Topped Someone who is HIV+ Undetectable. Need advice. (UPDATE 01/01/13)

  • Roc85

    Posts: 5

    Dec 27, 2012 3:16 AM GMT
    Last night I met someone on A4A and we hit it off & had a one-night stand. We were snorting poppers and things escalated rather quickly. He mounted me and I didn't have a condom on. Five minutes in, I asked him if he was clean. He said he is HIV+ undetectable but that is Viral load is Zero and has no traces of the virus in his bloodstream or semen, only in his bone marrow.

    I freaked out. And to make matters worse, I was still under the affects on poppers so I was overwhelmed & kinda disoriented when we told
    me that. I was basically five minutes inside him and not since.

    I had never heard of HIV undetectable before. He tried to explain that it was highly unlikely that I would get the virus because of his zero viral load and that I'd be okay but it was just too much. I was furious that he didn't tell me or had it on his profile. He apologized & said he got caught up in the heat of the moment.

    As of the writing of this post, it's been about 20 hours since the incident happened. I've read many articles on the subject and it seems he wasn't lying (although they all stipulated that the risk still remains). I have calmed down and am kinda at peace with the situation but I need advice as to what my next step should be.

    I know you can take Antivirals from the Health Dept. but it weakens your immune system and I cannot afford to miss work. The Antibody Test takes 3 months although some articles say the HIV would show within 2-4 weeks. I just want advice as to the best way to handle this situation.

    I just want to clarify that I am fully aware this is my fault. While he was an asshole for not telling me, I was stupid for not asking & not using protection. I recently came out after years of being sexually repressed & closeted and I got reckless when it came to sex. This incident has opened my eyes and I'm just trying to move on from here. Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

    UPDATE: January 1st, 2013

    Hey guys, I thought I'd give y'all an update.

    After getting the runaround from the Health Dept. and several hospitals in the Orlando area, I was successfully given the Post-Exposure Prophylaxis at the ORMC on Friday. This is Day 5 of my treatment and I have 22 days to go. Thankfully, the worst side-effects I've experienced is slight to mild nausea. Also, I was approved financial aid that helped cover the first 7 days of medication.

    I contacted the person who exposed me to HIV today and we talked for about 15 minutes. He was a bit hesitant & uncomfortable talking to me but I just wanted to let him know I had no ill will towards him and asked him about any organizations he knew that would help me cover the costs of the PEP (it ain't cheap).

    I've met with a counselor, talked through some of the things that lead me to be so reckless when it came to sex and I feel like I'm in a good place.

    As far as the thread, I do want to thank those who gave me sound non-biased advice when I was in the middle of my crisis. Yeah there was mostly trolling (it's the Internet, what do u expect?) but it was worth shifting thru all of that to read your comments. Thanks again.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    If he came in you u better get your ass to the Emergency room immediately.Forget worrying about days off from work.Hope everything turns out ok
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    Dec 27, 2012 3:21 AM GMT
    If u topped him the chances of contracting HIV are way way less.
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    Dec 27, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    I believe Whoopi Goldberg has something to tell you.
  • Roc85

    Posts: 5

    Dec 27, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    WickedRyan saidIf he came in you u better get your ass to the Emergency room immediately.Forget worrying about days off from work.Hope everything turns out ok


    Sorry I should've clarified. I fucked him. I didn't come in contact with any semin fluids of his. There was a bit of my precum on his rectum but that was it.
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    Dec 27, 2012 3:26 AM GMT
    As a public health person, and since this is my area of expertise. Its best to take the antivirals now. Dont worry about work. Yes having a low viral load can reduce the risk but there is still risk and if you topped even less risk, but doing prophylaxis is your best method its most effective 48 hours or less after exposure.
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    Dec 27, 2012 3:28 AM GMT
    Don't have sex with anyone until 3 months have passed. Get tested. I really hope you're negative. Judging by what you said, it does seem like a lower likelihood that you would've caught something.
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    Dec 27, 2012 3:28 AM GMT
    In theory if the virus is undetectable in blood, it is undetctable in other body fluids. SO the risk of spreading hiv is less. Less not zero. Further why you getting high, having sex with a stranger and after you get in asking about hiv? Have you been under a rock for the past 30 years? Go get tested. If this is your steez you reduce your risk more if you take a PRep like Truvada. Its your dick/life. You only get one.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Dec 27, 2012 3:29 AM GMT
    Knockout is right. Deal with it medically NOW. It is a medical issue.

