Urgent Quick Help Plox?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 4:56 AM GMT
    I just started dating this guy and we have lots of chemistry and we've been on a few dates and we text all the time... He has said he has two phases of guys One Night Stands and LTR's (guys he's with are one or the other) and well, I've survived the ONS part of this...


    How do I talk to him about where we stand without being pushy sounding or worried or insecure or y'all get it. For the record, I am a baby gay according to him(little experience) while he is kind of the guiding force here... I'm just petrified of fucking this up...


    Sincere help please?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 5:07 AM GMT
    Is it necessary for him to place you into one of the two categories right now? What about just letting things unfold naturally.

    With how flakey and easily-spooked guys can be, I would say you have more of a chance of fucking it up by pressing him to make a decision about you when you haven't dated that long.

    If you want an answer sooner, do your best to show him what kind of boyfriend you would be so he'll be more confident in his decision.


    Also, the way you wrote (and I wrote I admit), it sounds very much like he has all the power and you're hoping to be good enough for him. Just because he has more experience than you, doesn't mean he is spared from needing to be good enough for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 5:11 AM GMT
    Hey dude, glad your happy with this guy. The thing is, you have only been on a few dates...nothing serious may come for a month or even 3 months. Just take it easy and go with the flow...dont text/call too much and let him initiate some of the conversations.

  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 24, 2012 5:23 AM GMT
    How long have you known him and how many dates have you been on?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 5:36 AM GMT
    We've known each other a month and been on a couple of dates
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Dec 24, 2012 6:41 AM GMT
    graniteknighte saidWe've known each other a month and been on a couple of dates



    DO NOT
    DO NOT
    DO NOT
    talk to him about "where this is going."

    SLOW DOWN
    It's way way way too soon to be talking about your future with this guy.

    Just keep on doing what you've been doing, going out on dates, and having fun together.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 8:59 AM GMT
    if u like him u should......

    tumblr_lfnfwoH1UC1qc2jhfo1_500.gif

    then he belong to u.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Dec 24, 2012 3:33 PM GMT
    graniteknighte saidI just started dating this guy and we have lots of chemistry and we've been on a few dates and we text all the time... He has said he has two phases of guys One Night Stands and LTR's (guys he's with are one or the other) and well, I've survived the ONS part of this...


    How do I talk to him about where we stand without being pushy sounding or worried or insecure or y'all get it. For the record, I am a baby gay according to him(little experience) while he is kind of the guiding force here... I'm just petrified of fucking this up...


    Sincere help please?


    slow that train to crazy town down. just stop thinking and enjoy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2012 3:37 PM GMT
    The fantasy: He is perfect. We will never get jealous. It will always be pleasant. The sex will never get boring. My life is complete now that I'm in a relationship. We have so much to talk about. etc...


    The reality: A few dates doesn't equate to a relationship, commitment, or long-term. Enjoy the slowness of it all because if it does become something larger you will never be able to get the initial 'getting to know each other' period back.

    Forcing yourself into a relationship is just another form of control and trying to put something that doesn't belong in a box into a perfect, little box; that will never work no matter how hard we try, and love will never grow in a box. The most successful relationships always have room to grow.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2012 12:46 AM GMT
    You've been on a few more dates than a one night stand would get.
    Enjoy it and take it one day at a time.

    It's ok at this point to make plans for the next date not the wedding.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2012 1:18 AM GMT
    Just go with the flow for now. No matter what you say he may take it as you being worried or insecure.

    If you really want to know, the best way is just to straight out ask him. But if I were you, I'd wait another at least another two weeks before talking to him.

    I'm thinking you've only had about 4-8 dates? Anything over 10-12 and you probably need to talk. Unless you are fine with fwb or One night stands, then just go with the flow.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 25, 2012 4:04 AM GMT
    graniteknighte said I just started dating this guy

    we've been on a few dates

    How do I talk to him about where we stand

    You DON"T talk about where you stand!. You don't stand anywhere yet. Sounds like you are infatuated with this guy, which no date wants to hear. After a lot more dates and months of dating, things will either work out and start moving in some direction, or they won't. Talking about it now will not change anything, except to cause an early end.

    Delta, Webster, and Calibro put it right. Hear what they said.

    Good luck.
  • jwand09

    Posts: 91

    Dec 25, 2012 4:11 AM GMT
    let him knw from the start wat u want so that y u dont waste the time guessing later...
  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Dec 25, 2012 4:43 AM GMT
    Webster666 said
    graniteknighte saidWe've known each other a month and been on a couple of dates



    DO NOT
    DO NOT
    DO NOT
    talk to him about "where this is going."

    SLOW DOWN
    It's way way way too soon to be talking about your future with this guy.

    Just keep on doing what you've been doing, going out on dates, and having fun together.


    +1 i have to agree with you, I did that once and i regretted doing that. You will scare him away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2012 4:54 AM GMT
    The advice given so far is pretty great. Don't have "a talk" - nothing freaks people out more than commitment.

    What you should do: nothing. Enjoy seeing him and let things progress organically. Vent your excitement/tension to friends (but not too much) or here/etc.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Dec 25, 2012 4:57 AM GMT
    ...come up w/ a stupendous date idea (your treat); something so immense, that he could not possibly decline . . .
    Then you will have a chance to read the vibes even better.