Myol saidIs your current boyfriend/husband decided that they only wanted to have sex with you and wanted the relationship to be closed, could you go back to being monogamous permanently? This is a no judgement/bashing thread please, only for guys who have been in or are in open relationships.
Speaking from experience (we were monogamous for the first 5 years and have been open for the last 7), I can honestly say that this scenario is very challenging. The question that really needs to be addressed is "why". What is happening in the relationship where all of the sudden one (or, more rarely, both) partner wants things closed again.
If both partners simply feel that threeways have become a distraction or boring or whatever and this feeling is mutual, then returning to a monogamous state is quite simple. You just stop.
However, when one partner wants things closed and the other feels differently, then a real heart to heart compromise is going to be needed. This is a very difficult conversation to have, but its absolutely necessary. If you cant trust that your partner will stick by the rules its only a matter of time before this destroys the relationship.
My partner and I spent nearly a year discussing what was allowed and what wasn't and came to a set of rules which were mutually agreeable between the two of us. This was key to building the kind of trust that is needed for an open relationship to survive.
The other key element, for us at least, is to be able to separate the idea of of love from sex. For some people, especially those who have not been in very long term relationships, this concept can feel like an anathema. This is not a bad thing. For most relationships to last, there should be a period of total monogamy, to really get to know one another and build that bond and that trust that will get you though the challenging times when outside temptations creep into the mix.
Finally, I think gay couples need to learn to make their own rules and stop comparing the dynamics of their relationship to others. You aren't your parents, you aren't your friends, and their relationship rules don't have to be your rules. The only ones in the relationship are you and your boyfriend and whatever arrangement you come to that works for both of you, that's the best arrangement you can have.