    Why no condom. Learn to make condoms a habit. Just consider how differently you would be feeling know if you had used one.
  • Roc85

    Posts: 5

    Dec 27, 2012 3:29 AM GMT
    theknockout saidAs a public health person, and since this is my area of expertise. Its best to take the antivirals now. Dont worry about work. Yes having a low viral load can reduce the risk but there is still risk and if you topped even less risk, but doing prophylaxis is your best method its most effective 48 hours or less after exposure.


    Okay. I'm going to the Health Department tomorrow. Thanks
  • thatirishbast...

    Posts: 3523

    Dec 27, 2012 3:32 AM GMT
    Okay, here's the deal.

    The chance that you've contracted HIV is extremely low. While it is possible to contract HIV from topping, it's generally considered to be a much lower risk than bottoming. Add that to the fact that he is undetectable (if he was being honest) and your chances of contracting the disease drops an enormous amount.

    50% of HIV transfers occur during the seroconversion or acute stage when HIV isn't detectable by the antibody test but viral levels are extremely high. The majority of other transfers occur from people who don't know their status and/or are not taking care of themselves. The chance of getting HIV from topping a medicated individual is mindboggling low. The chance of getting HIV from someone who is actually undetectable is so low it's called 'theoretical.' This means that while there is a scientific consensus that it COULD happen, it's difficult to point to a case where it actually did. There have been several cases where the transfer did happen, but then it was discovered that the individual who was HIV positive wasn't actually undetectable.

    I can't advise you on the anti-viral issue. That's a matter between you and your doctor.

    What I can advise you is to get the hell off the internet. It's a scary place and it doesn't do you any good to whip yourself into a frenzy. A test is the only definite way to learn if you've contracted HIV.

    70% percent of people show positive within 22 days. 92% within two months, 99% within three. If you want, get a test in a month, and then wait three and have a follow up test. There are free clinics in most big cities and it takes fifteen minutes or so.

    Many people who contract HIV experience a 'flu like illness' 2 to 4 weeks later which lasts a week to a month. Some people don't have any symptoms. However, it is common for those who do to describe it as 'the worst flu ever.' So if you get the sniffles or a mild flu, don't panic. The internet is lying to you again.

    I'm not worried. You shouldn't be either. Take this as a lesson learned and have the foresight to come prepared next time and always make it clear that you are playing safe.

    I'll make it clear of course that I'm not a doctor and don't have medical expertise. Everything I've said here is a result of educating myself about the issues from people who DID know what they were talking about.
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    Dec 27, 2012 3:36 AM GMT
    thatirishbastard said50% of HIV transfers occur during the seroconversion or acute stage when HIV isn't detectable by the antibody test but viral levels are extremely high. The majority of other transfers occur from people who don't know their status and/or are not taking care of themselves. The chance of getting HIV from topping a medicated individual is mindboggling low. The chance of getting HIV from someone who is actually undetectable is so low it's called 'theoretical.' This means that while there is a scientific consensus that it COULD happen, it's difficult to point to a case where it actually did. There have been several cases where the transfer did happen, but then it was discovered that the individual who was HIV positive wasn't actually undetectable.


    This is smart. Dont worry you are fine. Just get tested. HIV is not THAT easy to get
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    Dec 27, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    thatirishbastard saidOkay, here's the deal.

    The chance that you've contracted HIV is extremely low. While it is possible to contract HIV from topping, it's generally considered to be a much lower risk than bottoming. Add that to the fact that he is undetectable (if he was being honest) and your chances of contracting the disease drops an enormous amount.

