Feel like I'm becoming robotic, and it concerns me.

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    Dec 31, 2012 7:57 AM GMT

    I used to enjoy flirting, talking to hot guys. Even getting harmlessly sweet on the odd one. Now I have to make an effort to care.

    I see all of you posters having crushes on each other, and I have been like that in past forums. But here, where there are beautiful men everywhere, I am just not feeling anything. I don't even know if it's possible for me to get giddy and excited to get to know someone in a flirtatious or friendly way anymore.

    I can have a pleasant exchange with someone but afterward I feel like it would be fine if it didn't happen again. I can't remember what it feels like to walk away from a social situation where I think "I'm really glad I came here today and met these people".

    Do you lose the giddiness of flirtation & meeting people, naturally as you get older?
  • Bicuriouscool

    Posts: 233

    Dec 31, 2012 1:58 PM GMT
    Hey Skinnybitch
    just ignore this if you dont like. I would suggest you try to act straight or dont bother talking to people unless necessary. Keep to yourself, take up some solo hobby, sketching, paper toys, anything. And see what happens after a week. Imp thing is to constantly remember that you cant attend social events for a week. Think of it like carved in stone. Warning: Its just my thought, use this as the last resort and at yor own risk. Also, let me know the result if you try
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    Dec 31, 2012 2:13 PM GMT
    I know where you are coming from, SB. There are some awesomely hot guys on here, but I have few interactions that make me genuinely excited. (I accept that as as 50 yo I am not in the wheelhouse of this site - by far - when it comes to romantic interest. In my case - that's just the way it is.)

    Frankly, it also seems to me that the forums just aren't as nice a place anymore. Too many mean girls to make it worth spending a lot of time posting. Perhaps it was always this way and it took me a while to clue in. But at any rate, I'm grateful for the interactions I do have on here and feel like there's some cool guys I've come across.

    Can't speak too much to your situation outside of here - I am meeting some cool people here in my town after being a hermit for quite a while, but my overtures toward gay folks have largely been unreciprocated. So I've moved on for now and am focused on building a network of friends.

    Sorry to ramble and have nothing to offer you. Good luck.
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    Dec 31, 2012 2:15 PM GMT


    Though you are a quirky girl. With the name, Skinny "Bitch", Why should I have have any empathy for you??
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    Dec 31, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    You're hardly older at 31. Have your testosterone level checked.

    And I continue to enjoy meeting new people in my 60s. As for my even older partner, I positively have to keep a leash on him around handsome men! icon_rolleyes.gif

    So that if this is really how you're feeling, maybe something hormonal or psychological is going on. We all go through behavioral & emotional phases, but if this persists, it may be worth looking into with professionals. Most gay men of my acquaintance are very social animals, and certainly in their 30s when they're also sex fiends, so what you're describing does sound atypical.
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    Dec 31, 2012 2:23 PM GMT
    IS it recent, like over the last few weeks, or a trend you notice over years ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 2:27 PM GMT
    Flirting is overrated. You should be having sex instead. It's much more fun. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 31, 2012 2:34 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidFlirting is overrated. You should be having sex instead. It's much more fun. icon_biggrin.gif


    Yeah, Sex is so much better.
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    Dec 31, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
    With all due respect.. came across the answer and you are the one who wrote it in your profile!

    .......... I just dream about getting drilled by crazed poweful horny men.


    make it real icon_smile.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 2:39 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch said
    I used to enjoy flirting, talking to hot guys. Even getting harmlessly sweet on the odd one. Now I have to make an effort to care.
    I see all of you posters having crushes on each other, and I have been like that in past forums. But here, where there are beautiful men everywhere, I am just not feeling anything. I don't even know if it's possible for me to get giddy and excited to get to know someone in a flirtatious or friendly way anymore.
    I can have a pleasant exchange with someone but afterward I feel like it would be fine if it didn't happen again. I can't remember what it feels like to walk away from a social situation where I think "I'm really glad I came here today and met these people".
    Do you lose the giddiness of flirtation & meeting people, naturally as you get older?


    I've been on RJ for about a year longer than you. There were some guys who visually turned me on real bad, but within half a year I had become totally desensitized to them and most anyone online. Personally, crushes are virtually non-existent seeing the online dynamics. It got to the point where I erase a third of what I post within minutes of posting (if I post at all).

