Gay social skills - Need help!!

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    Dec 26, 2012 1:12 PM GMT
    I am a shy type of guy, you'ld never catch me make eye contact, i have a sleepy left eye which kinda makes me feel insecure ....although alot of people tell me its cute,special....blah blah so im quite defensive and carry a straight face,mind my business at the gym and never make eye contact.

    A few cute guys at my gym hit on me,but im scared my defensive nature might have sent a wrong signal that im arrogant or something...

    I need to learn how to loosen up and be more friendly icon_smile.gif Any tips?

    In addition tell us something u dont like about your body and how you've used it to your advantage.

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    Dec 26, 2012 2:22 PM GMT
    It sounds like you just need to let your guard down and make eye contact despite your lazy eye. You already said that guys find you cute and that they have hit on you. I think this is your fuel to build confidence and finally let go of your insecurity. Are you worried about being rejected? You shouldn't be because this happens to everyone and it's something you will learn to brush off and focus on the guys that like you.

    As for the last sentence of your post, if there is something about your body that you don't like and can be changed, then act upon it. Unless I'm misunderstanding what you're saying, I don't see how not liking a part of your body has any advantages.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 26, 2012 2:36 PM GMT
    Nearly every single gay man is shy when it comes to making eye contact with strangers. We've been conditioned to hide our sexuality in public. Most gay men find their solution in alcohol or grindr.

    As for the last question, focus on improving your weakest link. For me, I have a big ass; I was mocked for that as a child. Now I use fitness to sculpt my booty, and in the gay community it's become my best asset, lol. At least, that's the impression I get reading my photo comments, hahaha. Good luck!!!
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    Dec 26, 2012 2:39 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidNearly every single gay man is shy when it comes to making eye contact with strangers. We've been conditioned to hide our sexuality in public. Most gay men find their solution in alcohol or grindr.

    As for the last question, focus on improving your weakest link. For me, I have a big ass; I was mocked for that as a child. Now I use fitness to sculpt my booty, and in the gay community it's become my best asset, lol. At least, that's the impression I get reading my photo comments, hahaha. Good luck!!!


    My solution is Grindr.icon_neutral.gif


    And my ass has been known to turn the nelliest of bottoms into raging power tops...icon_twisted.gif
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    Dec 26, 2012 2:40 PM GMT
    Amarula said[...]
    I need to learn how to loosen up and be more friendly icon_smile.gif Any tips?
    [...]


    It's all about you respecting yourself and accepting yourself as you are. You cannot make yourself into another person, you can only accept yourself as you are with your own ability to evolve naturally (making conscientious attempts without being too hard on yourself). Less frustration = more relaxed and therefore seem more friendly.
    Some guys like shy guys and are sensitive enough to understand and see through the shyness and see what the guy's really about.
    There's no point in trying to get the attention of guys that cannot understand where you're coming from and who need assurances that you actually have a lot going for you as you are.
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    Dec 26, 2012 2:42 PM GMT
    Not gay social skills...confidence. One way to become more confident is to forget about your "flaws." There is a guy in my gym with an artificial leg and he has no problem picking up chicks. Most shy people I've known have a "perfection quest" that inhibits their ability to take social risks for fear of looking foolish. Be perfect in your imperfection. Nobody wants to date I-Robot.
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    Dec 26, 2012 2:56 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidAnd my ass has been known to turn the nelliest of bottoms into raging power tops...icon_twisted.gif


    And what will that amazing ass do to those of us who *ARE* raging power tops...?

    Inquiring tops wanna know. ;)
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    Dec 26, 2012 2:57 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidNearly every single gay man is shy when it comes to making eye contact with strangers. We've been conditioned to hide our sexuality in public. Most gay men find their solution in alcohol or grindr.

    As for the last question, focus on improving your weakest link. For me, I have a big ass; I was mocked for that as a child. Now I use fitness to sculpt my booty, and in the gay community it's become my best asset, lol. At least, that's the impression I get reading my photo comments, hahaha. Good luck!!!


    +1
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 26, 2012 2:58 PM GMT
    AlphaTrigger said
    jmusmc85 saidAnd my ass has been known to turn the nelliest of bottoms into raging power tops...icon_twisted.gif


    And what will that amazing ass do to those of us who *ARE* raging power tops...?

    Inquiring tops wanna know. ;)


    I could take a raging a top, and milk him all night with my skills.icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 26, 2012 3:07 PM GMT
    When I first entered the gay scene as a late bloomer, my greatest disadvantage was age. And ignorance of the gay world. I latched onto smarter guys and took their lead.

    Now I'm way older, and way out of shape, due to my failing health. So whadda yah do? Be the jolly old fat guy. Adapt or perish.