    50% of HIV transfers occur during the seroconversion or acute stage when HIV isn't detectable by the antibody test but viral levels are extremely high. The majority of other transfers occur from people who don't know their status and/or are not taking care of themselves. The chance of getting HIV from topping a medicated individual is mindboggling low. The chance of getting HIV from someone who is actually undetectable is so low it's called 'theoretical.' This means that while there is a scientific consensus that it COULD happen, it's difficult to point to a case where it actually did. There have been several cases where the transfer did happen, but then it was discovered that the individual who was HIV positive wasn't actually undetectable.

    I can't advise you on the anti-viral issue. That's a matter between you and your doctor.

    What I can advise you is to get the hell off the internet. It's a scary place and it doesn't do you any good to whip yourself into a frenzy. A test is the only definite way to learn if you've contracted HIV.

    70% percent of people show positive within 22 days. 92% within two months, 99% within three. If you want, get a test in a month, and then wait three and have a follow up test. There are free clinics in most big cities and it takes fifteen minutes or so.

    Many people who contract HIV experience a 'flu like illness' 2 to 4 weeks later which lasts a week to a month. Some people don't have any symptoms. However, it is common for those who do to describe it as 'the worst flu ever.' So if you get the sniffles or a mild flu, don't panic. The internet is lying to you again.

    I'm not worried. You shouldn't be either. Take this as a lesson learned and have the foresight to come prepared next time and always make it clear that you are playing safe.

    I'll make it clear of course that I'm not a doctor and don't have medical expertise. Everything I've said here is a result of educating myself about the issues from people who DID know what they were talking about.



    Very Good advice....The internet isnt a place to research for your knoweldge your health care provider or the health department is. I think your taking a step in the right direction and going tomorrow. Best wishes, I am sure you will be fine and hope from now on you know your partners status and you play safe.
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    Dec 27, 2012 3:39 AM GMT
    I am annoyed that he did not disclose his status to you. He should have done that before things became hot and heavy. That to me says so much about his characters. He does not give a damn about anyone but himself. icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2012 3:40 AM GMT
    I'm shocked that of all the classy and honest guys who patrol A4A you happened to meet one of the popper loving bottoms who bareback. How rare.

    Then again, you were the one with your bare dick in his willing ass. Wow. I would never have been in this situation, popper unfriendly and A4A negative, but if I was in your shoes, I would have pulled my popper filled dick out of his bare ass and run to the emergency room, because it's one thing to be kind of dumb about fucking losers from A4A and having bare sex, but pretending to be so dumb in 2012 that you find out the trick you are banging is poz, so you wait around and weigh your options and chat about it with strangers on the internet?

    Damn.
  • Roc85

    Posts: 5

    Dec 27, 2012 3:40 AM GMT
    thatirishbastard saidOkay, here's the deal.

    The chance that you've contracted HIV is extremely low. While it is possible to contract HIV from topping, it's generally considered to be a much lower risk than bottoming. Add that to the fact that he is undetectable (if he was being honest) and your chances of contracting the disease drops an enormous amount.

    50% of HIV transfers occur during the seroconversion or acute stage when HIV isn't detectable by the antibody test but viral levels are extremely high. The majority of other transfers occur from people who don't know their status and/or are not taking care of themselves. The chance of getting HIV from topping a medicated individual is mindboggling low. The chance of getting HIV from someone who is actually undetectable is so low it's called 'theoretical.' This means that while there is a scientific consensus that it COULD happen, it's difficult to point to a case where it actually did. There have been several cases where the transfer did happen, but then it was discovered that the individual who was HIV positive wasn't actually undetectable.

    I can't advise you on the anti-viral issue. That's a matter between you and your doctor.

    What I can advise you is to get the hell off the internet. It's a scary place and it doesn't do you any good to whip yourself into a frenzy. A test is the only definite way to learn if you've contracted HIV.

    70% percent of people show positive within 22 days. 92% within two months, 99% within three. If you want, get a test in a month, and then wait three and have a follow up test. There are free clinics in most big cities and it takes fifteen minutes or so.

    Many people who contract HIV experience a 'flu like illness' 2 to 4 weeks later which lasts a week to a month. Some people don't have any symptoms. However, it is common for those who do to describe it as 'the worst flu ever.' So if you get the sniffles or a mild flu, don't panic. The internet is lying to you again.

