What do you do when you're tired of dating?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2012 7:55 AM GMT
    So I'm in a different city visiting a buddy and the thought of logging onto Grindr/jack'd or any other app/website to meet anyone disgusts me, despite being 'new meat' and possibly have a potential 'date'.

    When you think about meaningless 1st dates with strangers and have it not go anywhere. Who has time to waste to put in effort to meet someone just to kill time? Sometimes I wonder why some people even meet to begin with. Like just bored or in an eternal dating mode trying to find the perfect person and nitpicking every little detail about someone and not even giving it a chance to develop into anything.

    Not to say every date is promised to turn into something, but damn...how many 1st dates can one go on? It's like the meaning of dating has become perverted. People do it out of boredom rather than actually wanting to make something happen. Ask a question about the date or how they feel and they can't even be straight up with you. Most of them be players anyway, finding out they have hooked up or been trying to hookup with the same guy who was hiting on me.

    I will say I had 2 really good dates this year where we hung out for hours, but they were long-distance and we took 2-3 MONTHS to meet. Do I have to make guys wait MONTHS to meet for things to go right? At the same time, all guys do nowadays is text to death and to me it's so boring to spend 8 hours trying to have a 5 minute conversation. I have no issue going out in realife to meet someone, but bars seem to be more about either getting stupid drunk or social hour with the same people you've known for 50 years or the 'safe' group of people they work with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2012 5:29 PM GMT
    Get a time machine, have recreational sex and take it like a man. Wait, I may have just been reading other dating and relationship forum posts. OK, yeah, never mind.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2012 5:36 PM GMT
    Cheer up. The best date I had this year was the one where the other guy stood me up. The others were actually worse. icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2012 4:09 AM GMT
    dating has gotten boring though. I know some people out there (from their own admissions) date just to get sex and then thats it.

    Sometimes I wonder if it's why some of my older gay friends don't meet for 'dates'. They just meet guys to hookup 1st, date later IF i turns out well. But that kind of goes against how many people believe things should start out.

    I don't mean I'm tired of dating as in tired of meeting guys. I'm referring to the physical act of going on a first date. Meeting up someplace, and then wondering after the date if it's going to lead anywhere or not. Did I have sex too soon, or not soon enough? And why did I spend $20-30 with someone who's not interested in seeing me again?

    I was in Minnesota last month and me and a guy went to Nick Universe. Had a blast. Chemistry was there in everyway. But it was a first date and only date and there's no pics of us together or anything. It's like it just happened with no proof of it ever happening.
  • Rincore

    Posts: 14

    Dec 30, 2012 4:13 AM GMT
    Im very new to the whole gay dating since i just came out but i get you. I kind of got tired of having to do some kind of small talk on grindr to get to the point where the guy would ask for my picture, and then block me cuz i didn't look like how he wanted. It is a hassle trying cuz it takes so much energy to get to know the person and have the person know you for it to just end in the gutter. lol
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    Dec 30, 2012 4:19 AM GMT
    Rincore saidIm very new to the whole gay dating since i just came out but i get you. I kind of got tired of having to do some kind of small talk on grindr to get to the point where the guy would ask for my picture, and then block me cuz i didn't look like how he wanted. It is a hassle trying cuz it takes so much energy to get to know the person and have the person know you for it to just end in the gutter. lol


    Now that's just rude. But I think people do the block because they get the persistent guys they aren't interested in. I rarely block anyone.

    Speaking of Grindr pictures, its another reasn I don't like it. No matter how many pictures I exchage with someone or they exchange with me...somehow people make themselves look 10 times better than in person. I've also ran into more instances on there where guys changed up after seeing me in person.

    I'm ready to just meet guys the 'corportate' way...thru a co-worker's gay friend who happens to have a boyfriend who knows a single guy who happens to know a singe guy icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2012 5:01 AM GMT
    A question I often ask is, does our use of technology like Grindr and such decrease our yearning for intimacy?

