Would this make you feel uneasy?

  • FRE0

    Posts: 4864

    Dec 29, 2012 8:25 PM GMT
    I've exchanged a few e-mails with a guy who has started calling me "dear." If we had some sort of relationship or had been exchanging e-mails for a long time, I would see it as no problem, but we've exchanged perhaps five e-mails and our knowledge of each other is limited. Here is a sentence from one of his e-mails:

    "My work is going fine dear."

    Now he's talking about meeting, but we don't live in the same city. He seems to be professionally employed and does considerable work-associated traveling, including to other countries. I don't doubt that he could afford to come here.

    Would this make you feel uneasy?

    How would you deal with it?



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    Dec 29, 2012 9:32 PM GMT
    I think you're putting too much thought into it. Maybe he calls everyone "dear". I have guys calling me "babe" or "honey" just to be flirty, but nothing serious. Just meet him in a public place for coffee or lunch, and see how things go.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Dec 29, 2012 9:47 PM GMT
    Oh my gosh, he's obviously already thinks of you as his granddaughter. You're practically family.

    icon_neutral.gif

    I work on a regular basis with tons people who speak English as a second language, and several of them call me dear all the time, since they're trying to use a word that denotes closeness and familiarity that just sounds kind of weird in English if you're not 70 talking to someone who's 5. Could that be it?
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Dec 29, 2012 9:50 PM GMT
    Yes, that would make me feel uneasy.

  • FRE0

    Posts: 4864

    Dec 29, 2012 9:53 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidOh my gosh, he's obviously already thinks of you as his granddaughter. You're practically family.

    icon_neutral.gif

    I work on a regular basis with tons people who speak English as a second language, and several of them call me dear all the time, since they're trying to use a word that denotes closeness and familiarity that just sounds kind of weird in English if you're not 70 talking to someone who's 5. Could that be it?


    He's an American who lives in Texas, so he's not speaking English as a second language.
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    Dec 29, 2012 10:30 PM GMT
    It only makes me uneasy during dear season.
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    Dec 29, 2012 10:33 PM GMT
    It would be a bit freaky.icon_confused.gif
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    Dec 29, 2012 10:34 PM GMT
    FRE0 - It wouldn't make me feel uneasy but rather curious as to why he is using that word, especially since you haven't met in person. I use this word with my closest friends and mainly the women I work with, so I understand what you're feeling.

    I think you should just ask him as to why he is saying dear since that's a word my mother would say to me. Hopefully he'll have a logical explanation. Xrichx could be right that he just uses the word all the time and without any offensive intentions.
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    Dec 29, 2012 10:35 PM GMT
    I wouldn't make too much of it. If he seems like a good guy, then this really isn't an issue.
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    Dec 29, 2012 10:41 PM GMT
    I had a friend in college who used to call me "dear" whenever we chatted on AIM; however, he never said it when we hung out in person. Only came up in chats. We were never an item either, so it didn't bother me.

    I tend to be the same way. I occasionally use terms of endearment in e-mail or in text messages for some emotional effect but almost never say them in person.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4864

    Dec 31, 2012 1:16 AM GMT
    Thanks for the replies.

    In some parts of the South, it is common for women to call people "dear", but I've never heard men do that in the U.S.

    Someone I met in Fiji signed letters, "Your sweet Ahmed," but that apparently was a cultural thing. I got to know him fairly well; he was married and it had no romantic overtones.

    There are things in other cultures what would make us Americans a bit uneasy but which are common elsewhere. For example, in some cultures, when two men share an umbrella, one will put his arm around the other. When two man shake hands, they might hold hands for a moment or so afterward.

    One one of my trips to Fiji, before I lived there, I was invited to visit a Muslim family, which I did. They were very nice people. When night came, the youngest son, who couldn't have been much over 20 and was very attractive, told me that there were two choices because they didn't have an extra bed. I could sleep in his bed and he could sleep on the couch, or we could share his bed. I would have felt uneasy forcing him to sleep on the couch, so I shared his bed with him. There was no contact and apparently that was quite normal in that culture.

    But for an American man to call me "dear" seems a bit odd. However, I shall, for the time being at least, treat it as nothing unusual.
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    Dec 31, 2012 1:17 AM GMT
    FRE0 said
    Bunjamon saidOh my gosh, he's obviously already thinks of you as his granddaughter. You're practically family.

    icon_neutral.gif

    I work on a regular basis with tons people who speak English as a second language, and several of them call me dear all the time, since they're trying to use a word that denotes closeness and familiarity that just sounds kind of weird in English if you're not 70 talking to someone who's 5. Could that be it?


    He's an American who lives in Texas, so he's not speaking English as a second language.

    Then its weird.
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    Dec 31, 2012 1:23 AM GMT
    Sounds repulsive to me but he seems to have good intentions and uses that word as an amicable interjection. Look at the larger context of your correspondences.
    If the opportunity ever arose I would tell him that I really don't like being called that.