    I'm not worried. You shouldn't be either. Take this as a lesson learned and have the foresight to come prepared next time and always make it clear that you are playing safe.

    I'll make it clear of course that I'm not a doctor and don't have medical expertise. Everything I've said here is a result of educating myself about the issues from people who DID know what they were talking about.


    Thanks for that. I actually understand my situation much better. I will still go to the Health Dept. tomorrow but at least the odds are in my favor.

    As for the ones criticizing me, I ain't gonna fight it. I was a fucking moron & it won't happen again, no matter how hot the guy is.
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    Dec 27, 2012 3:41 AM GMT
    Even if u get HIV u won't die, relax
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    Dec 27, 2012 3:42 AM GMT
    I would read this quote as it is explained the best. If he was undetectable then you really have zero chance of getting it. Like the quote below states - the chances are really theoretical - as they can't be disproven nor proven. The problem really is - since you don't know the individual at all - is - is he undetectable or not. Perhaps you can have him prove it to ease your mind - or show you his medications / prescription. If you have that information it can determine your course of action. That said, I guess the better safe than be sorry mentality might be best and I am sure no dr is going to "not" give you a prescription for prophylactic anti retrovirals. As far as taking them for a month - the chances are that you won't even notice it. The number one thing is to not be stressed as that is worse for your immune system than most anything else anyway. Supposing he isn't undetectable and has a moderate viral level - as a top - your odds of getting hiv are very low anyway - there's no way to say for sure how low but could be 1 in 10 or 1 in 1000 - but since you never want to be that 1 - then follow your current course of action. But for ease of mind - I would still reach out to him and get more information. I hope that helps some.

    thatirishbastard saidOkay, here's the deal.

    The chance that you've contracted HIV is extremely low. While it is possible to contract HIV from topping, it's generally considered to be a much lower risk than bottoming. Add that to the fact that he is undetectable (if he was being honest) and your chances of contracting the disease drops an enormous amount.

    50% of HIV transfers occur during the seroconversion or acute stage when HIV isn't detectable by the antibody test but viral levels are extremely high. The majority of other transfers occur from people who don't know their status and/or are not taking care of themselves. The chance of getting HIV from topping a medicated individual is mindboggling low. The chance of getting HIV from someone who is actually undetectable is so low it's called 'theoretical.' This means that while there is a scientific consensus that it COULD happen, it's difficult to point to a case where it actually did. There have been several cases where the transfer did happen, but then it was discovered that the individual who was HIV positive wasn't actually undetectable.

    I can't advise you on the anti-viral issue. That's a matter between you and your doctor.

    What I can advise you is to get the hell off the internet. It's a scary place and it doesn't do you any good to whip yourself into a frenzy. A test is the only definite way to learn if you've contracted HIV.

    70% percent of people show positive within 22 days. 92% within two months, 99% within three. If you want, get a test in a month, and then wait three and have a follow up test. There are free clinics in most big cities and it takes fifteen minutes or so.

    Many people who contract HIV experience a 'flu like illness' 2 to 4 weeks later which lasts a week to a month. Some people don't have any symptoms. However, it is common for those who do to describe it as 'the worst flu ever.' So if you get the sniffles or a mild flu, don't panic. The internet is lying to you again.

    I'm not worried. You shouldn't be either. Take this as a lesson learned and have the foresight to come prepared next time and always make it clear that you are playing safe.

    I'll make it clear of course that I'm not a doctor and don't have medical expertise. Everything I've said here is a result of educating myself about the issues from people who DID know what they were talking about.
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    Dec 27, 2012 3:59 AM GMT
    charlitos saidEven if u get HIV u won't die, relax


    the chances of dying from cancer or diabetic is higher than HIV nowadays.
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    Dec 27, 2012 4:07 AM GMT
    Roc85 saidLast night I met someone on A4A and we hit it off & had a one-night stand. We were snorting poppers and things escalated rather quickly. He mounted me and I didn't have a condom on. Five minutes in, I asked him if he was clean. He said he is HIV+ undetectable but that is Viral load is Zero and has no traces of the virus in his bloodstream or semen, only in his bone marrow.