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    Dec 30, 2012 5:09 AM GMT
    makavelli saidA question I often ask is, does our use of technology like Grindr and such decrease our yearning for intimacy?



    Probably not. The hookup only satisfies the physical biological twitching. Satisfaction of the emotional, intellectual, and spiritual are also what I find (generally) lacking in the hookup.
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    Dec 30, 2012 5:18 AM GMT
    GAMRican said
    makavelli saidA question I often ask is, does our use of technology like Grindr and such decrease our yearning for intimacy?



    Probably not. The hookup only satisfies the physical biological twitching. Satisfaction of the emotional, intellectual, and spiritual are also what I find (generally) lacking in the hookup.


    That. This guy is uber-intelligent
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2012 5:38 AM GMT
    I may have worded that wrong.

    My thoughts on this are that a confluence of factors, one cultural and experiential, and another technological, among others, are at play.

    What are the expectations going into dating? How are they affected by culture, by "screwing around in the twenties", by the ease in which one can get laid, by how much is required of the person going into dating to commit and put effort?

    Yes, the hook-up only satisfies the physical urge, and that's why so many are turned off, even if eventually (or not) by hooking up.

    But the physical urge can be overpowering, I think. And among those confluence of factors the overpowering physical urge can overtake many people's other yearnings, intimacy etc to the extent that, while not epidemic, there are many people "resigned" to hooking up because of those cultural expectations and practices.

    Do you see this as a possibility, and if so, to what extent or not?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2012 5:44 AM GMT
    meanwhile i'm still waiting to go on my first date. stop complaining and just play the single game for a while. Let us eternally-single fellas have some of the action icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2012 5:44 AM GMT
    GAMRican said Probably not. The hookup only satisfies the physical biological twitching. Satisfaction of the emotional, intellectual, and spiritual are also what I find (generally) lacking in the hookup.



    Would you agree though that hooking up takes the guess work out of the equation? It's like it says, "if you're into me, you'll do it, if not then why waste time going on a 'date'?

    Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting every date goes bad, and I have to retract what I said in my OP, I now recall about 6 good 1st dates this year. But, even though they all went well, when does it finally go beyond 1st date.

  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Dec 30, 2012 6:11 AM GMT
    To answer your question OP, you just keep going or you starve in some way, sexually, emotionally. You can, of course, fulfill those needs in other ways via hooking up occasionally and making new friends. Once you get your fill though, you're gonna go back to the hunt.

    Things I've done to make the first date thing less tedious is to have them in small pockets of time (weekday lunch, happy hour, weekend brunch). This way, I still have my evening free to do something (or someone) I enjoy. When picking venues where you won't spend a lot of time, you're not pigeonholed into the typical date format and you don't have to spend much money.

    I've also learned to be understanding of wacky schedules while being firm about committing to make plans. Despite a good vibe and hot photos, I'll call the dude out on flaky behavior. And if that ends things, oh well. It wouldn't have worked out anyway. I'm pretty upfront in my profiles that I won't text for weeks and I'm not there to trade pics; that pretty much weeds out the 'just browsing' types. I can only imagine dating out of boredom... who the hell has time for that?

    Anyone who approaches me saying they're bored throws up a red flag. Skip the date with those and bore them the other way icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2012 8:18 AM GMT
    you go cruising lol jk. you date yourself. you dont have to dress up, spend, money or try cuz he's not XD
  • RaggedyMan

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    Dec 30, 2012 8:38 AM GMT
    RoadsterRacer87 saidmeanwhile i'm still waiting to go on my first date. stop complaining and just play the single game for a while. Let us eternally-single fellas have some of the action icon_wink.gif