    And it works for me. Not specifically what the OP needs, of course, but somewhat along the lines of what Myol has said - confidence. I make every person feel I'm really happy to meet them (and usually I am, from force of habit), and convey the message that I think they should be happy to be meeting me, too.

    And I learned that, I taught myself that, it didn't come natural to me. I was shy and timid, in many situations I still am. But to me every social situation is like a cold pool of water: you can jump in, or ease a toe in, or refuse to try.

    I force myself to jump. I use my "motorcycle grip" to give a firm handshake that sends a very positive message to most men. Guys immediately think I'm an Alpha Male. Whether I really am or not, that's what they think at first impression, also using my deepest bass voice, not some wimpy shy thing who'd rather be hiding in a corner of the room.

    You can project any image you want, if you set your mind to it. Maybe it's my theatre training coming into play, but I really believe you can be the gay man you want, at least in social situations. Now being the world's greatest male ballet star since Nureyev, well, that's a different story...
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    Dec 26, 2012 3:22 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said[...]
    You can project any image you want, if you set your mind to it. Maybe it's my theatre training coming into play, but I really believe you can be the gay man you want, at least in social situations.[...]


    Projecting the image is easy, but it doesn't mean that it won't be seen through as transparent.
    Are you gay or gay acting?
    Be the person you are and you'll attract true friends etc.
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    Dec 26, 2012 3:36 PM GMT
    hmmmmmmmm maybe it's because i'm not a flirtatious person but I like making eye contact with people because i'm curious about my surroundings and I love to people watch.

    I have the opposite problem. I've been told on several occasions that until people get to know me I appear to be very unapproachable lol
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    Dec 26, 2012 3:37 PM GMT
    BuddyinNYC said
    ART_DECO said[...]
    You can project any image you want, if you set your mind to it. Maybe it's my theatre training coming into play, but I really believe you can be the gay man you want, at least in social situations.[...]

    Projecting the image is easy, but it doesn't mean that it won't be seen through as transparent.
    Are you gay or gay acting?
    Be the person you are and you'll attract true friends etc.

    A valid point. But I assume we all are gay. So again, for me it's a matter of selling it.

    I hope I believe in fraud no more than you do. Nor in facades. Yeah, yah gotta avoid trying too hard, that does look artificial.

    But the odd thing I've found is that if you force yourself to be outgoing, acting or not, after a while it becomes your true nature. It's not acting anymore, but the way you are. Call it practice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 26, 2012 3:39 PM GMT
    Forget about your eye. everyone has "uniqueness-es" and no one is perfect. Be Yourself and don't let yourself get down. I have a friend who is very slender and he doesn't think that he will ever find anyone. but he is a good looking guy and just shy. my and my friends are thinking about making a profile for him on some dating sites. Just like him, you need to break out of your shell. open yourself up to being turned down. we all have had speed bumps that we had to hit before finding our own inner beauty and being proud of it.
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    Dec 26, 2012 5:23 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the tips guys....well absorbed. Gonna start working on it, hopefully there would be improvement and ild be more friendly....My goal for the new year?icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 26, 2012 5:25 PM GMT
    Gym is a place for workout...and how do you even know if they are hitting on you? Isn't it self assumptions?
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    Dec 26, 2012 5:26 PM GMT
    I didn't like my legs or butt however after working out my legs for what seems like forever (two years and I finally started doing my upper body five months ago) and now I get that they are very attractive when I wear shorts. I'm just waiting for the rest of me to catch up, lol.
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    Dec 26, 2012 9:25 PM GMT
    ART_DECO saidBut I assume we all are gay. So again, for me it's a matter of selling it.


    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQWYFGaMqaHDuOm02cNYbQ
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    Dec 26, 2012 9:28 PM GMT
    That is funny because all this weight loss that is happening to me I am actually feeling more confident and what not. So awkward...still getting used to it, but it would be really nice if anyone asked me to dance when I am at the club...when I am dancing with my friends I make sure that I have my head up and I am always smiling. BC i tend to look down and have a semi serious face...but whatever.

    Has not worked yet but im sure if I keep positive attitude and smile more often people will notice. B/C NGL not that many people smile now a days. I guess keep a smile the whole time you are talking to someone icon_biggrin.gif I am going to start to do that everywhere.

    icon_biggrin.gificon_smile.gif

    as for @jmusmc85.... ME GUSTA icon_razz.gif
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Dec 26, 2012 9:37 PM GMT
    Just go for it. When a guy hits on you again or makes a pass, return the favor by making a pass at them. Confidence doesn't magically appear, you have to build it up. Take those small opportunities to build yourself up.