    I freaked out. And to make matters worse, I was still under the affects on poppers so I was overwhelmed & kinda disoriented when we told
    me that. I was basically five minutes inside him and not since.

    I had never heard of HIV undetectable before. He tried to explain that it was highly unlikely that I would get the virus because of his zero viral load and that I'd be okay but it was just too much. I was furious that he didn't tell me or had it on his profile. He apologized & said he got caught up in the heat of the moment.

    As of the writing of this post, it's been about 20 hours since the incident happened. I've read many articles on the subject and it seems he wasn't lying (although they all stipulated that the risk still remains). I have calmed down and am kinda at peace with the situation but I need advice as to what my next step should be.

    I know you can take Antivirals from the Health Dept. but it weakens your immune system and I cannot afford to miss work. The Antibody Test takes 3 months although some articles say the HIV would show within 2-4 weeks. I just want advice as to the best way to handle this situation.

    I just want to clarify that I am fully aware this is my fault. While he was an asshole for not telling me, I was stupid for not asking & not using protection. I recently came out after years of being sexually repressed & closeted and I got reckless when it came to sex. This incident has opened my eyes and I'm just trying to move on from here. Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks.


    Wow that's pretty messed up. Granted, you were an idiot for not using protection but what that guy actually did was commit a crime. He better hope you don't contract anything because he can easily be charged with a crime. Idiot could do jailtime for having unprotected sex and be charged with assault and battery, reckless endangerment, negligent homicide, reckless homicide, or intentional homicide and even if you don't contract anything he still can be prosecuted. I really hope you don't have anything. Be smarter from now on and yes please get checked.
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    Dec 27, 2012 4:08 AM GMT
    BlueJeans90 said
    charlitos saidEven if u get HIV u won't die, relax


    the chances of dying from cancer or diabetic is higher than HIV nowadays.

    All depends on your immune system but yes you are correct. This day and age, it is very slim that death will result if you're taking care of yourself.
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    Dec 27, 2012 4:11 AM GMT
    blasiankid said
    BlueJeans90 said
    charlitos saidEven if u get HIV u won't die, relax


    the chances of dying from cancer or diabetic is higher than HIV nowadays.

    All depends on your immune system but yes you are correct. This day and age, it is very slim that death will result if you're taking care of yourself.


    Assuming you dont run into any complications. The drugs still have long term side effect and it's toxic anyway. Thats why people with HIV+ need to take extremely good care of themselves and pray. Pray in 10 15 years they will find a cure. For some odd reasons I really think they will.
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    Dec 27, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    I hope those 5 minutes were worth it. Seriously a fatal flaw on your part. You got mad at him for not disclosing it to you? Why didn't you ask before you started doing it.

    Drugs + Sex= A Deadly Combo.
  • thatirishbast...

    Posts: 3523

    Dec 27, 2012 4:26 AM GMT
    msuNtx saidI hope those 5 minutes were worth it. Seriously a fatal flaw on your part. You got mad at him for not disclosing it to you? Why didn't you ask before you started doing it.

    Drugs + Sex= A Deadly Combo.


    While I'm typically not religious, someone who I consider to be a very wise man once said 'Let him who has no sin cast the first stone.'

    We've all been stupid. We all have to learn. This is the point where we advise what the OP needs to change about his habits in the future. Not hammer him for the mistakes in the past that he has acknowledged publicly.
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    Dec 27, 2012 4:30 AM GMT
    thatirishbastard said
    msuNtx saidI hope those 5 minutes were worth it. Seriously a fatal flaw on your part. You got mad at him for not disclosing it to you? Why didn't you ask before you started doing it.

    Drugs + Sex= A Deadly Combo.


    While I'm typically not religious, someone who I consider to be a very wise man once said 'Let him who has no sin cast the first stone.'

    We've all been stupid. We all have to learn. This is the point where we advise what the OP needs to change about his habits in the future. Not hammer him for the mistakes in the past that he has acknowledged publicly.


    A dose of reality never hurt anyone. I gave him advice don't do drugs when participating in sex.