    What he said icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2012 8:55 AM GMT
    What do you do when you're tired of dating? Visit a large city (if you are not in one) and spend some time at the baths/saunas. You can have great sex and never even speak to the other guy. No time wasted in texting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2012 10:15 AM GMT
    RoadsterRacer87 saidmeanwhile i'm still waiting to go on my first date. stop complaining and just play the single game for a while. Let us eternally-single fellas have some of the action icon_wink.gif


    Really, you're 25 and haven't had a gay date yet? icon_eek.gif Maybe you should come to L.A., I'll take ya on a date ! icon_cool.gif
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Dec 30, 2012 4:25 PM GMT
    Feeling somewhat similar too. I don't know if I want to start anything with anyone right now after having gotten burned yet again. I deleted Grindr and Skruff months ago, and really should cancel Manhunt, my only option to meeting men online these days.

    I guess it's just a phase. I'm jaded. So many of us are jaded. Hell, the guy who just burned me--his excuse was that he was jaded. Being gay isn't the fabulous life that straights think we live. There's so much heartbreak and loneliness. You have no choice but to get strong otherwise you just stay down, defeated.
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Dec 30, 2012 4:49 PM GMT
    it's nick name is "the lottery" don't cha know ;)

    also... take the time to just be you. If you're concerned about being paired, STOP. You are among the few constants in your life, so you have to take care of yourself, even if it means getting used to being alone.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2012 4:59 PM GMT
    stratavos saidit's nick name is "the lottery" don't cha know ;)

    also... take the time to just be you. If you're concerned about being paired, STOP. You are among the few constants in your life, so you have to take care of yourself, even if it means getting used to being alone.


    This. Enjoy yourself, have fun with hobbies, take advantage of the freedom that being single give you (spontaneous road trips, vacations ANYWHERE). Being single isn't a bad thing, it can actually be very empowering if you allow it to be.

    I know what you mean about bored with dates though, after a while it seems like the same 1st date over and over icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 07, 2013 8:00 AM GMT
    PR_GMR saidFeeling somewhat similar too. I don't know if I want to start anything with anyone right now after having gotten burned yet again. I deleted Grindr and Skruff months ago, and really should cancel Manhunt, my only option to meeting men online these days.


    I'm almost wishing I never even found out about those apps. I only joined because many people claimed meeting their BF on those apps mainly Grindr.

    For what I've seen being on those sites mother fuckers don't know what the fuck they want. Or they know what they want but are on some endless quest to find it. What does it tell you when the same night after your first date, they are RIGHT BACK ON the site. Not only are they not interested, but they not even giving things a chance to become interested. What's wrong with not going on the site for a few days after a first date to reflect on things? I can see if the interest was 0, but seems like some guys have interest but don't want to act on it. And how can you when you're too busy slutting around on apps all day long?

    That's why I'm tired of dating. Our culture has become so disposable. It's like people don't even give relationships a chance to evolve. You say or do 1 wrong thing and it's done.

    HisAlterEgo said
    Anyone who approaches me saying they're bored throws up a red flag. Skip the date with those and bore them the other way icon_twisted.gif


    Exactly, especially the guys (seems like everyone of them) when you message them and ask whats up they say, "bored".
  • Markoni

    Posts: 17

    Jan 07, 2013 11:51 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 saidOr they know what they want but are on some endless quest to find it. What does it tell you when the same night after your first date, they are RIGHT BACK ON the site. Not only are they not interested, but they not even giving things a chance to become interested.


    One should probably look at this from other points of view too.

    So you think you're the only guy who'd wait 3 days for his emotions (or the lack thereof) to settle and to go on (with another guy)...

    You definitely are not, yet the people that you choose to hook up with apparently are.

    What could that tell us?

    (I feel similar as you do, but let's face the facts, in the end whether we wait 0 days or 3 days, I haven't got to know lots of people where I wasn't sure not to meet them again after "first contact" IRL. Doesn't make me better than "the other guys", so why complain. Maybe a change of strategy would be advised, although love isn't about the logical but the emotional and I can hardly hide that even from myself.)
  • DinoBarbarino

    Posts: 4

    Jan 09, 2013 10:38 AM GMT
    What do you mean by 'tired of dating'?

