My girl friend's boyfriend is on gay hookup websites...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 9:44 AM GMT
    So I was checking a different Gay social websites and I discovered that one of my close girl friend's boyfriend is on this website and on his profile he is listed as gay as opposed to bi. He hasn't logged in for almost a month and I am not 100% sure about my girl friend and his relationship/sex agreement.

    The guy and I are coworkers and he doesn't have a face pic on the profile but the profile is either him or someone who stole his facebook picture and blocked out his face and used it for a profile pic.

    If it were me and my friend found this out, I would want to know but by telling her I would also be outing this guy and fucking with his life.

    What would you do?
  • DreamJock

    Posts: 8

    Dec 27, 2012 10:13 AM GMT
    Perfect response. If he isn't ready to come out, it would be absolutely wrong to force him like that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 1:30 PM GMT
    I agree with yourname2000. This is not something you want to meddle in. Besides, if his face is cropped off from the picture, how do you know it's him? Also, what you've concluded is pure speculation because you have no proof that it's really him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 1:33 PM GMT
    Wait, is this a riddle? Isn't your girlfriend's boyfriend you? In that case, we can all confirm that you are on a gay site.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 1:38 PM GMT
    ConQuest saidWait, is this a riddle? Isn't your girlfriend's boyfriend you? In that case, we can all confirm that you are on a gay site.


    icon_biggrin.gificon_eek.gif
  • ESL_Asian

    Posts: 176

    Dec 27, 2012 1:39 PM GMT
    1215519988.jpg

    You should tell her if you have watched this filmicon_rolleyes.gif
    but the main point is you define he is gay first.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 1:41 PM GMT
    I understand your intentions, but dont even bother letting something as trivial as this take up your thoughts. Leave it be, you have no clue what's goin on to take any sort of informed action.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 1:45 PM GMT
    Hopefully I don't get flamed for this, but I don't think the point is about having him come out or not but the fact that he's sleeping around with other people (whether it's men or women) behind your friend's back.
    I'm sorry but for me that's the same as witnessing a crime and not reporting it, you may as well have egged it on.

    How would you feel if you found out on your own that your partner was cheating on you, and then you found out a close friend of yours knew a while back and didn't tell you?
    Maybe it's just me but whatever consequences comes from his actions, the onus is not on your friend or you, but on him because he brought on himself.
    You do stupid things, then expect stupid things to come from it.

    I suppose you'd have to check if your girlfriend already knows somehow. Some people have open relationships like that.
    You said he hasn't logged on in a while so maybe he was just scoping and not actually hooking up with people. It depends and I guess without going into super investigator mode, only time will tell.
    If you really think she doesn't have any clue and that in her mind the relationship is monogamous, and that you do suspect he is in fact sleeping with other people, then if it were me I'd say something out of decency and not because you, for lack of a better word, meddle for the sake of meddling.

    You should certainly break the news privately and with a good amount of grace, but in this circumstance I don't think it's really just as simple as "minding your own business" because it's not like you were suspicious from the start and investigated, you came across this by chance and, if it were me, I think a person deserves to know when they are being deceived.

    How bad would you feel if she didn't know about this til ages later and then is massively heart broken, when you could have potentially saved a greater heart ache. I know it sounds very 'sainthood' and I'm not saying it's your 'role or responsibility', but in a sense it kind of inadvertantly became a little bit your business by chance because you stumbled across it and not because it's your sole 'duty' to be a protector or something like that.

    In saying all that, this is all speculation of course. I wouldn't do anything until I had more concrete "evidence" so to speak. Now the thing I'm not sure about myself is if you should investigate this further discretely or not. Again, I say that only because I know people would see that as awfully prying, but again if you were to try find out more I don't think you'd be doing it just because but out of genuine concern for your friend.

    That's just me and again if it helps to avoid any arguments, I do sincerely apologise if I upset people, I just thought to give my 2 cents on the matter.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 27, 2012 1:47 PM GMT
    I'd stay out of it unless there is something that clearly (as in direct evidence) that something underhanded is going. Otherwise, I'd stay out of it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 1:49 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI'd stay out of it unless there is something that clearly (as in direct evidence) that something underhanded is going. Otherwise, I'd stay out of it.

