Live with your man or have you own places, what has worked out better?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2008 1:58 AM GMT
    I'm curious to know this. My Mom is living with me and I can't forsee that changing. I've never lived with a boyfriend and when one offered to take me and my Mom, I freaked. It was a wonderful feeling, but he owned his home and I didn't like the neighborhood. I've had straight roommates before and we shared the expenses but living with and having sex with your homeowner feels unbalanced. Let me know if you think it's a good thing to hope for.
    PS. I was just being brief, with the homeowner sex statement. I still love this man. It's just feeling that he has more control over you, if both names are not on the lease for example.
    PSS after High Voltage Guy's post, I want to thank all you guys for your input and furthur clearify. I apoligize for not being clearer. I broke up with my boyfriend a year ago but I still love him. I think he has another boyfriend. Funny, he wanted to get the U-Haul for me. I would of had to commute 50 miles to my job from his house. I thought I'd have to find another job at the time. His income was twice mine.
    My mom lives with me, she can not support herself. I don't live with my mom. Alot of times it sucks big time because I'd like to talk openly on the phone or be naked in the house but can't. Oh man unless she had a little cottage or apartment of her own, a boyfriend and I could never walk about naked. The things I wonder about is all the furnishings and how you blend them, toss them, store them.
    This is the coolest site ever, Jocks are not dumb.
  • Southern_Draw...

    Posts: 119

    Sep 18, 2008 2:05 AM GMT
    Have your own place! You always need an option out. I wouldn't even put both of our names on a lease. Its either in your name or my name. I have two friends who are still staying with their ex because of a lease.
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    Sep 18, 2008 5:46 AM GMT

    How can you share your life with your man if you can't even share a common space?

    There should be a lot more to a relationship than just "having sex with your homeowner".
    But if you're just fuck-buddies, then definitely don't live together. That might be confusing. (:

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    Sep 18, 2008 1:01 PM GMT
    First of all, does this man you love own his home or have a lease to rent? It is a lot easier to change a lease to add your name than for you to have your name put on his mortgage and be Tenants in Common. I would propose that if you are both serious enough to want to live together that you should make some verbal arrangement now to add your name to the lease or to the mortgage perhaps after a waiting period of six months to see if you are really compatible living together.

    If you add your name to his mortgage, than it is only fair that you should pay him in some financial arrangement for half the equity that he now has in the home in addition to paying half the payments on the house. If that is impossible because of your finances, than perhaps he would consider selling his home and the two of you buying another place with a new mortgage together that would allow you to participate. Many arrangements of partial ownership can be done.

    Otherwise, without some understanding of your position in the financial end, you will be setting yourself up for a disaster if it turns out that you do not live together well and your mother coming along just complicates that further. What are you planning to do if he decides later that your arrangement is not good for him?

    Sorry, to have to discourage you from making this step with a man who seems to be committed to you, but I have heard of other situations like yours that did not end amicably.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2008 1:49 PM GMT
    It's better to live apart. That's all.

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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2008 1:54 PM GMT
    If you decide to live together, only do so if you have the means and funds to leave at a moment's notice, if it becomes necessary.

  • Sep 18, 2008 2:55 PM GMT
    Ghen saidIt's better to live apart. That's all.

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    hahahaha....that was class Ghen....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2008 2:58 PM GMT
    i did the living with a boyfriend thing. wasn't my style. maybe it was an age thing or maybe he was totally the wrong kind of guy for me.

    But i know from now own the i will be very cautious before I move in with someone again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2008 8:19 PM GMT
    Imagine living in a 500sq foot studio with the guy you're dating. I'm doing it and everything thus far has been fine. I moved in with my BF because I was at his place ALL THE TIME! I'd spend the night at his place, shower, go to work, go to the gym, go to my place to shower, change and get clothes to wear for the next day so that I could spend the night again at his place. I was renting a room for $1100 that I maybe used 5 days out of the month. It just made more sense to move in with him. Yes it's a small space, but we're hardly ever home with each other. Out of any given work week, we may be together a total of 15 hours a week. Weekends, we're out and about having fun with friends, going on hikes, taking trips out of the city and what not. So even with the small space that we do have, we're not consistently "attatched at the hip."

    In your case, I would say keep your own space because of your Mother. If the two of you were to get in a squabble, you wouldn't want her there to hear it, nor get in the middle.
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    Sep 18, 2008 8:25 PM GMT
    My partner and I have lived with each other almost from day one. I cannot imagine living with my mother! I moved out at 19 and never looked back, except for the summertime. Each relationship is different, but if you think he is the one then by all means move into together. It takes a bit of getting used to, but overall it is worthwhile.
  • VinBaltimore

    Posts: 239

    Sep 18, 2008 8:30 PM GMT
    Everything in life is a trade off. My boyfriend/husband/whatever moved into the house I own a few years ago.

    We met, we dated, had a few laughs. Then one night after the lovin' he asked me if there was any reason we shouldn't be living together. I couldn't think of an answer fast enough and next thing I know there's a U-Haul in front of my house. icon_smile.gif

    So sure, it's nice to be with the one you love every night, but it does add some complications. When things were tough a few years back I really wanted out. I think I could have broken up with him if we were not living together, but i just couldn't bring myself to essentially evict him from our house. Forced me to work it out with him (good thing looking back, but at the time it was HELL!).

    Plus, our little townhouse felt palatial when it was just me. Now with BF (and dog) it feels a bit crowded.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2008 8:39 PM GMT
    VinBaltimore saidI couldn't think of an answer fast enough and next thing I know there's a U-Haul in front of my house.


    Damn LESBIAN!
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