do help a lot. I don't really enjoy the head rush of it but it really does open you up to take it
  • BrownsTown

    Posts: 158

    Dec 25, 2012 10:46 PM GMT
    All great suggestions, everyone! Thank you so much. Looking forward to trying them out. :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 26, 2012 1:33 AM GMT
    BrownsTown said[...] Other positions, like doggy style or me on top, are okay for me, but do nothing for him. Or as he describes it, as he's thrusting, he's just "not feeling it" ... there's no good sensation for him, and he gets no pleasurable feedback, so he can't keep hard like that. (This not feeling it thing has happened with him with another partner some years back.)
    Any suggestions for us?[...]


    Learn to squeeze (Kegel type squeezes) when he's in you. It takes a lot of practice and determination. The more you practice the better you become at it. I encountered a power bottom that could keep up that rapid and constant very tight squeezing from within for what seemed like an eternity. It was amazing. I was never so impressed with a bottom before or since.
    As for pleasurable feedback, a smile like yours should work wonders. Also, don't keep your hands in your pockets!
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Dec 26, 2012 7:56 AM GMT
    Viagra? He'll stay hard as a rock the entire time.
  • BrownsTown

    Posts: 158

    Dec 28, 2012 4:23 PM GMT
    BuddyinNYC said

    Learn to squeeze (Kegel type squeezes) when he's in you. It takes a lot of practice and determination. The more you practice the better you become at it. I encountered a power bottom that could keep up that rapid and constant very tight squeezing from within for what seemed like an eternity. It was amazing. I was never so impressed with a bottom before or since.
    As for pleasurable feedback, a smile like yours should work wonders. Also, don't keep your hands in your pockets!


    Very interesting! I will definitely work on that. Thank you for the suggestions. And thanks for the very kind words! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 28, 2012 4:37 PM GMT
    The prostate (the most sensitive site for anal sex) is just a few inches inside the rectum, not 7, or else your doctor couldn't examine it digitally (DRE). Therefore, a long dick can be going right past it and failing to stimulate it with the head. Have him penetrate less deeply. The prostate adjoins the anterior (front side) of the rectum, so that's his target.

    As far as the top's pleasure, is he wearing a condom? If so, he might do better with one designed to fit loosely over the head and top half of the shaft, that he can slide inside. And try some more positions.

    The best for me as a top is spoon on our sides, with the legs bent. Not sure why, but doggie, prone and front facing won't work for me. It may work for HIM, but if I wanna pop I've gotta go into a spoon. Besides, experimenting with different positions is so much fun! icon_wink.gif