Mixed Signals

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 28, 2012 1:26 AM GMT
    So I recently came out of the closet after going back and forth about who I am. I came out while I was in my first relationship with a guy, and was introduced to his family and the whole nine yards. He was my first guy that I ever bottomed for and allowed to share that special part of a relationship with. We were together for 6 months and a fight between us turned ugly and we split. About a month afterwards after not talking to him the entire time he left me a note and a present at my door. It's been back and forth for 3 weeks now of gifts and notes and Christmas presents. He states that there is no hope for us other then friends, but claims that there is no way to predict the future as to what might happen later on down the road. I was the first boyfriend ever introduced to his family and the only one that was ever allowed to get close to his friends. Has anyone ever had a situation like this? Can exes be friends without having a friendship foundation before dating, and am I looking to close into these signals about us getting back together and the games he is playing?
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    Dec 28, 2012 1:59 AM GMT
    You can't control what he does but you can control how you behave. You can totally have feelings for someone and at the same time realize that you should give the relationship or the sex a break. During the holidays, people tend to feel lonelier than ever. Its colder, darker, spend more times indoors, plus the constant "be with your loved ones" themes. Accept the gifts but try being just friends or friends with benefits if you two can handle that. I would resist any temptation to drift into "relationship". You can always date each other in the distant future, but that's impossible if you fuck up your friendship.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Dec 28, 2012 2:21 AM GMT
    time off
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 28, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
    Everyone, every relationship is different!

    But, as this has happened to me; I suggest that you "back off" and let him come to you.

    If he introduced you to his family, this is a Sure Sign that you mean very much to him.

    I am guessing that he is the one that ended the relationship?

    If so, HE has to be the one to renew the relationship....IF you still want that to happen

    Relationships don't always progress at an even pace, in a steadily progressing plan. There are ups and downs, misunderstandings in even the best, the closest of relationships. Often the disagreements and sepatations can make the ultimate friendship/relationship stronger as time goes by.

    Just MY two cents, based on my experience.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 28, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
    What is wrong with people who keep chasing after something when another person tried to ended it?
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    Dec 28, 2012 5:56 AM GMT
    a month seems too short amount of time to be apart and really know what each of you wants for one another and yourselves. i was in a similar situation this past summer after about 6 months of dating as well, ultimately decided best to walk away. hope that helps icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 28, 2012 9:09 AM GMT
    Buffstud1323 saidSo I recently came out of the closet after going back and forth about who I am. I came out while I was in my first relationship with a guy, and was introduced to his family and the whole nine yards. He was my first guy that I ever bottomed for and allowed to share that special part of a relationship with. We were together for 6 months and a fight between us turned ugly and we split. About a month afterwards after not talking to him the entire time he left me a note and a present at my door. It's been back and forth for 3 weeks now of gifts and notes and Christmas presents. He states that there is no hope for us other then friends, but claims that there is no way to predict the future as to what might happen later on down the road. I was the first boyfriend ever introduced to his family and the only one that was ever allowed to get close to his friends. Has anyone ever had a situation like this? Can exes be friends without having a friendship foundation before dating, and am I looking to close into these signals about us getting back together and the games he is playing?


    When you meet the right person it should be magic, and...stay that way.

    If you fight, or manipulate, one, or both, parties has issues.

    Life isn't perfect, nor are people, but, with someone you really care for, you see past whatever character and other flaws they have (this is not an endorsement of abuse of any kind), and just love your time with them. It's magic.

    If that magic isn't in your association, it'll likely you need to explore. Even with The World having 7 billion people it can often be a lonely place. We have to create an intelligent community, which is easier said than done, but, without exception, folks that have been in bad relationships tell me they would gladly deal with a bit of lonely over a really bad relationship.

    It might be time to flap your wings some more. You know?

    It's true that common trials and tribulations serve to bind us with that common experience, and an intimacy from shared experience and caring, but, if it's more bad than good, sadly...it might be time to make a change.

    My personal experience has been, that, with one exception, dissolving a particular relationship was best for everyone involved, even though I may not have thought so at the time. Hindsight becomes clearer as time rolls on.

    Relationships can be hard.

    Sometimes, folks don't feel about us as we do about them, and no wishful thinking can change that. Sometimes, folks connect with The World in a different than we do. They're simply wired differently. We don't all see the same colors, so to speak.

    Me, I do not get butthurt over not much of anything (for a lot of reasons), but, some folks are different. We all view The World through a different lens.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2012 4:05 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the feedback. I guess it's kind of hard. I spoke with his family recently and they all still care about me and give me hope as to what could potentially happen. There's lots of things I don't understand, one thing I know is that the distance Between us is both wanted and unwanted from him. He's doing it because he knows that when I come around again that he will remember all the good feelings and become clouded again.