Father almost died of cancer. Went through a nightmare in the hospital. Anyone else gone through this?

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    Dec 24, 2012 8:26 PM GMT
    My dad over the weekend found out he had large intestine cancer. I spent the last night with him. He survived the operation removing the large intestine. Going through the after effects of morphine he had four days ago he had a violent episode in which he slugged my mouth (never hit me in my life) and then later told me and others to go to h%@@ among other things. I guess he had built up tension between our relationship and mixed in with drug hallucinations. He prayed to god to take him, etc. The incident scared me where I couldn't function for a few days. I know that the majority is from the drugs but he did say things that tells me he lost his trust and love for me. I'll probably go to a counsellor of some type. Any one else go through relatives and major surgeries?
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    Dec 24, 2012 8:51 PM GMT
    Wishing YOU well.
    He's under the stress of knowing he's ill, hospitalized, medicated and all that goes with it.
    A counselor for you might be the best thing to keep you as accepting of the situation and as relaxed as possible.
    Hugs.
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    Dec 25, 2012 1:59 PM GMT
    When people are on heavy medications, and in that kind of pain, coupled with the terrifying threat of dying, they are at their worst, and they can turn into monsters, and say things you never would have thought of them. He may not even remember it afterwards. The same thing happens with dementia.You must keep this perspective, and not take any of it personally, as hard as that sounds. It is a very normal reaction on his part due to his enormous stress, and on your part, to watch him suffer, knowing he could die, and having to cope with hearing these things on top of all that. Eventually you'll understand and put it behind you. Be glad he's still alive, and presumably recovering. My father died from lung cancer about a year ago, I know how you feel. Just keep things in perspective.
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    Dec 25, 2012 3:22 PM GMT
    Father almost died of cancer. Went through a nightmare in the hospital. Anyone else gone through this?

    Yes, with my own late Father, who was battling cancer, and also my late partner, whose AIDS produced dementia at the end. But I was spared any anger directed at me personally.

    Still, it was a challenge at times, since they weren't themselves, being influenced by their illness and medications. I'm sure that's what this is with your father. You just have to tough it out, and accept that he isn't himself, and not believe what he's saying.
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    Dec 25, 2012 7:00 PM GMT
    Thanks guys. I went through 4 days of pain going over what he said. Seeing him tonight for Christmas for the first time. All this helps. I noticed that he never mentioned problems with my sexuality, never married, etc. Glad that at an older age that Dad's can overlook that.
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    Dec 25, 2012 7:08 PM GMT
    In the year before she died, my Mother said some crazy shit.
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    Dec 25, 2012 7:08 PM GMT
    Disease, illness, and dementia cause lots of upset amongst the family of the sick person.
    Lots and lots of hugs, man. Remember and rest assured - it's not what you did.
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    Dec 25, 2012 7:31 PM GMT
    Yes but too much to type.lol May God comfort you and grant your father renewed health.Seasons Greetings. Ryan and Ruben
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    Dec 25, 2012 7:40 PM GMT
    My 81yo Mom broke her hip in May. She was fine before surgery but woke up with dementia which doesn't run in either side of her family. My mom didn't have a stroke. She was never religous but now regularly accusses me of being in league with the devil to kill her. She knew I was gay but now asks about my wife and laments the death of a child and a sister I never had.

    I am hearing that there are other cases like mine. I suspect that doctors are covering up the truth regarding how dangerous anestesia really is and that things go wrong during surgery that are not included in the surgical record.
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    Dec 25, 2012 7:48 PM GMT
    mx5guynj saidMy 81yo Mom broke her hip in May. She was fine before surgery but woke up with dementia which doesn't run in either side of her family. My mom didn't have a stroke. She was never religous but now regularly accusses me of being in league with the devil to kill her. She knew I was gay but now asks about my wife and laments the death of a child and a sister I never had.

    I am hearing that there are other cases like mine. I suspect that doctors are covering up the truth regarding how dangerous anestesia really is and that things go wrong during surgery that are not included in the surgical record.


    HUGE hugs bro.
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    Dec 25, 2012 7:49 PM GMT
    Time.

    Major surgery is major. Heavy drugs are heavy drugs, and are not without their side affects, but...remember the science: they make the unbearable bearable / survivable.

    I had a cardiac stent put in; was awake the whole time; afterwards I had what's called heart stretching pain. I complained. They told me they had already given me 13 ccs of morphine. I seemed no worse for the wear.

    When I had my bicep reattached then felt funky for a while. General anesthesia can be funky for a while, but, you get better.

    It's unfortunate that your father didn't get an early diagnosis, and the surgery is traumatic, but, he'll get better, to a degree, but, remember, he doesn't feel good, and when folks feel crappy, they can project to those around them. You just gotta' suck it up. That's most of it. He feels really icky. It's not just the morphine. It's not just the surgery. HE FEELS ICKY. He's projecting. It's not truth serum. It's him feeling icky. It's that simple.

    You need to set any false belief systems aside, learn as much science about all this as you can, and understand he is NOT going to be the same. Knowing as much about the science of his illness will help you way more than any particular false belief systems. RESEARCH, don't pray.

    Again, he feels...ICKY...but...science will extend his life, but, given the situation, it will never be the same, but, he will go along for a while. For now, though, understand, he is VERY SICK, and he's projecting. Study up on it: projecting...it'll help you to understand.

    You gotta' put on your big boy pants, suck it up, and deal with it. It should get better as he gets to feeling better.