    On the other hand, I can easily be a horny fukker at a bar, or in the street, where one has visual (with the opportunity to have physical/verbal) interaction. It's not a matter of age, but maturing and jaded, knowing the difference between theoretical infatuation and actual possibilities for physical and enjoyable verbal interaction.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 2:52 PM GMT
    Maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet? I'm sure when you do, the feelings will come rolling back in...
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    Dec 31, 2012 2:56 PM GMT
    Maybe because it's ON-LINE...
    Go physically interact with people. Take a break from RJ.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 2:58 PM GMT
    As your "T" decreases you become less interested in guys. Have you started running? A friend of mine recently started to run to get into shape and it actually killed his Testostrone level. Some trainers are suggesting intense interval training and estrogen blocking foods to get T levels up.
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    Dec 31, 2012 3:01 PM GMT
    TerraFirma saidMaybe because it's ON-LINE...
    Go physically interact with people. Take a break from RJ.


    Wise words. Profile based sites are not the best way to go to meet interesting people (as I'm sure you're well aware). Waaaaay too limited.
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    Dec 31, 2012 3:31 PM GMT
    Bicuriouscool saidHey Skinnybitch. Keep to yourself, take up some solo hobby, sketching, paper toys, anything. And see what happens after a week. Imp thing is to constantly remember that you cant attend social events for a week.
    I already do that every week. btw what are paper toys?
    Tenebrism saidSorry to ramble and have nothing to offer you. Good luck.
    You offered listening and relating. That's as much as I could ask for.
    krush saidThough you are a quirky girl. With the name, Skinny "Bitch", Why should I have have any empathy for you??
    This is the mental health section of the forum. If you have nothing constructive to say, it's not necessary for you to post here.

    ART_DECO saidMost gay men of my acquaintance are very social animals, and certainly in their 30s when they're also sex fiends, so what you're describing does sound atypical.
    That's my perception too. I'm not sure if atypical is a bad thing though. Not wanting something isn't a bad state to be in. It's just a change that I didn't initiate and that's where the concern comes from.a

    minox saidIS it recent, like over the last few weeks, or a trend you notice over years ?
    I can say for sure that before RJ I was the old me. I expected to make some good friends here that would keep even if I left. I didn't expect to be romanced as I'm not the type people come here for. I did expect to crush on people here though. I've always been hard to have an effect on, but since I started posting again in Dec, I've been feeling extra distanced, though it was gradually becoming like this months prior.

    mtlswim saidWith all due respect.. came across the answer and you are the one who wrote it in your profile!
    .......... I just dream about getting drilled by crazed poweful horny men.
    Yeah that's a testiment to my sluttier days. I haven't updated that since I joined. I used to be more open to talking dirty, even in jest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 3:32 PM GMT
    Nothin' will put you off gay men like gay men. icon_razz.gif



    edit: at least online.
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    Dec 31, 2012 3:34 PM GMT
    whateveryo said
    TerraFirma saidMaybe because it's ON-LINE...
    Go physically interact with people. Take a break from RJ.

    Profile based sites are not the best way to go to meet interesting people.
    I am not looking to date or fuck anyone. I have always been closed to that, and what I'm comparing myself now to, is my online interactions on gay forums in the past.
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    Dec 31, 2012 3:58 PM GMT

    krush saidThough you are a quirky girl. With the name, Skinny "Bitch", Why should I have have any empathy for you??
    This is the mental health section of the forum. If you have nothing constructive to say, it's not necessary for you to post here.


    Oh you are a Bitch. I hope you get over this spell and wake up on a brighter side.
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    Jan 01, 2013 6:35 AM GMT
    Coming on 10 years now. For my sanity.

    Been thinking more:
    On old sites almost no one had pictures. It was like a barrier preventing anyone from getting that close, so you could flirt without worry that the other person was 'getting serious'. And looks didn't matter.
    But more impactfully I think there have just been too many people who I start to think will become friends and suddenly they vanish or reveal something terrible or I find out they're fake. Another one and another one and another one bites the dust. How can you get excited when you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop?

    I don't feel like that explains it fully though. It haven't had an "Ah hah" moment.

    I've had 2 online friendships cross over into somewhat real life. Both years ago. One wanted a relationship, which drove me away, the other died. I came to RJ to meet people who seemed more socially durable than other forums, thinking I'd have better chances at finding my kind of people. But I feel very much an outsider a year and a half later, and very disconnected. With RL people too though.

