Relationship Failure

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2012 2:58 AM GMT
    I probably am going to receive a lot of criticism from this point of view so here I go....

    I think one of the reasons that Gay relationship fail so much is due to the over exposure to porn and sex. We can see from research and documents that porn stars think differently about sex than most people. The more you are expose to something, the less it is special to you, in this case it is sex. The more you are familiar with it the more it is boring to you and the less you care about it.



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    Dec 27, 2012 3:39 AM GMT
    You mentioned research and documents. Can you provide several examples or links to the research? I doubt anyone can truly criticize what you're saying as long as you have the research data to support your claim. You might get a lot of differing opinions though.
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    Dec 27, 2012 4:51 AM GMT
    Well I am not a relationship expert but speaking from experience with friends of ours I think the problem with most relationships is immaturity and ridiculous expectations.If you are a smoking hottie you might get a smoking hottie or a wealthy older man.Most gay men need to look in the mirror and/or their bank account before they go searching for Ricky Martin as their future husband.lol
  • EastBayGuy

    Posts: 21

    Dec 27, 2012 4:58 AM GMT
    Pretty sure straight people, especially straight guys, watch as much porn as gay men. Is there a study showing that gay men spend significantly more time watching porn?

    I think a lot of the problems gay men face when trying to date or form a relationship can be explained evolutionarily: women have to invest more resources into a relationship and offspring, whereas men can pass on the greatest amount of genes by having sex with as many women as possible. Therefore, it is in the woman's best interest to find and stick with a suitable mate. Since this mechanism is not present in a male-male gay relationship, gay relationships tend to be less stable. I'm not saying that all gay men just want to have sex with other men and cannot settle down, but we cannot ignore our evolutionary histories when answering a question like this.
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    Dec 27, 2012 5:09 AM GMT
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    Dec 27, 2012 5:12 AM GMT
    WickedRyan saidWell I am not a relationship expert but speaking from experience with friends of ours I think the problem with most relationships is immaturity and ridiculous expectations.If you are a smoking hottie you might get a smoking hottie or a wealthy older man.Most gay men need to look in the mirror and/or their bank account before they go searching for Ricky Martin as their future husband.lol


    Agreed man
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    Dec 27, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    High Expectations
    High Sex Drive
    High Insecurity

    I think many things attribute to relationships failing and it just depends upon that couple.

    I can tell you honestly that straight guys watch just as much porn as gay men and sex is constantly on their minds just like ours.
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    Dec 27, 2012 5:18 AM GMT
    Perserverance saidI probably am going to receive a lot of criticism from this point of view so here I go....

    I think one of the reasons that Gay relationship fail so much is due to the over exposure to porn and sex. We can see from research and documents that porn stars think differently about sex than most people. The more you are expose to something, the less it is special to you, in this case it is sex. The more you are familiar with it the more it is boring to you and the less you care about it.





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  • Matt2004

    Posts: 26

    Dec 27, 2012 5:37 AM GMT
    EastBayGuy saidPretty sure straight people, especially straight guys, watch as much porn as gay men. Is there a study showing that gay men spend significantly more time watching porn?

    I think a lot of the problems gay men face when trying to date or form a relationship can be explained evolutionarily: women have to invest more resources into a relationship and offspring, whereas men can pass on the greatest amount of genes by having sex with as many women as possible. Therefore, it is in the woman's best interest to find and stick with a suitable mate. Since this mechanism is not present in a male-male gay relationship, gay relationships tend to be less stable. I'm not saying that all gay men just want to have sex with other men and cannot settle down, but we cannot ignore our evolutionary histories when answering a question like this.


    I agree with EASTBAYGUY because I am looking at my female friends and want stuff they put up because they hope for the best. Men don't have the patience so they believe something is much better out there.
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    Dec 27, 2012 5:39 AM GMT
    Perserverance saidI probably am going to receive a lot of criticism from this point of view so here I go....

    I think one of the reasons that Gay relationship fail so much is due to the over exposure to porn and sex.
    Have you forgotten that the #1 consumer of porn is straight males?
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    Dec 27, 2012 5:40 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Perserverance saidI probably am going to receive a lot of criticism from this point of view so here I go....