    If you're tired of dating because you haven't met anyone you'd like to seriously date, then I'd say stop trying. I've found the more you try, the less successful you are, IMO. Let the butterflies come to you. (as the old cliché saying goes). If this is the reason, I wouldn't give up completely, I'd just stop pursuing for a while.
    If your sexual needs haven't tired out as well, obviously get on Grindr and/or ManHunt and find other guys who are after casual sex (assuming that's what you'd like) to stay sane.
    Also, a good option is moving to a new place (if you can) to expose yourself to a new set of guys.

    I think there's a western cultural pressure to be either dating or in a relationship ... ad those who aren't often get question "well how come you're not with anyone?" ... but who cares.

    So I'd say: stop trying (dating) for a while, work on yourself and make sure you're fully happy,confident and true to yourself. That way, you're in the best form to attract the right guy when you meet him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2013 8:01 PM GMT
    DinoBarbarino saidWhat do you mean by 'tired of dating'?

    If you're tired of dating because you haven't met anyone you'd like to seriously date, then I'd say stop trying.

    I think there's a western cultural pressure to be either dating or in a relationship ... ad those who aren't often get question "well how come you're not with anyone?" ... but who cares.


    Tired of dating as in tired of meaningless 1st dates. A lot of these dates I've gone on...I don't hear a thing back from em. (unless I hit them up first). Or I'll hear back from them with no mention of meeting again. Then you go online and they are there 5 hours ago. Not saying they can't go back online I have no control of that, but damn...What does that say to me when they do that? One guy said, "I like Black guys but I've dated most of them already." To me that just sound like the person just interested in the experience of meeting someone not actually getting anything out of it.

    The other end is so many of them don't even look as good as the pics, or they are barely out...or just weird. I'm about to quit the app bullshit anyway. I went to the bar last night and I met someone to spend the night with in 10 minutes. Literally.

    DinoBarbarino said
    Also, a good option is moving to a new place (if you can) to expose yourself to a new set of guys.


    That's what I'm wanting. But everytime I tell one of my friends this he keeps saying "oh you'll just be fresh meat for a little while". I'm like dude, ain't shit else going on here. This guy is 48 years old, White and 6 on a scale 1-10. He meets men the same ways I do and he's had more dates/BFs than I've had since I've lived here. He's in denial of the fact that a lot of guys here aren't open to entering a relationship with a guy who isn't White or Latin. The ones who are, well...I haven't really seen any IR couples out here to be jealous about. I see alot of unattractive Black dudes in IR relationships just because they drive an Audi icon_rolleyes.gif Or the White guys will hang around a Black dude who has a bit of money just to use him for their convenience just to make their sorry ass look better. I don't want to be in a relationship like that either.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jan 09, 2013 8:07 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said
    DinoBarbarino saidWhat do you mean by 'tired of dating'?

    If you're tired of dating because you haven't met anyone you'd like to seriously date, then I'd say stop trying.

    I think there's a western cultural pressure to be either dating or in a relationship ... ad those who aren't often get question "well how come you're not with anyone?" ... but who cares.


    Tired of dating as in tired of meaningless 1st dates. A lot of these dates I've gone on...I don't hear a thing back from em. (unless I hit them up first). Or I'll hear back from them with no mention of meeting again. Then you go online and they are there 5 hours ago. Not saying they can't go back online I have no control of that, but damn...What does that say to me when they do that? One guy said, "I like Black guys but I've dated most of them already." To me that just sound like the person just interested in the experience of meeting someone not actually getting anything out of it.

    The other end is so many of them don't even look as good as the pics, or they are barely out...or just weird. I'm about to quit the app bullshit anyway. I went to the bar last night and I met someone to spend the night with in 10 minutes. Literally.

    Oh, do tell! Details!! icon_smile.gif