Aug 26, 2007 3:37 PM GMT
I've been watching the "To Be Masculine or Feminine - A CHOICE?" thread for a while now, and I think it is unfortunate how quickly it devolved into a flame war. I wish people could consider opposing perspectives openly, without being so defensive. But I suppose that's neither here nor there. People are what they are.
Instead, I'd like to tell a story that I think is related, although some might not.
I remember my first year in highschool. I was fairly unsure of myself, but there were definitely guys I looked up to. Older guys on my teams, older guys that I thought were "cool" (whom I probably thought were "hot", although at that point in my life I wasn't thinking about it that way).
And so I made some deliberate choices. I thought: "They are cool, everyone wants to be with them, and I want to be like that." So I would pick little things about different people and I would mimic. A couple guys had really deep voices, and I liked the slang they used, so I made an effort to talk like that. I noticed the way one guy walked (sauntered, really), and liked it, so I made an effort to walk like that. Even down to some minute details: one guy had a really interesting way of printing his lower-case "n" (it was like an upper-case "N", but smaller), and I thought that was cool, so I copied that.
Looking at it from the outside, you could condemn it. I was "trying to fit in", I was a "poser", I was being "fake" .... but from my perspective, it was noble: I was making an effort to become the kind of person I wanted to be. Instead of whining about not being "like the cool kids", I was taking control of my life and doing something about it.
And by my junior and senior years, it had worked. I was incredibly popular and people thought I was hot. Now, I'm not saying this is all because of the way I wrote my lower-case "N".... but all of those other things not only changed how others perceived me... they also gave ME confidence, as well. So what if it took some conscious effort (I told myself); I was simply practicing being the person I wanted to be.
And it worked. Now, a decade (and change) later, it no longer takes effort. It is no longer "fake" or affected. I simply talk the way I talk. I walk the way I walk. And I write my lower-case N's the way I write them. It was practiced so much that now it IS habitual, it IS natural, and it IS the "real me".
And I still get compliments about those things. I still get people who tell me how "hot" my voice is. And I still get people who think that my walk projects strength and confidence. So it worked... not just for highschool, but for who I am in general.
And it's so ingrained that it's certainly not a "choice" any more.... but I chose to become that way. The "real me" wasn't just something imposed on me by God or environment or genetics. I was able to deliberately practice and change my "true self" over time.
And THAT was a choice.
Instead, I'd like to tell a story that I think is related, although some might not.
I remember my first year in highschool. I was fairly unsure of myself, but there were definitely guys I looked up to. Older guys on my teams, older guys that I thought were "cool" (whom I probably thought were "hot", although at that point in my life I wasn't thinking about it that way).
And so I made some deliberate choices. I thought: "They are cool, everyone wants to be with them, and I want to be like that." So I would pick little things about different people and I would mimic. A couple guys had really deep voices, and I liked the slang they used, so I made an effort to talk like that. I noticed the way one guy walked (sauntered, really), and liked it, so I made an effort to walk like that. Even down to some minute details: one guy had a really interesting way of printing his lower-case "n" (it was like an upper-case "N", but smaller), and I thought that was cool, so I copied that.
Looking at it from the outside, you could condemn it. I was "trying to fit in", I was a "poser", I was being "fake" .... but from my perspective, it was noble: I was making an effort to become the kind of person I wanted to be. Instead of whining about not being "like the cool kids", I was taking control of my life and doing something about it.
And by my junior and senior years, it had worked. I was incredibly popular and people thought I was hot. Now, I'm not saying this is all because of the way I wrote my lower-case "N".... but all of those other things not only changed how others perceived me... they also gave ME confidence, as well. So what if it took some conscious effort (I told myself); I was simply practicing being the person I wanted to be.
And it worked. Now, a decade (and change) later, it no longer takes effort. It is no longer "fake" or affected. I simply talk the way I talk. I walk the way I walk. And I write my lower-case N's the way I write them. It was practiced so much that now it IS habitual, it IS natural, and it IS the "real me".
And I still get compliments about those things. I still get people who tell me how "hot" my voice is. And I still get people who think that my walk projects strength and confidence. So it worked... not just for highschool, but for who I am in general.
And it's so ingrained that it's certainly not a "choice" any more.... but I chose to become that way. The "real me" wasn't just something imposed on me by God or environment or genetics. I was able to deliberately practice and change my "true self" over time.
And THAT was a choice.