    I think one of the reasons that Gay relationship fail so much is due to the over exposure to porn and sex.
    Have you forgotten that the #1 consumer of porn is straight males?


    icon_surprised.gif

    Got em Coach.
  • EastBayGuy

    Posts: 21

    Dec 27, 2012 5:42 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Perserverance saidI probably am going to receive a lot of criticism from this point of view so here I go....

    I think one of the reasons that Gay relationship fail so much is due to the over exposure to porn and sex.
    Have you forgotten that the #1 consumer of porn is straight males?


    To be fair, the straight porn market is much larger because straight men outnumber gay men by a large margin. This still doesn't prove that gay men consume more porn than straight men, or vice versa.
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    Dec 27, 2012 5:51 AM GMT
    Perserverance saidI probably am going to receive a lot of criticism from this point of view so here I go....

    I think one of the reasons that Gay relationship fail so much is due to the over exposure to porn and sex. We can see from research and documents that porn stars think differently about sex than most people. The more you are expose to something, the less it is special to you, in this case it is sex. The more you are familiar with it the more it is boring to you and the less you care about it.


    If you are right, it mean the longer you are with someone, the less you care about having sex with him, because you can do it all the time (you are familiar with it).
    And as you point out that sex need to be 'special' for a relationship to work, it means a relationship can't work.

    The logical consequence is that a relationship can't work.
    Experience tells us that at least some do work for quite a long time, so one of your two assumptions above must be wrong.

    Assuming that that watching porn give the same effect as doing porn is also a bit bold, where is the causal link ? Does reading a book makes you a writer ?







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    Dec 27, 2012 5:55 AM GMT
    BlackCat90 said
    Perserverance saidI probably am going to receive a lot of criticism from this point of view so here I go....

    I think one of the reasons that Gay relationship fail so much is due to the over exposure to porn and sex. We can see from research and documents that porn stars think differently about sex than most people. The more you are expose to something, the less it is special to you, in this case it is sex. The more you are familiar with it the more it is boring to you and the less you care about it.





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    Receipts my ass...you don't need receipts.

    All you need to do is look at the obvious. Porn stars think of sex the way society thinks of violence...it's ok on the big screen, but don't do it in public.
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    Dec 27, 2012 5:56 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidThe entire premise of this thread is hogwash.


    ^^^^THIS.
  • Angelix90

    Posts: 267

    Dec 27, 2012 5:58 AM GMT
    Porn and sex lead to failure of relationship? This is something what my bible thumping grandmother would say.
  • TroyAthlete

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    Dec 27, 2012 6:21 AM GMT
    Perserverance saidI probably am going to receive a lot of criticism from this point of view so here I go....

    I think one of the reasons that Gay relationship fail so much is due to the over exposure to porn and sex. We can see from research and documents that porn stars think differently about sex than most people. The more you are expose to something, the less it is special to you, in this case it is sex. The more you are familiar with it the more it is boring to you and the less you care about it.



    Presumption that gays consume more porn and have more sex than straights is waaaaaaay false.

    Research and documents proving that porn stars think differently about sex are not provided.

    Declarative assertion that overexposure automatically and always leads to something becoming less special is also not true in all cases.

    Similarly, assertion that all people find sex boring over time is incredibly, incredibly false.
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    Dec 27, 2012 6:24 AM GMT
    Angelix90 saidPorn and sex lead to failure of relationship? This is something what my bible thumping grandmother would say.
    But violence and mass murders in movies is OK as long as it's rated PG-13.

    (and we wonder why Columbine and more recent school shootings took place)
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    Dec 27, 2012 11:05 AM GMT
    Whole lot of wrong here...first off you are having sex with the wrong people if you find it boring and don't care out it.

    Sex is still very special, amazing, important, and fulfilling for me when I'm in a relationship of any kind with another man. I hate fuck and go, love sex with someone I've taken the time to build something with.

    I do think of sex differently then other people and from personal experience sex is different with porn stars then with other guys. Usually they are great at oral but anal just seems like they are going through the movements and not enjoying it as greatly as I am. For them there could be a lack of emotion.

    Do not think that relationship failure has anything to do with that. More along the lines of great sex does not mean great relationship it is only one part of what makes a relationship last and if you try to build one on the foundation of sex, it is most likely not going to work.
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    Dec 27, 2012 11:56 AM GMT
    I don't know where you got that from OP, but I think gay porn, imho, only add some spices into your sex life. Hell All gay men watch gay porn whether they want to admit it or not, sure there's little influences but leading to a failure in a relationship, nah !! icon_eek.gif There are worse reasons.

