paulflexes saidIf you don't enjoy it, then why do you continue to "try" it? Is it really a choice?
For most it is Paul.
He's probably not like you.
Here's my advice.
Get a small butt plug, good lube, small dildo, play around.
Then find a guy you like, spend some time with him, no hook ups, jut get comfortable around him.
Then once you can relax around him then let him slowly get you ready and then maybe play with the toy and enjoy experimenting with him.
Then once your comfortable let him try.... Just make sure he goe slowly or you can get on top.
Some times guys don't make good tops for first timers, they rush, don't pay attention, get excited inn the moment and make it feel worse then it should. So find a good top that is patient calm and can focus on what he's suppose to be doing