Ashamed To Visit My Doc

  • Alki

    Posts: 92

    Dec 27, 2012 4:52 PM GMT
    I have a great doc. He specializes in gay mens' health and teaches at a local med. school. But have not followed his advice and plus have put on even more weight, let Rx's lapse, avoided tests, etc. I am a nightmare patient I suppose, but willing to change.

    Challenges have been being caregiver for a very sick wife (I am not closeted), and was working 3 jobs to make ends meet. 2 kids in college living at home. Dr. is 70 miles away.

    Positive changes have been paid off debt while sticking to a comfortable budget, wife no longer needs dialysis and crisis visits to hospitals are down, only work one job, kids are settling into college.

    Any suggestions, any local Dr.'s I might try. I live in Hesperia, Ca.



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    Dec 27, 2012 8:36 PM GMT
    Go back to him and tell him what you've told us. I bet he'll be impressed enough to want to help you again.
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    Dec 27, 2012 8:51 PM GMT
    I don't think the Dr cares that you didn't do what he says. It just means you are like every other pt he has ever had....ever.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Dec 27, 2012 9:00 PM GMT
    Sounds to me like you need to stick with him. He knows your history and that is very, very important.

    Use your post as a start and write down what is going on before going to see him. Tell him what medicine is hard to keep up with, what restrictions give you trouble, etc. Ask if here are different ways to approach those things.

    If you really feel that you need a doctor closer to home, then ask your present one for a recommendation, someone who will consult him if there are questions.

    It is obvious that your situation is not easy, but you need to acknowledge that you have to be responsible about your own health and care as well as that of your family. Taking care of yourself should lead to lower stress levels and a greater ability to be there when your family needs you.
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    Dec 28, 2012 12:32 AM GMT
    While you should you feel ashamed that you decided to use you energy helping others instead of helping yourself ?
    You had to make choices, you went though, now it's time to take care about yourself, and as other poster told you, the best for you is to do it with someone who know well your medical history.

    Don't feel bad for being a good guy.
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    Dec 28, 2012 12:59 AM GMT
    Your doctor should still be there for you. That's what he's paid to do.
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    Dec 28, 2012 2:06 AM GMT
    As somone who works in a hospital.... nearly everyone who comes in fits your description so no, no judgment lol
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    Dec 28, 2012 2:14 AM GMT
    Chainers saidI don't think the Dr cares that you didn't do what he says. It just means you are like every other pt he has ever had....ever.


    I totally agree. I'm a doctor, and lots of times I'll have patients come back that haven't gotten lab tests I've ordered, filled medications I've prescribed, gone to specialists I've referred them to, etc. Just know that when you go to see him, if you have the same group of complaints, he's probably going to recommend the same plan. If you still understand the plan and nothing's changed, the visit will likely be a rehash os what you've already done. I've only ever turned away 2 or 3 patients, if we continue to meet for the same issues and they continually fail to followup on any of my advice. At some point, the visits are a waste of time if they just turn into bitch sessions with no progress.
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    Dec 28, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    A nightmare patient???!!??

    I am sure you doctor is even more intelligent than me (i heard that!! Grrr) and has got an idea what the word caregiver implies, not to mention the financial challenges and kids to boot.

    When you walk through his door, if he doesn t see your angel halo, then it's time to change doctors, or he's got bigger challenges at home than you and I put together!

    Stress, eating on the go and cheaply, running after the kids and their activities...god, my only relaxation would be when they are all asleep and I have some TV time.

    So, yeah I've got some suggestions..

    Congratulate yourself for coming this far.. without a breakdown
    Pat yourself on the back for even thinking of going to a doctor and making sure you are OK.
    Be proud that you are openly gay, found this website and reached out for support. That takes courage, honesty and an open mind.

    I hope you achieve your objectives and get in the shape you want, now that things are improving. You are a hero.
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    Dec 28, 2012 2:48 AM GMT
    mileshelvetica saidGo back to him and tell him what you've told us. I bet he'll be impressed enough to want to help you again.


    EXACTLY!!! If he isn't he's a dick, even if he is gay friendly.
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    Dec 28, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    Positive changes have been paid off debt while sticking to a comfortable budget, wife no longer needs dialysis and crisis visits to hospitals are down, only work one job, kids are settling into college.

    The sentence above shows your strengths and what you need to do is feed off these strengths. When I look at the above sentence, you have accomplished A LOT! Now it's time to accomplish more! You have more power in yourself than you think! icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 11, 2013 3:38 PM GMT
    HEY BUD,go see your Dr, if he's any good he will understand and as others have said he'll help,,,Hell I just had my first physical/check after yrs of unemployment,now I've got insurance through my job I will keep up with regular vlsits , and honestly a finger up the ass is worth all the effot, ha ha.
  • BillandChuck

    Posts: 2024

    Jul 11, 2013 3:41 PM GMT
    Chainers saidI don't think the Dr cares that you didn't do what he says. It just means you are like every other pt he has ever had....ever.


    mileshelvetica saidGo back to him and tell him what you've told us. I bet he'll be impressed enough to want to help you again.


    Those are both great points, particularly the latter. And the latter is important for you. If you ruin your own health through disregard, your family will not have the benefits you provide to them. Take encouragement from your own changes and build on them. Go for it. We'll all support you!
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    Jul 11, 2013 3:42 PM GMT
    Oscardude9 saidYour doctor should still be there for you. That's what he's paid to do.


    At the clinic I work at, habitually non-compliant patients get fired. Yes, just as one can fire their doctor, your doctor can also fire you. But one has to be VERY non-compliant.