    Fail relationships = any combinations below

    . No or little communications
    . No money / no honey
    . Too much money / sugga daddies
    . Too much jealousy
    . I'm hot, I don't date plain John !
    . Too much drama / bitterness
    . Too much expectations
    . I nitpick your ass a lot
    . Once you get bored, can we have a 3 way or an open LTR? that opens the can of worms !!!
    . I am afraid of commitment
    . No firework in the bedroom
    . You are not the perfect guy ./ age /race for me ...etc

    Gosh, should I go on ??? icon_razz.gif
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    Dec 27, 2012 12:06 PM GMT
    EastBayGuy saidPretty sure straight people, especially straight guys, watch as much porn as gay men. Is there a study showing that gay men spend significantly more time watching porn?

    I think a lot of the problems gay men face when trying to date or form a relationship can be explained evolutionarily: women have to invest more resources into a relationship and offspring, whereas men can pass on the greatest amount of genes by having sex with as many women as possible. Therefore, it is in the woman's best interest to find and stick with a suitable mate. Since this mechanism is not present in a male-male gay relationship, gay relationships tend to be less stable. I'm not saying that all gay men just want to have sex with other men and cannot settle down, but we cannot ignore our evolutionary histories when answering a question like this.

    Agree. This is an answer I've commonly given to this question in the past.

    Of my 4 longest relationships, 2 failed because the BFs were cheating, and then declared they would never be monogamous. And they were rather slutty, even more than me. I can be slutty when single, but turn monogamous when married. Although from their perspective I'm sure they though that the problem was with me, for not accepting an open relationship. And that's something I believe most straight couple do not practice, to my unscientific personal observation, more a gay phenomenon.

    But my other 2 LTRs developed into monogamous partnerships. It took his unexpected death to end the first one, and I had never been so in love in my life. And yet we watched porn together, had sex with it as a background, so that part of the OP's assumptions would be incorrect for us. Rather than disrupting our love life, porn made it hotter.

    I'm now approaching 6 years with my current partner. And we're spending Christmas in New England with 2 other gay couples. It's a joy and an inspiration to watch the loving interaction these men have, a good example for me to improve the relationship with my own husband (one of the couples is legally married, together nearly 30 years and truly husbands).

    So I dunno how valid the premise of the OP is. Maybe it's a generational thing, with young men one way, and older men like us another. Meaning both answers are correct. But I do like the answer I have with my partner today, and I doubt porn will dull my love for him, nor interest in outside sex seduce me away (insofar as old men still practice it).
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    Dec 27, 2012 1:11 PM GMT
    Relationships generally fail due to lack of open communication, trust, honesty, self-lessness, unwavering commitment and unconditional love.
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    Dec 27, 2012 1:22 PM GMT
    TerraFirma saidRelationships generally fail due to lack of open communication, trust, honesty, self-lessness, unwavering commitment and unconditional love.


    I was with you until the end when you started to get off target. Extreme selfishness is a vice, but you don't do yourself or your relationship any favors not to take care of yourself. And the only unconditional love is that of a parent for a child.

    Any thread that starts "gay relationships fail so much" is itself an epic fail. Look at the divorce rate in the straight world, among other things.
  • Voice22

    Posts: 79

    Dec 27, 2012 1:28 PM GMT
    everyone (gay straight whatever) has a high relationship failure rate. Because unless you stay with someone till you die - it failed, didnt it?
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    Dec 27, 2012 1:28 PM GMT
    Perserverance saidI probably am going to receive a lot of criticism from this point of view so here I go....

    I think one of the reasons that Gay relationship fail so much is due to the over exposure to porn and sex. We can see from research and documents that porn stars think differently about sex than most people. The more you are expose to something, the less it is special to you, in this case it is sex. The more you are familiar with it the more it is boring to you and the less you care about it.





    Please don't assume that straight relationships are any better. They aren't!

    Your post is disturbing to me on multiple levels. Classifying gay men (LGBT) as sexual deviants is about as low as you can go. Stop hating yourself.

    And if you think that straight men don't overindulge when it comes to sex and porn, then there's no hope for you.