Do I still have a chance?

  • RollDontWalk

    Posts: 187

    Dec 24, 2012 1:35 AM GMT
    I met a guy at the bar last night. He was cute as hell and we had a decent conversation, as much as a loud club allows. We have similar interests and seemed to get along really well. He was the first to ask for my number and if I was gay (lol). But at the end of the night he had his arms around someone else. I didn't stay to see if they left together.

    I texted him twice today, first good morning and asking how his night was, and then later, "you're so fucking cute". No response to either. I'm debating whether to try calling. I can't tell if he just doesn't text, or if he wants to keep things slow, or if he's not interested in me sexually. The fact that we shared some common activities that he expressed interest in doing together (this is the premise on which he asked for my number, which adds to the guessing) is making it hard for me to know whether he was interested but didn't want to just hook up with me, or is not interested at all (i.e. he 'friendzoned' me).

    In the past I believe that I've had the problem of spilling my guts and expecting too much too soon, so I tried to be very restrained. We ran into each other on the dance floor and danced together a bit but I didn't hug, grind or make out with him and neither did he. As for talking, it seems to be a balancing act between getting to know a bit about them, and revealing too much that you destroy their fantasy and turn them off. However now I think I missed my chance and should've made more of a move.

    Advice or thoughts? Try calling him, or stick a fork in it and call it done?
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    Dec 24, 2012 1:55 AM GMT
    You're thinking way too much about this! First of all, how do you know that the guy he had his arms wrapped around isn't a good friend? Tons of my friends do this all the time to show their affection for each other without sexual connotations. Secondly and because he hasn't texted or contacted you, how do you know that he isn't busy with family, something wrong with his phone, on vacation, etc.?

    You need to call him! Ask him for coffee, or hang out and tell him you'd like to get to know him more....preferably in a setting that is not littered with loud music. This will give you a chance to get to know each other. Give him a couple of days to return your call and if he doesn't, then you know to move on.
  • RollDontWalk

    Posts: 187

    Dec 24, 2012 1:57 AM GMT
    Thanks for the advice, it sounds perfectly reasonable. It's just that I always make the effort to be responsive. Plus I've received so many BS excuses from guys about why they haven't gotten back to me when it only takes a few minutes/seconds.

    "You're thinking way too much about this! "
    Yeah that is another problem I have. Haha.
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    Dec 24, 2012 3:10 AM GMT
    From my own experiences, if a guy is truly interested in you, he will make every effort to text you back in time. If a guy is beating around the bush, he's just not worth your effort. That's just my 2 cents.
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    Dec 24, 2012 3:15 AM GMT
    If you haven't gotten a response from a text from this morning then say screw it.
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    Dec 24, 2012 3:17 AM GMT
    mbio saidFrom my own experiences, if a guy is truly interested in you, he will make every effort to text you back in time. If a guy is beating around the bush, he's just not worth your effort. That's just my 2 cents.


    Agrees. If he is interested he would reply. It almost never happens that they are interested and dont reply.

    "He is just not that into you" - a movie everyone should watch.

    "If a guy wants to make it happen, he will make it happen no matter what" best line of the movie.

    I dont think he is interested in you. Still wait for a day or two and then may be call him.
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    Dec 24, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    stop freaking out! you met him at a bar, easy come easy go. He probably isnt interested, otherwise he would have texted you first/back. just give it a day if you must, or you can start moving on now
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Dec 24, 2012 3:24 AM GMT
    No sense in trying to make something happen when it's not even there.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Dec 24, 2012 3:26 AM GMT
    You might try cooling it until after Christmas. This time of year has a lot of people very busy. Then call him. A phone conversation will tell you more than a text message and you will have the opportunity to simply say, " Wanna hang out?"
  • Kel_

    Posts: 1360

    Dec 24, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    Why don't you see this as a potential friend, rather than a sexual interest?
    You're probably over-thinking this. Guys don't like that and sees it as a turn-off.
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    Dec 24, 2012 3:33 AM GMT
    He asked you for your number, so he had some interest. Give it a day or two and call. Who knows - he could be not interested now in the light of day, he might not receive (or read) txts, he might have a bf - anything is possible. A phonecall is not much of an expenditure of energy. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 4:28 AM GMT
    I haven't even read it, but if you are asking here then no...
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Dec 24, 2012 6:07 AM GMT
    Stick a fork in it....he must be a fuckin moron..
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    Dec 24, 2012 6:13 AM GMT
    Hate to be the bearer of bad news but he was most likely drunk and doesn't remember and another guy came along and he moved on.

    Such is the life in the bar.