    Reality is he's probably pissed he didn't take better care of himself, or do some things differently earlier in life, and so on. At the root of it all, though ...is...he feels icky...real icky. It sucks being sick.
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    Dec 25, 2012 8:18 PM GMT
    Yeah, so it starts this way and after countless drugs and 13 more operations they die. It's the new medical reality. The patient and you aren't allowed to have any say in the matter ,for the next ten years, because you aren't qualified to have any medical opinions.
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    Dec 25, 2012 8:36 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidYeah, so it starts this way and after countless drugs and 13 more operations they die. It's the new medical reality. The patient and you aren't allowed to have any say in the matter ,for the next ten years, because you aren't qualified to have any medical opinions.


    That's non-sense. As long as you are cogent, you can always refuse a procedure.

    We are all getting closer to death one minute at a time. That's reality.

    My mom watched all of her very close friends die from lung cancer. (She quit smoking in the late 80's.) She died from COPD in 2009. My mom spent several years on an oxygen machine, and, when she felt that her quality of life was not good enough she turned it off, the doctor gave her a bit of morphine, and she passed on her terms with her sister holding her hand while my dad was home in bed. Mom had a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order in place. She died on her terms, in the place she chose, with her sister holding her hand.

    Life is not without risks, chance, benefits, and effects. It's the way of things. We HAVE choices...even about our moment of death.

    Patients always have a say in the matter unless they are not mentally competent, or, are a minor.

    Putting forth the sort of bullshit you put forth is nonsense. We have choices every bit of the way, from the food we eat, to the jobs we do, etc.

    Sometimes, folks are ready to die. It's part of the natural process, and, we do have the right to refuse a procedure that might extend life, or not.

    When I had my cardiac stent put in, I spent four months studying the science of it all; the outcomes; the risks of not doing it; the risks of doing it. I made the choice to intervene early, before a heart attack, ambulance ride, or $115K hospital bill. It was my choice, and I made it...in a way informed way. No praying to a false belief system, but, good, honest, hard, research, and interviews with folks who had it done.
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    Dec 25, 2012 9:06 PM GMT
    chuckystud said
    Alpha13 said[...]
    [...]
    When I had my cardiac stent put in, I spent four months studying the science of it all; the outcomes; the risks of not doing it; the risks of doing it. [...]


    Chucky, I'm very curious, why did you need a stent. Didn't you take proper care of yourself and proper diet?
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    Dec 25, 2012 9:30 PM GMT
    Yep. Never had a cholesterol above 150, exercised for 40 some years, don't smoke, etc. Sometimes, good behavior, good discipline, good science, isn't enough.

    The difference between me and the guy in the E.R. is that the exercise allowed me to catch it early, make an informed decision, and have an incredibly good outcome with intervention before anything bad. Technically, it's called aging, and genetics. You may wish to research that further on your own.

    I'm a model cardiac patient, and can routinely take my heart rate to 110% of max, and I'm STILL considered in the top for fitness my age, except now (I had an over-sized stent put in) my exercise performance is greatly enhanced and I can continue the life style I've grown accustomed to.

    I had 3.5 hours of bed rest and just 60 days after the stent insertion I can easily hit 110% of max with barely breathing hard.

    It was a choice I made so that I continue with lowered risk, and..enhanced lifestyle.

    I had the second largest stent made (3.5mm by 30mm) put in to both limit my chances for re-stenosis and to improve my exercise performance.

    I'm happy to say...with only low dose aspirin, HIIT, and lifting, my bp this morning was 118/68...dead on perfect and especially good with someone with all my lean mass.

    Health is a personal responsibility.

    EVERYONE starts developing AS disease from the day the were born, plus, genes, are another factor. In my case, I have no family history as I'm adopted, but, I needed MORE fat (HDLs) in my diet, rather than less. My HDLS are fairly low, and there's some science trending to the notion that HDLS act as srubbers of LDLS. I now also have 3g to 6g of flaxseed oil in my diet daily, too.

    As I said, we are all moving closer to death, minute by minute. Bad choices, like smoking, lead to more health issues, but, we are all going to die. It's a given. We do have choices, however.

    To answer your question: I chose the stent to make sure I did not have a cardiac event, and could continue to train at high intensity levels for years to come. I came to the decision after talking to no less than 20 health care professionals and patients, as well as many hours of reading. (Honestly, do I fucking look like I don't take care of myself and eat a good diet?) Can you say asshole?
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    Dec 25, 2012 9:38 PM GMT
    BuddyinNYC said
    chuckystud said
    Alpha13 said[...]
    [...]
    When I had my cardiac stent put in
    , I spent four months studying the science of it all; the outcomes; the risks of not doing it; the risks of doing it. [...]

    Chucky, I'm very curious, why did you need a stent. Didn't you take proper care of yourself and proper diet?

    chuckystud saidYep. Never had a cholesterol above 150, exercised for 40 some years, don't smoke, etc. Sometimes, good behavior, good discipline, good science, isn't enough.

    The difference between me and the guy in the E.R. is that the exercise allowed me to catch it early, make an informed decision, and have an incredibly good outcome with intervention before anything bad. Technically, it's called aging, and genetics. You may wish to research that further on your own.

    I'm a model cardiac patient, and can routinely take my heart rate to 110% of max, and I'm STILL considered in the top for fitness my age, except now (I had an over-sized stent put in) my exercise performance is greatly enhanced and I can continue the life style I've grown accustomed to.[...]
    EVERYONE starts developing AS disease from the day the were born, plus, genes, are another factor. [...]


    Thanks. Yeah, sounds familiar.
    Fortunately you (and another person I know) took very good care of yourselves, extended your productive health to its' limit, and then got care in time.
  • Sportsfan1

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    Dec 25, 2012 10:39 PM GMT
    May God Bless. May the Almighty Creator take you in his loving arms and wrap you with warmth and kindness. You are going through a very difficult time. My prayers will be with you.