    I have long been an introvert, not liking socializing for the sake of being around people. But I have always had a few I really liked and loved to socialize with. Now, even with people I really like, I just can't spare the effort and care of being an active friend. The giddy is just gone. It's kind of sad but I guess it doesn't really matter.
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    Jan 01, 2013 6:47 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch said
    I used to enjoy flirting, talking to hot guys.

    I see all of you posters having crushes on each other

    Do you lose the giddiness of flirtation & meeting people, naturally as you get older?

    For the most part, all that "crushing" is done by the 18-25 year old set. You're 31. I would think it natural for "giddiness" and "crushing" to be more restrained at your age - that you would wade into things more slowly. And I don't even understand how anyone can get "giddy " or infatuated over an online persona - It should take real flesh that can be touched.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2013 6:50 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch said

    Now, even with people I really like, I just can't spare the effort and care of being an active friend. The giddy is just gone. It's kind of sad but I guess it doesn't really matter.

    It matters. See a therapist - or stay unhappy. (Don't know about you stiff upper lipped Canadians, but everyone seems to see one in that country to the south of you.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2013 7:26 AM GMT
    I completely agree that because this forum site is unique in that the majority of posters use pictures of themselves (or of who they represent themselves as) it's easier to forge a more emotional bond here than other sites. If that was the sole issue than I would recommend just reminding yourself that the majority of this site is just text on a screen and that you should try to step back a bit.

    However, you mention that you're feeling this way with people in the real world as well. I think it might be best to talk with a professional who would be better at helping you with your feelings of disconnect.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Jan 02, 2013 3:36 AM GMT
    This robotic feeling you feel it is universal, so it seems!? what are the factors or causes? they are many! the internet is a HUGE factor. The over invested means, hardships, and times we spend in order to survive during times of economic uncertainties, the disconnection and disregard we as human have with nature, the obsession we have with living in a highly materialistic world. All of these and more is what seems to weaken some their reason to live or socialize with like people, who like them may also be feeling the same symptons!? what to do?

    There is a picture of you holding a bunch of Cut Dahlias?

    Instead of admiring their beauty from a vase why not
    allow your eyes to enjoy their impressive blooms in
    their natural state, as in on their plant.

    There is a picture of you walking on the sand, looking for shells?

    Instead walk around close to the water, and allow your thoughts
    collect the good memories from your past. But why bring the
    past to the present, you ask!? the past, present, and future are
    the seasons of your existence, and like the seasons in nature,
    you can revive and make them come back again and again!!

    There is a picture of you with a hood on!?

    You said you were covering up your sadness? but here you are
    undressing infront of strangers your innermost private part of the
    self,
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    Jan 02, 2013 3:50 AM GMT
    BuddyinNYC said
    SkinnyBitch said
    I used to enjoy flirting, talking to hot guys. Even getting harmlessly sweet on the odd one. Now I have to make an effort to care.
    I see all of you posters having crushes on each other, and I have been like that in past forums. But here, where there are beautiful men everywhere, I am just not feeling anything. I don't even know if it's possible for me to get giddy and excited to get to know someone in a flirtatious or friendly way anymore.
    I can have a pleasant exchange with someone but afterward I feel like it would be fine if it didn't happen again. I can't remember what it feels like to walk away from a social situation where I think "I'm really glad I came here today and met these people".
    Do you lose the giddiness of flirtation & meeting people, naturally as you get older?


    I've been on RJ for about a year longer than you. There were some guys who visually turned me on real bad, but within half a year I had become totally desensitized to them and most anyone online. Personally, crushes are virtually non-existent seeing the online dynamics. It got to the point where I erase a third of what I post within minutes of posting (if I post at all).

    On the other hand, I can easily be a horny fukker at a bar, or in the street, where one has visual (with the opportunity to have physical/verbal) interaction. It's not a matter of age, but maturing and jaded, knowing the difference between theoretical infatuation and actual possibilities for physical and enjoyable verbal interaction.


    Hmmm interesting point of view...
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 18, 2013 4:11 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitchDo you lose the giddiness of flirtation & meeting people, naturally as you get older?




    No, I'm actually more interested in a broader range of people than I used to be. When I was younger I wanted to be noticed by the right cliques. Now I don't care about cliques; I just like individuals with interesting personalities.