  • RollDontWalk

    Posts: 187

    Dec 24, 2012 6:51 AM GMT
    Bleh. Not what I want to hear icon_sad.gif
  • RollDontWalk

    Posts: 187

    Dec 24, 2012 8:01 PM GMT
    Called, no answer (fair enough, probably at work), voice mail was full. So I had to text... again.

    I'm not big on the texting game because it's too much of a power imbalance when one person can ignore the other. But I left the following:

    "Your voice mail is full. Anyway I was calling to ask if you'd be interested in meeting up for a drink or a coffee later this week. Don't be shy, give me a call. I migh come across as intimidating but I'm very accepting and don't play games. Pretty rare to run into someone who shares some similar interests. Later."

    What do you think? I tried to keep it open and direct without being needy.
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    Dec 24, 2012 8:15 PM GMT
    icon_idea.gif Patience is beautiful.
  • RollDontWalk

    Posts: 187

    Dec 24, 2012 8:30 PM GMT
    Oh yeah, I am not intending to until at least the end of the week. This last text was only because I don't want him to see a missed call (with no voicemail) and think I'm trying to latch on. Hence mentioning the reason for the attempt to call, and my placing the ball in his court with a direct request for him to call me.
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    Dec 24, 2012 8:49 PM GMT
    RollDontWalk saidOh yeah, I am not intending to until at least the end of the week. This last text was only because I don't want him to see a missed call (with no voicemail) and think I'm trying to latch on. Hence mentioning the reason for the attempt to call, and my placing the ball in his court with a direct request for him to call me.

    Don't even call him at the end of the week..unless it's to get something back that he may have borrowed. I honest to God think its already done. It's buried. In the ground. Or taken out to a sunk. No amount of waiting or you trying to talk to him is going to change it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 8:58 PM GMT
    Late in a bar setting ....alchool, loud, dark .... You texting him multiple times, even calling him... Most likely the guy doesn't even remember how you look like. Just move on.
  • Agency

    Posts: 12

    Dec 24, 2012 9:11 PM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    RollDontWalk saidOh yeah, I am not intending to until at least the end of the week. This last text was only because I don't want him to see a missed call (with no voicemail) and think I'm trying to latch on. Hence mentioning the reason for the attempt to call, and my placing the ball in his court with a direct request for him to call me.

    Don't even call him at the end of the week..unless it's to get something back that he may have borrowed. I honest to God think its already done. It's buried. In the ground. Or taken out to a sunk. No amount of waiting or you trying to talk to him is going to change it.



    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 9:17 PM GMT
    No disrespect intended, but you met a guy in a bar, danced, talked, texted, texted, called, texted......

    You're clinging, pushing, trying to hard. You may have already scared him away. If he didn't respond after the first text, I would have made one phone call and then left the ball in his court. Whether he is working, busy with family for the holidays, etc, he could have found 30 seconds to text at some point.

    As much as you may not want to accept it, he is most likely not interested.

    Don't cling, don't push. Just stay relaxed. Otherwise, no one will pursue you.

    On the other hand, I'm a firm believer that everyone has his Mr. Right and if you just relax and have fun, you won't run him off before he gets to know you.

    Good luck. I sincerely for your sake, that he responds and accepts your offer of coffee or lunch.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Dec 24, 2012 9:19 PM GMT
    Stick a fork in it. If a guy is interested in you he will make it known.
  • RollDontWalk

    Posts: 187

    Dec 24, 2012 11:42 PM GMT
    Yeah, it's done. Shame. He texted:

    "Hey im good man. No offence but I don't think im looking to do anything"

    To which I responded:

    "I dont think I am either. I suggested coffee or a drink and to talk like adults- what did you think I mneant? A new buddy is always welcome."

    I'll wait to hear from him going forward.

    waterloonicetop saidYou should make dating cards. Put a sexy pic of you on it with your key likes, and slip it into the drunk boys' pants when you meet them.

    Is this a serious suggestion? It sounds like a practical idea but it might come off as creepy or trying too hard.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 11:47 PM GMT
    whatever3009 said
    mbio saidFrom my own experiences, if a guy is truly interested in you, he will make every effort to text you back in time. If a guy is beating around the bush, he's just not worth your effort. That's just my 2 cents.


    Agrees. If he is interested he would reply. It almost never happens that they are interested and dont reply.

    "He is just not that into you" - a movie everyone should watch.

    "If a guy wants to make it happen, he will make it happen no matter what" best line of the movie.

    I dont think he is interested in you. Still wait for a day or two and then may be call him.


    THIS.


    It doesn't take much to answer a text or a call. And if you have to wait that long for a response, that is your signal right there.