    Omg wow what he said, and it only took him 1 sentence as opposed to my monstrous reply just above.
    I've successfully hit a new level of stupid...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 1:50 PM GMT
    Have sex with him and then you will know for sures!

    But, seriously, this is not your issue. I understand wanting to protect your friend, but you don't know if that is what you would actually be doing. Maybe this guy is still trying to piece together his sexuality. You say he hasn't been on for month (if it even is him). If it turns out he is gay, all you can do is be there for your "girlfriend" when things go south, if they go south.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 2:08 PM GMT
    King_Simba said
    What would you do?

    Nothing
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 2:22 PM GMT
    I'm gonna disagree with the majority here. If I was in your shoes i'd be looking out for your friend, of course it's about how you handle it.

    If he knows you're gay you can jokingly bring up that you saw a pic of him on the site and you think someone stole his picture or something and see his reaction.

    if all of a sudden after a month of inactivity the profile is taken down then that might be an issue and if you get better proof that it is him the honest thing to do is to tell your friend.

    It's not about outing him and putting him on blast. It's about him sleeping around behind your homegirls back(if he is, or had)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 2:25 PM GMT
    I'd let your friend know what you saw, she can conclude for herself whether it was a fake profile or him. I agree with the other poster, the point isn't that he is gay and your outing a random guy, the point is that someone is cheating on your friend. Assuming he's gay, you don't want to out him but it is a necessary evil and he wouldn't exactly be innocent in all this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    I would keep out of it.

    A jerkwad would say to that woman friend: "Hey, let's check out this gay website I know about!"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 2:35 PM GMT
    It's troubling that most guys in this thread think the OP should do nothing. A straight woman could be in danger. Yet you guys don't seem to care.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
    Anyone could have copied the guys facebook profile photo and cut out the face. I'd be suspicious if it was him because if you're in the closet, why would you take your most prominent online photo and just cut out your face then put it on a gay site? Pretty dumb.

    That said, if she is a really good friend, I would feel an obligation to tell her anything I would want her to tell me if the situations were reversed. And that is one of these cases.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 2:39 PM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent saidIt's troubling that most guys in this thread think the OP should do nothing. A straight woman could be in danger. Yet you guys don't seem to care.



    That's what i'm saying. I'm assuming the worst case scenario where she's having unprotected sex because she considers them exclusive and when people cheat there's a chance they wont use a condom because it leaves evidence.Is it extreme? yes but it's not impossible to happen.

    but the POSSIBILITY is the factor
  • iErik

    Posts: 54

    Dec 27, 2012 2:51 PM GMT
    Agreed with others that have said don't do anything, especially if you're not 100% sure it's him.

    I have profiles on Adam4Adam and Manhunt, and I've had guys message me saying they've seen my picture (both face and body pic) on a profile listed in Vancouver, British Columbia, and asking me if I live there or was visiting. I've told them I live Toronto, and have never even been to Vancouver before.

    The funny thing was the idiot who stole my picture hit the "unlock picture" feature by accident, I saw the profile, and then he blocked me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 3:00 PM GMT
    Talk to him. Tell him someone is using his picture on an online hookup site, and that he can complain with admins to get it removed. Give him the site address, give him the screen name.

    Usually, not assuming the worst is a very wise policy. If his pic got stolen, you've done him a favor. If it's his own profile, he'll be on notice, and he'll probably panic when you tell him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 3:02 PM GMT
    Don't tell her. Just laugh about it in your head lol.
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Dec 27, 2012 3:08 PM GMT
    Tell the guy not the girl that someone might have stolen his facebook pic and don't accuse him of anything. If he confesses or gets defensive you might need to consider trying to help him resolve his issues as a gay man. be cool about it .... he's confused.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 3:11 PM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    ART_DECO said
    King_Simba said
    What would you do?

    Nothing

    Concise!

    For once... icon_redface.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 27, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    If he's cute, maybe offer to have a threeway with them???icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    Confront him about it first and tell him that you think someone is stealing his pics. If he doesn't take that opportunity to be honest with someone about what is going on then just tell her.

    People are out here giving people AIDS and herpes and shit. If you want to do dirty things, you should be very good at hiding them.

    If you don't want your shit put on blast, you should set things up so that people never come across it. His sloppiness has put you in a position that makes you feel very uncomfortable. Not sure about you, but I don't let people make me feel uncomfortable.